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Unanswered questions
Emelia
“I can’t believe this!” Laurel folded her arms across her chest. “What do you mean we have to move again?” Her fury was understandable, but I didn’t much like her petulant tone.
“We’re in danger again, sweetheart.”
How was I supposed to explain everything I’d discovered in the last few hours to my teenage daughter? Some things were just not explainable, especially to a child who’d already been through so much.
“Is it Dad?” The dread that flashed in Laurel’s eyes was haunting. Having swapped places in the back seat with Sally, I was in the perfect position to take in her terrified expression.
“No.” I could be resolute about that much at least. “He’s never going to hurt you again.”
Though, God knew how I’d explain my actions against him. Sam had been a cruel swine, but as far as she knew, he was still her father. Never mind that the only other candidate for paternity, Ryan Wilson, seemed to be as bad as the callous brute who’d raised her. I wanted to protect whatever ‘happy memories’ she had of her childhood for as long as I could.
“Your mum is trying to protect you, Laurel,” Nathanial offered from the driver’s seat, his gaze flitting to mine in the rear-view mirror.
“Protect me from what?” Laurel’s attention darted around the inside of the car. “If not from Dad, then who?”
“There are other people.” I pulled in a breath, unsure how to enlighten her. “People in authority who might want to hurt us.”
“What?” Laurel snapped as though I was ridiculous. “Why would anyone want to hurt us?”
“Because of things that have happened to me.” The weight of all I’d encountered pressed down upon me, temporarily pinning me to the car interior. And things that I’ve done.
I didn’t have the courage to speak the final line, but I wondered if Nathanial and Sally were thinking the same. They knew what I’d done, after all. Nathanial had read the damn reports. He’d been the one who’d put two and two together and ‘uncovered’ my crime. Yet still, both of them had chosen to come away with Laurel and me.
Because they have no choice. The alternative is even worse than hanging out with a murderer.
“What happened?” Concern glinted in Laurel’s eyes. “Tell me, Mum.”
“I will.” Reaching for her hand, I squeezed her cold fingers. “I promise, Laurel. But not here. Not like this.” Not with them.
I motioned to the front of the car with my head, hoping she understood. It was bad enough that the group had been there when Nathanial had unraveled my grim past, but I couldn’t contemplate the idea of having to tell my daughter in front of other people. Not even the ones who seemed to have stood by me.
“Shit.” Laurel’s brow furrowed. “It must be bad.”
“Laurel!” I chided, smacking the back of her hand playfully. “There’s no need for language like that.”
“Sorry.” She shrugged as though she already understood the truth and knew there was every need for profanity.
The semblance of normality we’d carved out for ourselves was about to be torn away in front of our eyes, and this time around, our enemies were one step ahead of us. There were no sedatives and pillows that could eradicate the threat of a wayward British prime minister.
“We should stop and throw out our phones.” Nathanial’s tone was pensive.
“What?” Laurel’s jaw dropped. “I’m not getting rid of my phone! Are you mad?”
“We have to, darling.” I reached into my pocket and tugged out my device. “They can use these to find us.”
“They?” She shook her head as if I was insane. “You’re not making any sense, Mum.”
“Your mum means the authorities who want to lock us up and take you away from her.” Nathanial inhaled.
Laurel’s face paled. “Wh-why would they do that?”
“It’s complicated.” It was becoming obvious that the sooner I could have some privacy with my daughter and at least try to explain what was going on, the better, but that wouldn’t be easy while we were on the run.
“You’ll just have to trust us on this one.” Nathanial signaled to pull over to the roadside. “We all have to destroy our SIM cards, and we’ll need to dump this car before long too.”
Dump the car? My focus flew to the rear-view mirror as I processed his suggestion. The car, like the phone, would eventually lead the police straight to us. However much it jarred, I had to be smart. The car had to go.
“But, Mum.” Laurel’s imploring gaze drilled into me. “How will I stay in touch with Chloe and the others?”
“I’m afraid you can’t right now.” It tore me up inside to see the bewildered fear and outrage etched into her pretty features. “The best we can do is write down the numbers that mean the most and get in touch with those people once this is over.”
