Before answering him, I leap to the mirror to check my make-up isn’t too disastrous.
A creature stares back at me, all bare and exposed with puffy eyes and a slightly reddened face. My make-up has apparently been completely washed away by the copious tears of earlier.
I consider pretending I’m not here, but the wash bag missile is a bit of a give-away, so reluctantly, I unzip further and peer out.
Jake is standing with the bag balanced on his upturned hand, a questioning look on his face. ‘Are you okay?’
I snatch back the bag, feeling a blush spreading upwards. ‘Yes, thank you. Sorry about that. I thought you were …’
‘Toby. Yes.’ His eyes rake over my face. ‘Did I come at a bad time?’ He looks over his shoulder as if he thinks Toby might appear at any moment to claim his property.
‘A bad time?’ I snort, feeling flustered and as vulnerable as a new-born calf standing there in the old T-shirt I normally wear for bed. I tug at the hemline, which is halfway up my thighs. ‘You could say that.’
‘Had an argument?’ He frowns, his eyes flicking to my bare legs for just a second.
Sighing, I open my mouth to tell him about finding Toby rolling around with Chantelle. Then I close it again. I feel hurt and humiliated, and the last thing I need right now is Jake feeling sorry for me. I can’t bear him to know the truth. That I’m not attractive enough or fascinating enough to keep a boyfriend from straying to the tent next door.
So instead, I force a laugh and say airily, ‘Oh, just a little tiff. Toby will be back any moment with his tail between his legs.’
‘Right.’ His eyes turn to flint and he looks away. Then he glances at something behind me and I groan inwardly. The smashed flower vase. I should have cleared it up.
Suddenly, I spot he has something with him.
‘My cardigan! You brought my cardigan back! I didn’t lose it after all!’ He holds it up and I take it in my arms, hugging it in delighted relief as tears spring to my eyes.
‘I knew you’d be missing it.’
His eyes catch mine and hold, and I wonder if he’s remembering the moment we last saw one another, when we were kissing. A shiver runs through me. He has such a beautiful mouth …
I dash away the tears. ‘It was my mum’s. I thought I’d lost it forever. Sorry.’ Turning away, I fish out a paper hanky and blow my nose.
‘Hey, don’t apologise. I’ve still got Laura’s reading glasses on my desk at home. They remind me how quirky and wise she was, and they make me smile.’
I nod, understanding, although his words make me feel bleak inside.
So Laura had style and wisdom, as well as the sort of magical presence that meant no man would ever stray from her …
‘Do you want to come in?’ I ask doubtfully, glancing down at my T-shirt.
‘No, no. Toby will be back.’ He half glances round.
I shrug. ‘Probably not for a while.’
He hesitates and my heart starts racing.
‘Maybe for a minute, then?’ He slides his hands in his jeans pockets, looking oddly vulnerable. Not like the confident, self-assured Jake I’m used to.
‘Of course.’ I usher him in, feeling strangely breathless at his nearness. ‘Mind the vase.’
He steps sideways to avoid it and we collide. I slide a little in the spilt water and he grabs my waist to steady me.
For a long moment, time seems to stand still as I stare up into those mesmerising dark eyes. The firm touch of his hands is having a disturbing effect on me, just like last time. Little pulses of longing ripple through my entire body, making me desperately want to do what I swore I would never do again – launch myself against him and kiss him until I’ve no breath left and my lips are raw.
His eyes seem darker than ever, locked on mine, and I feel like I’m diving ever deeper into them …
Then Jake draws in a ragged breath and steps back, pushing his hand through his tawny hair.
And reality hits.
I can’t believe I’m feeling these things with Jake when I just split up with Toby a few hours ago! What sort of weird, mixed-up person does this make me?
‘Sorry.’ Jake’s gaze moves around the tent and I realise he’s avoiding my eye. ‘I’d better go. Toby …’
I swallow hard. ‘Yes.’
He moves towards the tent flap and panic grips me. Is he just going to walk away?
I don’t want him to go!
He turns and looks at me, and his eyes are burning with such feeling, it stops my breath for a second.
He raises his hand. ‘Bye, Daisy.’
