Chapter 14

 

I walked stepped in Lynnhaven Fish House filled with nostalgia, remembering that this was the same restaurant where Derrick and I had our first date. I was so excited then, anxious to get to know him. Now my heart was heavy as I contemplated ending our relationship.

The hostess showed me to the table and there Derrick sat. He was wearing a gray suit, looked sharp, like he’d just gotten out of a board meeting.

“Hi,” I told him as he stood up to greet me and pulled out my chair so I could sit.

“Hey beautiful,” he said, then kissed my jaw. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t help but smile. Derrick was such a charmer, and though he was flawless from head to toe, I was certain I didn’t want to continue the relationship with him. Not now. My life was in turmoil. Should I break the news to him tonight, I asked myself as I bit on my tongue to avoid spilling the beans too early.

 He sat down and poured some wine in my glass. Then he smiled at me out of the blue, and said, “You remember when we had our first date here?”

“Yeah,” I say plainly. I wasn’t in the mood for romance, especially after all the chaos with Reggie. And now, I was getting pressure from my Mom and Patricia to patch things up, like all of the drama was my fault.

“You look like your mind is in a million places,” he told me.

I smiled a little while watching him smile at the same time. His teeth were whiter than our napkins.

“I’m here,” I told him, feeling sad now. I didn’t feel the same passion I felt when we were here before, when things were right in my life, when Reggie and I were close. Now we’d drifted so far apart, I didn’t know how to feel.

“So why haven’t I seen you in three weeks?”

“Been busy.”

“Oh.” He took a sip of wine. “I missed you. You know that?”

I didn’t respond to him. My mind had shifted back to Reggie. I wondered what he was doing at this very moment. And how was he doing? How did his new house look? How many bedrooms did he have? Where was his house?

“Tiffany,” Derrick called out to me to get my attention.

“Yeah?”

“Are you here with me?”

“Yeah I’m here.”

“Well, I’m trying to talk to you and enjoy your company, especially since we haven’t seen each other in weeks. You seem like you’re off in Never Never Land. What’s going on? Is there something you want to talk about?”

Derrick had given me the perfect setup to tell him I wanted to break up. But I couldn’t get those words to come out of my mouth.

“No. I’m sorry, Derrick. I’m just so tired. I really didn’t feel like coming out tonight.”

“Well, we could skip this and go back to my place if you want. I’ve been wanting to get you over there. Now would be the perfect opportunity.”

“Let’s just stay here since we’re here already.”

“Okay, baby. It’s whatever you want,” Derrick said.

“Where are the menus?” I asked.

“Oh, you don’t need one. I ordered for us already.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

“How did you know what I wanted to eat?”

“I ordered you the same thing you had when we first came here. You remember? The fried seafood platter…with steak fries?”

“Well, maybe I didn’t want that this time,” I said, sounding juvenile. Under normal circumstances, I would think it was romantic and special that he’d remembered what I had to eat on our first date, because really, men don’t usually remember stuff like that. I was only upset now because I was trying my hardest to find something wrong with this man so I could break up with him.

Derrick frowned. “So you don’t want the seafood platter?”

“No. I don’t want anything to eat,” I told him. “I just came here ‘cause you asked me to. I’m not even hungry.”

“Are you serious right now?” he asked, frowning more, picking up on my attitude.

“Whatever. Forget it.”

“Tiffany, what’s the problem? I mean, I’m trying to spend time with you and you’re pushing me away. What’s up?” he said, looking at me in a way that I could tell he didn’t want to lose me. “I want this to work between us,” he said, grabbing my hand.

“Why?” I asked him, snatching my hand from his grasp. “Why do you want this to work? We haven’t even seen each other in three weeks, Derrick.”

“I’ve been trying to see you. You’re the one giving me excuses every time I call. You don’t want to go bowling, skating, dancing…it’s like you’re not even interested in me anymore. And I do like you, Tiffany...you’re beautiful, intelligent, funny…”

Blah, blah, blah. How many times have I heard that already, I thought. So I made up my mind that it was time for me to tell him the kind of things I liked so he could see we weren’t compatible.

