endnotes PROLOGUE
he was the only . . . Wendy Moffat, A Great Unrecorded History (New York: Picador, 2011), 5.
nothing, still one . . . E. M. Forster, “Author’s Introduction” to The Longest Journey (New York: Penguin, 2006), lxvii.
No spark of human . . . Moffat, Great Unrecorded History, 73.
Like Cezanne relentlessly . . . Ibid., 69.
To speak with him . . . Ibid., 11.
In life and in . . . Ibid., 12.
CHAPTER 1
attachment system . . . John Bowlby, Attachment and Loss, Vol. I (New York: Basic Books, 1969).
harm, starvation, unfavorable temperature . . . Daniel J. Siegel, The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, Second Edition (New York: The Guilford Press, 2012), 92.
energy and information . . . Ibid., 6.
establishes an interpersonal . . . Ibid., 91.
feels felt . . . See the excellent and much more elaborate description of this process in Siegel, Developing Mind, 94.
a mutual co-regulation of . . . Ibid., 116.
the ability to perceive . . . Ibid., 42.
safely held and soothed . . . Daniel Buie, from a course he taught regularly in the 1990s on character pathology, “Personality Disorders: Treating Deficits in Self-Maintenance Functions,” Harvard Medical School Department of Continuing Education. See too his later articulation of this theory in “Core Issues in the Treatment of Personality Disordered Patients,” The Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 61 (February 2013): 10–23. Also, note that Buie did not number or order his five self-maintenance functions as I have.
this crucial early experience . . . Stephen A. Mitchell and Margaret J. Black, Freud and Beyond: A History of Modern Psychoanalytic Thought (New York : Basic Books, 1995), 127.
Your house is your . . . Khalil Gibran, The Prophet (Naples, Italy: Albatross Publishers, 2015), 13.
Have you peace . . . Ibid., 13.
CHAPTER 2
You have no looks . . . Russell Freedman, Eleanor Roosevelt: A Life of Discovery (New York: Clarion Books, 1993), 2.
Eleanor was so little . . . Blanche Wiesen Cook, Eleanor Roosevelt, Vol. I (New York: Penguin, 1992), 49.
I can still remember . . . Doris Kearns Goodwin, No Ordinary Time (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994), 93.
Anna’s disapproval of her . . . Cook, Eleanor Roosevelt, 71.
the forms of insecure attachment . . . See Bowlby, Attachment and Loss, Vol. I, for an in-depth examination of these issues.
Attention and admiration were . . . Eleanor Roosevelt, The Autobiography of Eleanor Roosevelt (New York: Harper Perennial, 1961), 10.
Her mother’s disapproval . . . Cook, Eleanor Roosevelt, 79.
have been found to be controlling . . . Siegel, Developing Mind, 111.
have been observed turning . . . Ibid., 102.
Believe me, as long . . . Cook, Eleanor Roosevelt, 101.
A new maturity . . . Ibid., 106–107.
I never spent . . . Nancy J. Skarmeas, ed., Eleanor Roosevelt, (New York: Ideals Books, 1997).
one of the most momentous . . . Cook, Eleanor Roosevelt, 115.
I really marvel now . . . Ibid., 115.
the capacity to be alone . . . Donald Woods Winnicott, “The Capacity to Be Alone,” The International Journal of Psychoanalysis 39 (1958): 416–420.
Because of the mother’s . . . Anna Lucia Stothart, LMHC, “Yoga, Winnicott, and the Capacity to Be” (unpublished, used with permission).
the infant is able to become . . . Winnicott, Capacity to Be Alone, 418.
CHAPTER 4
a child has begun . . . Katherine Nelson and Robyn Fivush, “The Emergence of Autobiographical Memory: A Social Cultural Developmental Theory,” Psychological Review 111, no. 2 (2004): 486–511.
These narratives are . . . Siegel, The Developing Mind, 364.
Children begin as . . . Ibid., 364.
authorship brings with it the ability . . . Dennie Palmer Wolf, “Being of Several Minds: Voices and Versions of the Self in Early Childhood,” in The Self in Transition: Infancy to Childhood, ed. Dante Cicchetti and Marjorie Beeghly (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1990), 185.
the emergence of explicit . . . Dennie Palmer Wolf, “Being of Several Minds,” 185.
interventions to increase . . . Siegel, The Developing Mind, 59.
children who narrate . . . Ibid., 85.
slow and massively . . . Katherine Nelson, “Narrative and Self, Myth and Memory: Emergence of the Cultural Self,” in Autobiographical Memory and the Construction of a Narrative Self: Developmental and Cultural Perspectives, ed. Robyn Fivush, and Catherine A. Haden (New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 2003), 3–4.
a kind of volume . . . Dennie Palmer Wolf, “Being of Several Minds,” 183.
