The Lucky One
Todd Nelson came in for his afternoon shift. The young bartender had dark circles under his blue eyes and the expression of a troubled man. Jay had noticed Todd working more shifts without Tucker Thompson, his roommate and boyfriend. They had both worked for Jay for a little over a year. Neither one of them ever turned down a shift and they were hard workers. A couple of months ago, they’d started dating. At first, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Jay had warned them more than once about PDA in the bar, but lately it hadn’t been a problem.
Tough break for them.
They’d been in foster care together, shared an apartment, and worked at the same place—they were close, too close. Maybe that was the problem.
“Hey, boss,” Todd said
“Todd.” He and Todd had fucked around in the past, but it had been a no strings attached arrangement. After Tucker, Jay had seen a huge change in Todd’s “fuck anything with a dick” attitude. They seemed really good as a couple, and he wondered where Todd and Tuck’s relationship had snagged. Maybe it might give him some insight into why the hell Harvey hadn’t called him yet.
“You all right?” he asked Todd.
“Fine.” The blond settled in behind the bar.
“You look tired,” Jay prodded.
“I am tired,” Todd said, giving nothing away.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Todd shook his head and gaped at Jay. “Why the hell does everyone feel the fucking need to talk about everything? Christ. It’s as if there something wrong with you if you want to keep your private shit to yourself.”
Jay raised his brow. “You don’t have to talk about anything with me that’s not work related, but I’m your boss, and you do have to treat me with respect.”
Todd scratched his head, and this close, Jay could see his eyes were red rimmed. “Sorry, Jay.”
“It’s okay.” Jay got up from the barstool. “I understand the need to lash out.” He’d been short-tempered with his staff and a few of his vendors since Harvey had walked out. Every time his phone rang, every time someone walked into the bar, Jay would expectantly check to see if it was Harvey.
What he hadn’t expected was Jack to show up again. At least not this soon.
Jay shook his head as the ache inside him grew. “Why are you here, Jack?”
“Can I speak to you alone? Ten minutes. That’s all I ask.”
Jay stood up. “Come on. My office is in the back.” Besides, he had too many employees milling around, and he didn’t want his personal drama on display.
Jay sat at his desk, leaving the couch for Jack, and waited.
Finally, Jack leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He glanced a Jay. “When I left you, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. Hell, I think it still is…aside from giving up drinking.” He chuckled nervously. “It’s almost funny that you own a bar, and I can’t drink. You’ve done real nice for yourself.”
“Is that what you wanted to tell me? That I’ve done well, even without you?”
“No. Of course not.” He rubbed his hand over his scalp. “Do you remember the night under Johnson’s Bridge?”
Jay blinked as he thought about their first kiss. A week into the summer, they’d been swimming in the creek below, and Jay had cut his foot on a rock. Jack had used his dry shirt to wrap the wounded foot. When Jay leaned forward to check the bandage, Jack dipped his head and kissed him. The gentle press of his warm lips had sent a shivering thrill through Jay. He’d been attracted to Jack, but never thought the feeling was mutual. When Jay hadn’t pulled away, Jack kissed him again.
He warmed at the memory. “Yes. I remember.”
“I wanted to freeze that moment in time. It had been a perfect night.”
“It was good.” Jay forced a sad smile. “We were good.”
“I have so many regrets, Julian. But none more than giving you up.”
Jay stared at Jack. He had always been a gauge for Jay. The one guy he measured all other men against. He had been the fantasy, the “what if” dream. Over the years, Jay had imagined Jack coming back, professing his undying love, and begging Jay to take him back. Every time, he welcomed Jack with open arms.
“You might never forgive me,” Jack said, his words penetrating Jay’s thoughts. “I’m ready to deal with the consequences. But I still need to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. For lying to you all those years ago. I loved you, more than I ever thought I’d love anyone, and more than I’ve loved anybody since then, but not enough to come out. I was scared of how people would react. My parents, friends, everyone. You were so fearless. That scared me too. When you didn’t want to let me go, I said terrible things that I didn’t mean. I never meant. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Jay sighed. He walked to Jack and sat down next to him on the couch. “It’s hard, even now in this century, to come out. I knew you were uncomfortable with your family finding out.” He took Jack’s hand. He felt the knot in his chest release. “I forgive you, Jack.”
He turned to Jay, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Honestly?”
“Honestly.”
Jack leaned in, his lips closing on Jay’s, but Jay put his hand up to stop him.
“I’ve missed you, Julian.” Jack circled Jay’s palm with his finger. “Haven’t you missed me? Missed us?”
Jay gazed at Jack’s handsome face, thinking of all the years when he would have scrambled to be back in Jack’s arms then shook his head. “I used to miss you. But, and I don’t say this to hurt you, I haven’t missed you in a long time.” Especially not in the last three months. God, Jack had shattered his heart so thoroughly, he’d built a wall to protect the broken pieces. He done such a good job of hiding away his heart, he’d failed to notice when it finally healed.
Jack smiled. “Harvey’s a lucky guy.”
“I’m the lucky one,” Jay managed to say as an overwhelming emotion choked his breath. “I have to go.”