We walked for several days. I was no longer keeping track. I spent most of my time in a trance. I felt the others inside and around me constantly. Their thoughts and emotions traced an invisible web around me. The girl was accepted. She began to spend more time with Bei'sool. I wasn't jealous. I was part of the group, a single leaf on a tree, a single coil from an engine. By myself I was useless, I was nothing. As part of them, I belonged, I was whole. I had finally found who I was.
I didn't pay any attention to where we were going. We went down, mostly. It snowed several times, leaving deeper drifts for us to push our way through. I took my turn at everything, even cooking. I immersed myself in the group mind until I could barely remember who I was as an individual. Lanoni'lai encouraged me, wrapping me in her thoughts. They were like bright fish schooling around me. Bei'sool fed my feelings of contentment and belonging.
I was a stupid idiot to ever trust them.
It was night. We'd come most of the way down the mountain, stopping in a flat meadow crossed with animal tracks. I could feel the wolves, distant and far away, if I tried. But I didn't. Mind merging with animals was an abomination, a perversion of talent. I let the Tevalis'noru in my mind, let them cleanse me of that bond. I hadn't known better.
We sat around a small fire, minimal for cooking. Lanoni'lai brought me a mug of steaming broth. Leaves floated in the liquid, smelling faintly of mint. She smiled as she handed me the mug. I thanked her wordlessly, smiling back.
I sipped, letting the warmth and spiciness wash over my tongue.
"Drink," Lanoni'lai urged me. "It will help."
I trusted her. I drained the mug, thinking she was referring to sore muscles from breaking trail most of the afternoon.
I didn't even begin to suspect them when my eyes drooped closed. I curled up in my blanket and slept.
It was still dark when I woke, but something was different. My head pounded. I felt ill, queasy and dizzy. I pried open my eyes with a monumental effort. What I saw made me scramble to my feet. Or at least try to.
I was in a shed. The door was shut, but warped enough I saw daylight through the cracks. When I tried to stand, I found my hands and feet were tied securely.
I went crazy. I jerked and pulled at my bonds. I screamed, verbally and mentally, sending a shout of rage flying through the mountains.
The shout rebounded in my head, trapped inside by whatever drugs they'd given me. I couldn't sense anything.
I tripped, falling to the floor. I writhed there, chewing at the bonds. The rope burned my mouth. I gagged on the fuzzy strands. I threw up, retching nothing but bile. My head was threatening to explode. I burned with rage inside, despite how ill I felt. How dare they do this to me? Hadn't they accepted me?
The door to the shed slammed open. I flinched away from the sudden brightness. Someone stood in the doorway, studying me. I couldn't make out who, only that it looked vaguely female. I squinted up at her until another bout of retching claimed my attention.
She knelt by me, holding my head until the heaving spasms calmed back down. I pretended they lasted longer. I wanted revenge. I lashed out with my feet, knocking her to one side. I squirmed towards the open door.
I stopped in the entrance, staring at the man watching me from a rock outside the door.
Scholar didn't say anything. He only watched me with an inscrutable look he had probably learned from Lowell.
The woman in the shed grabbed me by the back of my jacket and hauled me to my feet. She dragged me outside and dumped me in the snow next to Scholar's rock. I rolled over immediately ready to fight. I stopped when I saw who glared down at me.
Paltronis nursed a bruise on the side of her face. She didn't look very happy.
"Now I know I'm hallucinating again," I said.
"We're happy to see you, too," Scholar said.
"If you're so happy to see me, why am I tied up?"
"Because you tried to attack me," Paltronis said as she prodded her face. She winced when she hit a tender spot.
"Untie me, now," I ordered. I held up my hands.
"Give me one good reason why I should."
They'd gotten to her, they'd subverted her. I gathered all the mental strength I had and added in my anger and rage. I blasted out at her with a blow that should have flattened her.
Most of it throbbed in my own head. Enough leaked out that I saw her flinch. She slapped me before I realized what she was doing. The pain broke my concentration. My head ached so badly I almost expected my skull to bang open.
"Time for medicine." She held out a cup.
I spit and tried to knock it out of her hand. She wasn't a friend to me. She wasn't going to help me.
"We'll do it the hard way then," she said.
She handed the cup to Scholar. I tried to fight her. I may as well not have tried. She flipped me easily, throwing me flat on my back. She sat on my chest, trapping my hands under her legs. She pinched my nose shut.
Scholar leaned over me. "Sorry about this," he said, though he didn't sound sorry in the least.
