Just Stupid
The Other Team didn’t open until eleven-thirty for lunch, so only Chris and the day cook, Jensen, should have been there getting the bar and grill prepped. Jensen was in his late sixties, a retiree who wanted a few hours of work a day to keep from feeling useless. He was a hard worker and a real no-nonsense kind of man. He’d also been in a relationship with his partner for thirty-four years, two years longer than Jay had been alive. Jay had only ever met Gus once, but it was enough to see how much Jensen loved him.
Harvey had said very little on the way over to the bar. Jay hadn’t known what to say anyhow. He wasn’t even sure why he’d asked Harvey along. When they’d walked in, Chris stood by the bar. He raised a brow then pointed to one of the booths.
Jack Wells. Jesus. He hadn’t seen him in fourteen years. Not since the summer after high school. Jack stood up, and Jay’s stomach jittered nervously. His mouth went dry. Jack still resembled his teenage self—pitch-black hair cut short to his head, deep-set dark brown eyes, and a flawless olive complexion. But Jack was no longer gangly with youth. He’d filled out in the shoulders and his jawline was thicker. More masculine. More man.
God! A part of Jay was excited to see him, but another part, the part with common sense, was apprehensive. Nothing good could come of Jack showing up now, and Jay worried about the fall-out.
Harvey was a good man, not only sexy as hell, but also stable. Just thinking about him could bring a smile to Jay’s face. But Jack Wells…
Jay had been so blinded by Jack that summer. Jack had taken everything from Jay, but nothing Jay hadn’t willingly given. Since then, Jay always guarded his heart, determined to keep it safe. Why hadn’t he just told Chris to send Jack on his way? He didn’t have to see him.
Jay knew the answer. Because he was stupid. Just stupid. He’d seen the look on Harvey’s face when he’d said Jack’s name. Why would he risk all he’d been building with Harvey to meet with an ex?
Jack stood up and met Jay’s gaze and flashed a dazzling smile. “Julian,” he said as he reached for a hug, but Jay held out his hand for a shake. He hated how his heart squeezed when Jack said his given name. Nobody, but nobody, not even his parents called him Julian. But when Jack said, “Julian,” it was like an intimate caress across his skin. Jay allowed it when he was a teenager, because it had been as if Jack had claimed him. And at eighteen, Jay had wanted Jack to possess him. A romantic pact. A never-ending love story. Three months later, the love story ended.
Jack’s smile faltered as he took Jay’s hand. Only then did he look past Jay to see Harvey. “Oh.” He let go of Jay’s hand. “Hello, I’m Jack Wells.”
Jay heard Harvey say his name, but he couldn’t think over the rush of painful memories.
Once he’d Googled Jack’s name. The search had brought up a sports announcer, a graphics designer, politicians, a painter, and dozens of other people. The name so common, there’d been more than 100,000 search results. None of them his Jack Wells. Or at least none that he could say for certain. That had been four years ago.
“What are you doing here?” Jay asked.
Jack smiled again. “I thought you’d be glad to see me.”
Jay raised his brows. “Did you?”
Jack’s smile faltered. “No. Not really.”
Harvey broke the awkward moment. “Why don’t you guys sit down? I’ll go get us some drinks.”
Jay turned to Harvey. Jack’s presence freaked him out. He took Harvey’s hand, more to reassure himself than Harvey. Harvey patted Jay’s chest, the corner of his mouth crooking up into a charming smile. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”
Jay covered Harvey’s hand with his own and tried to smile back. “Okay.”
Harvey peered over Jay’s shoulder, his blue eyes narrowly examining Jay’s ex. “What can I get you, Jack?”
“Coffee if they have a pot going. If not, a cola is fine.”
Jay pivoted to Jack. “Nothing stronger?”
Jack shook his head, his eyelids half-slitted over his soulful eyes. “Nah.” He pulled a coin from his pocket. “One year sober.”
“Congratulations,” Harvey muttered as he stalked off to the bar.
Jay hadn’t remembered Jack as a much of a drinker. They’d gotten drunk a few times during that summer, but it hadn’t been every day. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Jack shrugged. “Why would you? It wasn’t a problem until it became a problem.”
“Should you be in a bar?”
Jack chuckled. “I think I can control myself for a couple of hours.”
They sat down opposite each other in a nearby booth. The quiet grew between them. Jay occasionally glanced at the bar and watched Harvey interact with Chris. If Chris hadn’t been seeing his younger brother Marty, the way they leaned toward each other might have made Jay jealous. After all, Chris was a good-looking guy, and Jay had dragged Harvey into a meeting with the only guy Jay had ever said “I love you,” to.
Jay shook his head. Harvey would never try to make Jay jealous. Not out of spite or anger. He knew enough about Harvey’s relationship with Mark to know that Harvey wasn’t impulsive with his decisions.
“So, how have you been?” Jack asked.
“Fine,” Jay said with a brief glance at Harvey. “Good, actually.”
