I used to think clinched fists would help me fight better,
but now I know they make me weaker.
I’m not a writer; I’m a lawyer. I think of myself as a recovering lawyer, actually. I sue companies that make crooked skyscrapers or bent buildings. I chose that kind of lawyering because I didn’t want to defend a crook or somebody who kicked a dog or ran over their mother-in-law with a golf cart. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no softy; I can be extremely confrontational when it comes to dirt and two-by-fours.
Some time ago I stopped thinking about being a lawyer as a career. Instead, I think of it as just a day job. Thinking about work as a day job has made a big difference in the way I approach what I do. It’s also helped me not to confuse who I am with what I do.
I spend a great deal of time working for kids in Uganda and India and chasing bad guys who hurt them. I started a nonprofit a number of years ago and now Sweet Maria and I think about my day job as a great way to fund the things we’re doing. Now when I put on a suit and tie or jump on a plane to go take a deposition, we call it “fund-raising.” It still makes me grin every time to say it this way. It’s like a really successful bake sale to get rid of bad guys.
Depositions are my favorite part of practicing law because they involve a lot of strategy. A deposition in a lawsuit is when the lawyers ask people lots of questions. Sometimes I even videotape the deposition, particularly if the person answering my questions has a short temper or a tendency to make things up. People who are like this can turn red and light up like a tomato, and when they do, it makes for a great Kodak moment.
Sometimes my clients have to be deposed, which means they are the ones asked questions by the other guys’ lawyers. It can feel intimidating with a big room full of lawyers all staring at you. So when my clients are being deposed, I tell them all the same thing each time: sit in the chair and answer the questions, but do it with your hands palms up the whole time. I tell them to literally have the backs of their hands on their knees and their palms toward the bottom of the table.
I’m very serious about this. In fact, I threaten to kick them in the shins if I look down and they don’t have their palms up. When their palms are up, they have an easier time being calm, honest, and accurate. And this is important, because it’s harder for them to get defensive. When people get angry or defensive they tend to make mistakes. But nobody can be defensive with their palms up.
Go ahead and try it. Right now, wherever you are. Set your hands on your knees and turn your palms toward the sky.
You can try the opposite too. Clinch your fists. Most people could get angry at a grapefruit when their fists are clinched. Something about the hardwiring that God gave each of us links the position of our bodies and position of our hearts. I’m not sure why we’re wired this way, but I rarely have a client get frustrated or confused or get tempted to exaggerate or tell a lie when his palms are up.
I learned this technique from Jesus actually. I used to walk around with my fists clinched, defensive, afraid people were going to take advantage of me. There are also many evils in the world that caused me to clinch my fists. I wanted to be angry and swing at the horrible things people do to one another, especially the things done to kids. But it was Jesus who taught me there was nothing I could really lose if I had Him. He taught me to be palms up, just like He was. Palms up means you have nothing to hide and nothing to gain or lose. Palms up means you are strong enough to be vulnerable, even with your enemies. Even when you have been tremendously wronged. Jesus was palms up, to the end.
When people ask me what it looks like to follow Jesus, I usually say that following Him looks like dealing with all of the issues everyone else does—disappointments, tremendous joy, uncertainty, the whole bit—and having your mind change all the time as you learn how Jesus would’ve dealt with things. Following Jesus is about having your paradigms shift as you navigate a wide range of emotions while living the big life Jesus invites us into. Because I know Jesus, where I once thought of things in one way, now I think of them in another way. It happens all the time, every day.
Jesus seemed to say that a lot Himself. He would say, “You once thought this, but now I tell you that it’s different.” And through the many paradigm shifts I’ve had following Jesus, the one that seems to universally apply is that we should be palms up.