Sarah
I looked at my watch, it was seven p.m. It’d been over twenty-four hours since Harry and I had had an argument in his office, and I hadn’t heard from him at all. No phone calls, no texts, no showing up at my apartment, nothing. I wasn’t sure how to feel. I missed him. I missed our friendship. I missed the ease. I knew that he was most probably confused as to my outburst, but how could I have told him I was jealous? How could I have told him that I didn’t want him going on a dinner date with someone else?
I looked to my watch again. He was most probably out right now with that other woman and Severin. He hadn’t even thought about me at all. He hadn’t even called to see if I was feeling okay. All he cared about was her. I sighed deeply as I realized I was completely overreacting. I sat up in my bed and turned on the TV. I needed to distract myself. I needed to think about something else. Harry wasn’t my life. He wasn’t my be-all and end-all and everything shouldn’t be so complicated.
I knew that sleeping with him had been the best mistake I’d ever made. On the one hand, I knew I shouldn’t have done it because it had complicated our friendship far more than it ever needed to be complicated. But, on the other hand, I was so glad that he had been my first. He had shown me what it was like to really and truly be with someone that cared about how you felt sexually. Gemma had told me of experiences that she had in the bed with men, men who hadn’t cared if she’d come or not, men that had only been out for themselves.
Harry hadn’t been like that. Every single time he wanted to make sure that I orgasmed, that I climaxed, that I had the time of my life. And he’d been gentle and he’d been hard and he’d been rough and he’d been sweet and soft, and I loved every moment with him. But now I’ve ruined the friendship. Inexplicably, I knew we could never go back to the days before we slept with each other. Inexplicably, I knew that that lightness that we had between us was gone forever and it made me want to cry.
I got out of the bed and walked toward the kitchen. I needed to have a glass of wine or something. As I got to the kitchen, I heard my phone ringing and I quickly ran back to my bedroom to grab it. I looked at the screen and groaned. It was my parents calling.
“Hey Mom,” I said as I picked up the phone. “How’s it going?”
“Sarah, we haven’t heard from you in ages. What’s going on, my dear?”
“Nothing much, Mom. I’ve just been busy.”
“Busy with what?”
“You know, looking for a job. Those sorts of things.”
“Have you found a job yet, dear?”
“No, Mom. I haven’t. You would be the first one to know.”
“Okay. And how’s Harry?”
“He’s fine.”
“Just fine? Is he there with you?”
“No, he’s not with me, Mom. What do you want?”
“Why are you being so snippy with me, young lady? What’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on.”
“Your father and I are going to come over.”
“When? What do you mean, you’re going to come over?”
“We’re coming over tonight.”
“What? You can’t come over tonight, it’s seven o’clock, I’m in bed.”
“You’re in bed at seven o’clock, Sarah?” My mom sounded shocked. “That doesn’t sound like you.”
“What do you mean it doesn’t sound like me?”
“You’ve always been a night owl. We could never get you to go to bed early. Now, all of a sudden, you’re in bed at seven o’clock. Are you sick?”
“I’m not sick, Mom. I’m just...”
“Don’t get an attitude with me, Sarah.”
“I’m not getting an attitude with you, Mom. I’m just stating that I’m not sick and I’m fine and I’m in bed and I don’t really want you to come over right now, okay?”
“Sarah, your father and I are coming over and we’ll be there within an hour.”
“Mom...”
“Look, I know that something is going on with you and I want to be there to take care of you.”
“Mom, nothing is going on with me. I promise.”
“We spoke to Harry’s dad.”
“Okay, and?”
“He said you got a makeover.”
“So something’s wrong with me because I want to look better?”
“Sarah, there was nothing wrong with the way that you looked.”
“Mom, you always told me I had no fashion sense and that I looked like I was the farmer’s daughter. You said this to me. No one else. I thought you’d be happy that I was getting a makeover and trying to do better with my clothes and makeup.”
“Sarah, I don’t want you to change who you are. Neither me nor your father ever wanted that for you.”
“Okay, Mom, whatever. Can I go?”
“Sarah, I don’t understand what’s going on with you.”
“Nothing is going on with me!” I shouted, the frustration coming out in my voice.
“Sarah, something is obviously wrong, and your father and I will be there in a little bit.”
“Mom...”
“No Mom anything, Sarah,” and then she hung up.
“Oh shit,” I said and put my hands over my face.
I knew I fucked up. I knew I should not have spoken to my mom like that. There is no way she was going to let me live this down. I was letting my frustration and anxiety in regard to Harry get the better of me. I needed to just allow myself to go with the flow. This wasn’t worth it. I picked up the phone and quickly called Gemma.
“Hey girl, what’s happening?”
“Oh, Gemma, I need your help. I’ve screwed things up massively.”
“Oh boy. What’s happened?”
“I went off on Harry yesterday because he was getting on my nerves, and now my mom just called and she’s worried about me, and I kind of went off on her, and now she’s coming over and I just don’t know what to do.”