“That’s great, man.” Jay reached across the booth and put his hand on Jay’s.
Jay pulled away and studied Jack. Those dark smoldering eyes still smoldered, and his lips hadn’t lost an ounce of full lushness. He remembered what it was like to get lost in Jack’s kisses—in Jack’s embrace. Fuck, he told himself. Stop it. “I don’t mean to be blunt, Jack. It’s good to see you and all, but how did you track me down? And why?”
Jack blushed. He shrugged. “Your parents still live at the same address. I saw them first. They look good, Julian. Happy.”
Jay winced. Julian. Again. “I prefer Jay.”
“You used to love it when I called you Julian.”
“I never loved the name.” And after Jack, he hated it even more.
“All right.” Jack bit the inside of his cheek, tugging the right side of his mouth into a pucker. “I hear your brother is in the army now. I can’t believe the little scruffer is old enough to play at being a soldier.”
Jay’s brother Marty had been to war, and two tours in the Middle East had almost killed him. “He isn’t playing at anything.”
He was proud of Marty. So proud he thought his heart would burst. Marty had always been the solid son, not a flake like Jay. He lived and almost died by his convictions. Jay wished he had an ounce of the bravery that kept his younger brother going. Two years in and out of surgeries, physical rehab, and counseling, and his brother was still one of the strongest people he knew.
Stronger than Jay.
Even though it hurt Marty to give up the military—only four more months before his discharge—Jay couldn’t help but rejoice. The injury had effectively taken his brother out of harm’s way. Although, and he wouldn’t admit this to anyone, his brother’s seemingly new found bisexuality made Jay extremely uncomfortable. He looked up at the bar again, this time scrutinizing Chris.
Chris held up a finger. “Coffee’s brewing,” he said loud enough for Jay to hear from across the room.
“Hey.” Jack put his hand over Jay’s again, drawing his attention back to the booth. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” He rubbed his free hand through his hair, pulling short curls out of their neatly tucked in positions. “I’m getting this all wrong.”
“What are you trying to get right?” Jay flinched at his own abruptness. Fourteen years and he still felt so damned angry.
“My apology.” He pulled the coin out again and twirled it between his fingers. “It’s part of my amends.”
Jay groaned. Son-of-a-bitch. He was one of the steps in Jack’s Twelve-step program. Fantastic. “Consider your apology accepted.”
“It doesn’t work like that, Jul…Jay. I have to actually apologize.”
Harvey brought over two beers, handing one to Jay. Chris brought a cup of coffee with a cream and sugar dish. “Everything okay here?”
“Yah,” Jay said, scooting in to make room for Harvey.
“This your boyfriend?” Jack asked, smiling at Harvey.
Jay felt Harvey stiffen next to him. What could he say? They’d been seeing each other for about the same length of time he’d been with Jack, but the lack of labels made a definition impossible. Fuckity-fuck-fuck. Talk about awkward. “He’s…”
“We’re good friends,” Harvey interjected.
For reason’s he couldn’t fathom, Harvey’s classification of their relationship hurt. Good friends hung out and watched games together, went to movies, out to bars to help each other find tricks…Good friends didn’t fuck. Fuck! He couldn’t stop the anger from rising. Maybe they did. He knew Harvey cared for him, but they’d avoided “the talk” for almost three months. The conversation that either moved a relationship forward or put it on ice. Maybe Harvey’s response was an answer to their relationship status, even if it hadn’t been the answer Jay had been hoping for.
“Yes,” Jay agreed bitterly. “Good friends.”
Jack seemed almost bolstered by the revelation. “It’s nice to meet any good friend of Jay’s.”
This wasn’t going well at all. “Jack, is here to make amends for the past. Part of his sobriety.”
“That’s great,” Harvey said without enthusiasm. “I had a friend who worked the program. It works.”
“Oh,” Jay said. “A good friend?”
Harvey’s lips thinned. “Just a friend.”
Stop it, Jay chided himself. He’d put Harvey in this horrible predicament and now he was being childish about it. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. He darted a quick glance at Harvey. His brow wrinkled with the deep lines of a frown.
Harvey reached under the table and squeezed Jay’s thigh. “I think I should let you catch up with your friend. Besides, I have some patients that I should round on today.”
“Okay.” Jay’s gut clamped like he’d been punched. Harvey had told Jay earlier that he had the day off. He didn’t argue, though. Things had gotten awkward between them, and Jay thought it was probably better for Harvey to leave before either one of them said something they couldn’t take back. “I’ll see you later?” He phrased the statement as a question.
“Sure,” Harvey said, scooting out and standing up. Jay tracked Harvey all the way to the front door until his good friend walked out without even a glance back.
Jensen, his hair completely white with age, poked his head out the kitchen door. “Hey, Jay. I didn’t know you were here. Want an early lunch?”
Jay looked at his ex.
Jack flashed a smile, seemingly unaware that Jay’s heart broke for the second time in his life. Instead of comforting words, something that would make Jay feel better, Jack simply said, “I could eat.”