I asked him, “Have you ever played in a tree house?”

“What?” Derrick said, brows furrowed.

“As a child, did you play in a tree house?”

“Ah…no. Can’t say that I have.”

“What about a tire swing? You ever swung on a tire swing?”

“No.”

“Do you eat black-eyed peas and pork rinds?”

I already knew the answer to that. Derrick was one of those caviar, lobster and steak eating brothers. He probably never had a bologna sandwich in his life. But me and Reggie used to tear up some bologna sandwiches. We both liked them the same way, fried until it was burned just a little. Then we would squeeze mustard on it and sandwich it between two pieces of bread.

“No I don’t eat black-eyed peas, but what does that have to do with what we’re talking about right now? What does that have to do with our relationship?”

I ignored him and asked, “Have you ever bit into a watermelon then spit the seeds at your friends?”

He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious.”

“No I haven’t. Where are you going with this, Tiffany?”

“Derrick…you are a wonderful man.” By that time, I felt a tear rolling down my face. I enjoyed the time I spent with Derrick when we first met. As a matter of fact, if the situation with Reggie was different, meaning we were on speaking terms, I probably would not have considered breaking up with Derrick. “I’m sorry but…ah…this isn’t going to work between us.”

He sat straight up in his chair. “Why? Because I don’t pummel my friends with watermelon seeds?”

“Yes, as silly as that sounds. We’re different people, Derrick. I like goofing off and being silly and…”

He cut me off. “Why are we so different all of a sudden?”

“We like different things. You’re a twenty-four-seven business man. I mean, look at you. You’re dressed up right now.”

“So what? A man is supposed to take care of his self, right?”

“Yeah. I’m not saying otherwise. What I’m saying is, I’m not all about money. Your whole life is your business. That’s usually what you talk about when we go out. But that’s cool. That’s your lifestyle. You have money and you like to show it.”

Frowning, Derrick asked, “Since when does a black man get ridiculed for being successful in life? Women say they don’t want no broke, busted man but then you run into a brother like me and I’m still not good enough?”

“I’m not saying that you’re not good enough.”

“Then what are you saying, because I’m getting confused?”

“Derrick, I’m saying we don’t have a lot in common.”

“Oh…you mean like you and Reggie?”

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. He hit the nail right on the head. That was exactly what I was getting at and though I was mad at Reggie, I still had mad love for him. That wasn’t going to change.

Derrick continued, “See the thing is, Tiffany, I know I’m a good man and if you didn’t have other influences in your life, you would see that. But you can’t see it because you’re too busy playing games with Reggie. I understand y’all grew up together and y’all have a history. Me and you…we have no history, and I know you could never love me as much as you love him and I’m not asking you to. I just want you to see me for who I am.”

“I’m sorry, Derrick.”

“Don’t be sorry, Tiffany. Just tell me you want to work through this.”

“I can’t. I don’t think this is going to work,” I said to him as I stood, preparing to make my exit. Tears ran down my face as I left.

***

I went back to my apartment and sat on the bed crying again. Heart pounding. Head throbbing. My chest tightened up so much to the point I couldn’t breathe properly. I felt like I was going to pass out. I stumbled to the kitchen to get some water. I could feel my throat was closing up. I panicked. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I had to get help. I grabbed my phone and dialed 911.

The operator came on and said, “Nine-one-one, please state your emergency.”

“I…can’t…breathe,” I managed to say with the last little bit of breath I had left. “I can’t breathe.” I fell on the floor with the phone in my hand.

 

THE NEXT THING I know, I’m waking up in a hospital bed in the emergency room at Sentara General, a nurse hovering over me with a weird smile on her face. She looked like Kathy Bates from her role in Misery.

“Hi there, Ms. Water. How are you feeling?”

“How did I get here?”

“You came here by ambulance.”

“For what?”

“The doctor seems to think you had an anxiety attack.”

“Oh my God. I gotta call my Mom!”

“Your Mother is in the waiting room. You want me to get her for you?”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay. You lie down and relax. I’ll be right back.”

