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“Fire away.” Drew leant back in his chair, lifting his ankle to rest on his other knee.
“Can I trust you?”
He extinguished the flame with a thought. “Think about what you’re asking. Can you trust me? Well, you can trust me, but that doesn’t answer whether it’s misplaced or not, does it? Try again.” He lit the flame.
“Should I trust you?”
It went out again. “Not good enough. I could still lie. I think you should trust me, so it won’t register as a lie even if it’s not wise to trust me. You need to word your questions so there are no grey areas, nothing that can be omitted or added.”
She threw her hands in the air moaning in frustration. “I don’t know how to word it. I’m not used to doubting people when they tell me something.”
“Yeah, well, give yourself time, you’ll get to a point where you can count on one hand the number of people you will be able to trust with your life.”
“That’s sad.”
“That’s life. Try again.”
“Okay, so how should I word it?” she snapped.
“What do you really want to know?” He dropped more of his blood around the wick and lit it.
“I want the truth. I want to know if you’re lying to me. If I can trust everything you tell me. That you won’t lie to me as well.” Tears blurred her vision, and she dashed them away.
“Lily, I’m not lying about the Council. I lost Sarah, I lost you, they kept me away from you. You can trust me, Lily, I won’t let you down willingly, and I won’t lie to you.”
The blood remained in droplets, sitting on top of the melted wax. She blew the flame out and touched the cool blood. He was telling the truth. A sob broke free and she covered her face with her hands, the relief almost too much. She could trust him, she could trust her father.
His chair squeaked, and then he was beside her, his arm around her shoulders. “She’s destroyed all your trust. I don’t think you even trust the boys completely, but I hope you know now you can trust me. I’ve been unable to protect you for eighteen years, please, let me try now.”
“One more question, please.” She lifted her head to look at him. “Let me ask you one more question with the candle.”
“As many as you like,” he said. “You won’t even need to keep re-lighting the candle. If it doesn’t turn to black smoke, you know I haven’t lied.” He went back to his chair. “Fire away.”
She relit the candle and the wax began melting. “Did you want to bring me up?”
“Yes.” The blood remained still.
“Were you really kept from seeing me by someone else? Other people, witch, fae, human?”
“Yes.” There was still no reaction.
“Does the Council still exist?”
“Yes, in one form or another, the Council will most probably always exist.”
“Do you think Jonas is bad?”
“No.” Still the blood remained inactive. “I don’t think he’s bad, but there is something going on there. He knows more than he’s letting on.”
“Do you know why he’s not letting on?”
“No.” He crossed his legs, leaning back in his chair. “But there’s definitely a secret there he doesn’t want those boys to know.”
“Do you like the boys?”
“Yes.” The blood bubbled, and thick black smoke curled upwards.
“You lie!” She pointed at him, laughing.
“Well, what do you expect? Of course, I don’t like them. They have nefarious intentions concerning you.”
“They don’t.”
“They like you, but you can bet your last penny you’re fantasy material for all of them. If you asked them if they jerked off thinking about you, the answer would be yes.”
“Did you have to say that?” she cried out, screwing her face up.
“That’s boys for you. Believe me, I was one once.”
“That’s even more gross. Urgh, shut up.” She covered her ears with her hands.
He laughed loudly. “Come on, let’s set up another candle and you can reveal my darkest secrets.”
“No more mention of the boys.”
“You brought them up.”
“Yeah, well now I’m burying the topic.”
He made a slit in his finger. “Good, I want to keep my food down.”
She stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned at her.
“Easy one. Did you love my mother?” she asked.
“Yes.”
The blood remained still as she expected.
“Do you love me?”
“Yes.”
Her smile dropped at his words and she caught his gaze, his dark eyes were serious now, no sparkle of humour remained.
“Do you want to be my father?”
“I am your father,” he replied. “I will always be your father, but I really want to be your dad.”
“You don’t know me,” she whispered.
Sadness seeped into his eyes. “I didn’t bring you up, but I still watched and learnt all I could. I know candy floss is your favourite ice cream flavour. I know you can draw like your aunt, but you don’t have the same passion for it she does. I know you love acting, and I’ve been to every one of your school plays. Autumn is your favourite season, but if you catch a cold it goes straight to your chest. You’re afraid of spiders, clowns, and rats. You won a goldfish at the fair one time and called it Petrova. It died a week later and broke your heart. I know you’ve never left the country, you don’t even have a passport. You hate Brussels sprouts with a passion, but you like soft cheese, and your camembert baked. You prefer tea, which is why I’ve never offered you coffee. You don’t like sports and getting up early. You’re kind, loyal, stubborn as a mule, and have my temper. You’re not naturally reclusive but you don’t put down roots. You don’t get close to people so that it doesn’t hurt so much when you leave—”
“Stop.” She was overwhelmed. “You know all these things about me, and I don’t know you at all. It’s freaky, it’s scary someone can know all about me and I had no idea.”
“I’m not trying to scare you,” he said. “I’m trying to tell you I love you. I’ve never been far from you, and you’ve never known it. I loved you from the moment Sarah said you were growing inside her. I loved you when we swung the pendant to find out you were a girl. I saw you being born, Lily, you were a miracle. You had my love at conception, but you stole my heart with your first breath.”
