Daros’s skin is painted the black of death, but there are no honoring markings of stones or gems on his face. It’s silent. So very silent.
Only my guards and I are here to see him off. I don’t know why I came, except perhaps I feel some sort of connection to him. Granted, a bad connection, but a connection nonetheless.
There’s no one to say words about him. No one to sing him to the other side. No one to mourn him. I’m not stupid enough to do that, though I do mourn opportunity lost because of his passing. Despite that it’s been two days, I haven’t come to terms with the fact that I don’t have his knowledge of how to defeat Androlla.
I’m doomed.
I sag, not caring to be queenly in this moment. I need time to mourn the loss of my life, my love, and my country.
“The Ryn I know wouldn’t be pouting at her old master’s funeral.” Nash’s voice shocks me into sitting straight. “That’s more like it.”
“What are you doing here?” I haven’t seen much of him.
“Do you mean at the funeral of the man I despise more than any other, for hurting you, or next to you?”
“Both.”
“I’m at this joke of a funeral because you’re attending it.” He bends down, so he’s on my level, and whispers, “And I’m with you because that’s where I want to be.”
“But you’ve been avoiding me.”
He has the decency to look away. “True.”
“Why?”
“Because I thought it would hurt you too much if you were the one to kill me, so I stayed away. But if”—he says so low I can barely here him—“Androlla”—he resumes a conversational tone—“kills me, you’ll have to understand it wasn’t your fault because I’m not leaving again. I demand to be placed back on your personal guard.”
I give him a faint smile, though my heart is bursting with joy. “They do need the help.”
“It’s settled, then.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to come back?” I can’t help but think he may need more time to heal.
“If you don’t want me to, I’ll stay at home a while longer, but I feel ready. I’ve got a plan. I’m going to keep talking to Jaku, train less, and see my family more. I think all these things will help.” He leans in close. “Besides, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” My words are so soft, I’m not sure he hears me, until the corners of his lips turn up.
He says, “I think it’s time we were away from this place, don’t you?”
I glance at Daros’s still form. He’ll be entombed with those who have no money or family. In the paupers’ graveyard. He would have hated that.
“Yes, it’s time.” And I can honestly say that without any guilt over leaving Daros behind.
One of the guards goes to move my chair, but Nash takes it from her. “I’ve got this.”
I hold back a smile. It’s a bumpy ride back to the palace, but it feels good. Feels like my last taste of freedom, out in the open air. While I’m not ready to think about Androlla and what’s to become of my future, I am ready to enjoy what’s left of my time.
The birds are out, singing, though it’s late in the year and the temperatures are falling. It’s not cold but cool, the sun warming the slight breeze. As we enter the palace walls, the sound of metal clanging reaches us. The guards are practicing their skills, heedless that they are about to once again be under a mad woman.
I take a deep breath, enjoying the scent of leaves and dirt that come together to make it smell of late year. I don’t want to say goodbye to this life yet, but the end feels soon and inevitable.
Does Nash feel it? Jaku? Jem? Is there anyone else who has an inkling of what’s to pass? I wish there was a way to protect them. To make it so Androlla wouldn’t rule over them, but the only way to get rid of the queen altogether would throw the country into one natural disaster after another, according to what history says.
Better to live life under the rule of a mad woman than face certain death.
It’s hard to make that choice for my people, but I feel most of them would rather have it that way. Besides, if Androlla pushes on the Poruah and Medi’s taxes, I have a feeling they’ll push back. They’re tired of being toyed with. The assassination attempts on her life would increase, until this body is killed. But that’s what she wants—to get rid of a body with limited mobility.
While it’s not the ideal body, I’ve gotten used to it. I still ache to be able to climb onto the roof at night and stretch out my body in a way that has me feeling free, but there are no longer such luxuries. At least for a while. I seem to be improving, but not fast enough for my liking. Anything other than instant improvement would be too slow. I should stop thinking of myself. I'm not the only one suffering.
Poor Inkga, going through everything that she is with her mother… Monkia is in the dungeons, awaiting her fate from the council, and I can’t imagine it will be a good one. How does Inkga feel about that? About everything? She’s been so quiet, and I don’t want to pry, but at the same time, I wish there was something I could do for her.
I tell Nash to take me to Jem. Jaku is already here in my room and joins us. With him and Nash, Venda, Jem and me, we are now the only ones who officially know about the First Queen. It's a sobering thought, even if I'm the one who's tried to keep it that way.
Nash takes me through the twisting hallways of the palace until we arrive at Jem’s rooms.
She lets us in while the rest of my guards wait outside. They look to me, waiting for me to say something.
I don’t want to say it, but I must. “We know what’s coming. Without Daros’s help, we don’t have a way to defeat Androlla.”
“That’s not quite true,” Jem says.
A flame of hope flickers inside me. I want to douse it before it becomes too big to control. My hope has been squashed too many times to believe it won't be again. “What do you mean?”
“I talked to the men you had guarding Daros. They said he had some paperwork locked in his desk.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Nash asks.
“Don’t you see?” She grows excited. “He must have learned how to defeat Androlla from somewhere. The guards said these papers looked old, though Daros would never let them get close enough to read them. I think the answer to our problems might be there.”
I tamper down hope, but it does no good. My hope flames into existence, melting any doubts in its path. “We need to go to his house. It’s been too long. Someone could have ransacked the place.”
Jem nods. “I agree. I should have come to you sooner, but I’ve been lost in my own problems.”
“Is it safe?” Of course Jaku has to be the voice of reason.
“Have there been any attacks since we dealt with Kada and Daros?” I ask.
“Actually, no. Not a one. I’d say the people are starting to settle into your rule happily and don’t want to disturb the good news they’ve had of late.”
Yet another reason they’ll be furious if the First Queen takes over and changes things up again. “Then I say we should go for it. Nash?”
“I’m up for it. We’ll take Afet, Eldim, and Julina with us. They’ll help keep you safe, should anything happen, but I think we’d be fine even without them.”
“Just in case,” Jaku says, “don’t tell anyone where we are going.”
Nash nods his agreement and goes out to round them up.
“Are you up for this, Jem? It could be dangerous.” I don’t want her to face something she’s not ready for.
“I was trained by the best, even if I still need work. I know I can take down anyone I need to.”
It’s settled, then. We’re going to Daros’s, and we will find a solution to dealing with Androlla. I refuse to let it be any other way.