Time passes too slow and too fast all at once. There are so many expectations of me. I can’t keep up with them all. I have council meetings, meetings with my ladies-in-waiting, reading, and filling out papers, all while I continue to do what I can to gain physical and magical strength.
None of it is going well.
And the whole time, not a word from Nash. Yesterday, I sent a note to his mother, hoping she wouldn’t mind the intrusion.
Lunch just finished up, and I’m waiting for my council meeting. We’ll probably go over more things the councilors are bickering over—things that don’t matter. Maybe they’d matter more if I didn’t have the weight of the First Queen on me.
“You look like there is a heavy burden on you,” Venda says as she enters my sitting room.
I give her a smile, but it feels tight. “I didn’t expect to see you today.”
“I thought I would spend some time with you.” Her gaze flits to Afet and Eldim.
The two need a break. They’ve been alternating standing guard over me with Jaku, and I’m afraid it’s too much. No matter what I say, though, they tell me they’re fine.
Is there more than what she’s saying? “That’s kind of you.” It gets frustrating, these little in-between moments I have that I usually spend by myself, unable to do anything except exercise my hands.
She sits on a chair across from me. “How are you?”
Is she serious? “I’m fine.”
“You can be honest with me.”
Frustrated that I can’t defeat the First Queen. “I wish I could do that thing we were practicing earlier.” I don’t dare say magic in front of Eldim and Afet. Though I can probably trust them, I don’t want to chance scaring them off.
“I know. It will come with time. Your strength will increase, and you will benefit from that.”
Androlla will take over before then. Though she has left me alone the past several days, even in my dreams, it makes me more nervous than if she was bothering me. It’s like she’s gathering her power for something big.
I hold my head high. No matter what it is, I won’t let her.
“I have a gift for you,” Venda says, snagging my attention back to her.
“You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“But I wanted to. It seems well suited to you. I should have given it to you a while ago.” She pulls a small object out of her pocket. It’s a rectangular box, made of dark wood.
“What is it?”
“Something that will give you a little independence.” She places it in my hand and shows me two small protrusions sticking out of the sides. “If you hold both of these down at the same time, it will shoot a dart laced with a quick-acting poison.”
I look at the device with new appreciation. “It can do that?”
“Of course. And it has five darts loaded in it, so after you shoot one, another will take its place. You’ll have to count to three for the mechanism to have time to move.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Thank you will suffice.” She stands and moves out of the way. “Go ahead and aim it at the chair, to make sure you can use it, then press those two buttons at the same time.”
I hold the box between my thumb and middle finger, my pointer finger on top. A week ago, I wouldn’t have been able to do that. Once I feel both parts that stick out, I press them down, aiming for the chair. A thrill goes through me as a dart goes flying out of the box and lands dead-center in the chair. “Thank you. More than words can express, thank you. This will help so much. The darts are so little, though.”
“They’ll feel like a prick. It’s made to be light and easy, but that little prick will put the poison in your opponent’s blood stream.”
“What will the poison do?” I don’t want to accidentally kill someone.
“One dart will knock them out. Two to three darts will do so more quickly, and they’ll be quite sick when they come around. Four will put them in a coma for days, and five will kill them.”
“Five is death. Got it.” And will be very careful with that box. “This is a gift like I never expected.”
“I hope it gives you some peace of mind. Just make certain you’re willing to knock out and possibly kill whoever you’re aiming at when you use it.”
Daros flashes into my mind, but I don’t want to kill him. Not only does he have the information I need, but I am over that need. His death isn’t worth sullying my life. He’s a pathetic excuse for a man who can find no joy except to play with others’ lives. After all this is over, I hope to have him executed, not out of vengeance, but for the safety of others. I don’t know if that’ll be possible, though, given the pardon he had me sign.
“I will be careful to only aim it at enemies.”
“Good. Now we eat.”
“I had lunch,” I say confused at her words.
“Yes, but you have not had lychee.”
“What is that?”
She pulls a little red sphere full of tiny bumps out of her pocket. “It is a fruit from my country, which is where your gift came from. I had a package arrive today. You will find this fruit better fresh in Faner, but it is still good enough that I wish to share with you and your guards.” She peels the red skin off to reveal an almost translucent whitish fruit beneath it. She cuts it in half with her fingers and pulls out a tiny pit. “It is ready now. If you will permit me?”
She wants to feed me since I can’t bring my hand to my mouth. I’m more curious than embarrassed. “Of course.”
She places the fruit between my open lips. It’s delicious. A light, almost floral flavor. “I like it.”
“I thought you would.” She throws one each to Afet and Eldim and shows them how to open them before feeding me another.
“They are delightful,” I say. “Thank you for sharing with us.”
“Yes. Thank you,” Eldim says.
“That’s some good fruit,” Afet adds. “Though we probably shouldn’t be eating on duty.”
She waves a hand. “Ryn is safe now. She has her dart shooter. Everything will be fine.”
If only my dart shooter really could make everything fine.
Inkga enters the room. “I have your mail for the day.”
“If you will excuse me, I shall be going,” Venda says.
“You don’t have to leave on my account,” Inkga replies.
“I need to take care of a few things, but thank you for saying so.” Venda gives me a faint smile before going out the door.
Inkga grins as she comes over to me. “Are you having a good day so far?”
“The best.” Given the circumstances. “Venda gave me a new toy.” I hold up the dart flinger and explain what it is.
“I’ll be sure to stay clear of its path,” she says. “I’m happy you have a way to protect yourself. I know that’s been bothering you.”
“Is it that obvious?”
She winks. “Let’s take a look here. I thought you might like to read this one first.” She opens the letter.
“Who’s it from?”
“Slipa.”
My interest is immediately piqued. Nash’s mother wrote me back.
Kind enough to look away, Inkga places it before me. I eagerly take it in.
Queen Ryn,
I was happy to receive your letter. Thank you for your interest in our family. We are all doing well. The girls are more settled now that their brother is home, though I have a feeling he won’t be here for much longer.
Nash is doing well—better than he has been since he first returned—though I know he’s still haunted by what happened to him. I appreciate your concern and have let everyone I know how kind you are. You are always welcome in our home, whenever you should desire to visit.
Thank you again, for taking such good care of Nash and of our family,
Slipa
He won’t be home for much longer? What does that mean? I’m grateful to hear he’s coming around, if it’s true. It’s hard to know for certain when it comes from his mother. Despite not trusting my own, I know they can be biased toward their children.
Maybe she doesn’t know how bad he got, and he’s worse than ever.
The thought makes my stomach churn. I don’t want him worse; I want him better. I need to see him myself, to know how things are actually going, but I don’t dare call for him. Sending a letter to his mother would be showing him preferential treatment.
“Thank you, Inkga, I’m finished with that one,” I say. Probably had her hold it way too long, considering how short it was.
“I thought—” She stops herself.
“Thought what?”
“Forgive me. It’s not my place.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we?”
She nods.
“Then you can tell me or ask me whatever you want.” And I’ll do my best to answer.
She bites her lower lip. “I thought that you would be happier about that letter—unless it was bad news?”
I’m very aware of Afet and Eldim in the room, though I trust them both. “It wasn't bad. I am happy, but I’m also still worried. There’s a lot that could go wrong, and that seems to be all I can think about.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
She nods. “It’s hard having people you lo—care about going through hard times.”
Too true. It hurts to think about.
“Are you ready to read the next letter?” she asks.
I give her an affirmative. No matter how many letters from Shillian or ladies-in-waiting I read, they don’t take my mind off the first one. Off Nash and how he may be doing.