He poured the medicine into my mouth. It tasted of bitter herbs, a thick, cloying syrup. I tried to spit it out. Paltronis kept my nose shut. I had to breathe. She jammed my chin up, closing my mouth. It was swallow or suffocate. I squirmed, trying to throw her off. She was totally out of my league. I thought I was pretty good at fighting. I didn't stand a chance against her. I swallowed out of self defense.
She let go of my nose and chin, but didn't move off me. I quit fighting her. The taste in my mouth made me gag. She turned my face to one side. I felt the world start to go fuzzy. My head felt wrapped in packing foam. My eyes wouldn't focus. Paltronis turned my face back up and studied me. She didn't look happy at all.
She got off me. I slid back into sleep again.
I woke up to a rhythmic creaking. For a split second I thought I was back in the slaver's wagon on Dadilan. I sat too quickly. My head spun. I was still tied hand and foot. There was snow everywhere, falling from the sky and on the ground all around. This couldn't be the slaver's wagon. I was only on Dadilan during the summer. My thoughts gradually began to connect again.
I stared blearily around me, fighting to make my eyes focus. I was in the back of a small cart pulled by what looked like an overgrown tuft of grass. It had a tail and a bad smell so it must have been an animal. It wasn't very tall, waist high to the man walking next to it.
Man, Scholar? I tried to put things back together. The man wasn't Scholar. His hair was going in the back and it was gray besides. I looked to either side. I had an escort of an older woman on one side. She marched stolidly along, her long skirt sweeping along the snow. Had I dreamed Paltronis and Scholar?
They were both behind me, walking with a tough looking young woman dressed in gray and white furs. She carried a bow and a full quiver of arrows. She gave me a hard stare as she walked. Paltronis saw I was awake. She said something to Scholar. He nodded, his unfocused gaze said he was using one of his gadgets. Paltronis broke into a jog, coming up to the cart.
"Are you going to be reasonable this time?" she asked.
I nodded. I wasn't planning on being at all reasonable once the drug wore off. I was going to smash her as she deserved and then I was going to go back and take my revenge on the arrogant offshoot of the Hrissia'noru. Power burned in me.
"Whatever you're planning, don't even try," Paltronis told me.
I slumped down into the cart, trying to look sick and feeble. I didn't have to try hard. Paltronis stayed next to the cart, talking quietly to the stout woman. I let my hands wander, feeling the bundles under me. I wasn't sure what was in them, but I didn't need to look for weapons. I had my mind and the powers Lanoni'lai had awakened.
I prodded at the barrier still wrapping around my mind. It was caused by whatever drug Paltronis had forced down me. I passed the long hours we traveled worrying at it, searching for any sign it was weakening. I played sick for Paltronis. I must have fooled her. She dropped back to talk with Scholar for most of the afternoon.
I fumbled in the bundles, keeping it as quiet and furtive as I could. I had to get the ropes off. No one had inadvertently left a knife behind. I mentally cursed my bad luck.
We slowed as the sun set. The snow storm had passed earlier, leaving a fresh coating on everything. The temperature dropped as the sky cleared. I shivered, playing up how cold I was. Scholar was the one who came forward and dropped a spare blanket on top of me.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked him in a voice barely above a whisper.
He shrugged, not bothering with an answer.
"You don't have to do what she says," I tried again. If I could divide them, pit Scholar against Paltronis, it should provide me with a distraction so I could make my move.
"But I do," he said reasonably. "She outranks me." He grinned and dropped back to walk with Paltronis.
The cart kept creaking until full dark arrived. The sky overhead glowed with stars. I lay back on the lumpy bundles and stared up at them. They had proven to be a lure into a worse life than the one I'd left. They promised me freedom. It was all a lie. Everything I'd ever been promised was a lie. Lowell had deserted me. Tayvis had died. Everyone had turned against me. Paltronis and Scholar were not my friends. They kept me tied up and drugged. Lanoni'lai and Bei'sool had convinced me they were my friends, that I was one of them. And then they had betrayed me, drugged me, and given me to these people.
The fuzziness in my head was clearing. I gathered my strength and waited, poised to strike when I saw the opportunity.
It wasn't long in coming. The cart slowed and creaked to a stop under the dubious shelter of three giant trees. The man unhitched the beast and led it away. The two women I didn't know began to set a fire. Scholar came to the cart. I pretended to be asleep. He dug out a bundle and took it to the fire. Paltronis was nowhere to be seen.
I shifted my bound wrists to my mouth. I bit through the knots, ignoring the sting from whatever they had treated the rope with. I pulled my wrists free and yanked the knots loose from my ankles. I slid out of the cart, standing shakily at the side. I felt the power building inside me.
