Chapter 4

 

We checked out of the hotel Sunday morning and though the weekend was relaxing, I was exhausted. So as soon as I got to my apartment, I went to sleep again. Then I woke up around two in the afternoon to see that Reggie had called. So did my Mom. I called them both back, but didn’t get an answer from either of them. So I laid there in my bed watching reruns of Keyshia Cole, The Way It Is, finding it amusing how often the phrase “at the end of the day” occurred in any given episode.

It was relaxing to chill at the crib and do absolutely nothing. I wanted to be well rested for work in the morning. I managed a local accounting firm, while Reggie was Director of Investor Relations at an investment company in Portsmouth. We were both fortunate to have landed such amazing jobs only a few months earlier.

I ordered some Chinese and after I ate all I could, I climbed back into bed and fell asleep again. I woke up about eight when I heard my phone ringing.

“Hello.”

“What up, Tiff?”

“What’s up with you, boy?”

“It’s been a day. Believe it or not, I went to work.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. You mind if I swing by for a minute?”

“Not at all. Come on thru.”

“Ah’ight. I’ll be there in five.”

“Okay.”

I got out of bed to open the door for Reggie a few minutes later and when I did, he was standing there in a black suit, with a light grey shirt and a smoke gray tie, looking handsome.

I took him by the hand. “Aww…poor baby. You look so tired. Come on in and sit down.”

Reggie took off his suit jacket and neck tie, then undid the top button on his shirt.

“So what’s going on?” I asked him. “You look drained, and why are you working on a Sunday?”

“I’ve been heading up this big project at work and now we’re in the final stages. Its crunch time, baby, and I gotta knock this out of the park. I can’t wait until it’s over, though.” He blew a stressful breath. “Then Shontay has been blowing up my phone like I’m about to leave the country or something.”

“When was the last time you guys went out?”

“About three weeks ago.”

“Well dang. If I were her, I would be blowing your phone up too! What’s up with y’all anyway? I thought you really liked her.”

“I do but we’ve been together for about two years now and I just don’t love her the way I think I should.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t even know,” Reggie sighed. “I’m tired out of my mind and hungry.”

“I have some leftover Chinese if you want it. Let me heat it up for you.”

I jumped off the couch and ran into the kitchen. Before I could get back in the living room with his food, he had already come up out of his shirt. I handed him the plate, then sat on the couch again and watched him eat. I wanted to get back on the subject of Shontay quickly.

“Mmm. This is good,” he said smacking. “I ain’t had nothing to eat since lunch.”

“You need to take better care of yourself, Reg. Don’t let those people work you to death.”

“I know, I know. It’ll be better once this project is over.”

“Okay….and what’s going on with you and Shontay again?” I had to get the scoop. If he wanted her out of the picture, that meant a better shot for me to get at him.

“Oh…ah…I mean, I like Shontay and all,” Reggie said with a mouthful of noodles. “It’s like this – I love her but I’m not in love with her.”

“Oh, so you like her the same way you like me.”

He hesitated to answer for a minute. He stopped eating, looked at me and said, “Nah. See me and you, we have something special.” He smiled. “I’ma love you until the day I die.”

I smiled from ear-to-ear. Reggie had strong feelings for me, but he never tried to take our relationship any further.

“Okaaaay, so getting back to Shontay…”

“Oh yeah…like I said, I’m not in love with her. She’s not a woman I can commit to. I can’t see myself marrying her or having kids with her.”

“Did you tell her?”

“No. How do you tell a woman something like that?”

“I don’t know. Just let it burn…like Usher said.”

Reggie grinned. “You really think I should tell her?”

“Well, you shouldn’t be leading her on like y’all are going to be together when you know in your heart you don’t love her enough to take the relationship to the next level.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll talk to her but I ain’t gonna have time this week to deal with a lot of drama. I need to concentrate on the project.”

I yawned and stretched my arms up in the air. “Well, I had a rather stressful day myself. Thanks for asking.”

“Oh, I’m sorry baby.”

