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The Missing Pieces
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SURVEYING THE BUILDING Wilson’s men had dragged us to, my heart sank. The car he’d promised had arrived to take us away, but there was still no Nathanial. After everything he’d done to help me in recent days, was I really going to abandon him to Wilson’s custody?
“Ma’am?” The driver leaned out of the open window, his irritation at my delay obvious. “I have another job scheduled. We need to leave.”
Glancing at Sally’s conflicted expression, I sighed. “Okay, we’re coming.”
“We can’t just leave him.” Sally sounded desperate.
“What else can we do?” Laurel took the words right out of my mouth.
“Nothing.” I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment, trying to accept my own logic.
My primary role was to keep Laurel safe and there was nothing benign about our current location. I longed to help Nathanial, but there was no choice. We had to go.
“Come on, Laurel.” Signaling to the black, stretched car, I guided her to the open rear door. “Are you coming, Sally?”
I peered over my shoulder, waiting on her verdict. I’d have loved for her to join us, but ultimately, she was an adult and could do whatever she liked.
“Yes.” She choked back tears as she walked toward the vehicle. “I just hope he’s okay.”
“Me too.” My stare returned to the grim structure that had temporarily been our prison.
Please let him be okay.
It was way too soon in our budding romance for me to have real feelings for Nathanial, but I loathed the idea of deserting him and leaving him with the idea he’d been forsaken. He was the only man who’d ever truly been there for me. If I walked away, I might never find that again.
Dread knotted in my chest as I climbed into the back seat beside Laurel and closed the door. I wedged the case Wilson had given me down by my knees. Not only did it contain the money for our brighter future, but the signed affidavit stating my legal impunity was also in there. Half a million pounds was a huge amount of money—more than I’d ever seen before—but the blessing felt empty without Nathanial.
No choice. The depressing mantra played in my head like a demoralizing chorus. There’s no choice.
“Where to, Ma’am?” The driver twisted around to greet us.
I looked along the seat to Sally. “Is it still okay to stay at your place tonight?”
“Sure.” She closed her eyes. “Whatever.”
Sally had a small two-bedroom house not too far from our old home, and while I had no intention of remaining there, it was somewhere we could crash for one night until I came up with a plan.
“What’s the address?”
Annoyance flared in the driver’s voice again, but I ignored his entitled timbre, turning back to look at the place we assumed Nathanial was still being held as Sally rattled off the details.
I’m sorry.
I sent the apology in my mind as the car moved away, aware of the growing stabbing pain in my chest. I was leaving the only man who’d ever really cared for me in order to protect my child. It was a nightmare with no good outcomes, but given the choices, I’d decided on the only option I could hope to live with. The rationale didn’t quell the ache in my heart, though.
“He’ll be okay.” Laurel reached for my hand. “He’s a big boy, Mum.”
“Yeah.” Hurt twisted in my stomach as though it hoped to compete with my heartache. “I hope so.”
Staring at the back of the seat in front, I fought to control my looming tears. I dared not look back again in case the thinly-veiled façade of composure splintered entirely.
“He will be.” Sally sounded surer than I felt. “He might be the most capable person I ever met.”
“Right.” A sad smile rose to my lips. That much was certainly true. “Capable and kind.”
***
HOURS LATER, LAUREL and I were tucked up in Sally’s spare bed. There was a clock on the bedside counter beside me, but I didn’t even acknowledge it. Time had become a meaningless metric since we’d been snatched from the motel. All I knew was that our relative safety had come at a price.
“Mum.” Laurel’s voice disturbed my woe. “Are you still awake?”
We’d been lying in the darkness for a while, and I supposed if I looked at that point logically, I should have realized that meant the evening had fallen.
Strange.
It didn’t seem like five minutes since we’d arrived at Sally’s and she’d made us a meal, but then I’d mostly been lost in my thoughts since then. I couldn’t shake the mental image of Nathanial trapped in one of those tiny cells I’d been held in.
What had they done to him since we left? Had they beaten him? Were they starving him? Despite my every rational thought process, a part of me still couldn’t believe I’d left him there.
“I’m awake.” I forced the distressing ideas from my brain, knowing they would return soon enough.
“Thinking about Nathanial?” There was no judgment in her tone, only concern.
“Yeah.” I choked out the word, stunned by how much the admission stung.
