27

He was kissing her! Thea felt shivers of pure pleasure make their way down her spine, and her pulse began to race at the sensation of Jackson’s lips on hers. What a wonderful day this had become. First, the laughter they’d shared as they’d asked and answered questions, then the delicious meal they’d enjoyed, accompanied by the soft murmur of the creek behind them, and now this, the sweetest kiss she’d ever had.

She closed her eyes, savoring the delight of Jackson’s embrace. It felt so good—so very, very good—to have his arms around her, to let his woodsy scent tantalize her senses, to hear the pounding of his heart. It was wonderful, but it was wrong.

Though it was one of the most difficult things she’d ever done, Thea broke away from him and scrambled to her feet.

“What’s wrong?” Jackson’s face mirrored the confusion she heard in his voice. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” She couldn’t let him believe that. “It was my fault, Jackson. I should never have allowed that to happen. Please promise you won’t do it again.”

He looked as if she’d slapped him. “Didn’t you like it?”

Though this wasn’t one of his twenty questions, she wouldn’t lie. “Of course I did, but it was wrong. Even though being a widow gives me more freedom, it was still wrong.”

Furrows formed between his eyes. “Help me understand why it was wrong.”

Because you don’t love me. That was the reason, but she couldn’t tell him for fear that he’d claim he loved her simply to get another kiss. That was what Daniel had done, and while Jackson was not like Daniel, Thea wouldn’t take the chance that he might lie.

“It’s not proper,” she said, hating the fact that she sounded like a sour spinster.

Jackson threw up his hands. “My pa told me women were impossible to understand, and it appears he was right. I don’t understand what was improper, but I guess I don’t have to. You were upset, and that’s what matters.”

He stared at the creek for a long moment, then nodded. “All right, Thea. Have it your way. I can’t promise that I won’t kiss you again, because there are few things I want more than that, but I can promise that I won’t kiss you until you ask me to.” He turned toward the buggy. “Now, let’s get back to town.”

“You’re a lucky man.” Nate clapped Jackson on the shoulder before he settled into the porch chair next to him. It was early evening, and once again Nate had remained in town. When Warner went out walking with Patience, Jackson had thought he’d have the porch to himself and his turbulent thoughts, but he hadn’t counted on Nate, who’d apparently taken a shorter-than-normal stroll with Aimee.

“How’d you figure that?” Jackson did not feel lucky. He’d proposed to Thea, and she’d refused him. He’d kissed her, and she’d rebuffed him. That was not what he would call lucky.

“I heard you took Thea on a picnic. I told Rachel I was going to invite Aimee on one, but she said it wouldn’t be proper unless I took a chaperone. You—you lucky man—didn’t need one.”

Nate’s lips curved into a frown. “I don’t understand all these things, but Rachel said that being a widow gives Thea more freedom. She claims folks would get the wrong idea if Aimee and I went off on a picnic, but it sure sounded like fun to me.”

“Picnics are nice,” Jackson agreed. The one he’d shared with Thea had been pleasant. More than pleasant. It had been wonderful until he’d spoiled everything by kissing her. He should have listened to his inner censor, but he hadn’t, and as a result, he’d upset Thea. The worst part was, though he regretted causing Thea so much distress, Jackson did not regret the kiss itself. It had been the best moment of his life.

“That’s what I figured.”

A tremor of shock ran through Jackson. Had Nate been reading his mind? He relaxed when his friend continued.

“Picnics are good, but since Rachel would have my head if I tried to take Aimee on one, I wondered if you had any other ideas. This courting business is taking too long.”

Though Nate had come to the wrong man for advice about courtship, Jackson empathized with his friend. He’d once believed he was a patient man, but that was no longer true. What had happened today had made him eager to have the courting, wooing, or whatever it was called finished.

It wasn’t only the kiss, although that had given him a taste of what marriage to Thea would hold. The whole day from the time they’d left the Harris ranch had been special. Jackson had enjoyed their game of questions, trivial as some of them had been, and the opportunity to learn more about the woman who fascinated him. They’d been making progress, getting to know each other, until he spoiled the day.

Given the mess he’d made of his relationship with Thea, Jackson was hardly a source of wise counsel, and yet he wanted to help Nate. Perhaps he should adopt Thea’s tactic of asking questions.

“What do you want to do?” It seemed odd that the man who’d apparently tried to court several other women was at a loss for the next step, but perhaps he’d bungled matters as badly as Jackson had.

Nate glared at Jackson, as if the answer should be self-evident. “I want to marry Aimee. I know she’s the right one for me.”

As far as he knew, Nate had not progressed beyond walking home from the apothecary with Aimee. There’d been no flowers, candy, or other gifts. If Captain Rawlins was right, Nate had a long way to go before he was ready to ask for Aimee’s hand in marriage, and yet Jackson wasn’t convinced that the captain was right. As a Ranger, he knew that sometimes you had to take bold action.

“Then tell her you love her and ask her to be your wife.”

Nate’s eyes widened. “That simple, huh?”

“That simple.” Or that difficult. For a man as tongue-tied around the woman he loved as Nate was, even a two-sentence declaration might be close to impossible, but Nate did not seem intimidated.

He grinned and rose to his feet. “Step 1,” he said, holding up a single finger, “‘I love you, Aimee.’” He extended a second finger. “Step 2: ‘Will you be my wife?’ Two easy steps. I can do it!” He bounded off the porch and headed toward his horse. “Thanks, Jackson. I’m gonna be a married man before you know it.”

As his friend mounted the bay mare, Jackson slapped his forehead. What a fool he’d been! He’d made it sound so easy to Nate, but he hadn’t followed his own advice. He’d skipped the first step.

Jackson groaned at the magnitude of his mistake. He’d never told Thea he loved her. No wonder she’d refused to marry him. No wonder she had found their kiss improper. Jackson was hardly an expert on courtship, but even he knew that kisses were reserved for couples whose affections were firmly engaged. Wasn’t that the phrase Ma had used when she’d talked to him about the birds and bees? She’d said that some couples even waited to share their first kiss after the wedding ceremony.

Jackson didn’t want to wait that long for another kiss. There was no reason to, because his affections were firmly engaged. They couldn’t get much more firmly attached than love.

The problem was, he hadn’t told Thea he loved her, not when he’d asked her to marry him or today when they’d shared that unforgettable kiss. Instead, Jackson had made it sound as if the reason for their marriage was to protect Stuart. Admittedly, that was part of it, but it wasn’t the whole reason—not even the most important one. The reason he wanted Thea to be his wife was that he loved her.

Would her answer be different once she knew that? Jackson hoped so. He hoped she would give him another chance, that his past two mistakes had not destroyed their hope of happiness.

One thing was certain: this time he wouldn’t rush. He wouldn’t simply blurt out his feelings. He’d find the perfect setting, the perfect moment to declare his love. And then . . .