Chapter 43

 

"This is ridiculous," Paltronis muttered as she paced.

I sat in the deep windowsill of one of the upper rooms in the government building. It had been hastily furnished as a bedroom. I shared it with Paltronis. Rian had guards outside the door, presumably for our protection. We both knew better.

"The ship is still there," I said. I could barely see it from the window, a curve of metal lifting above the warehouses of the port.

"For how much longer? Rian isn't going to let us go. Not for a long time. And how many ships have landed here since we got to Milaga?"

No ships had landed, no ships had made contact. Only that one ship, waiting for something but no one knew what. Rian showed no sign of letting us contact them. Neither of us said anything out loud. It would only have depressed us further.

"Where's Scholar?" I asked, to distract her.

"Playing with Tivor's datanet, what there is of one. The equipment is so old, even Scholar is having trouble making it work."

I managed half a grin for her. I was still worn out from the march on the building. It was hard to believe it had only been that morning that Tivor had been freed. Rian had taken quick control. Kuran was not expected to live through the night. Not that anyone seemed to care. The only other member of the Inner Congress still alive was Kioren. He'd only been spared because he'd been sent away to the new farms in the south. Rian had sent one of her people to talk to him, among the others sent to every farm and village on the planet. From what I'd heard Kioren wasn't going to fight her. He'd been barely competent at agriculture. He was smart enough to recognize defeat when it was handed to him. If he played things right, he would still be part of the government. If he wanted it.

I was tired of the politics. I was tired of the capricious emotions of the people hurrying in and out of the building. The room high up one side provided scant relief. At least here I didn't have to pretend. I could let every emotion show.

"What are they doing now?" Paltronis asked.

"Rian's talking to them again," I said, glancing down into the plaza far below. Rian set up her central office in the open, as a symbol of the new freedom of Tivor. I suspected the rare sunny day had as much to do with her decision as her symbolic gesture.

Paltronis stood behind me, staring down through the streaked window. Rian was the center of a bustling crowd. She had taken charge, completely. A small army scoured the city for supplies and those still in hiding. There were people in the kitchens below, cooking up enormous amounts of food. Soldiers stood guard and patrolled side by side with the rebels. Messages were on their way to every part of the planet. People cleaned out the schools and hospitals. Rian was less than a day into it, but already she had made great progress at getting Tivor functioning again.

"She's not going to let you go," Paltronis said.

I didn't bother to answer. We both knew why Rian wanted me. Even now I could feel the emotions of those working through the city. There was an air of hope. Rian had told me to keep it going, to feed the positive as much as I could, and to suppress any hint of violence. She owed a lot of the cooperation she was getting to me.

"I'm going to the ship," Paltronis whispered. "I'll find a way to get you out of here."

"I could just walk out," I answered, "but it would cost everyone involved. And I don't think anyone else wants me. Not the way I am now." The broken place in my mind, the one that had cracked when I first found my powers, was bigger now. Each use of power strained it further, ripped my mind apart more. Only the drug Scholar had found for me kept me from breaking completely.

"Dace, there are people who can help you. You aren't the first person to suddenly find yourself with psychic powers. Or even empathic ones. And you aren't the most powerful person out there, not by a long ways."

"Don't lie, Paltronis."

She sighed. "So there aren't many out there as strong as you. The point is that Lowell knows where they are and he can arrange for you to get help."

"What if I want to stay here? I could rule the world."

"Now you're lying. You don't want Tivor, even if you are on the top now and not the bottom."

I pulled my knees up, resting my chin on them. I wrapped my arms around my legs.

"I haven't seen any birds," I said.

"Rian's people ate any they could catch."

"The birds gave me hope before. I'm more trapped now than I was then."

"Stop it, you're depressing me. Rian ordered you to spread happiness today."

"At least she's open about ordering me around, unlike the Tevalis'noru." I shifted my gaze to the distant mountains, shrouded in white snows and mysterious in the distance. If the day hadn't been so achingly clear, I wouldn't have been able to see them.

"They made me nervous," Paltronis admitted.

"You were scared?" I teased her.

"Not until I saw what they'd done to you. I don't want you anywhere near them. Which is why we have to get you off Tivor. Before they come out of that mountain and take over."

"We don't know what ship that is, or if they'll take us."

"Which is why I'm going to find out."

"I thought it was because you couldn't stand to be cooped up for long."

"You got me there," she said and laughed. "I never did like sitting around, waiting."