I had no fucking right to be filled with such sorrow for his fate. Not when I’d made the decision to leave him. I should have made Wilson release him, should have gone back in and demanded the outcome, but the sad truth was, I’d been too afraid. I couldn’t tolerate the idea of going back inside there and I wasn’t going to risk Laurel in the process. In the end, I’d been willing to forfeit him.
“I’m sorry.” She rolled in my direction. “He’s a good man and I know you like him.”
“He can take care of himself.” My words sounded ridiculously hollow.
“Yes,” she started. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t worry. I wouldn’t want to spend the night in that place.”
“Can we change the subject?” I realized Laurel was trying to soothe me, but her confession had done nothing to quell my anxiety.
“Sure.” She reached for me in the shadows. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” None of this was her fault. “I’m apprehensive for him, but we have other things to discuss.”
“Like all that money we now have?” Her tone was tinged with excitement. “I know it’s wrong to be happy while Nathanial is in trouble, but wow, Mum...” She hesitated. “There’s a stack of cash at the end of the bed.”
I smiled into the darkness, grateful that she’d been able to reframe at least some of my mindset. “It’s okay to be excited about the money.”
I had been too before I’d registered Nathanial’s absence.
“What do you want to do with it?” I turned toward her, even though I couldn’t see her face. “Find somewhere new to live or just get the hell out of the country?”
“Leave Britain?” Her voice faltered. “I hadn’t even thought about that.”
“I hadn’t either, but when I found out the guy in charge had attacked me, it changed the way I saw the place.”
“Yeah.” She blew out a breath. “I get that. Do you think he’ll let you leave?”
I frowned at her astute query. Once again, she demonstrated maturity well beyond her years. “He bloody better.” I hadn’t even considered the idea that he’d put a stop to our passports. “The deal was that we walked away with the cash and he and I left each other alone.”
“And you trust him now?”
My brow rose at her knowing skepticism. Her distrust was entirely reasonable. “No. I don’t trust him. I was being naive.”
“You might be right, though.” She squeezed my arm gently. “We could go somewhere else and start again. Where did you fancy?”
“Europe.” My answer was immediate. The continent was full of civilized and developed countries. There was nowhere else I’d even contemplate. “But I’m open to hearing which places you like the sound of.”
“Scandinavia, maybe?” Her voice was hesitant. “Although the languages are tricky.”
“Almost everywhere speaks English,” I reasoned. “And they have great healthcare up there.”
“Will they let us in?” The eagerness in her voice had amplified, though I could tell she was trying to restrain her enthusiasm.
“Your grandfather bequeathed us a European passport.” It was one of the few decent things he’d left me. “So, yes. We can go anywhere within the European Union.”
“Food for thought.” She collapsed back to her back. “It might be good to just go somewhere else and start again.”
“What about Nathanial, though?” The words were out of my mouth before I could halt them.
“Do you want to be with him? I mean, I don’t mind, Mum. I think he’s a decent guy.”
“I don’t know.” That was a lie, and the knowledge clenched in my stomach. Heaving in air, I prepared to convey more of the truth. “I’d like to at least give a relationship a chance, but our future is more important.”
“Maybe he is part of our future?” Her question hung in the gloom of Sally’s spare bedroom.
“Maybe.” My hands balled into fists as I wrestled with the dilemma.
Since Laurel had been born, my every instinct and action had been to do whatever was necessary to safeguard her, but standing on the precipice of a life after Sam, the reality hit me in the face—my long-term happiness might lie in a different direction. Not that a life in Scandinavia suggested Laurel would be in danger, but if I was wrapped up in a blossoming relationship with Nathanial, could I really give her the attention she deserved?
“It will be okay, Mum.” I could hear the smile in her voice.
“Really?” I laughed, simultaneously proud and bemused at her wise approach.
“Sure,” she replied. “At least we have money.”
“And money buys us options.” I concluded the sentence for her.
“Exactly.”
“Goodnight, sweetheart.” I felt better after our impromptu chat and that was solely because of her loving and mindful perspective. “Sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight, Mum.”
Nothing had fundamentally changed as we lay there talking. Nathanial was still missing, held, presumably, at Wilson’s leisure for no good reason. I still had feelings for him, but Laurel was right—as a family, we were substantially better off that night than we were when we’d fallen asleep at the motel. Yes, we’d been through something else awful and completely unwarranted, but ultimately, it had proven to be fruitful.
We had half a million pounds in cash to play with.
All I had to do was figure out how to help Nathanial.