Are we strong enough . . . See Ken Wilber’s work on “identity neurosis” in Ken Wilber, Jack Engler, and Daniel Brown, Transformations of Consciousness (New York: Shambhala, 1986), 116.
CHAPTER 5
We’ll jump together . . . John Knowles, A Separate Peace (New York: Scribner, 1959), 31.
after all you can’t . . . Ibid., 48.
the formation of what we might call . . . Ibid., 134.
It’s you, pal . . . Ibid., 17.
Listen, pal . . . Ibid., 85.
I lost part of myself . . . Ibid., 85.
a need to experience . . . Ernest Wolf, Treating the Self: Elements of Clinical Self Psychology (New York: The Guilford Press, 1980), 55.
the need for the availability . . . Ibid., 55.
No detail on the campus . . . Julia Blanchard, presentation of Alumni Award, The College of Wooster (Wooster, Ohio, 1968), personal communication.
CHAPTER 7
survivability . . . see Donald Woods Winnicott, The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment (New York: International Universities Press, 1965).
If the mother has . . . Mitchell and Black, Freud and Beyond, 129.
kernel of genuine personhood . . . Ibid., 129.
a need to experience . . . Ernest Wolf, Treating the Self, 55.
Souvestre as a noble . . . See Cook, Eleanor Roosevelt.
She cried and shouted . . . Ibid., 109.
Although firm in her . . . Ibid., 109.
All what you said . . . Joseph P. Lash, Eleanor and Franklin (New York: W. W. Norton, 1971), 186.
CHAPTER 8
adversarial selfobjects sustain the self . . . Ernest Wolf, Treating the Self, 185.
Without the aid . . . Carlos Castaneda, Tales of Power (New York: Washington Square Press, 1991 reissue edition), 246.
He had taken to . . . Adrian Desmond and James Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1991), 105.
happy as a king . . . Ibid., 105.
conical ants’ nests rising . . . For a wonderful description of these sights, see Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 121–123.
staggering under . . . Charles Darwin, Charles Darwin’s Beagle Diary, ed. R. D. Keynes (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, revised 2001), 43.
intolerable . . . Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 120.
Fitzroy was widely travelled . . . Ibid., 120.
What in heaven’s name . . . See the description of the entire scene in Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 120.
adversarial selfobjects sustain the self . . . Ernest Wolf, Treating the Self, 185.
Fitzroy continued to see Darwin . . . Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 138.
According to Darwin’s Origin . . . Leon C. Megginson, “Lessons from Europe for American Business,” Southwestern Social Science Quarterly, 1963, 44(1): 3–13.
Individuals with Low Adversity . . . This entire section is based upon personal communication with Dr. Paul G. Stoltz.
success, stress threshold, performance . . . Paul Stoltz, Adversity Quotient: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities (New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1997).
By now the fossils . . . Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 144.
When I see these Islands . . . Charles Darwin, quoted in Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 186.
No previously formed . . . Ibid., 165.
disbelief crept over me . . . Charles Darwin, from The Autobiography, ed. Barlow, in The Works, ed. Barrett and Freeman, 29:119.
Wild animals are not a product . . . Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 293.
I am an old man . . . This quote is often attributed to Mark Twain (usually as quoted in Reader’s Digest, April 1934), but versions of it are also attributed to Winston Churchill and at least a dozen other luminaries—none of whom seem to have exclusive rights to it.
It is derogatory that the Creator . . . Charles Darwin, The Foundations of the Origins of the Species, ed. Francis Darwin, from The Works, ed. Barrett and Freeman, 10: 51–2.
There is a grandeur in this view . . . Charles Darwin, from The Life and Letters of Charles Darwin, ed. Francis Darwin (New York: D. Appleton and Co., 1896), 370.
disinterested love for all living creatures . . . Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex (London: John Murray, 1871), 1:106.
Now he could plainly see . . . Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 285.
beast rising up out of . . . Fitzroy, quoted in “Fitzroy, Captain of the Beagle, Fierce Critic of Darwin,” Andrew Sibley, Impact: Vital Articles on Science/Creation, no. 389 (November 2005): iv.
sever the link . . . Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 487.
humanity, in my mind . . . Adam Sedgwick, quoted in Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 487.
We stopped looking . . . Charles Darwin, from Darwin on Evolution, quoted in Darwin on Evolution: Words of Wisdom from the Father of Evolution (Skyhorse Publishing: New York, 2015), 46.
glorying in all the designs . . . Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 493.
absolutely ignorant of the . . . Ibid., 496.
