Chapter 13

 

I remained on the bed next morning sobering uncontrollably. Head pounding. Heart racing. The feeling of losing Reggie was too much for me to bear. I was having flashbacks of my life with Reggie. When we were seven, Reggie and I built a flimsy old tree house in an oak in his backyard. And everyday for two weeks, we came home from school and played in that rickety ol’ tree house. I remember how proud we were when we finished building it. Sometimes we fell asleep in the tree house and Patricia would come and wake us up. Even then I knew Reggie would always be a special part of my life. I could feel it.

Lying here alone in tears was only bringing back memories. How could he move and not tell me? Reggie told me everything. If he bought a new pair of boxers, I knew about it. He never hid anything from me. But now I didn’t even know where my best friend was living.

To make the situation worse, his reason for his separation from me was because of my relationship with Derrick. Why couldn’t he have told me that he was in love with me before? Why did I have to be in a relationship in order for him to see how much he wanted me? Why?

I got out of the bed to grab some Kleenex. Besides, my pillow was wet enough already. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were a drunk, reddish-looking color. My face drenched. I blew my nose hard but it only made my head hurt worse than it already did. I sat down on the bed again to process all of this information. Reggie and I weren’t a couple but it felt like we just broke up from a twenty-three-year relationship. Who would I turn to for comfort and support now? Who?

I laid flat on my back and cried again. The thought of picking up the phone made my tears flow even faster. I couldn’t call Reggie just to say hi or to ask him to come over to chill with me. No more of that. According to him, the friendship was over.

 

THREE WEEKS FLEW by. It was now nearing the end of September. I felt like a zombie. It was hard to focus on work, couldn’t sleep at home, I couldn’t do anything but cry. It was clear, Reggie meant what he said to me. He didn’t call or visit. It was over and done and I couldn’t deal with that. Severe headaches began to take over as I thought about this situation between us, so today, I made an appointment to see my doctor – hoping she would prescribe me something to help me sleep at night.

I was cool with Dr. Stewart. We were actually on a first name basis. Tracey was the doctor I started seeing when I was in college. She was in her forties but a very cool and spunky woman. Reggie knew her too. He would often come to my doctor appointments with me, not that I frequented the doctor often but for minor issues he was there.

Once when we were college sophomores, I sprained my ankle playing football with him and a few of his boys. And it was all Reggie’s fault for tackling me rough like we were playing professionally. The day it happened, Reggie carried me into Dr. Stewart’s practice. He must have apologized a million times.

Then there was the time when he accidentally cut me while we were slicing pineapples for drinks at one of his frat parties when we were juniors. It was a deep cut, but not deep enough for stitches.

Oh, and I can’t forget the time he unintentionally hit me in the nose once while he was dreaming. He said he was dreaming that he was fighting somebody. My nose bled all over my pillowcase. I was so shocked, I cried while Reggie ran to get a cold rag. He took me to Tracey…again…because I thought it was broken. So Tracey was very familiar with my close friendship with Reggie, and I knew she would bring up his name, or ask where he was.

“And just what seems to be the problem today, Ms. Thang?” Tracey asked, smiling.

I faked a smile and said, “I need some sleeping pills or something. I’m not sleeping at night.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“For the past few weeks.”

“When did it start?”

Enough with the questions already, I thought. Just give me some freakin’ pills. I definitely wasn’t going to mention Reggie’s name in the middle of all of this.

I told her, “It’s just work. I’ve been so swamped.”

“Oh really? I thought your job was flexible.”

Crap. She had me. I had one of the most flexible jobs on the planet. I could even work from home at times if I chose to do so.

“I do, but…”

“But what? Now Tiffany, how long have I known you? Talk to me. What’s up? Why are your eyes puffy and where is your friend Reggie? He’s usually here with you every time you come by.”

I didn’t know which one of her questions to answer first. So I avoided the one about Reggie.

“I’ve just been under a lot of stress with personal problems.”

“Oh…okay.”

I was quiet after that while Tracey stared into my eyes like she was trying to read my mind.

“I’m okay,” I told her. But I wasn’t okay. If I was, I wouldn’t need any attention from a doctor. Then I started crying. Tracey must have thought I was insane.

“Tiffany, what’s wrong?”

