My hyperthyroid condition had worsened until it bordered an autoimmune disease. The endocrinologist told me there was a risk of my baby dying at birth. He also said I would not be able to breast-feed ever and that there was no chance of a home birth. He prescribed me some pills to take and promised to lower the dose if I showed signs of recovery. I felt like I had my hands tied behind my back, I couldn’t risk something happening to my child. I accepted the pills, but in the back of my head it drummed loud and clear, “I’m having a water home birth and I’m breast-feeding my baby!”
I dropped the gynecologist whose ideal of a perfect birth was a mother in a hospital bed watching TV with a remote control to auto-medicate an epidural for the contractions and pain. Soon after, I found a beautiful midwife-godmother who guided me through the pregnancy, although by law she was required to have me see a gynecologist due to my thyroid disorder. She introduced me to a doctor she worked closely with, but I didn’t hit it off well with him either.
Meanwhile, I continued to search for the “other way”. I googled diets, perfect foods to eat, vitamins to take, holistic ways to treat my thyroid, and it was all blank. Even the most basic information on how to be a new baby momma was so contradictory. One site would say to eat fish, while the other would say the mercury of the fish you are eating might be fatal to your baby. All I found was frustration.
The first three months were a nightmare. I would wake up hungry and nauseous, would eat and throw up right away, only to then be hungry again. I didn’t like my doctors and I was afraid of what I could be doing to my child with the pills, but we had monthly ultrasounds to check her growth, and to my relief, she was doing fine.