Rachel bundled up the children and drove into town.
She needed to get the last of her money out of the bank.
What she would do after Christmas when it was all gone was still a question. She wondered if she could get an advance from Honey.
But then what would she do when she was working and not getting paid because she’d already borrowed it and spent it?
Her stomach roiled. Her mind balked at applying for welfare or any kind of public assistance. Grimly, she thought, I will if I have to. It would take a while to come through. What would she do in the meantime?
In town, she parked and got Tori out of the car, then Beth.
In the bank, she talked to Ethel, the aging teller who’d been there all of Rachel’s life.
“Can I withdraw a hundred, Ethel?” That would leave another forty to last through Christmas.
Dear Lord.
For now, she needed a hundred to get more groceries, oatmeal, powdered milk and more diapers for Beth. She was just about out of the supply she’d put by before giving birth.
Ethel frowned. “Didn’t you know, Rachel?”
“Know what?”
“Oh, dear, I’d hoped it was okay. I’d hoped she’d asked first.”
Dread weighing on her shoulders, Rachel didn’t need to ask who she was. Cindy. Rachel had put her onto the account after Davey’s death, for when she gave birth and Cindy would have to buy food for Tori.
Obviously a foolish move, but she’d thought she could trust her own mother.
“What is it, Ethel?”
“Cindy cleaned out the account before she left town.”
Rachel locked her knees to keep herself upright. She breathed through her nose so she wouldn’t get light-headed.
“I see. Okay, thank you, Ethel.”
She left the bank quickly, with her dignity intact.
She would get through this. She would survive.
Dear God, how?
In the days after their meal together, Travis hadn’t made the mistake of taking more food across the road. He’d known Rachel wouldn’t accept more even if he invited himself to dinner.
In another few days, he’d be feeding them all on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Sitting in the diner one morning, he perked up when he recognized Rachel’s car pull up and park across the street.
She got both children out of the car and went into the bank. A short while later, she came back outside. She didn’t look happy.
“Vy, come here,” he called.
When she did, he said, “Sit down.” She slid into the window booth across from him and followed the direction of Travis’s intent stare.
“What do you want?” she asked.
He pointed. “Does she look happy to you?”
Rachel finished strapping both of her children into the car. She rounded the hood and got into the driver’s seat, sitting there without starting the engine.
There was no missing the deep unhappiness on her face.
“No,” Vy said, and Travis glanced at her. Her mouth drooped in a grimace. “What’s going on, Travis?”
“I think Rachel’s out of money.”
“Impossible. She’s worked hard at Honey’s. She had to have been saving to get ready for this time. She has a good head on her shoulders.”
“I would have thought so, too.” He explained about the empty refrigerator and cupboards. “I caught a look at her wallet. She had nothing.”
“Look.” Vy grasped his arm. “She’s driving back out of town without stopping at the grocery store. Would your groceries have lasted this long?”
“Nope. We have to do something.” He corrected himself. “You have to do something. She won’t take any more from me, but if her friends stopped in, each a few days apart, with supplies, she might accept that.”
“That’s only temporary. What about after Christmas?”
“Vy, I hope to God I will have convinced her to change her living situation permanently by then.”
A broad smile split her face. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He threw forty bucks onto the table. “That’s to cover my sandwich and some food for Rachel. Can all of you work out a schedule between you?”
He stood and retrieved his hat. Before leaving he said, “Leave Christmas Eve and Christmas Day open for me. I’ll be taking care of things then.”
“You got it, Travis.” She took off her apron.
“Will!” she hollered to her cook. “I need to go to the pharmacy for diapers and wipes. Oh, Lord, what else would she need for the baby?”
Travis shrugged. He knew stuff about babies only second hand.
“Don’t worry,” Vy said. “I’ll raid my stores here and bring her eggs, milk, flour. All kinds of stuff.”
To Will she hollered again. “Wrap up a bunch of that fried chicken and mashed potatoes and a container of the pasta carbonara to take out. I’ll be back in a few minutes to deliver it personally.”
Christmas Eve arrived. To Travis, it seemed to have taken forever to get here.
He fussed with the food, more nervous than he could ever remember being. He had a lot riding on tonight’s dinner.
The evening started at five o’clock in deference to the two children. They arrived on time.
At the door, Travis took Beth so Rachel could take off her coat. She hung it with Tori’s beside his. Travis liked the look of their coats hanging together.
He wanted to see them there from now on.
“Travis, look. Mommy curled my hair.”
“She did a good job. It’s beautiful.” He noticed that Rachel had taken care with her own appearance, as well. Her hair was full and curly. From the first moment he’d set eyes on Rachel, he’d wanted to run his fingers through her hair. That urge was even stronger now.
In the living room, he noticed something else. She’d lost much of the weight she’d had when she was pregnant. He’d never seen her normal figure before, and he liked what he saw. A lot.
“I’ll take Beth and undress her.” When Rachel took the baby from him, the side of her breast brushed his forearm, and his desire for her shot through the roof.
Quit it, Travis. This is a family night.
He had to get this relationship settled before his unrequited lust sent him ’round the bend.
