Sutton
I'm in my bedroom finishing up watching some lame movie I never focused on in an attempt to occupy my time. Laying here with my head propped up on pillows, my eyes to the television, nothing registering because my thoughts are racing through my head.
I think about Adam. He's been so kind and considerate to take me in. He's been more than compliant when it comes to my needs considering we have no physical relationship. I can't believe he lets me stay here in the extra bedroom knowing deep down that I love another. At least I think he knows. He hasn't made a move and I've kept my distance whenever our bodies have come too close.
I can't seem to get Caleb out of my head. He holds me back from moving on, from giving Adam the chance he's earned. Thoughts of Calab devours my essence, consume me. I think about whenever his skin has touched against mine it makes me quiver in a way that is unattainable with any other man.
Lost in my wandering thoughts I hear the front door pry open, quickly slamming back shut, the sounds of footsteps make their way through the main halls.
"Sutton?" Adam's voice calls out in question.
" What's up?" I answer, getting up from the bed, exiting my room to meet him face to face so were not yelling through sheet rock walls.
Standing right before him Adam speaks up, his shaggy blonde locks wisping along his forehead. He's so attractive, his physique well proportioned along with being well defined. I hate myself for not wanting to be with him. Adam's the epitome of perfection, just not perfection when it comes to me.
He reaches out taking my hand, his eyes focused solely on mine while his fingers caress back and forth.
"Sutton sweetheart, it's been a month since you've moved in with me and you never want to do anything but work or hide out in your bedroom when you're not at the deli. I think it's time you got out, enjoyed yourself for once. I've made reservations for us to have dinner."
I want to say no, having no cares to be with Adam but the guilt sinks in. I've been using him, using him as a distraction, using him for shelter, for comfort, using him to help me forget about the man I really want to be with. The man he will never be. I give him the answer he wants to hear, the answer that internally makes me uncomfortable but I need to think about Adam's feeling and stop being selfish. Adam has been too good to me these past several weeks for me to put my needs first. "Okay," I reply shly dropping my head to the floor. I can't seem to look at him knowing my answer is being forced.
Oblivious to my dismay, Adam excitedly responds with a large grin. "Okay get dressed. I can't wait for us to finally have a real date since the day I hurt you, left you to suffer, making the biggest mistake of my life." He's so ecstatic, I can't break his heart.
The horrible person I am, I fake a smile and agree walking off to my bedroom to find something nice and appropriate because I know wherever Adam is taking me will be formal.
........................
We arrive at the restaurant, valet parking as soon as we pull up proving that I was right.
Adam just like Caleb has money and he wants to use it to win over my affection that in reality can't be bought. This having me dwell on my time with Caleb, the times and moments we shared. It was never his money, the material things he gave me, or could offer, it was the true Caleb McIntyre he briefly let me see that has made me the pathetic love sick mess I am now. The one who wants to be with a man who can never offer me what in reality I truly need.
Adam is the perfect gentleman. Hurriedly rushing out of the driver's side to open my door. He takes my hand, escorting me out, making me feel even more shittier than I already do.
I take his hand with another fake smile, following him to the main doors with his fingers locking firmly with my own. His grip is extremely tight, actually a bit harsh and scary but I ignore the uneasy feeling it has traveling through my body, through my mind. This is Adam, my teenage crush, I know him.....right?
"God Sutton. You're so beautiful. I'm such an idiot for what I did. Forgive me please?" Pleadingly his wanting eyes beg. His tone is delicate, longing for the response he wants and needs to hear. He has never let go of his hold on my hand, his grasp pulling at my arm bringing me closer until our faces meet.
I can sense what's about to come but it happens so quickly before I can stop it from occurring. Adams free arm has taken hold of my waist, pulling me flush against his chest, his lips attacking mine feverishly. My mouth won't move against his with the knowledge he's not Caleb, with the rejection my body inadvertently expresses beyond my control because it wants and needs the man I'm in love with...the man Adam isn't.
"I'm sorry Adam," I push back, my hands pressing against his shoulders, my body jolting back not only in surprise but with uncomfortableness that has needed release. "I know how you feel about Caleb but no matter what I still have feelings for him." Saying the L word is too hurtful as much as it holds the truth.
Adams face shows displeasure, anger I think he is about to unleash but instead he bites down on his lip. Regressing from the words that he really wants to say, "It's okay Sutton," he forces a smile, "I understand." It's a lie, a lie that I accept without question not wanting to deal with confrontation as he brushes aside what happens and escorts me into the restaurant.
"We have a guest for dinner. I was hoping to avoid us coming to this but you have made it clear that we can't work so if I can't have you then I'll take the money instead." His head gestures to the booth in the corner, an evilness in his words along with the stench that covers his entirety.
I don't understand exactly what has happened but I know it's not good because when I look over to the left where his eyes have zoomed in on, I see Estabon, the man Caleb seems to fear.