Sarah
“Gemma, I just don’t know what to think. This has all just come so suddenly.”
“Really, Sarah?” she looked at me in surprise.
“What do you mean really?” I frowned. “Why are you giving me that look?”
“I mean, I’m not trying to be a bitch or anything, but this has been coming for a long time.” Gemma laughed.
“What do you mean? This has been coming for a long time? Sarah, are you completely dense? It’s been obvious to me for years that you and Harry have something for each other.”
“What do you mean we have something for each other? We don’t have anything for each other. We’re just best friends.”
“Best friends that kiss? Best friends that have oral sex?”
“Well, we didn’t both have oral sex.”
“Okay. You were the receiver and he was the giver. But yeah, you kind of did have oral sex.”
“I mean, I know we... Aw!” I said frustrated. “I mean, I’ve always thought he’s cute. Yeah. He’s a handsome guy, but he’s Harry. He’s my Harry. He’s my best friend. This was not supposed to happen.”
“Sarah. I say this because I love you, but this is life.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I mean, in life, lots of things that we don’t expect to happen or lots of things that we think are supposed to happen, never actually happen or vice versa.”
“I guess. I mean, I’m just so confused. On the one hand, I think it would be amazing to lose my virginity to Harry. But on the other hand, it seems almost creepy.”
“Why does it seem creepy? You’ve got the hots for him.”
“I do have the hots for him but isn’t it creepy that I have the hots for someone I’ve known more than half my life.”
“No, you’re not related to him in any way. It’s not creepy at all.” She shrugged. “I’ve known George Clooney almost half of my life. And I’d bone him in a second.”
“You haven’t known George Clooney for half your life.”
“Well, I mean, I grew up watching him on TV and in movies. That’s good enough.” She laughed. “Trust me. If I bone George Clooney, you could bone Harry.”
“Well, if I could bone George Clooney, I wouldn’t have to have Harry.” Gemma grins. “We shouldn’t really be talking about George Clooney in this way. You know that, right?”
“Why?”
“He’s married?”
“Yeah. I guess he’s married, but it’s not like we had a chance either way.” I laughed at Gemma.
“So what do you think I should do?”
“Well. I think you totally have to go for it. I mean, what’s one night.”
“I know, but do you really think a one-night pact could work?”
“I think if you guys are both mature and...” She paused, “Who am I kidding? I don’t think a one-night pact will work. No. Who’s going to have sex once and be like, oh yeah, that was great. Thank you. Bye.” She grins “Like neither one of you.”
“I know. That’s what I’m thinking, but Harry thinks it will be this great idea to just make it one night so that we don’t develop feelings and nothing becomes awkward between us.”
“You don’t think it’s going to become awkward between you, even if it’s just one night?” She shook her head. “Let’s be real. If he puts his penis inside your va-jay-jay.”
“Wait a second.” I held my hand up. “Did you just call my vagina, my va-jay-jay?”
“Yeah, but I could say if he puts his penis inside your vagina, or I could say if he puts his penis inside your pussy.”
“Oh my gosh. Gemma.” I squealed. “That’s so disgusting.”
“Girl. How was that disgusting? He already had his tongue and his fingers there.”
I blushed. “Oh my gosh. Don’t remind me. What have I done?”
“I think you had some fun. And I think you’re about to have a lot more fun.”
“So you think I should go for it?” I looked at her in consideration. “But you don’t even like Harry.”
“No, I don’t dislike Harry.” She shook her head. “I just think he’s always treated you as more than a best friend.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, he’s treated you as a de facto girlfriend without any of the benefits. And if he’s going to treat you like that, then you should have the benefits.”
“So you think I should be screwing him?”
“You can be screwing him, fucking him, making love to him, whatever you want to call it.”
“So you don’t think this is a bad idea?”
“Oh, I think it’s a horrible idea.” She laughed. “But who says you can’t do it just because it’s a horrible idea?"
“Gemma, you’re supposed to be one of my best friends. You cannot be telling me to do things that you think will be horrible for me.”
“Honestly, Sarah, I don’t think it will be horrible for you. I think it will be amazing.” She paused. “Well, at least the sex will be amazing. I am a little worried about the feelings that might sprout out.”
“The what?”