If . . . the question is put to me . . . Ibid., 497.
a grey haired Roman nosed . . . John Hooker’s words, quoted in Desmond and Moore, The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist, 495.
Believe God, not Man . . . There are various accounts of this scene, one of the best being in Desmond and Moore, Ibid., 495.
There is no greater misfortune . . . Lao Tzu, “Verse 69,” in Tao Te Ching: The Definitive Edition by Lao Tzu, translated by Jonathan Star (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2001) (used with permission—see permissions page).
I never knew in my life . . . Janet Browne, Charles Darwin: The Power of Place (New Jersey: Princeton University Press, 2003), 265.
As man advances in civilisation . . . Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man and Selection in Relation to Sex (Barnes and Noble Reprint Edition, 2004), 102.
CHAPTER 10
He was six feet three . . . Andrew C. Mead, “Ashes and Bank Accounts” (sermon, Saint Thomas Church Fifth Avenue, New York, NY, February 22, 2012).
CHAPTER 11
The AAI is a semi-structured interview . . . For an in-depth analysis of the Adult Attachment Inventory, see Mary Main, Erik Hesse, and Nancy Kaplan, “Predictability of Attachment Behavior and Representational Processes at 1, 6, and 19 Years of Age: The Berkeley Longitudinal Study,” in Attachment from Infancy to Adulthood: The Major Longitudinal Studies, ed. Klaus E. Grossman, Karin Grossman, and Everett Waters (New York: Guilford Press, 2005), 245–304.
if our lips do not speak it . . . Paraphrasing Freud here.
will come to us as fate . . . Paraphrasing Nietzsche here.
By the middle of the third year . . . Siegel, The Developing Mind, 58.
our deep human connections . . . See Siegel, The Developing Mind, 60, and Robyn Fivush, “The Development of Autobiographical Memory,” Annual Review of Psychology 62 (January 2011), 559–582.
CHAPTER 12
When people are having trouble . . . Elvin Semrad in Semrad, The Heart of a Therapist, ed. Susan Rako and Harvey Mazer (New Jersey: Jason Aronson, 1988), 36.
Sorrow is the vitamin . . . Ibid., 45.
People grow only . . . Ibid., 45.
An intimate friend and a hated . . . Sigmund Freud, The Interpretation of Dreams, trans. A. A. Brill (New York: Modern Library, 1995), 345.
Charcot, who is one . . . Peter Gay, Freud: A Life for Our Time (New York: W. W. Norton, 1988), 49.
My letter of today . . . Jeffrey Moussaief Masson, trans. and ed., The Complete Letters of Sigmund Freud to Wilhelm Fliess, 1887–1904 (Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press, 1985), 15.
Our correspondence was the most intimate . . . Ibid., 7.
The hysteric suffers . . . Gay, Freud, 71.
We liked to compare . . . Ibid., 71.
He who has eyes to see . . . Ibid., 254.
I am pretty much alone . . . Masson, The Complete Letters of Sigmund Freud to Wilhelm Fliess, 72.
You are my Only . . . Louis Breger, A Dream of Undying Fame (New York: Basic Books, 2009), 88.
When I talked with you . . . Masson, The Complete Letters of Sigmund Freud to Wilhelm Fliess, 27.
close observation . . . Gay, Freud, 73.
The psychoanalyst, like the . . . Sigmund Freud, in Freud’s Requiem, Matthew von Unwerth (New York and London: Riverhead, 2006), 183.
Self-deception and hypocrisy . . . Gay, Freud, 129.
Beloved shades were emerging . . . Masson, The Complete Letters of Sigmund Freud to Wilhelm Fliess, 274–275.
enchanting humor . . . Gay, Freud, 156.
If looking . . . is a civilized . . . Ibid., 157
[Freud] kept Fliess fully . . . Ibid., 74.
Look at what happens . . . Masson, The Complete Letters of Sigmund Freud to Wilhelm Fliess, 339.
No matter how one-sided . . . Gay, Freud, 97.
Your kind should not . . . Ibid., 2.
The friendship with Fliess . . . Ibid., 3.
As the true contours . . . Gay, Freud, 101.
The psychoanalytic situation . . . Mitchell and Black, Freud and Beyond, 133.
The patient comes to . . . Ibid., 134.
enables the patient . . . Ibid., 134.
is, after all . . . Gay, Freud, 300.
The repressed is the part of the self . . . Ibid., 118.
It is not at all uncommon . . . Mitchell and Black, Freud and Beyond, 119.
According to Fairbairn . . . Ibid., 122.
CHAPTER 15
Even at a physical distance . . . Siegel, Developing Mind, 308.