The melted candle wax dripped down the sides like tears of blood. She struggled to process what he was saying, it was heart-breaking, but it was unreal as well.
“Do you want to stop?” he asked.
“No.” She pushed her thoughts to one side. She’d deal with it all later, there were things she still needed to know.
He took a new candle and added his blood around the wick. “Ready when you are.”
“Why did Sarah really leave you?”
Pain reflected in his eyes before he blinked it away. “I was—am—powerful. It was one of the reasons I was recruited, and the reason they wouldn’t let me go. We decided it was safer for Sarah to get away from me for a while. Lynda already knew Sarah had been unhappy when she thought I’d been having an affair. It wasn’t hard for her to convince Lynda she was running from me because she feared me. I didn’t see Sarah nearly as much as I wanted to, but I was with her when you were born. I wanted to stay with you both, but it still wasn’t safe. I had to leave you there. It killed me, and in the end, she died anyway. I should have kept her with me. I might have been able to—” He stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was struggling to get a grip on himself and it tugged at Lily.
There was more still unsaid, but it was emotionally draining. She could ask him more questions another time. The candle was proving he wasn’t lying to her, that she could trust him. The rest could wait. She changed the subject for him, and herself as well.
“Do you think I’m a Seer?” Her question surprised him, and she saw him hesitate before answering.
“I’m not sure to be honest. When you first said it, I dismissed it out of hand. You said all you’ve seen so far is past events. I know you’re a witch, but a witch seer is very rare.”
“Do you know any others?”
“Yes.” His answer was reluctant.
“Who?”
“The Council has one. I’ve met her, and I hate her. She was one of the ones who bound me. She’ll burn for her sins. I can’t talk about that. Not yet.” His eyes went solid black, no whites at all, the veins around his eyes were black and Lily shot from the chair to the door terrified.
“Shit! No. Oh Merlin, Sorry, please.”
The door handle dug into her hip, and she reached behind her to grab it. He was standing, hands gripping the edges of the table. His eyes had returned to normal and only regret showed on his face, but her heart still pounded, her blood ice in her veins. She turned the handle, pushed it open and dashed into the living room.
“Lily!”
She almost made it to the living room door when it slammed shut. She grabbed the handle, but it wouldn’t open. He had her trapped.
“I never meant to frighten you. You know I will never harm you, you saw the truth in the blood magic. I’m sorry. I overreacted to a memory that I struggle with.” He was approaching her slowly, palms held up.
She looked to the window, but it was shut, and if he could slam doors he could stop her diving through a window. Panic closed her throat as her gaze darted back to him.
“Please, Lily, one last chance. When you know everything, when you know what happened, you’ll understand it, I know you will.”
She didn’t want to understand anything. She just wanted to go home and hide under her bed.
“Please, I’m begging you, Lily.”
“I...I should go—”
He’d stepped forward and she brought her arms up to protect herself. She heard a thump and peered over her arm, terrified by what she’d see. Drew was lying in a crumpled heap beside the fireplace, a bloody streak on the wall behind him. Her head was fuzzy, stuffed up, as if she had a heavy cold, something dripped from her nose and over her lips. She lifted a shaky hand to her mouth; her fingers came away covered in bright red. Had he hit her? No, her face didn’t hurt. She blinked several times, trying to shift the heaviness that wanted her to slide to the floor and sleep. Her hands were tingling similar to when they’d re-done the circle in the woods.
Magic. She’d used magic. She’d done it. She’d hurt him. She looked over at where he still lay crumpled, not moving.
Not moving. The blood on the wall was his. She’d killed him.
She rushed across the room, fighting through the dizziness that swamped her. Dropping beside him, she lifted her hands, not sure what to do. Panic bubbled up in her. Tears dripped down her face as she leant over him. She put her fingers on the pulse point of his neck and relief filled her at the steady thump beneath them.
He wasn’t dead. She hadn’t killed him, but he did need an ambulance. Her phone was in her coat pocket, hanging up in the hallway and she jumped up, rushing over. She found her phone and hastily opened it, turning to look back at him.
He was gone.
“Lily.”
She whirled and saw him sitting on the sofa, holding a cloth to the back of his head. She froze, her mind blank.
“It’s okay.” He laughed and then winced in pain.
It broke her immobility and she went to him. “I’m going to ring for an ambulance.”
“No.” He lifted one hand and her phone shut down. “We don’t need an ambulance.”
“You hit the...I...bleeding. You’re bleeding, we must make sure it’s not bleeding on the inside as well. Swelling can—”
“Lily, I didn’t hit it that hard.”
“I knocked you out,” she shrieked, panic getting an edge.
“Just for a few seconds. I cushioned most of the impact, I just wasn’t fast enough to absorb it all. You caught me off guard and it was my fault.”
“I don’t...I don’t know...I’m sorry.”
“I frightened you badly. What did I do?”
“What?”
“To make you run, what did I do?”
“Your eyes. They were black, the veins black.”