I promise every time Reggie called me baby it sent chills up my spine. He had no idea what he did to me.

“What happened today that’s got you so tired?”

“Nothing. I’m only teasing you. I’ve been recovering from our little weekend excursion. Actually, I think I’m gonna go to bed Reg. I’m beat.”

“Do you care if I crash here tonight?”

“You can stay if you want.”

“Cool. Do I still have some clothes over here?”

“Your tan suit is hanging in my closet with a blue shirt and that necktie I bought you.”

“Good. Then that’s what I’ll wear to work tomorrow.”

“Ah’ight, goodnight then.”

“Ay, wait a minute. Come give me some love before you lay your head, girl.”

I walked over to him as he swallowed the last bit of food in his mouth.

He stood up, wrapped his arms around me, burying my face in his chest and squeezing me tight like he did on our graduation day. “Goodnight, Tiff.”

“Goodnight, Reggie.”

I went on to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I couldn’t sleep unless my room was dark and since Reggie had on the TV in the living room, I didn’t want the interruption of the noise or the light.

Not long after my head hit the pillow, I heard soft knocks on the door. Reggie walked in and slid under the covers with me. I could feel him breathing on my neck and his arm rested beneath my breasts.

“Stop trying to front like you sleep. You just came in here.”

Man, he sounded sexy when he was tired. His voice alone was enough to make me want him.

“I’m not frontin’. I’m just resting.”

“Don’t go to sleep yet. I want to talk to you for a minute.”

“About what?” I tried my hardest to fake like I was too tired to be engaged in conversation, but I was enjoying every second of him being there with me.

“About you,” he said, kissing the back of my neck with his moist lips, then moving his hand to my shoulder, tracing my curves with his index finger.

“What about me?”

“Do you ever stop to think about us and our life together?” he asked, and kept kissing my neck, moving to my back now.

“We ah…” I said, trying to focus but couldn’t with him kissing my back. “We just did the whole…um…reminiscing thing, so yes.”

“No, not like that. I mean, when you’re alone. Do you think about us?” He stopped kissing me and waited for a response.

“All the time. Why?”

“’Cause I find myself thinking about you a lot. Like today, when I was sitting in my office staring at my computer, all I could think about was you, and the graduation. You remember the guy who gave our speech…his name was Leonard something…ahh…”

“Yeah…the Miami Herald guy.”

“Yeah. I was really paying attention to what he was saying, but the last thing he said really stayed with me. He said that ‘you’ll have less to regret and more to be grateful for than you can ever imagine if you have chosen your route based on the knowledge of your head and the love of your heart, on wisdom beyond trend or fashion and truths that evergreen’.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” I said smiling, thinking about graduation day. “His speech was very empowering.”

“It was, but those words…they made me think of you…of how we didn’t choose our route per se. We grew up together only because our parents are best friends…so our relationship during our younger years was forced because we didn’t make the decision to be friends. Our parents made that decision for us. But now, as adults, we’ve made the choice to be friends. We’ve followed our hearts and therefore I have no regrets and I’m grateful to you for feeling the same about me.”

“Aw, Reggie. That’s so sweet.”

He kissed my back again and asked, “If I didn’t have you, who would I talk to about my problems?”

“Your Mother,” I said, then giggled.

“Nah. There is no way I could tell my Mother stuff I tell you. That’s what I’m saying. If I didn’t have you in my life, I probably wouldn’t be the successful man I am today. You are my evergreen truth, Tiffany,” Reggie said, using a piece of graduation speech to get his point across.

I laughed again and said, “Thanks for the compliment, Reggie, but you need to give yourself a lil’ credit too.”

“I know, but you kept me straight. Remember when I was thinking about dropping out of college. Who fussed at me…no I take that back…who threatened my life with a pink eyebrow razor…made me stay?” He chuckled.

“I did.”

“Exactly. And Moms didn’t even know I was considering dropping out, or that you were about to kill me,” he chuckled. “But you kept me in line…made me see the bigger picture.”

“I guess I did, huh?”