I saw a distant flock of birds and watched as they flitted across the sky. There was an easiness between us that felt right. We'd seen each other too honestly. We'd both withdrawn a ways, giving what privacy we could, but nothing could erase what we'd seen of each other. I understood her now, and I hoped she understood me. I trusted her with my life, and my sanity.

She shifted away from the window, wandering around the room. She fingered objects, picking them up and dropping them. Rian provided the bare minimum deemed necessary for our comfort. Two beds, two chairs, a small table, a comb, and a few packets of nutrient bars. I watched Paltronis pace.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked her.

"Night."

"Go now. It might be easier if you can see where you're going."

She studied me.

"Bluff and tell them Rian sent you," I added.

"Come with me."

I shook my head. "If I leave, Rian will know immediately. I can't leave yet."

"I thought you didn't care what happened to Tivor."

"I didn't think I did."

"Don't let her bind you here. You're too involved already. We're leaving as soon as I can make arrangements with that ship. Whatever Rian might say about it."

I nodded, accepting her plan. The truth was that I wasn't sure I could make it across the city. Emotions were still too high. I had little enough control. I was safer here, locked away from almost everyone, and they were safer with me here.

Paltronis opened the door to our room. I heard her talking with the guard outside. She said something about fetching food. The guard must have bought her story, he let her go after glancing to make sure I was still in the room. Maybe I was the only one Rian worried about. Rian should have worried about Paltronis, she knew more about tactics and politics than I did.

I didn't see Paltronis cross the plaza. She must have gone out a side door. I settled in to wait.

I closed my eyes, leaning against the cold stone behind me. I could feel Rian, a bright spot of emotions below me. The others swirling around her seemed to reflect her light. She was an empath, I realized with a start. Her power was subtle, just enough to tweak those around her. It was no wonder she had risen to lead the rebellion. It was no surprise that she had managed to convince me to help her.

I reached out farther, curious how far my influence could spread. I touched minds through the city, careful to keep my shields up. I tasted emotions, weak with distance. I closed my eyes again, reaching farther.

I touched those out at the farms. I pushed myself farther, stretching in my mind. I could almost hear the wolves howling. I yearned to feel them running through the snow, to touch their uncomplicated minds and emotions. I pushed even harder.

Something cold and burning stung my arm, spreading quickly through me. I snapped back into my own head so hard it hurt. I blinked open eyes swimming with tears of pain. The familiar fuzziness of the drug filled me with softness, like a smothering blanket of fleece.

I was lying on the floor under the windowsill. Scholar leaned over me, his face creased with concern. He saw me open my eyes and sat back.

"You're an idiot, Dace. What were you trying to do? Kill yourself? If the guard hadn't gotten worried when you didn't answer your door, you'd be gone for sure. I'm glad he was smart enough to fetch me. How could you be so stupid?"

"What did I do?" The drug made my mouth taste like week old socks. I rubbed my eyes, trying to ease the pounding ache in my head.

"You really don't know?"

"If I knew would I be asking?"

"I thought you'd learned with Mart."

"Learned what?" He was maddening. I wondered if anyone ever got a straight answer from him.

"Not to try stupid things like spirit travel. That's supposed to be impossible, but you just proved it isn't. You also proved it can kill you. Don't do it again. Please."

I managed to smile. "Thanks, Scholar. And I care about you, too." I pushed myself up to sit against the wall. "I don't know what I'm doing. And I didn't do it on purpose."

"I know," he said, patting my knee. "Want some lunch now? Even if it is almost dinner time."

I made a face. The taste in my mouth would overpower the bland food of Tivor without even trying. I didn't think I could take it.

"Sorry about the drug," Scholar said, "but I didn't know what else to try."

"I'm just glad it helps. Although I hate feeling as if my brain is wrapped in thick blankets. And I hate the taste of old socks almost as much." I tried to stand and almost made it. Scholar gave me a hand up.

"You need help," he said.

"I know. And the only place I know to get it is from the Hrissia'noru. Except I don't know how to contact them."

"What about the ones here? The Tevalis'noru?"

"They tried to kill me already, several times. And the rest of you along with me. You want me to trust them with my sanity?"

"If you don't have a choice, Dace, they're better than nothing."

"I still have a choice. Paltronis is working on it."

He understood that cryptic comment. He stayed until I finished eating what I could of the bland mush. He even tucked me into my bed and left me to sleep away the rest of the day.