Few sights are so . . . Annie Dillard, The Writing Life (New York: Harper and Row, 1989), 7.
Are you too deeply . . . Emily Dickinson, quoted in White Heat: The Friendship of Emily Dickinson and Thomas Wentworth Higginson, Brenda Wineapple (New York: Knopf, 2008), 4.
the impression of a wholly . . . Thomas Wentworth Higginson, quoted in White Heat, Wineapple, 5.
The key to your heart lies . . . A saying quoted frequently by Swami Kripalu.
When you write, you lay . . . Dillard, Writing Life, 3.
Our parents would sooner . . . Annie Dillard, An American Childhood, (New York: Harper Perennial, 1988), 50.
I am no scientist . . . Annie Dillard, quoted in “EarthSaint: Annie Dillard,” Cheryl Lander, EarthLight Magazine 24 (Winter 1997): 1.
In nature I find . . . Ibid., 1.
I can no longer . . . Annie Dillard’s official website, February 3, 2015.
Inside this clay jug . . . Robert Bly version of Kabir, Kabir: Ecstatic Poems (Boston: Beacon Press, 2011), 63.
The Brain – is wider . . . Emily Dickinson, The Poems of Emily Dickinson: Reading Edition, ed. Ralph W. Franklin (Cambridge, MA: The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 1999), Franklin 598, 269 (used with permission—see permissions page).
I depart as air . . . Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass (New York: Dover Thrift, 2001), 54.
I went to the woods . . . Henry David Thoreau, Walden; or, Life in the Woods (New York: Dover Thrift, 1995), 59.
Thoreau wrote in his journal . . . Gordon V. Boudreau, “H. D. Thoreau, William Gilpin, and the Metaphysical Ground of the Picturesque,” American Literature 45, no. 3 (Nov. 1973): 357.
He is the richest who has . . . Henry David Thoreau, quoted in Henry Thoreau, A Life of the Mind, Robert Richardson, Jr. (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1986), 260.
the moods of the Concord mind . . . Thoreau in Henry Thoreau, Richardson, 260.
Language, like light . . . Richardson, Henry Thoreau, 261.
These splendid remnants of decaying . . . William Gilpin, Remarks on Forest Scenery (Edinburgh: Fraser, 1834), 50.
those near distances . . . Boudreau, “H. D. Thoreau, William Gilpin and the Metaphysical Ground of the Picturesque,” 358.
[Gilpin] gave [Thoreau] . . . Richardson, Henry Thoreau, 264.
CHAPTER 16
Once we have . . . Siegel, Developing Mind, 308.
the transitional object is always . . . Adam Phillips, Winnicott, (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1988), 115.
People love pretty much . . . Dillard, Writing Life, 67–68.
The real world arguably . . . Annie Dillard in The Best American Essays 1988, ed. Annie Dillard and Robert Atwan (Michigan: Ticknor and Fields, 1988), xvii.
I open my eyes . . . Annie Dillard, Holy the Firm (New York: Harper and Row, 1984), 12. See, too, Pamela S. Smith, “The Ecotheology of Annie Dillard,” in Cross Currents 45, no. 3 (Fall 1995): 341.
We are here to witness . . . Annie Dillard, Teaching a Stone to Talk (New York: Harper and Row, 1982), 72.
praises the world . . . Annie Dillard, Living by Fiction (New York: HarperPerennial, 2000) 120.
Dillard dazzlingly . . . Pamela Smith, “Ecotheology of Annie Dillard,” 346.
A patch of dwarf . . . Richardson, Henry Thoreau, 264-5.
The thing that pleases . . . Thoreau, in Henry Thoreau, Richardson, 265.
Sometimes, after staying . . . Thoreau, Walden; or Life in the Woods (New York: Dover Thrift, 1996), 194.
Purity does not lie . . . Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, “The Spiritual Power of Matter,” Hymn of the Universe (New York: Fount, 1969).
when man is capable of being . . . Walter Jackson Bate, John Keats (Cambridge: Belknap Press, 1963), 261.
go to pieces without . . . Mark Epstein, Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart (New York: Broadway Books, 1998).
Through artistic expression . . . Phillips, Winnicott, 81.
When writing a poem . . . Robert Bly, personal communication.
The sensation of writing a book . . . Annie Dillard, “Write Till You Drop,” The New York Times (May 28, 1989).
Write as if you were dying . . . Dillard, Writing Life, 68.
A man tracks himself through life . . . Richardson, Henry Thoreau, 291
If we gain something, it . . . Ryokan (Taigu), One Robe, One Bowl: The Zen Poetry of Ryokan, trans. J. Stevens (New York: Weatherhill, 1977).