The nurse left the room with a clipboard in her hand. I took a deep breath and looked around. The tag around my wrist made me feel like I was a piece of meat. I never understood why hospitals did that, especially in emergency rooms when your stay is usually a short one. But I was just trippin’ on how I got here. What happened to me?

“Hey honeeeey…” My Mom said as she came charging to my side with Patricia behind her. “Are you okay? What happened?” They were both crying.

“We didn’t know what had happened to you. The doctor told us you had some sort of a panic attack,” Patricia said as she wiped her eyes.

“I feel fine now,” I told them. “Please stop crying.”

They both hugged me at the same time.

“I’ll be all right. I just have a little chest pain and a headache.”

“So what happened, Tiffany? How did you wind up in the hospital?”

“I don’t know, Ma. But I do know I’ve been under a lot of stress these past few weeks, and I broke up with Derrick tonight. Then, things with Reggie and I haven’t been good…guess it was all too much for me. I buckled. After I left Derrick at the restaurant, I came home and cried. Then I couldn’t breathe. I remember dialing 911 and that’s all.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay, Tiffany,” Patricia told me, “And I know you may not want to see him, but Reggie is out there in the waiting room and he wants—”

“No, I don’t want to see him,” I cut Patricia short. “I don’t want to see him ever again.”

That was anger talking. I needed Reggie at this moment more than I wanted my own Mother. And that was bad, especially considering he was part of the reason why I was in here in the first place.

“Tiffany, you don’t mean that,” Patricia said. She was steadily wiping her eyes.

Then I started crying again. My chest tightened up as it did before and it was hard for me to catch my breath.

“Tiffany, baby. Are you all right?” My Mom put her arms around me as I gasped for air.

“Nurse, nurse,” Patricia yelled for help out in the hallway.

The nurse ran in, put an oxygen mask over my nose and urged my Mom and Patricia to leave the room. I inhaled deep breaths of oxygen as the nurse had instructed, and I thought about how my problems with Reggie were affecting my Mom’s relationship with Patricia. Would their relationship suffer because of us? Would my relationship with Patricia be history if me and Reggie didn’t make peace and settle our differences? Patricia was like a second Mom to me. I didn’t want to lose her.

Right as I was drifting off to sleep, Mom peeped around the door. “Pss, pss. Tiffany,” she whispered. “Derrick is here. He wants to see you.”

“What?” I was shocked to know that the man I just broke up with was one of my visitors. How did he know I was in the hospital in the first place?

“Derrick is here,” Mom repeated so loudly, she might as well spoke normally. “Can he come in?”

I didn’t know what to do, but I felt so guilty, I couldn’t turn him away.

“Yeah, Ma. Tell him to come in.”

When Derrick walked in, I was happy to see him but at the same time, I felt ashamed. After all, I did just end our relationship.

“How do you feel?” He rubbed his fingertips across my forehead like he was checking my temperature.

“I’m okay…I guess.” I took a deep breath. “Derrick, how did you know I was here?”

“Your Mom called and told me.”

“I’m sorry. She didn’t know we weren’t together anymore. You didn’t have to come here.”

“I know I didn’t have to come. I wanted to.” Derrick was being overly nice to me. I couldn’t believe how calm he was. “So tell me what happened?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m sorry if I put too much pressure on you with this relationship,” Derrick said, sitting on the bed with me. He took my hand, into his large, strong ones then said, “I mean, if that’s the reason why you’re here, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Derrick.”

“Then why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel like I did this to you?”

“Don’t feel guilty. I’ll be okay.”

“All right,” Derrick said, sad-faced. “If you need anything, I want you to call me. Day or night. It doesn’t matter. Even if I’m at work, call me. I know you wouldn’t agree with this, but my job isn’t the most important thing to me, so call me, okay?”

“Okay, Derrick. Thank you.”

He kissed the backside of my hand and left me there alone to beat myself up. What had I done? I should have been embarrassed for the way I dissed Derrick in the restaurant. I walked out on him and he still had enough love for me to come and see me in the hospital. Derrick had a lot of character and dignity and I was beginning to question myself as to why I broke up with him in the first place.

Which man was I supposed to be with after all?