“I’m worried about the feelings that might sprout out.”
“Oh, what feelings?”
“Girl. When you’re intimate with someone in that way, it’s very easy to think you’re in love. And...” She looked at me, her eyes narrowed. “Honestly, a part of me thinks that you’re in love with him anyway.”
“Well, you know, I love him. I love you too. You’re both my best friends.”
“No girl. I think you love him, love him.”
“What? No way. Of course. I don’t love him like that.”
“Sarah.”
“Yes. Gemma.”
“Be honest, okay?”
“I am always honest.”
“I know. But when it comes to feelings, people have a hard time being honest with themselves and it’s okay for you to deceive me, but don’t deceive yourself. Okay?”
“Okay. So you think I want Harry as more than a best friend?”
“Can you honestly tell me, it’s never crossed your mind to wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with him?”
“Okay. I mean, I saw it. Yeah. I’ve thought about it.”
“More than once?”
“Yes. More than once.”
“And what was the conclusion that you came to?”
“Well, I concluded that he wouldn’t make the best boyfriend because...”
“Because why?”
“I guess, because I’ve never really seen him in a serious relationship, and he doesn’t seem like he’s able to commit.”
“So really you don’t think he’d be a good boyfriend because of him? Not because of you.”
“Well, yeah. Duh.”
“If you thought he could be a good boyfriend, would you want to date him?”
I stared at her for a few seconds. Not knowing how to answer. I knew in my heart, of course. Yes. I’d love to give it a real shot with Harry. We had something special. And even though we’d just been friends so far, I really felt that we could make it work as a couple. But I knew that it would never work. He never wanted to be in a serious relationship. He didn’t do commitment. And there was no point in trying to convince him or myself otherwise.
“Sarah, you’ve gone quiet on me.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“I know.” She rubbed my shoulder lightly. “It’s okay, you know.”
“What’s okay?”
“It’s okay to be in love with your best friend.”
“Yeah. But is it okay to sleep with him as well? What if I get my heart broken? What if he completely crushes me?”
“You know, I’ve thought about that,” she said slowly. “And I almost think that’s what you need.”
“What do you mean, that’s what I need?”
“I feel like you’ve been holding on for him for years.”
“No I haven’t!”
“No. Listen to me. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously I feel like a part of you is always hoped and wanted more from him. And I think honestly, him breaking your heart will be the wake-up call that you need.”
“So you think I should sleep with him. Just so he can break my heart?”
“No, I think you should sleep with him because you’ve been in love with him your whole life. And it makes sense that he should be the one to take your virginity. I don’t doubt that he’ll be a marvelous lover and he’ll make your first time really special and really exciting. And that’s what you need. I do think though, that you will fall in love with him. And I do think that there’s real potential for you to be really hurt for a long time. But I think honestly, the best way for you to get over him is for him to hurt you.”
“So for me to get over him, he needs to break me first?”
“I guess if you put it like that.”
“So that doesn’t sound like the best reason to sleep with him.”
“Well, that’s not the reason why you’re going to sleep with him.” She grins. “You’re going to sleep with him so he can give you the fucking of your life.”
“Wow. Okay, Gemma. Tell me how you really feel.”
“I mean, you know, I can’t stand him, but he’s hot as hell. And he’s got an amazing body and if he fucks anywhere near as good as he looks, then you’re in for a real treat.”
“You sound like you want him, Gemma.”
“Trust me. No, I don’t want any piece of him. He’s all yours, Sarah.”
“Well, thank you.”
“So you’re going to call him now and give him the news?”
“What?” I looked at her, shaking my head. “No, I still need to think about it.”
“Sarah. There’s nothing more to think about. Call him. Tell him you’ll accompany him to that work function tonight and tell him that you’ve agreed to his idea.”
“Not his idea, his pact.” I laughed. “It’s a pact, remember.”
“You’ve agreed to his idea, his pact, whatever.” She grinned. “Same difference to me.”
She pulled me closer to her and gave me a hug. “Just remember, I’ll always be here for you. Okay? No matter if you get hurt, no matter what happens, I’m here. I’ll be a shoulder for you to cry on. Or laugh on. And I want to hear all the dirty details of course.”
“Of course, girl, I’ll let you hear all the dirty details.”