“Mmm hmm,” Reggie said, pressing his lips against my back. “That’s what I love about you. You’re always there when I need you, and I love you for that.”

I sat up and turned over to look at him. “I love you too, Reggie.”

He kissed me on the cheek and I chose to use his chest for my resting place. It felt good to be close to him, skin-to-skin and alone. The feeling was perfect…almost too perfect.

“How much love are we talkin’ here?” Reggie asked me as he streamed strokes up and down my back with his fingertips.

“What do you mean?”

“You always say you love me but how much do you actually love me? Or do you mechanically say that because we grew up together and you feel obligated to…to love me?”

I sat up in the bed and looked at him to see if he was serious. He was. His insinuation caught me off guard. To say I spewed out I love yous like a drone was a slap in the face.

I told him, “I love you because you’re my best friend and you’ve always been there for me. Why is it that you think I don’t love you?”

“I’m not saying that, Tiffany. What I was getting at was, if you love me—” he sat up to join my sitting position, staring me in the face. “—if you love me, why haven’t we tried to get together? Why have we been friends but nothing more than that?”

“Reggie, you’ve had girlfriends. You have a girlfriend right now. There was never any room for me to be your girlfriend back then and there isn’t any room now,” I said, thinking about Reggie’s relationship with Shontay.

“What if I made room?” Reggie asked pointedly, glancing at my lips at the same time.

I caught his glimpse and could feel the energy pulling us together. His lips were calling me. Begging. Wanting. Waiting. He wanted to kiss me, and I wanted to kiss him, and while the magnetism was strong as its electric currents reeled us towards each other, my cell phone vibrated on the night stand. Who could be calling me this late? I broke the force field between myself and Reggie to answer, angry when I saw who the caller was on the display.

“Hello Mother.”

Reggie laid back down.

“Hi there. How was your little hotel getaway?”

“It was fine. Reggie and I had a nice time.”

“Good. The reason I’m calling is because I met the most wonderful guy today and I want you to meet him. Tiffany, he is perfect for you.”

Here we go – Mom obviously went husband hunting for me again. Little did she know the husband I wanted was lying right next to me.

“Mom, I told you I didn’t want to be set up with some random guy. Can’t you let me find a man on my own? I don’t need your help in that department.”

“Honey if you didn’t need any help, you would be married by now.”

“Mom, I’m twenty-three! I have plenty of time to get married.”

“What is she talking about?” Reggie asked from behind me.

“Who was that? Is Reggie over there?”

“Yeah, Ma. Reggie’s here.”

“Tell him I said hi.”

“Reggie, Mom says hi.”

“Hey Ma!” Reggie yelled so my Mother could hear him.

“Did you hear him?” I asked her.

“Yeah, I heard him. Tell him I said hi.”

“She said hi,” I whispered to Reggie.

“Anyway, like I was saying,” Mom continued, “Tiffany, if you meet this guy you will love him. Trust me. Would your Mama lie to you? Hunh? Hunh? Would your Mama lie to you?”

“No Ma,” I said, rolling my eyes. Sometimes, conversations with my Mother were mentally draining. This was one of those conversations.

“Okay, so just meet him. If you don’t like him, I’ll forget the whole thing.”

“Ma, I’ma go to bed now.”

“Wait…I set up the date for Monday at seven-thirty. He’s going to come by and pick you up. Okay?”

“You gave him my address!”

“Yeah. Look, Tiffany. He’s a good guy. Just trust me. I wouldn’t have given him your address if I thought you were going to be in danger.”

I told my Mom good night, hung up the phone and slammed my head against my pillow, grunting in angst.

“What was that about?” Reggie queried.

“My Mom is bent on setting me up. She wants me to meet some guy she met and she already gave this man my address and set up a date for Monday.”

“Wow. I can’t believe she did that.”

“Yeah…well, she did.” I threaded my fingers in my hair and sighed again.

“Come back over here so we can finish talking,” Reggie said from behind me.

I scooted back over near him only this time, I kept my back towards him while he put his arms around me.