CHAPTER 17
Creative living always . . . Kenneth Wright, “The Search for Form: A Winnicottian Theory of Artistic Creation,” in Donald Winnicott Today, ed. Jan Abram (London: The New Library of Psychoanalysis, Routledge, 2013), 252.
CHAPTER 18
there’s a certain scope . . . Richard Wilbur, Mayflies: New Poems and Translations (New York: Harcourt, 2000), 5.
positive emotions produce . . . Barbara L. Fredrickson, “The Broaden-and-Build Theory of Positive Emotions,” Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London, Biological Sciences 359 (2004): 1367.
appear to broaden . . . Fredrickson, “Broaden-and-Build Theory,” 1369.
two decades of . . . Ibid., 1370.
Pay particular attention . . . Rick Hanson, Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2009), 69.
an amalgam of distinct . . . Fredrickson, “Broaden-and-Build Theory,” 1369.
It’s good to take . . . Hanson, Buddha’s Brain, 75.
CHAPTER 19
Surely there can never have been . . . Queen Victoria, quoted in Queen Victoria: A Personal History, Christopher Hibbert (London: Da Capo Press, 2001), 290.
No one ever, I believe . . . Queen Victoria, writing in her journal, quoted in Twilight of Splendor: The Court of Queen Victoria During Her Diamond Jubilee Year, Greg King (London: Wiley, 2007), 263.
never lied or dissembled . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 154.
like having an enemy . . . Ibid., 82.
You are still very . . . The Duchess of Kent, writing to Victoria, quoted in The Young Victoria, Allison Plowden (Gloucestershire, England: The History Press), 168.
far from robust, and often . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 99.
[Albert’s] character, introspective . . . Ibid., 99.
Albert is extremely handsome . . . Plowden, The Young Victoria, 154.
The charm of his countenance . . . Stanley Weintraub, Uncrowned King: The Life of Prince Albert (New York: Free Press, 2000), 49.
We embraced each other . . . Ibid., 80.
How is it that I . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 109.
they gave each other rings . . . Ibid., 109.
Dearly beloved Victoria . . . Kurt Jagow, ed., Letters of the Prince Consort, 1831–1861 (London: E. P. Dutton), 29.
Love of you fills . . . Ibid., 29.
Victoria is so good . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 110.
at the age of eleven . . . Ibid., 99.
I am very young . . . Sally Mitchell, Daily Life in Victorian England (London: Greenwood, 1996), 5.
The times spent with him . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 145.
I sit on a sofa . . . Ibid., 145.
I have been so happy . . . Ibid., 145.
The Prince now played . . . Ibid., 146.
her adviser in all . . . Ibid., 157.
I arrived . . . Theodore Martin, The Life of His Royal Highness The Prince Consort (Ann Arbor: University of Michigan, 2005), 211.
Dear Child. Now it will be . . . Albert’s letter, quoted in Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 217.
partly forester, partly builder . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 161.
[She] laughs in real earnest . . . Plowden, The Young Victoria, 189.
Every year I feel less . . . The Letters of Queen Victoria: A Selection of Her Majesty’s Correspondence between the Years 1837 and 1861 (Amazon Digital), 100.
so intelligent and warm . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 177.
a means of demonstrating . . . Ibid., 210.
They say no sovereign . . . Martin, The Life of His Royal Highness, 243.
There is no one left . . . Hector Bolitho, ed., Letters of Queen Victoria (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1938), 152.
Surely there can never have been . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 290.
and there sat Grandmamma . . . Victoria Schomp, Victoria and Her Court (London: Cavendish Square Publishing), 59.
an old, deaf, garrulous . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 474.
After the Prince Consort’s . . . Tony Rennell, Last Days of Glory: The Death of Queen Victoria (London: St. Martin’s Press, 2001), 50.
I think it was the combination of . . . Michaela Reid, Ask Sir James: The Life of Sir James Reid, Personal Physician to Queen Victoria (London: Eland and Sickle Moon Books, 1986), 33.
I mourn the safe . . . Henry James, quoted in Helen Rappaport, Queen Victoria: A Biographical Companion (Santa Barbara, CA: ABC-CLIO Publishing, 2003), 379.
EPILOGUE
an evoking-sustaining . . . Ernest Wolf, Treating the Self, 28.
I opened Walt Whitman . . . Moffat, Great Unrecorded History, 98.
It is dreadful, dreadful . . . Hibbert, Queen Victoria, 266.
I love to dwell on her . . . Ibid., 266.
The creator goes off on one wild . . . Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek (New York: Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2013), 140.