THAT NIGHT JESS lay on her bed and gazed at the ceiling. She pulled out her phone and stared at Luke’s photo for a while. Then she messaged Shara.
I want to leave school.
Huh? Why?
I want to work with Luke and brumbies.
Don’t be insane. You’re too brainy.
Mum probably wouldn’t let me anyway.
Within seconds her phone rang. ‘What’s going on?’ said Shara.
‘Luke wants me to leave school and work with him full-time.’
‘Yeah, right,’ said Shara. ‘And who’s gonna pay you? Isn’t he supposed to be doing a farrier’s apprenticeship?’
‘He could still do that.’
‘What about you? You wouldn’t earn any money.’
‘I don’t care about money. Some things are more important than money, Sharsy. ’ ‘Yeah, like an education. Surely you’re not serious, Jess.’
Jess groaned. ‘School gets in the way of everything!’
Shara laughed. ‘Horses get in the way of everything. So do boyfriends. Corey is the biggest distraction. I don’t know how I’ll ever become a vet with him hanging around. But seriously, Jess. Don’t go blowing off school for something that can wait.’
‘But it can’t wait. Luke needs me now and so do the brumbies.’ She told Shara about Luke’s father and his inheritance: the property in the tablelands of New South Wales. ‘What if he wants to move down there, Shara?’
‘So that’s what this is about,’ said her bestie. ‘He wouldn’t leave you, would he?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Nah,’ said Shara, brushing it off. ‘Luke would never move away from Coachwood Crossing. It’s his home. He loves it here. And he’s totally crazy about you.’
‘Maybe I could just take a gap year,’ said Jess, wishing she could feel as confident as Shara. ‘Everyone takes a gap year.’
‘Everyone takes a gap year after Year Twelve, and I was kinda hoping to spend my gap year with you!’
Jess was silent.
‘Jess, you can’t give up your whole life just because you’re scared Luke will leave you. That’s insane.’ Shara changed to her feminist career-woman tone. ‘Get a bit of guts about you, Jessica Fairley. A woman’s destiny must be her own!’
‘What if my destiny is to be on my own?’ said Jess glumly.
‘Je-e-ss!’ Her mum called from the kitchen. ‘Dinner’s ready!’
‘I gotta go,’ said Jess. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Jess sat at the dinner table and stared at the spinach ravioli without any appetite.
Caroline untied her apron and joined Jess and Craig at the table. ‘Good to use up some of the spinach from the garden,’ she said cheerfully. ‘Full of iron and folic acid. We’ll have to put more sawdust around the plants, Craig. Slow those snails down a bit.’
Jess stared into her dinner, deep in thought.
‘Eat up, Jess,’ said Caroline.
Jess poked at the food with her fork.
Caroline took hold of the salad servers, plucked out some radicchio leaves and passed the salad bowl to Jess. She pushed it on to her dad without looking up.
Jess could feel her dad’s gaze moving between herself and her mother.
Caroline put her knife and fork down and took a calming breath. ‘What’s wrong, Jessica?’
‘I’ve been thinking about my career,’ said Jess. ‘I hate working in the bakery.’
‘Good. I’m glad you do,’ said Craig. ‘You might aspire to something a bit more challenging.’
‘Brumbies are challenging.’
‘And they’re very worthwhile, but they’re not a career.’
Jess slumped.
‘I heard about Luke’s inheritance,’ said her dad.
‘Who told you?’ Again, Jess felt miffed that she hadn’t been the first to know.
‘Annie talked to Caroline about it.’
‘He wants to build a brumby sanctuary and re-home horses.’
‘And he wants you to join him?’
Jess nodded.
Craig let out a deep sigh and put his hand on Jess’s. ‘I think it’s great that he’s so passionate about something. But don’t throw your own dreams away for the sake of someone else’s, honey. Someone who loves you would never ask you to do that.’
‘But Luke’s dreams are my dreams too.’
‘Are you sure about that? Because once you throw your education away, your goals will be so much harder to reach. Think about your whole life, Jess. Not just about tomorrow. Not just about Luke.’
‘You guys always criticise Luke.’
‘We do not,’ said her dad defensively. ‘We like Luke a lot. But he is who he is.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘It means just that. He has his plans and you have yours. If they go hand-in-hand that’s great.’ He gave her arm a pat. ‘Build your own dreams, Jess. Don’t just ride on the tails of someone else’s.’
That night Jess slept restlessly. Outside, the wind shook the leathery leaves of the coachwood trees and scraped their branches across the roof. Her dreams were filled with the sound of hooves stampeding over darkened mountains. She woke, her mind unsettled by images of Luke standing on a mountain property in another state.
A soft tapping noise broke through the sound of the trees. She sat up and squinted into the darkness. Someone was at her window.
‘Luke?’ Jess hurriedly undid the catch at the top of the window and slid it up. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I couldn’t sleep,’ he whispered, leaning into the window and climbing in headfirst.
Jess grabbed him by the waist and hauled him in, giggling and shushing. He landed like a lump, on top of her. His clothes were damp and grimy. ‘Shhhhhhh!’ She shoved him off her.
‘Turn the light on,’ he whispered.
‘No, it’ll wake my parents!’ Instead, she groped around for a small torch in her bedside drawer. She pulled the doona over both their heads and switched the torch on. They huddled together, the covers like a little teepee, with streaks and shadows making their faces look distorted.