And then he’s gone.
*
After Jake has gone, I lie on the bed again, staring up at the ceiling.
I can see it all so clearly now.
I never felt the raw physical attraction for Toby that I feel for Jake and now I understand why. Toby was my shelter. My port in the storm. He was never meant to be the great love of my life. But as long as he was with me, I could tell myself that I had a future; that I wouldn’t be on my own.
Looked at in that light, I can see why Toby would be turning cartwheels at finding a woman like Chantelle who’s probably attracted to him for all the right reasons.
But where does it leave me? Now that my desperate hopes of belonging to a real family again have come crashing down?
I’m alone. And I need to face up to that.
Put starkly, I’m an orphan – and no amount of lovely Rosalinds are going to fill the gap left by Mum, however much I wish they could. Even meeting my birth mum couldn’t do that. I need to drag myself out of this pit of despondency and start focusing on the future. A future on my own …
Shouts from outside break into my gloomy thoughts.
I unzip the tent and peer outside. Clemmy is sitting on a blanket on the grass with Ruby and Gloria, and they appear to be having a picnic.
I glance at my watch. It’s nearly one. Lunchtime. I’ve been sitting here stewing for ages. Clemmy spots me and waves me over.
I wave back and duck into the tent to pull on clean shorts and a T-shirt. Then I force a comb through my wild hair and venture out to join them. Anything beats lying here, staring at the ceiling, mulling over the disaster that is my life.
They all look up as I approach, shielding their eyes against the glare of the sun.
‘How are you, Daisy?’ asks Clemmy. ‘We didn’t want to disturb you.’
‘Sit down and have some strawberries,’ says Ruby, shuffling along the rug to make room for me.
I drop down beside them gratefully. ‘Don’t mind if I do.’ I smile and choose a luscious-looking berry from the punnet Ruby is holding out.
Gloria leans over and presses my hand. ‘You’re better off without that waste of space, love. There’s someone far nicer out there for you.’ She wafts herself vigorously with a lettuce leaf. ‘I can’t believe how hot it is today.’ Realising the lettuce is not exactly fit for purpose, she drops it on the rug with a sigh.
‘Thanks, Gloria.’ In spite of my resolve to be glad Toby has gone, a rogue tear springs up.
Clemmy looks anxious. ‘I hope you don’t mind but I told Ruby and Gloria what happened.’
I shake my head. ‘Not at all.’
Ruby grins apologetically. ‘I was about to charge over to your tent and get you to test my latest batch of chocolate brownies for the fayre tomorrow. But Clemmy stopped me. She said cake was probably the very last thing on your mind this morning.’
I laugh. ‘Ooh, I don’t know about that. Are they the brownies in question?’ I point at a colourful cake tin full of goodies that’s nestled on the rug.
‘Yes.’ Ruby beams and holds out the tin. ‘Try one.’
I finish my strawberry and take a brownie. I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday and I’m suddenly starving.
Ruby offers them round then takes one herself.
‘Holy batshit, Robin!’ she mutters suddenly, through a mouth full of cake.
‘They are good,’ agrees Clemmy, munching on hers.
But Ruby is staring out over the lake. ‘Is that an apparition before me?’
We all swing round to look. Someone is emerging from the lake. A tall, broad-shouldered man, wearing nothing but a pair of the briefest of swimming shorts. He ploughs out of the water, sun glinting off his impressive muscles, and steps onto the bank. Then he turns his face to the sun and runs his hands slowly through his dripping hair.
‘Daniel Craig, eat your heart out,’ murmurs Gloria, transfixed.
My heart lurches in my chest. ‘It’s Jake.’
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I pick up Gloria’s lettuce leaf and start fanning myself furiously. Then I realise everyone is staring at me, so I stop and try to brazen it out.
‘You know that man?’ asks Clemmy.
I shake my head. ‘Not exactly. In fact, no, not at all.’
Right at that moment, Jake looks over at us and waves.
Ruby giggles. ‘Well, he seems to know you, Daisy. Unless Mum’s having a secret fling with a devastatingly handsome toy boy.’
