Sarah
“Sarah, where are you?”
“I’m in the bedroom, come on in,” I called out to Harry as he walked in with a beer in his hand. “Oh, and feel free to help yourself to any of the beers in my fridge.”
“Well, Sarah, I’m the one that bought these beers last time I was here, and you haven’t had any of them, so I think it’s okay, right?”
“You just assume everything, Harry.”
“I don’t think I assume anything, Sarah.” He sat down on the bed next to me.
“Okay, so what are we going to watch, and are we watching in here, or are we watching in the living room?”
“I don’t know. What do you prefer?”
“I love your bed, it’s so comfortable, so I don’t mind watching in here. But, if I watch in here, we’re most probably going to end up falling asleep, which means I have to stay the night, which means I have to get up by seven o’clock tomorrow morning so I can get to my meeting on time.”
“Okay. Well then you can just go home, you don’t have to spend the night, Harry.”
“But what’s the fun in that? I love our movie nights.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. Though, secretly, I wish he meant more than that. It wasn’t that Harry and I were friends with benefits and I wanted more, it was just that we had always just been friends. Even though he was a few years older than me, our friendship had always just jelled and well, we’d been sleeping in the same bed and watching movies forever. It didn’t even seem abnormal, but then maybe it was because I’d never had sex before, so I didn’t know what it meant to sleep with a guy in a bed after something romantic. I’d only ever slept in the same bed as Harry. Well, Harry didn’t seem to mind either.
“Earth to Sarah, earth to Sarah. Are you there?”
“Yes, Harry. What?”
“I’ve just been asking you what movies there are to watch, and you didn’t say anything.”
“Oh, sorry. Okay. So this is what’s available on Netflix or what’s new right now, okay?”
“Okay. Hit me.”
“We have a movie called Holly Date.”
“Nope!”
“We have a movie called A New York Christmas Wedding.”
“Hell no!”
“A movie called Midnight at the Magnolia.”
“Nope.”
“Jumping the Broom.”
“Jumping the what?”
“Dash and Lily?”
“Is that about reindeers?”
“Oh my god, Harry. Really?”
“Sarah, are you freaking joking me right now? Do those sound like any movies that I would want to watch?”
“You said we’d compromise.”
“Yeah. I said we’d compromise from Love Actually and Die Hard. I didn’t say I was going to watch some teenybopper movie.”
“I’m not asking you to watch a teenybopper movie.”
“What’s that?”
“What’s what?” I said, frustrated.
“That show. What’s that guy with the wings?”
“Let me look. It’s Lucifer.” I paused my scanning and clicked on the show description.
“Want to watch that?”
“Harry, you know I don’t want to watch a movie about the devil.”
“It doesn’t actually look like a movie, Sarah, it looks like a TV show.”
“Dude, it’s got several seasons. If we watch that, we’ll be up all night.”
“Well, I like to be up at night.”
“No, you don’t, you’ll call me tomorrow from your office in the middle of your meeting and you’ll blame me for being tired.”
“I always blame you for being tired, Sarah, what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. I don’t want to watch a show called Lucifer though. You know I don’t like scary movies.”
“If you get scared, just put your head on my shoulder, that’s what you’ve always done.”
“I don’t know,” I whined and then stood up. I watched as Harry started undoing his shirt and I could feel my skin getting warm. I’m starting to get a bit too old for this. At twenty-five years of age, I was officially ready to be doing more than just giggling and watching movies in bed with my best friend. “Harry, I want to ask you something,” I said.
“Yeah.” He pulled off his shirt and I stared at his tanned chest. I turned away because I didn’t want him to see how much I admired his gorgeous six-pack. “What is it, Sarah? Tell me.”
“So I was thinking about going to the hairdresser and getting my hair cut and maybe colored, what do you think?” I turned around and looked at him. He had a confused expression on his face.
“Why do you want to go and do that?” He frowned. “You look fine as you are.” He walked over to me and then tugged on my ponytail. “Right, you’re cute.”
“No, I’m not cute. I don’t want to be cute. I want to be beautiful.”
“You’re fine as you are, Sarah.” He grinned at me and pulled me in for a hug. “You know that.” I put my arms around his chest and I ran my fingers down his back. I couldn’t stop myself. His skin felt warm and silky, and I wondered if he could feel my heartbeat racing fast next to him.
“Sarah, look at me.” He pulled back slightly and looked down into my face. “You’re a beautiful girl. You do not need to cut your hair and you do not need to color it.”
“Yeah, you would say that. You’re like my best friend, you have to tell me I look good.”
“But you do look good.”
“Then why don’t I have a boyfriend and why don’t I have a man telling me that I’m beautiful, and why am I here with you in bed? Why aren’t I here with someone else?”
“Do you not want to be here with me?” He looked affronted and laughed. “I mean, there are plenty of women that would be very happy to have me spending the night right now.”
