I’m Your Idiot
The swell of emotion, and lust, and need left Jay speechless. Jay always used condoms. Even when he’d lost his virginity to Jack, they’d used condoms. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Harvey’s offer, his gift, made Jay warm with aching desire. He crawled up the bed and lay beside Harvey. “You sure?”
Harvey turned until his back pressed against the mattress. He met Jay’s gaze. “Yes.” His blue eyes were unwavering in their determination. “Very sure.”
Jay placed his hand on Harvey’s hip and rolled his lower body away from him. Harvey pulled his left knee up, reached back, and took ahold of Jay’s length. He guided Jay, seeking penetration.
“Harvey,” Jay said, taking his lover’s lips, claiming him as the tip of his cock breached the snug sheath of Harvey’s ass. He felt Harvey clamp around him, and while he knew it was ridiculous, he couldn’t help but feel like this was the first time for him. For them both. The sensation fogged his brain with lust.
A soft “oh” slipped from Harvey’s lips as Jay thrust deep until his hips pressed against Harvey’s flesh.
“I can’t hold back,” he muttered. He withdrew halfway then thrust again.
“Don’t,” Harvey panted. “Don’t hold anything back.”
Jay’s eyes rolled back as he concentrated on the sensation of Harvey’s muscles tugging and milking his cock with each stroke. He gripped Harvey’s chest, pulling him close as he began to thrust in earnest. He wanted to be gentle, smooth, but he was too captured by the sensations. He fisted Harvey’s hair, enjoying the slack in his lover’s mouth, the raw lust in his barely open eyes while he grunted and groaned, rubbing his own cock, with each of Jay’s deep, driving strokes. The sounds of flesh against flesh, soft sighs, gentle groans, and the occasional commands of faster, slower, harder, and more, more were almost drowned out by the thundering of Jay’s heart.
Jay’s balls vibrated—on the verge of release. He kissed Harvey’s neck, moving to his ear. Harvey moaned. He reached back, his hand grasping Jay’s hip urging his thrusts. Jay surprised himself when the words—fierce and raw—tore from his lips. “I love you, Harvey. Love you so goddamn much.”
Harvey’s eyes shot open and almost rolled back. “Oh,” he moaned, right before his whole body jerked in Jay’s embrace. The vise-like grip on Jay’s cock sent him over the edge, and he shouted while his orgasm washed over him in pure, hot pleasure.
They lay still, connected and spent, until Jay’s cock began to soften and withdraw. He reached down automatically to hold the condom at the base of his dick, and paused when he remembered they’d not used one. “God,” Jay whispered in a ragged declaration. He wrapped Harvey in his arms.
“Yes, my Son?” Harvey quipped.
Jay chuckled. “You’re an idiot.”
Harvey rolled over and crushed Jay with his body, and rubbed his jaw against Jay’s cheek. He couldn’t keep the low catch out of his voice when he said, “I’m your idiot.”
Jay ducked his chin, putting a few inches between their faces. He’d said it when they were in the throes of passion, but he needed to say it again. “I’m in love with you, Harvey Grace.”
All the tension Jay had been holding left his body in swift whoosh when Harvey replied, “I’m in love with you, too.”
Jay’s chest swelled with a new gambit of emotions. A part of him worried Harvey had only said it back because Jay had put him on the spot. He felt like a teenager again, excited and worried. If he were a puppy he’d be wagging his tail and pissing himself all at the same time. His feelings for Harvey ran deeper than he’d even realized.
It had taken seeing Jack, his first love, to know that what he had with Harvey was so much more than he’d ever had with anyone else. He’d held on to his memories of Jack as if they were a supreme measure of joy. Now, with Harvey, he knew his feelings then were nothing more than a boyhood fancy.
Jay wet his lips as she stared up into Harvey’s cool blue, resolute gaze. “You’re in love with me?”
“Yes,” Harvey said. “I’m in love with you.”
Jay smiled. “So, does this mean we’re in a relationship now?”
“I certainly hope so.” Harvey stroked a finger down his chest. “I realized when I saw Mark this afternoon—”
Jay’s heart dropped like a stone. “You were with Mark today?”
Harvey frowned, the lines between his eyes furrowing into deep grooves. “I haven’t been with Mark in a long time. Not since before you. I told you, there’s been nobody since you and I met. I went to work out with him today, but that’s all.”
Jay’s happiness crashed, and he couldn’t stop the surge of hurt, of betrayal. He knew it wasn’t fair to feel so angry, but emotions were tricky devils with wills of their own. “I thought you were going to do rounds.”
Harvey’s lips drew tight. “I did.” He flattened his palm against Jay’s cheek. “I wouldn’t lie to you. Not ever. And I’m not trying to hide anything from you either. Other than not telling you how I feel about you, how I’d already jumped into the deep end of love head first, I’ve never held anything back about from you.”
Jay clumsily let go of the breath he’d been holding. He forced himself to calm down, and prayed his racing pulse would slow. “So, you saw Mark today.”
“Yes,” Harvey said with a measure of trepidation. “He asked me to forgive him, and he asked me to give our friendship a second chance.”
“And?”
“And I forgave him, Jay. I realized that since I’ve had you in my life, I’m not mad anymore. I ‘m not scared. The only thing that frightens me is the thought of losing you.” He kissed Jay. “I never want to lose you.”
“And your friendship with Mark?”
“It’s been over for a long time. Truthfully, it was dead before our personal relationship ended. I just hadn’t said goodbye. Until today.”
Jay felt the tension in his chest loosen, and his breathing relaxed. “Really?” He’d been worried about Mark’s hold over Harvey. Worried that Mark would always be in the background, waiting for Harvey to have a weak moment. Guilt replaced his stress. Had he driven Harvey to give up his friend? Had his poorly hidden jealousy prompted Harvey to make the gesture? “I hope you didn’t do this for me.”
“No.” Harvey shook his head, the first hint of a smile playing on his lips. “I did this for me. I also realized that I’d walked on eggshells the entire time I’d been friends, and more, with Mark. I always worried how he’d react, so I kept things from him, especially how I felt. I avoided being honest so that I could avoid confrontations with him. I think I brought that with me when we started seeing each other. I’ve been serious about you since our first week together. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long how much I love you.” He inclined his head for another kiss. “I was scared that you wouldn’t feel the same and I’d lose you. Today I decided I’d rather risk you leaving me because of how I feel than have you leave me because you think I don’t care.”
“Is it sad how happy that makes me?”
“Only if it’s sad how happy you make me.”
“I feel the same way.” Jay recalled the moment with Jack when he realized the past didn’t matter anymore. Obviously, Harvey had come to the same conclusion, just in a different way. “Very happy,” he growled when Harvey’s palmed his shaft.
Harvey raised a brow as he broke out into a sexy-ass grin. “I can tell.”
“Say it again,” Jay whispered. He wanted to hear Harvey’s sensual, low voice telling him over and over how much he was loved.
“I’m in love with you,” Harvey said after he kissed the dip between Jay’s jaw and his neck. “Love you,” he said again, after he nibbled down to his collarbone. “Love you so much.” He nuzzled into Jay’s neck, pulling his head down to murmur into his ear. “So much.”
“Does this mean I get a drawer in your dresser?” Jay grinned. “I mean, I do have my own toothbrush holder.”
Harvey’s eyes sparkled. “It means you get anything you want. Anything.”
Jay words caught in his throat. He swallowed hard, trying to keep his eyes dry. “Deal.”