‘Ruby!’ Gloria’s hot flush deepens. ‘As if!’
‘Keep your hair on, Mother.’ Ruby grins. ‘So come on, Daisy, you dark horse. How do you know him?’
I watch as Jake towels himself dry then starts ambling off along the lakeside, presumably heading back to camp. My face is now blazing hotter than a furnace and I can tell that my three companions are trying, with varying degrees of success, to pretend they’re not fascinated.
With a sigh, I start telling them the story of how I met Jake when I was walking in the woods and we struck up a conversation. And how I’ve seen him several times since then.
I turn to Clemmy. ‘Sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to think badly of me.’
She smiles. ‘But I’m sure it was perfectly innocent. He’s a writer and you love writing. I can totally understand the attraction.’
I nod, wishing it were as simple as that. Because it very definitely isn’t. I have such an urge right now to run after Jake. The fact that I’m still sitting on this rug is all down to sheer force of will alone …
It’s suddenly blindingly clear that I’ve been fooling myself. Yes, I like him because we have writing in common – but it’s so, so much more than that. I have fallen hook, line and sinker for Jake, and there’s nothing I can do to reverse the damage. I’ll be leaving here in a day or two and then I’ll never set eyes on him again.
My eyes are suddenly burning with unshed tears. This holiday has turned out to be a disaster in so many different ways.
But falling in unrequited love with Jake Steele surely tops the lot!
‘You really like this Jake, don’t you?’ says Ruby, and my face catches fire all over again. ‘I mean, really really like him.’
I swallow, glancing at their rapt faces, one by one.
‘Actually, I do,’ I confess miserably.
There’s a brief silence, then Ruby says cheerfully, ‘Well, hey, that’s good news. It’ll mean you’ll get over scumbag Toby much more quickly than you otherwise would have.’
‘Ruby!’ protests Gloria. ‘I wish you wouldn’t just blurt out what comes into your head!’
I exchange an uneasy smile with Clemmy. ‘It’s okay, Gloria. Ruby’s right. And actually, I have no right at all to call Toby a scumbag. I … I kissed Jake.’
‘Oh my God, do you love him?’ asks Ruby.
I give an embarrassed laugh. ‘No, of course not. Well, maybe. Oh God, I don’t know …’
‘Actually,’ says Gloria, reaching for a glossy magazine. ‘I was just reading this quiz about the signs that you’re really attracted to someone.’ She rifles through the pages until she comes to it. ‘Right, Daisy. Do you get butterflies in your stomach every time you think about him?’
Everyone turns and looks at me expectantly.
‘No!’ I protest, while flushing like a beetroot.
‘That’s a yes, then,’ says Gloria, smiling and pretending to tick a box. ‘Next question. Do you feel as if you could talk to him forever and never get bored?’
I’m about to say no again, but it’s so obvious the answer has to be yes.
‘Ooh, that’s another yes,’ says Ruby with a triumphant smile.
‘Oh, stop it. Please!’ I start to laugh and everyone joins in.
‘When you kissed him, did Jake kiss you back?’ Ruby asks.
I swallow, thinking back. I’ve relived the moment a thousand times. I can remember exactly how it went. We were lying on the ground, staring up at the stars, and he rolled closer and touched his mouth to mine …
‘He definitely kissed me, too,’ I say firmly, and Ruby nods her approval.
‘Jake could be the love of your life but you’ll never know it if you don’t go and talk to him,’ she says. ‘From what I gather, love can be anything but convenient. It often happens in the weirdest of circumstances. Like my mate’s sister, Clara, who was in the pub celebrating her boyfriend’s birthday when she walked out of the loos with her dress tucked into her knickers. A perfect stranger called Jon alerted her to this highly embarrassing fact. And they’re now engaged and getting married next June.’
‘And the moral of the story is?’ Gloria laughs.
‘Don’t worry about tucking your dress in your knickers because it might just lead to true love?’ says Clemmy, with a wistful smile.
‘Well, anyway, you should go and see Jake,’ says Ruby determinedly.
‘I need to cancel the hotel room I’d booked for tonight,’ I say gloomily.