“I lost control.” He was annoyed with himself, she could hear it in his voice. “It wasn’t aimed at you. It will never be aimed at you. Merlin, you’re all I have left.” He grunted. “I’ve done it again, haven’t I? Two steps forward, three back.”
“Please, let me call an ambulance. You were knocked out, they really need to see if there’s any internal damage.”
“I don’t need a doctor or a fancy machine to tell me I’m fine. I can tell nothing’s wrong.”
“But what if it happens later? That’s happened before, people have banged their heads, felt fine and then later haemorrhaged and died. I don’t...want you to die.”
“I don’t particularly want to die either.” He looked at her with a half-smile. “Your nose is bloody.”
She stared at her hands. Somehow, she’d connected with her magic on a subconscious level and attacked him without even knowing how she did it. Her mother was right. She was dangerous to be around, unable to control it, not even knowing she was casting magic.
That must have been what her vision was telling her at the pool. She was going to get everyone hurt because she wouldn’t listen to her mother. It would be safer if she took the tablets and moved far away.
“Sweetheart don’t cry.” He stood up. “I really am fine. It’s just a little bump, and if it makes you feel better I’ll nip along myself. Okay?” He put his hands on her shoulders.
“I hurt you.” She lifted her face, and he sucked in a breath.
A worried frown creased his forehead, he lifted his hand and wiped a tear from her cheek. He brought his hand back, and she saw the scarlet drop on his fingertip. “You’re crying blood,” he whispered.
“I made my nose bleed. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know why I hurt you.”
“I frightened you. It’s my fault. I panicked, I thought I’d lost you again, and I was trying to get you to stay. I should never have moved towards you or slammed the door on you. You reacted subconsciously and exactly how anyone would. This is not your fault.” He used a clean patch on the cloth and wiped her face gently.
She closed her eyes. Not everyone would have reacted like she had. Not everyone was a freak. Not like she was. A dangerous freak.
“Lily? Talk to me, sweetheart.” He dropped the cloth to the floor.
“You can’t drive like this.”
“We’ll get a taxi. I’ll call a taxi, okay?”
His eyes were a warm brown full of concern, and she knew it wasn’t for himself, but for her. She’d hurt him, and he was worried about her.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, cradling the back of her head in his other hand. He drew her against him, her head resting over his heart as he held her tightly. She wound her arms around his waist, swept away by an avalanche of emotion. Noisy tears broke free as she cried against him. He held her tighter and rocked her from side to side gently.
“It’s going to be all right. Whatever happens, whatever you decide, it’s going to be okay.”
How was it going to be all right? How was anything going to be all right ever again? Her mother was right to fear her.
—***—
IT WAS TWO IN THE MORNING when she crept back into her cottage. She quietly locked the door and made her way into the living room, slumping onto the sofa.
She’d gone with Drew in the taxi to the hospital. It’d taken ages to be seen by the triage nurse, but after he’d finally been seen, they’d moved him up to majors. One scan and four hours later he was cleared to go. A nasty bump, three stitches, but no concussion, and to her eternal relief, no bleeding inside the skull. He’d called a taxi and they’d come home in silence. When she got out of the taxi he’d asked her to see him tomorrow morning and she’d agreed. She wanted to make sure he was okay, and the least she owed him was to clean up the mess in the living room.
“Lily?” Soft footsteps on the stairs brought her head up. She winced, waiting for her mother to be furious with her, demanding to know where she’d been.
Her mother moved across to sit in her chair and poke at the fireplace, trying to get the fire going again. She blew on the few embers, holding out some paper.
Lily nudged the fire, but abruptly stopped. She couldn’t trust herself to use something as dangerous as fire.
“There. It’ll be warmer soon.” Her mother sat back, tilting her head. “We’ve changed a lot, haven’t we? Since we came here. You’re eighteen, no longer a child. You’ve got a boyfriend, friends, a social life. I know you’re going to be out a lot, but I’m not asking for much.”
“I’m sorry it’s so late. There was a problem.”
“Just let me know if you’re going to be late, please. Just enough warning to stop the thoughts of you lying hurt, lost, or worse.”
“Sorry.”
“So am I. For moving here.”
Worry was etched into her face and posture and Lily now knew it was justified. If Drew had hit his head harder, or if his neck had snapped, she’d have killed him. A cold chill swept over her despite the now roaring fire. She had to do this, there was no choice.
“Have you got the tablets still?”
Her mother’s face filled with hope. “Yes. Why?”
“I’ll take two a day, like I used to. Not four. Four was messing with my head.”
“Okay. Okay, we can start with two and see how we go. It’s safer, Lily, it really is. You’ll be happier, and you won’t need to worry about Matt finding out. No one will ever find out, and you’ll be safe. Drew will lose interest once he realises you refuse to be tainted like him. He won’t do anything to reveal what you are, I know he won’t.”
“What do you mean reveal what I am?”
Her mother turned to the fire and poked it needlessly with the poker. “Oh, you know, in general, that’s all I meant.”
Lily’s head fell back against the sofa, a weariness washed over her that had nothing to do with how late it was.
Her mother was lying, keeping yet more secrets.
