Scripture to Memorize
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Proverbs 31:28–29
Passage to Read
The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.
1 Peter 3:1–4 Message
Guided Prayer
Dear Lord, I want to be a good wife to my husband. I want to be responsive to his needs. Lord, you know I’ve nagged, complained, and preached until his ears about fell off! Forgive me, Lord. The time for words is over. It’s time for me to become the woman you are calling me to be. Lord, I pray that my husband would be captivated by my life of holy beauty. I want him to be madly in love with me, inside and out. I know what matters most is not my outer appearance (although my husband does care about that, so help me to look my best), but my inner disposition. Holy Spirit, transform me into a woman with a beautiful disposition. I want to be pleasant to be around, a constant source of joy to my husband. Thank you for giving me the supernatural power of God. I know that, with your help, I can become a wife of noble character. Amen.
Personal
Is there a job on earth harder than being a good wife? If there is, I don’t want to apply! I think it’s the hardest job in the world, harder even than being a good mother. But if you’re going to be a wife, it’s best to be the wife of a happy husband. The Proverbs 31 woman clearly had a happy husband. The passage tells us he called her blessed and offered her the highest praise, saying, “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” There’s something very special about knowing your husband thinks you are the greatest, even if you’re not.
My mother had that privilege for nearly sixty years. She and my father met shortly after he returned from World War II, and he instantly fell head over heels in love with her. Not long before he died, he walked into the house carrying a single rose. My mother asked, “What on earth is that for?” He seemed surprised by her surprise: “Isn’t it obvious? It’s a beautiful flower for a beautiful lady.” No special occasion. He just wanted to honor her. And yes, my mother is still beautiful at nearly eighty years old, even though she uses a scooter and an oxygen tank. As far as my dad was concerned, she was the most beautiful woman on the planet, oxygen or not. He never saw anything but good and beauty in her. It’s a gift few men bestow on their wives, and to be honest, I almost envied her for it.
We cannot all be blessed with a man who simply adores us with or without cause. But we can all do our best to be the best wife we can be. Some time ago I picked up a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger titled The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Inspired by what I was reading, I made two lists: what all men like in a wife and what all men dislike in a wife. Yes, these are generalizations, but having observed men for nearly fifty years now, I think these are a very accurate reflection of what most men want in a wife. Here goes:
Almost all men like:
Almost all men dislike:
Reread these lists several times. Pray over them. Ask the Holy Spirit to speak the truth to you about how difficult or easy it is to live with you. Put an asterisk next to items in the first category that you are doing right. Then put an X next to the items in the second category that you struggle with. Now for the real challenge: go to your husband. Yes, my sister, go! Ask him how well he thinks you’re doing. Pray about your attitude before going to your husband. You may feel defensive when he points out things he would like changed. Don’t argue about what he says! This may be very difficult for some women. But God will help you face the truth and make necessary changes.
Again, you can apply the 80/20 rule. Ask your husband which two items in the “Like” list would mean the most to him if you were to make improvements. Then ask him which two items in the “Dislike” list would have the most positive impact if you were to make improvements. Focus on the 20 percent (the things he mentions) that will yield 80 percent return. (Once you’ve mastered those areas, he can pick another two!)
Of course God knew what men like and dislike about women long before Dr. Laura did her research. That’s the reason he inspired King Lemuel to write the description of the ideal woman in Proverbs 31. Even if you didn’t ace this test, be encouraged by the realization that you are now participating in a 90-Day Jumpstart to become the woman God wants you to be. And that is sure to be very much in alignment with the woman your husband wants you to be, too. Stay with it, don’t give up, and someday, perhaps very soon, your husband will arise and call you blessed, praising you and declaring, “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Affirmation: I am becoming the wife God wants me to be.
Practical
Prayerfully evaluate how well you are doing in terms of what men like and dislike about wives. Ask your husband to evaluate you, too. Then, most important, ask the Holy Spirit to help you close the gap between where you are now and where God is calling you to be.