“Harry.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“What? I’m telling the truth. You know you’re the only woman I actually spend the night with.”
“Yay for me. I’m your best friend. You spend the night with me.”
“Well, hey, you know, I don’t want to commit to anyone. I don’t want them to expect anything.”
“So what, you just hit it and quit it?”
“Come on now, Sarah, that’s so crass.”
“But it’s true, right? You have sex with these women and then you just leave them by themselves.”
“I don’t have sex with all the women, Sarah. I’m not some side of some sort of pig.”
“Aha, sure you’re not. What about these three different women that I’m buying presents for, have you had sex with them?”
“Actually, I’ve not slept with any of them.” He looked proud.
“Really?” I was shocked. “You haven’t slept with any of them?”
“No. And there’s a reason for that.”
“What’s the reason for that?”
“It’s the holiday season, Sarah. If you’re sleeping with a woman in the holiday season and you’re buying her presents, she’s going to think that you’re her man. She’s going to want to introduce you to her family and to her friends and she’s going to want a label.” He shook his head. “I’m not interested in meeting anyone’s family. I’m not interested in meeting anyone’s friends. I’m not interested in calling anyone a girlfriend and heaven forbid someone expects they’re going to become engaged to me.”
“Oh wow, Harry. So what, you’re never going to get married?”
“I didn’t say I’m never going to get married, but it’s not like it’s coming up anytime soon.”
“Okay. So then why am I buying these presents? Why do you care?”
“Because they’re pretty girls and they like to go to events.” He looked down at me again and then pulled on my pigtail again. “If you liked to go to events, I wouldn’t have to do this.”
“I’m not going to go to events with you, Harry. You know I hate that sort of thing.”
“I know you hate that sort of thing, but that’s the life you were born into, Sarah,” he said softly. “You’re a socialite. You’re in this world. You can’t just run away from it forever.”
“Well, Harry, I already have. I don’t want to be a part of that. I don’t want people judging me on how much money I have and what clothes I wear. I care about more important things than that.”
“I know you do, Sarah, but your parents’ business...” He paused.
“What?”
“You’re the only one there to take care of it, right? Your mom and your dad, they want you to take the reins.”
“But I don’t want to do that, Harry. I studied history in undergrad. I studied history in grad school. I wanted to go on and get my PhD, but...”
“I know,” he sighed. “I understand.” And he did. He knew that my life was about books and reading and history. I didn’t want to get involved in corporate America, but my father had a multimillion dollar company and I was an only child.
“You’re lucky,” I said to Harry.
“Why?”
“Because you have four brothers, you know if you didn’t want to carry on the company, Ethan would, or Jack would, or Dylan, even Joshua.”
“No, I don’t think Joshua would be interested.” He laughed.
“Well, you know you have options.”
“Yeah, but I love the company. It is my company, right. I’m Harry Parker Huntington. I’m going to be the next CEO of Huntington Corporation.”
“Yeah. And that’s great for you, Harry, because that’s what you want. But I don’t want that for myself.”
“Oh, Sarah. I know. Do you want me to talk to your parents again?”
“No, it’s okay. Let’s just watch a movie. I don’t want to think about it right now.”
“Okay.” Then he started undoing his pants.
“What are you doing, Harry?”
“What? I’m not going to get on the bed in these khakis, they’re not comfortable, they’re brand new.”
“Oh my gosh. You’re going to just lie on my bed in your boxer shorts and that’s it?”
“Are you uncomfortable with that? I mean, that’s how we always lie together.”
“Well, I guess it’s fine.” I shrugged and then walked over to the light switch. “Lights on or lights off?”
“Turn them off, I think.” He grinned at me. “That way, if we do fall asleep, neither one of us will have to get up and turn the lights off.”
“True. That’s good thinking.” I turned the light off and then walked back over to the bed and got on top of the covers. I leaned back against the headboard and stared at him. “Do you think this is weird?”
“Do I think what is weird?” He looked at me with a confused expression.
“Do you think it’s weird that we’re best friends in our twenties, watching movies together, sleeping in the same bed and we’re not actually together?”
“No, I don’t think so. Why, do you think it’s weird?”
“No, but I just think, right, if I had a boyfriend, would he be happy with this? And if you had a girlfriend, would she be happy with this?”
“Well, it’s a good thing that neither one of us has a boyfriend or a girlfriend, right? We can do what we want to do.”
“But yeah, what happens when that changes?”
“When’s it going to change?” He shook his head. “I have no plans on getting a girlfriend anytime soon.” And with that, he turned away and it occurred to me that he didn’t even think that it was possible that I could get a boyfriend anytime soon. Inside, I felt pretty angry and pretty sad as he pulled me into his arms, and I lay my head on his chest. I realized that it was always just going to be like this. This closeness without intimacy. And that’s not what I wanted, for as much as I loved my friendship with Harry, I wanted more than that. I wanted more than this and I was going to have it whether or not he thought I could.