“It’s…it’s just…Reggie and I aren’t friends anymore and I guess I’ve been so bothered by it I can’t sleep. Every night I go to bed I’m crying and it won’t stop. It’s been the same thing for the past two weeks. My head hurts, I can’t focus at work…I’m a mess.” Tracey probably couldn’t make out a word I said through my pitiful whimpering.

“Maybe you should seek some counseling.”

“No. No, I will not go to counseling for this. I just need something to help me sleep.”

“Okay, Tiffany. I’ll give you something to try. If you have any problems I want you to call me.”

Tracey whipped out her prescription pad like a weapon, clicked her pen open to write. Then she scribbled something I couldn’t even read, ripped off the piece of paper like a check and handed it to me.

“Take one pill an hour before you go to bed at night. If you have any signs of an allergic reaction…hives, swelling of your lips, tongue or throat, stop taking the pills and call me immediately. Okay?”

“Okay, Tracey.”

“Do you have any questions?”

“No.”

“Try to relax. Tiffany. If you and Reggie got into a little spat, just let it blow over. It’ll be all right.”

She didn’t know it wasn’t a little spat. Reggie had told me straight out that he didn’t want to be my friend anymore…like we were quarreling high school students again.

“Okay,” I told her. I got off of the exam table and took my purse from a chair.

“All right. I hope you feel better,” she told me.

“Thanks, Tracey.”

I left the place and went home. It wasn’t right. Not right at all. What did I do to deserve this? A lifelong friendship was destroyed over a telephone call. If it was a face-to-face encounter, I would persuade him otherwise. That’s how I knew he was serious about what he said. He had to tell me over the phone so my tears wouldn’t change his mind.

I took a deep breath as I sat there in my own misery. How was I going to live without my best friend? What was I going to do? Who would I be without him? We were together so often, he felt like he was a part of me. He was my life. I had no life outside of Reggie...well besides spending time with Derrick and my Mom. But Reggie was it. My best friend, my confidant, my support, my everything. Without him, there was no me. Who was I going to rely on now?

Derrick was fine. I would give him that. He had his own business, he had a house on the beach and nice cars, but he could never be as close to me as Reggie was. Derrick didn’t know what my favorite sports were. He didn’t know what my favorite food was. He didn’t know me. He was just beginning to learn a few things about me. In a way, I felt like I was starting over after being in a relationship for so long. Now I had to get to know someone else all over again.

It was quiet in my place. I walked into the kitchen to get some water. I had no appetite. Then I glanced over at the refrigerator. My refrigerator was filled with pictures of me and Reggie. Water poured out of my eyes again as I pondered the thought of never talking to him again.

My cell phone vibrated on the kitchen table. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes in order to read the display. It was a text message from Reggie. It was like a ray of sunshine peeping through the clouds after a dreary day. Maybe he had a change of heart and wanted to apologize. Maybe he missed me. Did he just now realize he couldn’t live without me? I opened the message and it read, “I didn’t want it to end like this.” That’s all it said. After three weeks, he decided to send me an eight-word message like that.

And what exactly did that mean? He was the one who chose the way our friendship ended. I had nothing to do with that. And it had been three weeks. Three weeks! I hadn’t heard a word from him besides this weak text message. He might as well had stayed the course and said nothing at all to me.

I put my phone back on the table. Enough with all the crying. It had almost been a month of this. It was time for me to move on. Reggie sure did, as evident by his bogus text message.

I dodged Derrick during those three weeks of suffering. I always had an excuse when he called me. I was busy at work, having lunch with my Mom, anything to get him off of my back. Still, he persisted. He sent me flowers, candy and even left a teddy bear at my door.

A teddy bear.

He was unrelenting in his efforts to make out relationship work. We had only been dating for about four months – three if you count all the time I dodged him – and he was still very much interested in me. But my interest in him waned due to my difficulty with Reggie. The crazy thing was, now, there was nothing holding me back from pursuing a full fledged relationship with Derrick. But in light of everything that transpired with Reggie, my relationship with Derrick was on the backburner.