“So like I was saying, what if something is supposed to happen between us? What if we were meant to be together, Tiffany? We’re always together anyway, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So why haven’t we tried?” he asked and kissed me just below my neck.

“Um…I don’t know, Reggie.”

“You don’t know?” he asked, still fishing for a concrete answer.

“Just because we love each other doesn’t mean we’re meant to be together, right?” I could’ve slapped myself for saying that. Tiffany, what’s wrong with you!

“Yeah. You’re right. Besides, I wouldn’t want anything jeopardizing our friendship.”

“Me either.”

“But I do worry sometimes…”

“About what?”

“About the same thing you were worried about earlier today…about us drifting apart. I mean, you’re bound to fall in love and get married, have kids and so am I. What’s going to happen to us then, or will there no longer be an us? Will our friendship vanish? I don’t want that to happen. I never want that to happen.”

“I don’t want that to happen either.”

Reggie squeezed me tighter and placed a few more kisses on my back before I went to sleep.

A FEW DAYS later, Friday to be exact, I was having lunch with Brenda, a colleague and friend of mine. She was dark-skinned with medium length black hair – the type of woman to keep her hair and nails done and just by observing her actions, you could tell she was a cool person to hang around. To me, she was more of a colleague than a friend, especially since all of my non-business hours were dedicated to Reggie. She was cool to kick it with at work though.

I watched her take a sip of Sprite then ask, “So you got any plans for the weekend?”

“Not really. Me and Jennifer are supposed to go shopping, but that’s about it.” Jennifer was one of my girls from college. She had graduated the same year Shontay did and she was so busy with her career (Vice President of some huge manufacturing company based in Richmond) that she only was able to hang out with me once a year. “What about you?” I asked Brenda.

“I’m watching my sister’s kids while her and her husband go on a second honeymoon so if I look half dead come Monday morning, that’s why.”

We laughed together.

“Oh, how could I forget to tell you this – my Mother, bless her heart, set me up on a blind date for Monday night. I mean, it’s bad enough she had to fix me up with some strange guy, but you mean to tell me his only availability is a Monday night? Who goes on a date on a Monday?”

“Apparently you,” Brenda said, then laughed.

“Guess you’re right,” I chuckled. “I’ve never been on a blind date so I’m pretty nervous about it.”

“I been on a blind date once and trust me, I will never make that mistake again. When the guy showed up at my house to pick me up he had an acne problem and a strange lisp.”

“Okay. You’re scaring me.”

I felt my phone vibrate in my purse. I took it out and looked at the screen. It was Reggie. Reggie had called me every night this week to talk about the big project he was working on. He talked about it so much, I could walk into his place of business and do the job myself.

“Excuse me one second, Brenda,” I told her. Then answering my phone, I said, “Hello.”

“Yo, yo, yo. What’s up, girl?”

“Hey Reggie,” I said cheerfully, always happy to hear from him. “You sound like you’re in a good mood.”

“I am. I aced it Tiff…got a promotion and everything.”

“Wow! That’s great.”

“Yeah. We gotta go celebrate.”

“When?”

“Tonight.”

“Oh…okay. So it’ll be me, you, and Shontay?” I asked just to confirm who was joining this celebration tonight.

“Nah…just me and you.”

“But you did tell her about the promotion?”

“No. Not yet. I just want to celebrate with my best friend tonight. Is that okay with you?”

“Yep.”

“Ah’ight then. Let’s get it poppin’! Meet me at our spot tonight at ten. Don’t be late.”

Our spot was Peabody’s on 21^st and Atlantic Avenue. We’ve been going there for years now. It was one of the popular hangouts for college students and Reggie and I would go there at least once a week during our college years.

“Okay Reg. I’ll be there.”

“Ah’ight. Later.”

I dropped my phone back into my purse.

“What is Reggie up to these days?” Brenda asked. “I haven’t seen him by the office this week.”

Reggie would usually stop by my office at least once a week under normal circumstances. But this week he was so bogged down, he didn’t come by once.

