Joshua let himself in the front door as quietly as he could, given the thud of his crutches. Once he’d divested himself of his coat and gloves, he checked the house—first the kitchen, then the den. He found Nicole in the living room, sprawled across the sofa, a huge medical tome lying across her stomach.
What would it be like to come home to her every night? To share the quiet moments after the girls were sleeping, to plot birthdays and plan Christmas gifts in front of the fire? What would it be like to know she’d never go away?
He had to find out. It didn’t matter that he was going out on a limb, didn’t matter that she might care nothing at all for him. Joshua knew he loved her with a sure steady fire that wasn’t going to flicker and wane just because she wasn’t here. It would take an eternity for this love to die.
He wanted her to be happy, oh, yes, he did. But couldn’t she be happy with him and the girls? Hadn’t she been happy when they’d decorated the Christmas tree? Hadn’t she laughed right along with him at the girls’ school play? Hadn’t she been there through all the tough parts of his recovery?
She couldn’t leave now. Not until he knew for certain that there was no hope for him. Winifred’s cookie had intimated something. Joshua believed his aunt’s message was meant to tell him that Nicole had upped the date of her departure in the hope that he would act. He still wasn’t entirely sure Winifred was right, but he did intend to find out. Now.
“Nicole?” He lifted the book and set it aside. Still her chest moved in that same rhythmic pattern, and her eyelids never wavered. “Nici?”
Easing onto his knees, Joshua set his crutches out of the way and concentrated on her, here, in his home. He brushed his fingers through her soft, silky hair the way he’d longed to so many times over past weeks. She was gorgeous. What did his Nicole need of makeup and haute couture? Dressed in ratty sweats and a bulky sweater, her face tearstained, she was the most beautiful sight in the world.
He’d tried to talk to her so many times, to feel her out, to discern her thoughts. But she’d brushed aside his reminders of how well they worked together, ignored his hints about the future. Again and again she’d pretended she didn’t hear him. Well, she couldn’t pretend now.
“Nicole. Wake up.”
She blinked, her green eyes dark and shimmering, as if she’d just emerged from some fairy tale. A funny little smile wobbled to her lips and danced there.
“Joshua,” she whispered.
The gladness he read in her eyes—that was what did it.
Joshua leaned down, pressed his lips against hers and kissed her as he’d longed to. To his absolute delight, her arms fluttered around his neck and settled there as she held him close, returning his embrace wholeheartedly.
Certain she’d listen to him now, Joshua dotted tiny kisses along her jaw. Nicole arched her neck, then directed his lips back to hers. A second later he heard the words he was waiting for.
“I love you, Dr. Darling.”
“Oh, Nici.” Delighted by her confession, he slid his arms under her supine body and gathered her to him, burying his face in her hair.
It was the wrong move.
For three seconds she froze, her shocked eyes wide. Then she jerked up from the sofa, away from him.
“Nicole, I—”
“I have to go now. There’s a lot to do before I leave. I’ve moved the date up. I’ll still be here for Christmas, but I’m leaving the following day. I have to get back to Boston. I’m anxious to get started on my new career.”
A hiccup on the last word marred the jovial voice she employed. He thought he saw a tiny tear escape, and he struggled to find his crutches and get out of his awkward position.
“I’ve enjoyed my time here, but Blessing was only ever a temporary stop for me. You’ve improved so much. It’s time for me to get on with my plans.”
“But Nicole, you said—”
“You were right, you know.” She searched the room for her jacket, found it and thrust in her arms. “I’m not the right doctor for Blessing. Lucas is far better at running things your way. I’m sure he’ll make the perfect partner, but if not, there are plenty of candidates. It’s just a matter of deciding on one.” Out of breath and red cheeked, she stopped, but only for a moment. “I’m sorry about Dermot. He was a nice man. Goodbye.”
Stunned by her words, Joshua wasted valuable moments. Before he could maneuver his way across the room, she was out the door. It thudded closed, echoing the emptiness he felt.
Not what she says, what she means.
The thoughts from Aunt Win’s latest love cookie echoed in his mind. Then he heard Nicole’s words again. Plenty of candidates. Not the right doctor.
Could it be that self-assured, big-city rich girl Nicole Brandt was afraid? Did she think he wanted her to stay only because of the clinic? Or as some kind of mother substitute for the girls? Had he ever done anything to make her believe that he needed her in his life because she was the only one who could fill the void?
The answer kept him from following her.
He’d done nothing. Oh, he had used her, abominably at first, and shamefully after the accident. He’d impinged upon her good nature, her selflessness, her rigid adherence to duty and her genuine love for the girls. But he’d given nothing back, nothing to earn the love she’d freely given.
Was it any wonder Nicole was afraid to trust that he might want her for something more than her medical ability?
