| |
––––––––
“DID CREEPY HAVE TO come with us?” Lyric jerked a thumb over his shoulder. Noxor was walking—or floating—several feet behind them. “I know you said you wanted him to come, but to be honest, he makes me a little uncomfortable.”
“Well, I couldn’t say no, could I? That would have been rude.”
“Of course you can say no! I say no to people all the time! It comes with the job. I can’t be an emperor and say yes all the time, can I? If I did, I’d have flies in my pockets, and heads would be rolling in the streets!”
“Anyway, he has a name.”
“Who, Creepy?”
“Yes!” Aurora sighed. “His name’s Noxor!”
“Well, he’ll always be Creepy to me. You know I’m terrible at remembering names...”
She sighed again. “Oh, Lyric... it’s so good to have you back.”
“Thank you. I’m happy to be back.”
“I was being sarcastic.”
They’d been traveling for almost an hour, her feet were aching, and Lyric had already gotten on her nerves at least a dozen times. As much as she missed him when he was gone, she wished he would close his mouth for a few minutes. A moment of silence would have been a blessing.
“Anyway,” Aurora spoke again, “I feel sorry for Noxor! I’m concerned about him, and I want to help him. I really don’t mind if he tags along.”
“Well... I mind! His presence is destroying our chemistry.”
“Oh?” Aurora chuckled. “How do you figure? Aren’t we bickering like we always do?’
“Concerned for him...” Lyric repeated with a snort. “You were never concerned for me! And you want to help him? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. When you were a little girl, I bet you rescued little birdies that fell from their nests, didn’t you?”
That was, in fact, true. She was always bringing home injured animals and tending to their wounds. But Aurora didn’t give him the satisfaction of an answer.
“I bet you’d be concerned for the troll, too,” Lyric grumbled.
“The troll?”
“Yes. The troll that took the clothes off of my back. How soon you forget.”
Aurora stopped walking, took off her shoe, and shook out a pebble. “Lyric, do you even know where we’re going? I don’t want to end up walking the in wrong direction for ten miles. I don’t think these shoes are going to hold up.” She pointed to a hole in the sole of her slipper.
“Umm... yes. Yes! Of course I know which way we’re going! This is east, and the west is behind us, and, uh...” He scratched his head. “Okay, let’s just say I’m about seventy percent sure.”
“That means there’s a thirty percent chance you’re wrong!”
He grabbed the slipper from her hand and got down on one knee, offering to slide it on her foot. “Well, it’s always a good idea to leave room for error. I don’t want you to blame me if I’m wrong!”
As she slipped her foot into the shoe, her ankle brushed against his fingers. The resulting giggle was poorly timed, but she couldn’t help it. She was very ticklish. Lyric was still kneeling in front of her when Aurora turned to Noxor. “Do you have any input on the direction we’re heading?”
“I think your friend might be right. I think we’re heading east.”
“Okay, well... that’s somewhat reassuring.” Aurora patted the top of Lyric’s head. “I guess I owe you an apology, Lyric. But I still think it’d be a good idea if we stopped to ask for directions.”
“Riiiight.” Lyric was rolling his eyes as he rose to his feet. “Because there are SO many people you can ask when you’re in the middle of the woods!”
Noxor spoke up again. “Actually, I think there’s a town in this general vicinity. If we keep heading east, we should eventually stumble upon it.”
“Really?” Aurora linked arms with Lyric as they continued their trek. “Well, that’s good to know.”
“However, you might be shocked by the appearance of its residents,” Noxor went on.
Lyric laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean? Do I detect some inbreeding? Do people have arms growing out of the tops of their heads? I can’t imagine they’d be more shocking than you, uh... Necksore.”
“Noxor,” Aurora corrected him. “And please don’t be rude! Noxor’s our guest!”
“I bet our guest wishes he could turn around and go home right about now. I’m sure he’s sick of our aimless voyage.”
Irritated, Aurora sucked in a sharp breath. “It’s only aimless because you didn’t ask for directions when you had a chance!”
“I did ask for directions, remember? I found out that Avalon was east of here! Forgive me if I’m not a human compass!”
Aurora could hear Noxor sighing behind them. He must have been getting tired of their bickering. “Well, you could have asked someone to point you in an easterly direction...”
“And who was I supposed to ask? Huh? The leader of the angry mob? Maybe he could’ve given us a care package for the road? A nice basket of fruits... a gift from his missus?” Lyric grumbled something under his breath. “Do you have to argue with me about everything?”
“You’re blaming this argument on me?”
“As a matter of fact... yes! You’re the one picking on me for not knowing what direction we’re going, and yet... I’m the one doing you a favor! I don’t have to be here!”
“You don’t want to be here?”
“Well...regardless of whether I want to be here or not, the fact remains: I’m still doing you a favor! I’m taking you back home, right? You could stand to be a bit nicer to me!”
Aurora grunted. “Ditto!” They were still linking arms, so she uncoiled her elbow from his. When it was freed, she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. “If you don’t want to be here... you can go. No one’s forcing you to stay.”
“What? Who said I wanted to go?!”
“I can just travel with Noxor. He’s quiet. I’m sure it would be a very peaceful trip.”
Had he bothered to look over at her, Lyric might have noticed the tears in her eyes. But he was too incensed to notice. “You WANT me to leave? I’ll go, if that’s what you want!” He started to walk off in the opposite direction, but Aurora grabbed his shirt and reeled him toward her.
“I don’t want you to go!”
“Oh, you don’t?” Lyric shrugged. “You could have fooled me! I’ll guess I’ll never understand the inner workings of a woman’s mind.” He glanced over his shoulder, directing his next question at Noxor. “What about you?”
Noxor breathily responded. “Me?”
“Do you know what makes a woman tick, or are you just as clueless as I am?”
“I... I, uh...” Noxor didn’t know how to answer the question, so he decided to distract Lyric with a new topic. “I think we’re here.”
“Oh, we are?” When Lyric turned around, he gasped. While he was looking over his shoulder, they’d wandered into a small village. There were about a dozen huts, varying in appearance, built around an giant tiki totem. There were grass huts, straw huts, stone huts—but they all had one thing in common. They were tiny. “Who could possibly live in houses that small?!”
Aurora tapped him on the shoulder. “Uh, Lyric?”
“What?”
Aurora pointed to one of the town’s “residents,” and they immediately understood why Noxor had forewarned them. They had just wandered into a town of well-dressed, bipedal, porcines.
“W-walking pigs.” Lyric’s voice squeaked when he spoke. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing, or have I gone mad?”
“Nope.” Aurora shook her head. “Those are definitely walking pigs.”
Lyric balled his fists and rubbed his eyes several times. When he stopped, the pigs were still there. Walking. Talking. Wearing straw hats.
“Honestly...” he said with a sigh, “why can’t we stumble upon anything remotely normal for a change?!”