“He’s been busy at work, working on an important project. As a matter of fact, he was just calling to tell me he just got a promotion and he wants to go out and celebrate tonight. The crazy part is, he didn’t even tell Shontay yet.”

“Uh huh. See, that’s what I’m talking about. That man is feeling you, girl.”

“No he ain’t.”

“Oh yes he is. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. How can you not see it? It’s so obvious.”

I smiled. “Trust me – Reginald Howard has no romantic feelings for me. If he did, we would’ve gotten together a long time ago. He likes us being friends.” I say those words, but I don’t believe them. I know Reggie must have some feelings for me, though I’m not sure if they run as deep as the feelings I have for him.

“But you’re in love with him.”

“Now why would you say something like that?” I asked Brenda since I’ve never told her about my feelings for Reggie.

“Because I see how happy you are when he’s around. There’s a glow about you whenever you mention his name, and even talking to him on the phone just now, I could see your feelings for him.”

“Okay, okay. I love him, but along with that love comes responsibility,” I said, then took a sip of water. “I had an epiphany a few days ago. I can’t fall for Reggie. He needs to concentrate on his life right now, his career, his woman. He needs to concern himself with things that will make him grow and have a successful and meaningful life. That’s why I have to stop him from coming over to my apartment and staying anytime he likes. And how is he going to tell me about his promotion before he tells his girlfriend? That ain’t right.”

“Nah it ain’t. If I was her, I would hate you.”

“She does hate me, and it’s not even my fault.”

“Maybe it is…you know men and women can’t be just friends. It’s not possible.”

“But me and Reggie have been friends all of our lives.”

“Yeah, and you admit you’re in love with him.”

“Well, maybe you’re right.” I sat there and thought about what Brenda was saying. I had to slowly wean myself from Reggie’s grasp – especially being in love with the man knowing he already had somebody in his life. If I didn’t back off, how was I ever going to find happiness with someone?

That was some deep stuff to think about. I had to let Reggie go, and it wasn’t for my own personal reasons. I wanted him to find the perfect woman, settle down and have a couple of kids. I wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.

***

I didn’t want to, but I met up with Reggie later that night as we had planned. When I walked in our spot, I noticed him right away wearing a red Polo shirt and some blue jeans.

“Hey Reg,” I said, walking towards him with my arms wide open waiting for him to receive my hug.

“Hey girl,” Reggie said, hugging me tight. He even picked me up off of the floor and spun me around in circles. People were staring at us.

I giggled. “Reggie, put me down.”

When my feet were safely on the floor, I sat down on a stool at the bar table. Reggie had already ordered an Appletini for me, my favorite drink.

“Congratulations,” I spoke loudly to him so he could hear me over the blaring music. “I am so proud of you.”

“Thank you.”

“Did you tell your Mom?”

“Yeah. I called her right after I called you. She was excited.”

“I know she was,” I said, then took a sip of my drink. The bartender made it strong tonight. “And why didn’t you tell Shontay?”

“Because she likes to compete with me. If I tell her, she’ll be envious, then feel like she has to do something to top my promotion.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yep. That’s why I called you. I needed someone to be happy for me.”

We locked eyes for a moment. I took another sip of my drink to get myself out of a daze and thought about the conversation I had with Brenda earlier in the day. What if Reggie was feeling me? What if he wanted a relationship with me?

“Well you best believe I’m very happy for you. You deserve the best of everything, Reggie.”

“Thank you,” Reggie said smiling. “Ay, you wanna dance?” Reggie asked me when I Wanna Love You by Akon blasted through the speakers.

“Yeah. Come on.” I took him by the hand and led him out to the dance floor.

Reggie was grinding me hard. I was getting hot in more ways than one. It was crowded in there and every inch of the floor was occupied mostly with college students. A few minutes into dancing, Reggie was already working up a sweat and when the DJ played a slow song, he put his arms around me and gently pulled me to his chest.

“You all right?” Reggie inquired on my status.

“Yeah. I’m cool.” I was right where I wanted to be, slow dancing, his arms around me like I was his girl. I was definitely feeling this.

“Ah’ight, don’t go to sleep on me now, like you did on prom night.”