‘Right. So you cancel the booking then you go and see Jake.’
I laugh. ‘You make it sound so easy.’
‘But it is.’
‘I’ve just split up with Toby. It doesn’t seem right to be thinking of someone else already.’ A wave of weariness rolls over me. I just want to lie down on the grass and go to sleep. This rollercoaster of emotions I’ve been on since I arrived here has obviously taken its toll because I actually don’t know what I think about anything any more …
‘You need to send Jake your book,’ says Ruby. ‘If he really likes you, he’ll definitely want to read it!’
I smile at her a little sheepishly. ‘I already have. I e-mailed it to him.’
‘Ooh, nice one. And has he read it?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe … maybe I should go and ask him?’
‘You definitely should.’
‘Okay, I will.’ I feel a little spark of excitement at the thought.
‘Yay!’ Ruby punches the air. ‘I should be an agony aunt. All my friends say so.’
‘You do talk more sense than the average obnoxious teenager.’ Gloria grins.
‘Thanks, Mother dear.’
‘You know,’ says Gloria, taking my arm and squeezing it, ‘if this Jake person kissed you back, it could mean he’s ready to move on from this Laura person.’
Ruby nods firmly. ‘I think this Mother person might actually be right for once.’
Soon after, I find myself striding along the road that leads around the lake, keeping to the grass verge when an occasional car headed for the hotel motors past. My heart is in my mouth and the butterflies in my stomach are flapping so furiously I feel quite breathless. Every so often, I question what I’m doing. Then I remember what Ruby said. I need to find out what Jake thinks about my book. I don’t need any reason other than that to call in on him, do I? It’s clear he likes me as a person, at the very least. We have such interesting conversations.
I’m trying to ignore the little voice in my head saying it’s not just Jake’s interesting conversation that’s drawing me into the woods today …
If I’m honest, the most cheering words came from Gloria. If this Jake person kissed you back, it could mean he’s ready to move on from this Laura person.
I smile to myself, hoping she’s right and thinking what a lovely family Clemmy is marrying into. I really hope I stay in touch with her this time and that it all works out for her with Ryan …
Suddenly, I remember I need to cancel the hotel booking. I can’t believe it. My mind was so focused on Jake, I actually walked right past the hotel and didn’t even think about it. It’s too late to double back now. I’ll see Jake first and call in at the hotel on the way back. I just hope Sylvia understands.
I’m almost there now, and as I crunch over the bracken and fallen twigs, making my way to Jake’s camp, I’m filled with a sense of optimism that almost borders on happiness. Talking to Clemmy, Gloria and Ruby seems to have given me the perspective I needed, and I feel ready to move forward and find out what life has in store for me.
What if Jake were to tell me he likes my book?
And that he likes me, too …
My heart beats faster at the thought but I check myself. I mustn’t hope for miracles. What will be will be. I need to just relax and go with the flow instead of allowing my fear of the future to take over, like I did with Toby.
My step is light as I walk along, breathing deeply in an effort to calm the butterflies. Another few yards and the camp will come into view and I’ll see Jake again.
I should have been honest with him. I should have told him that Toby and I have split up. I just didn’t want him feeling sorry for me. But I can make up for it now. We can have the chat we should have had earlier.
Walking along, I spot the little clearing up ahead and quicken my pace. Stepping through the trees to the camp, I stop abruptly and stare around me.
This isn’t Jake’s clearing. There’s nothing here. My heart sinks. I must have strayed from the main track somehow and wandered in entirely the wrong direction. In my defence, when you’re surrounded by nothing but trees, one clearing looks very much like another. Plus my sense of direction has never been very good.
I walk on a little less confidently, but five minutes later, I see daylight up ahead and realise I’m almost through the woods and out the other side.
Feeling panic start to rise, I retrace my steps and soon I’m back at the same familiar little clearing. And that’s when I spot the unmistakeable remains of Jake’s campfire, which I missed in my confusion earlier.
All the breath goes out of me. Sagging against a nearby tree, my legs feel like jelly as I stare at the space where Jake’s tent used to be.
I’m too late to talk to him.
Jake has packed up his things and gone …