 

THE FOLLOWING AFTERNOON, Mom had a few of her girlfriends over to shoot the breeze. It was a mild September day and we enjoyed grilled hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad and a few other snacks. The night before, I broke down and told my Mom what had happened between Reggie and I while she was away on her cruise. I hadn’t spoken to Patricia. I left it up to my Mom to tell her if she wanted to. I don’t know if she told her or not but Patricia had yet to say anything to me today at my Mom’s house. It was funny because when Mom had first asked me to come over, she said Patricia wasn’t coming. But Patricia was the first person I saw when I walked to the backyard. I did everything in my power to avoid her. That was until I spilled soda on her jeans. I quietly dissed myself for being so clumsy.

“I’m sorry, Pat. Let me get that.” I tore off some paper towels and went to work.

“That’s okay, Tiffany. I got it.” She gave me a funny look. I didn’t know if she was pissed because I spilled soda on her or because she knew the reason for Reggie’s sudden departure from my life.

“I’m sorry, Pat.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

I motioned to my Mom to come over by me. I was ready to leave before Patricia had the opportunity to question me.

“Mom, I’m gonna go,” I told her as she threw her arm around me.

“Why? We’re just getting started,” she told me. But we had been outside kickin’ it for a good three hours before I decided to go. It was going on five o’clock.

“I’m sorry. I have to go. Derrick wants to see me tonight and I can’t blow him off this time.”

“All right…well I’ll see you later.”

“Okay Ma.”

I hugged Mom tight. My Mom was my only support and Reggie’s absence made me appreciate her that much more.

I was on the way to my car when I heard Patricia yell from behind me, “Tiffany, wait up a minute.”

I sighed, closed my eyes to get myself together, then turned around to acknowledge her. Once she caught up to me, we slowly began walking towards my car together.

“So what happened?”

“What do you mean?” I assumed she was talking about Reggie but I wasn’t going to go into detail without being sure.

“What happened between you and Reggie?”

“He said he couldn’t be my friend anymore.” I didn’t tell her the reason why. I wanted to see how much she knew already.

“Reggie told you that?” she asked me in disbelief.

“Yep.”

“So why was he standing in my kitchen last night crying his eyes out over you…telling me how much he missed you. I thought you were the one to tell him that you couldn’t see him anymore…because of Derrick.”

“No. It was the other way around.”

“So why was he crying, Tiffany? I ain’t never seen my baby cry like that.”

“Look Patricia, Reggie told me he didn’t want to be around me…said he couldn’t stand to see me with Derrick.”

“He actually said that to you?”

“Yeah. I have no reason to make this up.”

“So you don’t love him? I mean y’all best friends…y’all done been through everything together and now you don’t even speak to each other.”

“Of course I love Reggie. You know I love Reggie, Pat.” My words were interrupted by tears. And there I went crying over him...again. “I love Reggie a hundred times more than I could ever think about loving myself. And this hasn’t been easy for me either. I feel bad that you had to watch him cry like that but I have cried almost every night for an entire month thinking about this…this mess.”

“You know what. This is ridiculous. You’re both miserable without each other, so why don’t y’all get together and talk about this?” Patricia suggested.

“Pat, Reggie said he didn’t want to see me. He hasn’t called me or come by to visit me. And I don’t even know where he lives. He wants me out of his life so he can move on. That’s what he told me.”

“Yeah, but Tiffany, he wants to move on because you won’t return his love.”

“That’s not true.” I was starting to get upset with Patricia for speaking about what she didn’t know. “I’ve been loving Reggie all my life. And all my life, I’ve watched women come and go out of his life. But the one time I start dating someone, he wants to tell me he’s in love with me?”

“Maybe that’s what it took for him to realize he doesn’t want to lose you,” I heard my Mom say as she made her way into me and Patricia’s conversation. “Men are funny like that, Tiffany.”

“Maybe so, Ma, but he was supposed to be my best friend. He moved without telling me. I don’t have his new address or phone number. To me, that seems like a person who doesn’t want to be bothered.”

“Well I hate to see your friendship end like this,” Mom said. “I mean, y’all have been best friends for—”

“I know that! Why do y’all keep saying that? I know how long me and Reggie been friends! You don’t have to beat it in my head, okay? I know!” 

“All right. I’m gonna leave it at that,” Mom said as she turned around and walked away.

I walked away too. I was sick of them both trying to pin the blame on me for this. I was not the one who picked up and moved. Reggie did that.

I jumped in my car, dried my eyes and went home. I had to get changed and meet Derrick for dinner.