"What do you think you're doing?" Paltronis demanded behind me.
I didn't look. I let the blast of telepathic power loose. It should have knocked her cold. The others at the fire glanced over at me. Scholar put his hands to his head. Paltronis clubbed me across the back of my neck.
I lost my concentration. The power slid away from me, elusive as the wind. I fell to my hands and knees in the snow. I groped for something, anything, I could use as weapon. I had to go free so I could find Lanoni'lai and exact my revenge.
Paltronis bent over me, her hand on my arm like a steel band. She lifted me effortlessly to my feet. I pretended to sag, letting my knees fold. She was ready for me, though. She let go of my arm. I fell to the ground.
I gathered up my mental power again. She slapped me across the face. The shock of sudden pain broke my concentration.
"Do you really want drugged again?" she asked harshly.
I looked at her, really looked at her for the first time since I'd woken in the shed. She looked hurt and tired and cold. There was a bleakness in her eyes I'd never seen before. She didn't want to hurt me, I realized. I shook my head.
I couldn't breathe past the sudden lump in my throat.
"A man came to our camp four nights ago," Paltronis said as she helped me to my feet again. "He told us about you. They left the drug. It was the only way to stop you." She waited, still holding me as if she expected me to attack her.
"They said I was one of them." Tears ran suddenly down my face. I ignored them. "They told me I was one of them. And then they betrayed me."
"Sit down," Paltronis said, pushing me on a rock that had been cleared of snow.
The women had the fire going. The man finished with his beast then turned his attention to gutting a rabbit. Scholar was doing something with a pot. I hunched on the rock, too worn to even offer to help. Paltronis stood over my shoulder, within reach if I made any sudden moves. I wasn't going to. All the fight was gone, drained away by the sudden tears.
"You want to talk about it, Dace?" she asked.
I shook my head, unable to talk even if I had wanted to.
The man spitted the rabbit and hung it over the fire. The older woman helped Scholar with his pot, adding more things from their supplies and hanging it over the fire. The younger woman, the one with the weapons and the hard face, came to join us.
"This is what you jeopardized our plan for?" she asked contemptuously.
I hunched deeper into the blanket, sick and miserable. The woman snorted and stalked away. Paltronis made no answer.
Scholar came to our rock when the pot was safely on the fire. The light painted him orange and black with shadows, turning him into someone I didn't know. He stopped in front of me, watching me with his hands on his hips.
"Lowell said if you ever managed to break through your shield you'd be dangerous," he finally said.
I looked up at him. "What?"
"Your mental block." Light from the fire played over his face as he talked. "Lowell suspected you tested so low on the psychic evals because you were blocking whatever talent you had. If you ever managed to break your own blocks, he suspected you'd test at seven or higher."
I shook my head in mute denial.
"It explains a lot," Scholar continued. "The Eggstone somehow connected with you. That was the first clue. And the Hrissia'noru's reaction to you was another."
I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to feel like I was on exhibit, just another strange puzzle to solve. I pushed against the dregs of the drug in my system. The clearing in the forest was suddenly full of heart-rending despair. Scholar reeled away from me. Paltronis slapped me again. The outpouring of emotion ended as suddenly as it had begun.
"Stop it," she said. "Or we'll have to drug you. For your own safety."
"Why don't you just leave me alone?" I snarled, turning on her. "Why don't you let me destroy myself?"
"Because you'll damage a lot of other people if you do."
"They deserve it! Shut away in their hidden valley, letting everyone else suffer when they could help. They're worse than the rest of the Hrissia'noru put together."
"Who are you talking about?"
"The Tevalis'noru," I said, giving voice to their secret name. "The Forest Spirits. The Lost Ones of the Hrissia'noru. They live up there." I gestured to where I thought the top of the mountain should be. "They took me prisoner. I thought they accepted me."
My anger broke. I was despondent again.
"They messed with your head, Dace. Whatever they did to you, it's going to take a really good psych tech to straighten it back out."
"And Lowell hasn't messed with my head?" I shouted at her. I was angry and confused and hurt. I felt as if I'd been stripped naked and abandoned. I lashed out in self protection.
She winced as my cry echoed in her mind. "Dace, for your own safety, take some of this." She held out a stoppered leather bottle.
"No!" I poured everything I had into a mental and emotional attack. Wind swirled through the clearing.
Scholar hit me with a stunner from behind. I lost control and crumpled over the rock, unable to move. Paltronis knelt over me, turning me to my back.
"Sorry, Dace," she said as she poured a dose of the bitter syrup into my mouth and held my chin until I swallowed.
The world went dark and fuzzy again.