He’d been so eager to have control of his life, so determined to keep things on track, make sure life went exactly the way he wanted. The very idea was laughable. Life sure wasn’t moving in the direction he’d hoped. He wasn’t even in control of his own heart! In one fell swoop, that slim blond doctor had laid bare his pathetically selfish life and shown him how needy he truly was. His head dropped to his chest.
“Okay, God. I finally, finally get the point. Not my way, Your way. So be it. I believe You sent her here for a reason. I believe You’ve given me a gift beyond anything I could ever deserve. I promise You’ll be the center of my life.”
It felt good to say it, to give up and let go. But what came next?
He closed his eyes again, thought of Dermot and his words about grabbing life. Don’t waste time. Live every day.
Good advice. Words to live by. But how? Once more he bowed his head.
“Please help.”
Christmas Eve.
Nicole dreaded the evening ahead of her. Not that she wanted to be anywhere else. She didn’t. But it was painful to go through the motions knowing that Blessing, the girls, Winifred, Joshua would all be a part of her past very soon.
She’d made it through the day by working flat out, clearing up every odd and end she could think of to make things easier for Joshua. He’d been in and out of the office all day. She assumed he was still trying to contact Dermot’s daughter, Dani. In a way, Nicole hoped the girl spent a happy Christmas before she learned of her father’s death. There was nothing she could do for him now.
“Your father’s here, Nicole,” Winifred murmured after tapping lightly on the door of her room. “You’ll have to get going if you want a good seat. The church is always full on this night.”
Nicole opened the door, smiled at her hostess and preceded her down the stairs. She had dressed up for a change. The black velvet was warm without being heavy. Black stockings and heels were probably a little formal for Christmas Eve in Blessing, as were her diamond earrings, but she didn’t care. She would leave them all with a good memory. Because she’d told only Joshua and her father that she was leaving the day after tomorrow, no one would speculate on why she’d chosen to dress up tonight. Just the Christmas spirit at work, they’d say.
“Are you ready, honey?” Shane brushed his lips against her cheek. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks, Daddy.”
They offered Miss Winifred a ride, but she had her own transportation and would see them at the church. Once they arrived, Shane helped her with her coat, then disappeared. He returned with the three Darling girls in tow.
“Hope you don’t mind. You and I are in charge tonight.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask about Joshua, but Nicole turned her attention to the girls, complimenting them on their matching red velvet dresses and white satin sashes.
“Daddy’s coming,” Ruthie told her. “He’s just taking an extra long time. He’s got stuff to do.”
“Yeah, stuff,” Rosie agreed.
Rachel intervened and all three rehearsed their parts in the program. The entire service went off without a hitch. The girls performed beautifully. It was almost too much for Nicole. Christmas had never been more meaningful, more perfect. She steeled herself to keep her emotions in check and tried to worship as best she could.
When the last note of “Silent Night” had died away, the congregation began to wish each other a Merry Christmas. Nicole murmured the words over and over, trying to store a memory of each dear face.
“My dear, I’ve a bit of a favor to ask you. I’ve prepared a special treat for Christmas dinner tomorrow. I promised Joshua I wouldn’t forget and I’ve gone and left the thing at the bakery. I wonder if you and your father would give me a ride there.”
Nicole stared at her. “But you brought your own car, remember?”
Winifred frowned. “No, dear. I caught a ride with Furly. We sang carols all the way here. But she’s taking Millicent home. I don’t want to intrude.”
Uncertain she’d heard correctly, Nicole tried to puzzle it out, then gave up. What difference did it make?
“I’m sure we can give you a ride,” she agreed. “I’m just wondering who will take care of the girls. I haven’t seen Joshua all evening and they’ll need to get home.”
“All taken care of, honey. Now, shall we go?” Shane held her coat ready, his smile wide.
“Er, yes. Of course.” She slid her arms into the sleeves, threaded her scarf around her neck and fastened the buttons. “I’m ready.” She wanted to ask about Joshua, about his daughters, but that was asking for pain. She kept her lips clamped together.
The night was crisp and clear. Every movement seemed to cause another crackle that echoed across the countryside. They drew up outside the bakery.
“I do hate to enter dark buildings at night. Would you come with me, Nicole?”
Surely Shane would be better protection, Nicole thought, though it seemed unlikely that anyone would be breaking in to a bakery on Christmas Eve. Nevertheless, Nicole opened her car door and climbed out. It was the least she could do to repay the hospitality she’d enjoyed these past months.
In fact, the bakery wasn’t dark. Showcase lights provided a glow that made it easy to move around.
“Now, just wait here, dear. I won’t be a moment.” Winifred bustled through the door into the back room. When, after many minutes, she didn’t return, Nicole called out.