He chuckled. ‘You look funny.’
‘You look like a homeless person. You smell like one too.’
‘Kiss me anyway.’
‘No,’ she laughed and shoved him off. He toppled over backwards and landed on the wooden floorboards with a thump.
She heard a light click on down the hallway and her mother’s voice. ‘Jessica?’
Luke looked at her, terror-stricken, and commando-crawled under her bed.
‘It’s only me, Mum, I fell out of bed,’ she called back, barely managing to suppress her laughter.
‘You okay?’ asked her mum in a sleepy voice.
‘Yeah,’ she called back.
Then she hung her head upside-down and peered under the bed, shining the torchlight onto Luke’s face. He looked ready to explode with laughter.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘I needed a therapy pet.’
‘You need therapy full stop,’ she said. ‘You’re crazy.’
‘I’m crazy about you.’ He wriggled towards her. ‘Just one kiss,’ he said, twisting his head sideways and pressing his lips to hers. ‘One kiss and I’ll go away.’
She kissed him upside-down, her lips and chin and nose all not where they were supposed to be. But she liked the weirdness of it. ‘Where will you go?’
‘Oh, I’ll just curl up under a tree somewhere, I suppose. In the cold. And the rain. I’ll just pretend that somebody . . . somewhere . . . loves me.’
‘Nawww . . . ’
Luke pulled a sad face and she slithered off the bed. He rolled out from under it and Jess pulled him onto the small woollen rug, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him properly. He put his arms around her and hugged her, burying his face in her neck and exhaling.
‘I can’t leave school,’ she whispered.
‘I know,’ he whispered back.
‘Are you going to move away?’
He didn’t answer, but something about the way he held her made her fears grow. This place, this property, was really tugging at him.
She held him like that for ages, until she heard the breezy whistle of pre-snores.
‘Don’t fall asleep here,’ she whispered. ‘You can sleep on the balcony, on the big futon. Mum and Dad won’t mind.’
She found him some blankets, helped him back out the window and heard him tiptoe around the balcony to the front verandah. She rolled back into bed, wrapping her arms tightly around herself, and listened to the wind outside. Beneath its creaks and moans she sensed the almost whispered rhythm of galloping hooves, far, far away, belonging almost to another time.
She shuddered and shook it off. Weird what wind could bring, or make you imagine.
‘Look what the cat dragged in,’ said Craig when Jess walked into the kitchen the next morning. Luke sat across from him at the table, his hair wet from the shower. ‘I found him on the futon out the front. Thought he was some old dero.’
Luke grinned up at her from an overflowing bowl of Weet-Bix.
‘Morning,’ Jess smiled, not bothering to conjure up surprise. She liked the way Luke looked in her kitchen. She ignored her dad’s suspicious eyes darting between the two of them and walked over to Luke, put her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek.
‘Hi, gorgeous,’ Luke mumbled through his breakfast.
Craig frowned. Jess gave him a hug too.
Luke finished his cereal and took the bowl to the sink. ‘See you at Harry’s?’
She nodded. Within moments the front door clicked and he was gone.
Jess smiled to herself. It would take more than some patch of dirt in New South Wales to come between her and Luke Matheson. She’d been demented to even imagine it.
She noticed her dad staring at her with a worried frown.
‘It’s okay, I’m not going to run away with him,’ she said, emptying the last of the Weet-Bix crumbs into a bowl. ‘You don’t have to worry.’
Her dad looked relieved.
‘I do want to work with the brumbies, though.’
‘I wish school rated as highly as the brumbies,’ said Craig.
‘It does, Dad. I want to do both.’
‘You can do both,’ said Caroline, entering the kitchen in a batik robe. ‘But school has to come first. Once homework’s done, you can use all your spare time to work with Luke.’ She took the kettle from the stove and began filling it at the sink.
‘All of it?’
Her mum replaced the kettle and lit the stove. ‘How much of all of it do you mean?’
‘I mean all of it,’ said Jess. ‘Stay there on weekends. So I can start really early in the mornings.’
Caroline paused. ‘What do you think, Craig?’
‘I would stay at the house, with Annie,’ Jess added.
‘So, you wouldn’t want to move in with Luke or anything?’ asked her dad.
‘No.’
‘Good, because I don’t think . . . ’
Jess held up her hand. She hated those talks. ‘It’s okay, guys. We’re not . . . you know . . . ’
Both Caroline and Craig looked relieved.
Jess blushed. Gawd. How embarrassing. As if she wanted her parents to know about that.
‘If your school work is done, to a high standard – to your best – then you can stay there as much as you genuinely need to,’ said Caroline. She gave a small sniff, putting one hand on Jess’s shoulder. ‘You’re just . . . growing up so much.’
‘You’re gonna come and see them, aren’t you?’
‘The brumbies? Of course.’
‘I’ll be busy,’ said Jess, scooping the last of breakfast out of her bowl. ‘I’ll be needing power food.’
‘Well, that I can help you with!’ said Caroline, sounding pleased.
Jess was relieved. It was a great arrangement, one that would help Luke and his wild horses but also help her follow her own destiny. She couldn’t wait to get to work. She couldn’t wait to tell Luke!