“Hey, slow down, Sarah. What’s going on? What happened with Harry yesterday?”
“Well, I went to his office.”
“Uh-huh. For the office quickie?”
“Yes. I went for the office quickie and it was kind of fun, but awkward. And then his dad came in and I was hiding under the desk and his dad set him up on another date and he said ‘Okay’ and...”
“Hey, Sarah, slow down. You’re talking too quickly. I’m not really sure what you’re saying. So, what? You were under his desk and what?”
“I was under his desk because his dad came in and his dad basically set him up on another date, and he didn’t say no.”
“Oh gosh, what do you mean, set him up on another date?”
“Basically, he told him that they’re going to have a double date with him and some other girl, and he didn’t say no to him. Don’t you understand? He’s going to dinner with another lady. And he didn’t even think to say, no, that’s not okay!” I shouted, and Gemma took a deep breath.
“Hey girl, I understand you’re frustrated, but you don’t have to shout at me, okay. Are you okay?”
“I’m not okay.” I started crying. “I’m sorry for shouting at you. I just feel so sad and upset and I just don’t know what to do. I feel so hurt.”
“Oh, Sarah. I’m so sorry, dear.”
“I know I’m being stupid, and I know he doesn’t owe me anything. We’re not even in a relationship. But why would he say yes to another date? Why would he think that’s okay knowing I was there?”
“I don’t know, Sarah. You know men are stupid.”
“Well, Harry’s the dumbest of them all. I hate him. I hate him. How can he think that’s okay?”
“Girl, did you tell him about this? Did you tell him how you feel?”
“No, it’s done. I’m over him. I never want to see him again. I’m just going to... oh, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just don’t want to speak to him. I’m not going to his parents’ house for Christmas. I’m not going at all. I don’t want to see him, and I don’t want to see his stupid parents. I don’t want to see my stupid parents, and they’re coming over right now. I don’t want to see them.”
“Oh boy. Oh Sarah, you sound like you’re emotionally distraught.”
“I don’t know. I sound crazy, don’t I?” the tears were flowing down my face. “I just... I don’t know. I was hoping...”
“What were you hoping?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping he’d say ‘No Dad, I’m not going to go on a date with someone else because I’m seeing someone right now and I want to see how it goes,’” I almost screamed. “Oh shit, Gemma. I’m such an idiot. I’m such an idiot. I’ve fallen for him and I want to be with him. And I guess I was hoping that he would’ve felt the same way, and it’s obvious that he doesn’t. He doesn’t see me as anything more than a fuck buddy.”
“You know that’s not true, Sarah.”
“I mean, you know, yeah, I’m his best friend, but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me.”
“Sarah, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why doesn’t Harry want to be in a relationship?”
“What do you mean?”
“Since I’ve known you, Harry’s never been in a long-term relationship. He always dates woman to woman, he never settles down. And I just want to know why. What happened to him that makes him not want to be in a relationship?”
“What do you mean what happened to him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Nothing happened to him.”
“Was he in a serious relationship and it went poorly?”
“Not that I know of.”
“His parents are still married, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Are his parents horrible? Is their marriage horrible?”
“No... I think they have a normal, regular marriage. I mean, I guess I don’t know everything.”
“So then why doesn’t he ever want to settle down? Have you ever asked yourself that?”
“No,” I sniffled. “Why would I ask him that? It’s none of my business.”
“You’re his best friend, Sarah. It is all of your business. And now you’re also his lover. You need to be honest with him about where you stand and what you want.”
“How can I tell him that I want to be more? He’s never,” and then I heard my doorbell ring. “Oh no. I think my parents are here.”
“Oh, shit. They really got there quickly.”
“I know. I just don’t even know what to do or to say.” I let out a deep sigh as I heard the knocking on the door. “Okay, got to go. Thank you so much for being here for me, okay, Gemma?”
“Of course, girl, call me anytime. I’m here for you. Do you want me to come over later?”
“No, it’s okay. When my parents leave, I’m just going to go to bed. Then maybe we can catch up tomorrow or something?”
“Of course. Anything. Anytime you need me, I’m there for you, okay girl?”
“Thank you. Bye.” I hung up and then quickly walked to the bathroom to dry my face with some tissues.
I looked at my reflection. I look like shit. I sighed and walked to the door, “I’m coming.” I opened the door and there stood Harry. My jaw dropped at the expression on his face. “What are you doing here?” I said.
“I came to see you.”
“Aren’t you meant to be on your dinner date, Harry?” I said.
“What?” he looked at me through narrowed eyes. “Can I come inside? I think we need to talk.”
“What do we need to talk about, Harry? I don’t understand.”
“Sarah, I…” And then he paused as we heard laughter coming from the hallway. He looked to the right and his face went white. “Oh fuck,” he said under his breath.
“What?” I said with an attitude.
“Your parents are here.” He looked back at me and he shook his head and I peered outside of the door. There came my mom and dad. And I knew that the night was going to get a whole lot worse.