“Is everything all right, Winifred?”
“Oh, everything is fine, dear. Just fine. Won’t be a moment.”
Shrugging, Nicole moved to stand in front of the big picture window, staring into the night. Only a few vehicles traversed the main street tonight. Everyone was at home, with friends and family. Celebrating.
“Nicole?”
She twisted, stared at Joshua’s smiling face and almost groaned. Oh, no. Why had Winifred chosen tonight to do her matchmaking? It was too much.
“I think there’s been a mistake. I’m—”
“Leaving. I know. Are you completely set on becoming a surgeon?”
“What?”
He leaned on his crutches, his face shadowed so that she couldn’t read the expression there.
“I mean, is it an absolute? You’re determined and there’s no way to talk you out of it?” He edged a little closer.
With the window behind her, there was nowhere for Nicole to go. She thrust her chin out, glared at him.
“Why? What difference does it make to you?”
“Quite a bit, actually. As senior doctor in the practice, and your boss, I’m required to assess your abilities and notify the college as to your suitability for such an undertaking. I thought you might like to hear my thoughts on the subject, so that you won’t be surprised when you read the report.”
Nicole frowned, opened her mouth to tell him she didn’t care what he would say, then hesitated.
“Do you really think I should keep Lucas Lawrence on?”
At least she was sure about this.
“Yes, of course you should. He’d make a perfect partner.” She glared at him, tired of trying to understand. “That is what you wanted, isn’t it? A perfect partner?” How she hated those words. They only made her feel more inadequate.
Joshua nodded.
“Yes, I did. But Luc isn’t the partner I need. Oh, he’s a fine doctor, does a good job, but he doesn’t meet all my specifications.”
She couldn’t believe her ears. What else was he looking for? But he didn’t give her the chance to ask.
“But that’s beside the point. I can’t recommend you to the surgical board, Nicole. Would you like to hear my report so you’ll understand why?”
“You would dare to malign me…” Chagrined, Nicole could only glare at him. Her eyes widened even farther when he let his crutches go and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her waist.
“You see, I can’t possibly recommend you when I think that what you’re really good at is making me forget my own stupid agenda and concentrate on serving the people who most need my help.”
She froze, not knowing how to extricate herself.
“Luc would be an asset to the office, of course. But he isn’t my perfect partner.”
“But he—”
“A perfect partner would be someone who could share my workload in the office and at home. My perfect partner is a woman who makes the days fun and brings laughter where there was gloom. My perfect partner is you, Dr. Nicole Brandt.”
“Me?” She couldn’t believe it. “But—”
“You,” he whispered, one finger tracing her bottom lip. “I love you, Nicole. And even though you probably ought to be using your talents as a famous surgeon, I can’t recommend that you leave because I think you belong here in Blessing. With me. As my wife.”
“Joshua, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I love you enough to agree to whatever you want, as long as you say you’ll marry me. If you truly want to pursue surgery, we’ll pack up the girls and head to Boston. Or Timbuktu. I don’t care where we go, or what you dream, as long as you always include me and the girls.”
Nicole ordered her brain to rationally reason this out, but it wouldn’t cooperate. She was ecstatic. And fearful. Delighted. And scared. Did she dare believe?
“I’m not sure that I’m the kind of person you need in your life, Joshua. I like my own way. I’m independent. I don’t know anything about raising a family. And I make a lot of mistakes.”
He cupped her face in his hands.
“The other night you said you loved me. Was that true?”
She nodded.
“Yes, but—”
He kissed her, long and satisfyingly, so that her knees wobbled and her heart sang.
“None of the rest matters, Nici. We’ll learn it as we go.”
“But I’ll mess up and you’ll get angry and the girls will hate me.”
He shook his head, his smile tender, then reached out one hand and grasped a small box from the counter.
“Do you remember this?” He lifted the lid, held it so that she could see. “You left it for me the morning of the accident. Your farewell gift.”
She nodded, fingered the plaque she’d had engraved.
“I didn’t want to go that day, you know,” she whispered. “I felt as if you’d locked yourself away and that the girls were losing you. I felt there was more I should have done. Your aunt suggested the words.”
“I might have known such wisdom came from a cookie.” He grinned.
The words she’d had inscribed leaped out. “The ship is safer in the harbor, but it is not meant for that.”
“Joshua, I—”
“It’s as true for you, Nici. You reached out, refused to become an imitation of your mother. You took a chance on your dad and found a wonderful relationship.” His face begged her to think again. “Can’t you reach out again, see the possibilities we could have—as a team? I love you. You, Nicole Brandt. Not what I tried to make you. Not what you wanted to become. I’m in love with you, right here, right now.”
She sighed, her heart overflowing at those wonderful words.
