Dominique stirred in her crib as Kerry slipped into her room. A sliver of moonlight inched across the floor and spilled over the back of the rocking horse. The horse was tucked in the corner waiting for the day that Dominique could ride it. Tears came quickly to her eyes as she thought of Wayne and the hours he spent cutting and then sanding pieces of pinewood until he perfected the shape and finish of the horse. The silky wool he braided into a mane and tail hung motionless until the moment that Dominique would weave her fingers through each strand and hold on tight.
Wayne wouldn’t hear his goddaughter squeal with delight as she rocked the horse for the first time and he would miss the tight embrace of Dominique’s arms around his neck. But he would still be with her, Kerry felt it down deep inside. He had to be. It was the only way she could remember him without crying.
Kerry looked over the side of Dominique’s crib and she remembered the words Wayne said to her the day before he died.
He tried to convince her to focus on Dominique and not place her energy where information could bring her pain. He didn’t want her to bring something dark and foreboding into their lives. Kerry felt like he knew something and was holding back information he believed would hurt her, but she never had the chance to ask him. Only now did Kerry realize that Wayne had uncovered who Katie Lancaster really was.
Raven pushed his nose against Kerry’s leg, and she reached down and stroked his head. His tail wagged and his eyes drifted toward the sleeping baby.
Kerry reached down and lifted Dominique and cradled her in her arm, and then lowered herself into the chair in the corner. She buried her nose into the soft, messy curls that edged her daughter’s face, and breathed in. Kerry had been consumed with searching for the information she believed Dominique needed, but had forgotten that all her daughter wanted was this. The late-night snuggles and morning routine, and the feeling of security and love. All of which she already had.
The envelope had been tucked in the back of her drawer, resealed and hidden until Kerry decided what she was going to do with it. The answers she was looking for, the ones she once believed Dominique needed, were contained in those pieces of paper. Kerry eventually read the pages, unable to ignore the envelope any longer. The knowledge of who Dominique’s birth parents were, did not come with the peaceful knowledge she hoped it would. Instead the knowledge of who Katie’s parents were somehow frightened her more than the fact that Alex Johnson was Dominique’s birth father. Katie was her real name, Lancaster was her grandmother’s maiden name. She wanted to remain removed from the knowledge of who her parents were. The information was much more easily obtained with Agent Miller’s access and came because the government had been monitoring the human trafficking operation and had intimate knowledge of who Alex was, which also included the people close to him. A simple DNA test confirmed that he was the father, and a copy was included in the letter Agent Miller left in her car.
Each time Kerry thought about why she wanted to know, she questioned whether it really was for Dominique or for her.
Insecurity at not being Dominique’s birth mom was a feeling she was warned about experiencing, something she read about on a parenting blog and it was sneaking into her relationship with her daughter. She convinced herself that she didn’t want to wait for Dominique to reach the inconsolable teenage years where her rebellion against her parents was expressed in a search for her ‘real mom’.
No. Kerry was going to be prepared. She’d have all the information in advance and know who should be contacted, where they’d be, and then she’d avoid the guilty shouts and accusations.
Dominique squirmed and readjusted her head in the space between Kerry’s shoulder and neck and then fell back into a cooing slumber. Her soft lips pressed against Kerry’s neck and brought an overwhelming surge of love that washed over her.
The pandemic showed her that life was unpredictable, and for the most part, everyone was unprepared. When restrictions were put in place and rules were imposed, there was confusion and anger. Accusations of rights that had been violated as Kerry pulled another sheet over another victim taken so unfairly by the invisible weapon.
How, Kerry wondered, would she explain the first year of Dominique’s life to her?
The world they lived in, that Dominique was born into, had turned dystopian almost overnight. And almost as seamlessly, things returned to normal.
The outbreak was silenced by the vaccine but was the lesson to humanity forgotten? Memories weren’t so easy for anyone working on the frontlines to push down.
While the shelter-in-place order was imposed on most of the global population, Kerry and Simon were thrust into the midst of a fight. While online forums for homemade sourdough bread, and handmade masks flourished and produced endless memes, Kerry was pronouncing another life lost to the virus.
Once the vaccines began to take hold, and the battle lines were shifting in their favor, people emerged changed. Those who were more resilient to life and eager to make changes quit their jobs and ended relationships. Vowing to not live whatever time they had left in unfulfilling arrangements. Some close friends who previously embraced each other without thought now feared the slightest contact.
Kisses and handshakes became symbols of invasion and a smile to a stranger on the street seemed unnatural.
Then there were those that embraced everything and everyone around them more gently. People they loved, they pulled closer. Differing opinions were met with more understanding and patience.
That which we cannot control…was released.
Those were the bearers of hope.
She knew she couldn’t protect and shelter Dominique from every painful inevitability in her life, and that all she could do was prepare her to be strong when the time called for it. Kerry would leave the envelope sealed until the day Dominique would be ready. In the end, Kerry could tell Dominique that they found justice for Katie Lancaster and that she loved her from the moment she was conceived.
A breeze blew through the small crack in the window and brushed across the floor. Dominique stirred, and Kerry pulled her close, and as the rocking horse stirred in the corner, Kerry smiled.
Everything would finally be alright, after all.
The End