I laughed at him. “I didn’t go to sleep on prom night. I only closed my eyes so tight to keep from crying.”

“Crying? Why did you feel like crying?”

“Because I was there with you and I wanted to go with you anyway, but I was too afraid to ask you. I thought you would’ve turned me down. I mean, I wasn’t popular like you were in high school.”

“I would never turn you down,” he stated to me while we slow-danced. “Don’t ever be afraid to come to me with anything, Tiffany. I mean that.”

I smiled against his chest and closed my eyes, enjoying this moment.

“Tiff, you hear me?”

“Yeah. I heard you, but anyway forget all of that. It’s all about you tonight. I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished so far in life.”

I looked at him to get his reaction and he gave me one of those quiet stares again.

“What?” I asked him to take the heat off of me.

He didn’t respond immediately but I knew something was on his mind. I could read him well, so I said, “Let’s sit down. My toes are almost numb in these heels.”

“Ah’ight,” Reggie said.

I followed him to the same bar table we were at before and finished the remainder of my Martini in one gulp.

“So what’s on your mind?” I asked him.

He smiled and shook his head wordlessly.

“What is it, Reggie?” I said smiling now, staring in his adorable eyes. He had fully peaked my curiosity.

He finally said, “So I was sitting in my office this morning, just like any ol’ normal day when my manager walks in, tells me I got a promotion and everything…so I’m all excited, I thank him for recognizing my hard work, then after he congratulates me for the third or fourth time, he walks out of my office and shuts the door behind him. I’m so thrilled, even more so now that I’m alone and I want to call somebody. I want to share all this pent-up excitement I have. I want someone to be excited for me, the same way I’m excited for myself. So I reach for my phone, hold my receiver to my ear and before I even know it, I’m dialing your number. And it makes me think…because I could’ve called my Mother…could’ve called Shontay, but I didn’t. I called you,” he said, smiling again, laying his right hand on my left.

I was speechless. All I could offer him was a nervous smile.

“I’m so glad you came out with me tonight,” he said, fiddling with my fingers now.

“I am too.”

“There’s no other person I’d rather be with.”

“Aw…Reggie. Stop it,” I said, slowly sliding my hand from underneath his, resting it in my lap now.

“I’m serious,” he said.

“I think you just had one, too many. That’s all.”

“No I haven’t,” he said seriously. “I haven’t had anything to drink besides a bottle of water.”

I smiled tensely, thinking about Brenda’s comment earlier today. That man is feeling you girl, she said all gossipy and now I was thinking she was right. Reggie couldn’t take his eyes off of me and I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable – thinking about how many people in this joint (mostly college students) must have known us, known our story…that we were best friends and that Reggie was Shontay’s man. What would they think of us now as we sat staring at each other all dreamy-eyed like we were in love? What would Shontay think? Had she walked in this place and saw the way her man was looking at me, what would she think?

“Reggie, I gotta get going,” I said to break away from him and this confusion.

“Nooo,” he said, elongating the word, which made me wonder if all he really had to drink was water.

“Yesss, I got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow.”

Reggie sighed deeply then said, “Ah’ight. I guess I’ll let you go. Come on. I’ll walk you to your car.”

On the way to my car, he took my hand, swung our arms back and forth and said right before we got to the car, “I’m really glad you came.”

I smiled and said, “I know. You told me already, Reggie.”

“Oh, I did?” he asked.

“Yeah. Are you sure you didn’t have anything to drink?”

He laughed and said, “Yeah I’m sure. It’s you that has me actin’ like this…making me woozy.”

“Whatever,” I said, laughing. “Anyway, I’ll see you later.”

“Ah’ight,” Reggie said, hugging me, then he slammed his juicy lips on my forehead.

“Bye, Reg.”

“Bye,” he said, watching me get in my car, waving at me as I drove off.

All I could do as I drove away was shake my head, mad at myself that I couldn’t tell Reggie I needed to back away from him, or if anything, tell him we needed to fix our dysfunctional relationship – for both of our sakes.