“I want you to be happy, Nici, but I don’t ever want you to try to be anything other than the beautiful woman you are.”
“And the girls?”
“You already know the girls love you. Surely you don’t doubt that?”
She smiled, shook her head. “No. I love them, too.”
“And me?” A flicker of worry wavered through his blue eyes.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw a muscle twitch in his neck and knew he was afraid. That amazed and confounded her. Joshua Darling was afraid she wouldn’t love him? The very idea was laughable.
“I love you, Joshua. So much it makes my breath catch and my heart shift into overdrive.”
“Thank you, God.”
He tugged her close and kissed her so thoroughly, Nicole had to finally pull away to draw new breath into her lungs. But his hands never left her, clinging as if he couldn’t believe her words.
“And you’ll be my partner? My perfect partner.”
“I’m not perfect. Far from it.” She grinned. “And neither are you. But I promise to love you anyway. No matter what.”
“We’ll continue negotiations later.” He kissed her nose. “Right now I think there are some people we ought to share our news with.” Taking her hand, he haltingly led her, without using his crutches, to the back of the bakery where Winifred sat perched on a stool, the girls in their Christmas finery waiting by her side.
“Did she say yes?” Ruthie demanded.
Nicole searched Joshua’s face. “You told them?”
“Of course. If you wouldn’t accept my pledge that I love you and want to marry you, I was going to sic these four on you.” He bent, hugged his girls. “She said yes,” he confirmed with a grin.
“Thank heavens.” Rachel huffed out a breath that destroyed her perfectly combed bangs. “I thought you’d never decide, Nici.”
Nicole laughed, delighted by their easy acceptance of her new role. Then she caught sight of Ruthie’s little face scrunched up into a frown.
“What’s the matter, sweetie?”
In answer, Ruthie held out a crumpled page from a magazine.
“What’s this?” Nicole took the sheet, smoothed it and blinked at what she saw.
“It’s a fairy princess dress. Me ’n Rach ’n Rosie wanna wear them when the minister makes you our new mom. But Auntie Win says you might not like them.” Her stormy face showed her unhappiness with that.
Nicole looked at Joshua, saw his smile and knew it was up to her. Just as he’d promised, she would be her own woman, free to be herself.
“Auntie Win was being very cautious, dear. You see, she knows a lot about weddings. I think she’s helped plan a few.”
“Perhaps just a few,” Winifred murmured, fanning herself, a faint smile curving her lips.
“So I think what we should do is have a meeting and get everybody’s opinion. Then when we go shopping for the dresses, you girls will be able to help me pick out my wedding gown.”
“Thank you.” The love in Joshua’s eyes shone on her.
Nicole shook her head. “No. Thank you. This is the best Christmas I could have imagined.”
“Me, too. But this is Christmas Eve. I think we should go home and celebrate our blessings.”
“What blessings, Daddy?” Three little girls peered up at him.
Joshua crouched down and gathered them into the circle of his arms, then motioned for Shane, who’d sneaked in the back door, to join them.
“I think I’ll celebrate my accident.”
Ruthie frowned. “That wasn’t a blessing.”
“Wasn’t it?” Joshua rose and brushed his lips against Nicole’s cheek. “I think it was a blessing in disguise. Because of it, I found that God had already sent my perfect partner.”
As he bent to seal their partnership, Joshua heard his aunt whisper, “Come along, girls. It’s time you were home in bed, dreaming. Maybe tomorrow your wishes will come true.”
They hurried out the door, but Nicole heard a noise and turned her head to look. She nudged Joshua.
“I already have my wish. And it’s a blessing, too,” Ruthie whispered, then blew them a kiss before she disappeared.
“So is mine.” Nicole stood on tiptoe and brushed her lips against Joshua’s chin. “Funny how God works, isn’t it?”
As it happened, Ruthie chose all the dresses. Her sisters, suffering from a severe dose of the measles, were unable to travel to Boston in Shane’s airplane, so Ruthie picked out three fairy princess dresses in white, with tiny red satin hearts scattered all over the skirts. She also helped Nicole find a gorgeous silk gown that everyone said made her look like a queen.
The Valentine wedding was by no means a small affair. No invitations were sent out, but everyone showed up. After all, Blessing was a friendly place. Everyone knew the doctors and wanted to see them wed. It was good their beloved Dr. Darling had found love again, and with such a perfect partner. And why shouldn’t they have a honeymoon? Wasn’t Lucas Lawrence on hand to deal with whatever maladies might appear?
The whole town had really cottoned on to the newest doctor. The relationship was cemented right after Millicent Maple claimed she heard Luc talking to Winifred Blessing. Seems he’d taken a liking to the town and got to thinking about staying on. If there was room.
Everyone knew what Winifred had said.
There’s always room for another blessing in disguise.