Although how this could ever be over when the men in charge of the country seemed fixed on ripping our family apart remained a mystery.
“How does that sound?” I patted her hand tenderly, already knowing how Laurel would receive the news.
“I can’t believe this!” Tears brimmed in her eyes. “I just made these friends and we just went through the fog together, and now you’re telling me I can’t even stay in touch with them?”
“For now,” I added, my concentration flitting to Nathanial’s gaze in the mirror again. I sensed he wanted to disagree and suggest Laurel might never be in touch with them, but I couldn’t let that stand. For the time being, at least, she needed an olive branch—some hope that the investment of the last year hadn’t been for nothing.
“Do you have a pen and paper?” I prompted as the car came to a halt on a gray hillside. “You can write down Chloe’s details, plus the numbers of anyone else you want to save.”
“I don’t just want numbers.” Emotion choked in her voice. “I need people, Mum. A fucking life!”
“Hey!” My rebuke was curter that time. “I know this is stressful, Laurel, but I don’t like that kind of language from you. Please stop using it.”
“Fine.” She sniffed, her jaw tightening as she glanced out of her window.
“We’ll leave you two to it.” Sally offered a consoling smile as she unfastened her safety belt and opened the passenger door. A deluge of cold air rushed in to meet us, reminding me that there was a world beyond the woe of the car, and it wasn’t going to wait for us. “Nathanial can take care of his and my phones while you take care of this.”
“Thanks.” I mouthed the word as she slipped from the car. “We won’t be long.”
“Is this for real, Mum?” Laurel waited for Nathanial to climb out of the car before she spoke again.
“I’m afraid so.”
The despondency in my voice might have perturbed me had I not already been wrestling with so much more misery than only Laurel’s despair about communications with her friends. Of course, I understood her torment and would do anything I could to assuage her sorrow, but in the grand scheme, there were a million other things to worry about. She just didn’t realize.
“It won’t be forever, Laurel, but right now we’re in danger.”
“From ‘the authorities’?” Skepticism resounded in her tone as she rummaged in her bag for a pen. On the moorland outside her window, I was vaguely aware of Nathanial taking his and Sally’s mobiles apart.
“Yes.” I sighed, unclear how else to describe our situation. “Look. It’s not easy to explain this in the limited time we’ve got, but something bad happened to me before you were born and the man who did those things to me is now someone of some importance. We have to act to keep ourselves safe.”
I despised having to admit it. After everything we’d been through, we should already have found safety. The reality that we hadn’t was crushing.
“Importance?” She glanced up from the piece of paper she’d found at the bottom of her bag, her pen hovering over it as if waiting on my verdict.
“Yes.” My heart raced as I skimmed the truth.
How was I supposed to tell my daughter that the villain currently playing at being PM had forced himself on me and might be her real father? There were no words for things like that. I could hardly fathom it myself.
“Will you tell me the truth?” She frowned, lowering the pen and reaching for my forearm. “Because we said we’d be honest from now on, that we wouldn’t have any more secrets.”
Shit, we had said that.
But that had been at the time when my brain had been content to bury annihilating memories, in the time before I remembered the truth where I was both victim and killer. This world—the one of brutal honesty—was a very different proposition.
But doesn’t she deserve the truth? The thought nagged at me. Regardless of how disgusting it might be. Don’t I owe her that much?
“I promise I will tell you.” A crease appeared at my brow as if subconsciously, I knew how critical that vow was. “But not now, love. Let’s just do as Nathanial says and get through today.”
“Nathanial?” Her brows knitted as her fingers tightened at my skin. “I thought he was called Ewan.” She glanced at the man in question in time to see him smashing a SIM card beneath the sole of his shoe.
I motioned for her to start writing out the telephone numbers. “It’s a really long story, Laurel.”
“Later then.” Her half-smile was weak as she scribbled down Chloe’s number from her screen’s device. “I don’t love this, Mum, but I love you.”
“I know, sweetheart.”
My heart swelled as I watched her swallow down her misgivings and do as we’d asked. Whatever life threw at her, she coped. Laurel really was the best of me.