Not only that, he just plain wanted these girls in his life forever.
“Where’s that drawer we used for Beth before? Can we use it again?”
“You bet. I emptied it earlier just in case.” He brought it to the living room, and Rachel put the baby into it. They covered her with the receiving blankets Rachel had brought over with her.
“She’s cute as a button, Rachel.” It was no lie. The child was beautiful.
“Me, too. I’m cute as a button, too, aren’t I, Travis?” Tori tugged on his pant leg.
From his nephews, Travis knew all about sibling rivalry.
He picked up Tori and twirled her around. “You bet! You’re the cutest button in the jar.”
She giggled while he twirled her until they were both dizzy.
Dinner was beef stroganoff and crusty bread. Vegetables weren’t his thing, but he’d included steamed green beans.
They ate in the dining room on the Lady Carlisle plates that Rachel loved so much.
They had one of Uma’s homemade apple pies for dessert only because she’d put Travis to work peeling a mountain of apples. She’d made ten pies for Christmas and had given him one to take home.
After apple pie with vanilla ice cream, they sat in the living room. Tori sipped hot chocolate while the adults drank decaf coffee.
Deep satisfaction filled Travis.
The evening ended too soon.
“Travis, can you come over in the morning to see what Santa left for me?” Tori asked at the door.
He’d be honored. Life with these girls brought joy on top of joy on top of joy. “Sure thing, sprout.”
She slammed herself against his legs and yelled, “You’re my best friend.”
With a quiet smile, Rachel left with Beth in her arms. They made their slow way across the road and the snow-covered ground in front of the trailer bathed in the cool winter glow of a full moon.
Only after they’d made it inside their front door did Travis close his door.
The following morning, he awoke early as excited as any kid on Christmas morning.
He dressed with care and walked across the road in the darkness. They were in for a few months of dark mornings. Some of the ranch hands minded, but Travis didn’t. He liked mornings. The sun hadn’t yet crested the horizon. His breath frosted in the early-morning air. He knocked on the door.
No answer.
He knocked again.
Finally, the door opened and Rachel stood in an old plaid robe belted at her waist. Her rumpled hair begged to have his fingers untangle it. He wanted to bury his face in it.
“Am I too early? I thought Tori would be up by now.”
She started to laugh, couldn’t seem to stop, and he stared, bewildered.
“Rachel, what is it? What’s wrong with you?”
She wrapped her arms across her waist and kept laughing. He frowned and got exasperated.
“If you don’t tell me what’s so funny, I’m leaving.”
Laughing too hard to say anything, she threw her arms around his neck so he wouldn’t leave.
He hadn’t bothered to button his coat for the short walk across the road, so her full breasts flattened against the white shirt he’d put on. Only a couple of layers of fabric separated them.
He clung to her as though his life depended on it. In a sense, it did.
In his arms, she quieted and stopped laughing.
“Um, Travis, you should let me go.”
“Never, Rachel,” he whispered fervently. “I’ve wanted you from the first moment I set eyes on you.”
“Impossible. I was more than seven months pregnant.” Her breath brushed his ear.
He kissed her neck.
She moaned. “Don’t do that, Travis. I’m a mother.”
He chuckled. “Mothers don’t like to be kissed?”
“Mothers love it.” The sentiment seemed to have popped out almost against her will, and Travis chuckled again.
He kissed her neck and ran his tongue along her jawline.
She pushed against his chest and stepped away, straightening her hair self-consciously.
“We can’t do this.”
“Yes, we can. I care for you, Rachel. I have since the day of the carousel ride. Hell, I’ll admit it. I love you.”
She stared with a deer-in-the-headlights shock. “You can’t.”
“I do.”
When she didn’t respond, he tucked her hair behind her ear. “Do you have any feelings for me in return?”
“It doesn’t matter what I feel. I come with two kids, Travis.”
“I’m aware of that, Rachel. So?”
“So...we’re a complete package. You can’t have me without them.”
“I’m aware of that, too, Rachel. I love those two little girls already.”
“This isn’t possible. Stuff like this doesn’t happen. Men don’t fall in love with pregnant women and take on ready-made families.”
“This one did and will.”
“Okay, that’s what you think now, but what about next year? You don’t stay anywhere, Travis. You travel around. I can’t do that.”
“I’m not doing that anymore, either. You give me more than I thought was possible. Joy. Happiness. Stability. An end to loneliness. Did I say joy?”
They stared at each other, a showdown of wills, Rachel still unbelieving.
She looked away first. “I need coffee. Make us a pot while I get dressed.”
“Why were you laughing at me?” He knew he sounded hurt, but what on earth had been Rachel’s problem when she’d answered the door?
From halfway to her bedroom, she started to laugh again.
“It’s five-thirty in the morning, Travis.”
Feeling like a damned fool, a hyperactive little boy in a man’s body, he cursed himself for not checking the time before he’d left home.
His cheeks heated.
Midway through making the coffee, he started to laugh, too.
Christmas Day turned out to be the most perfect day he’d ever lived.
Dinner was perfect, and both Tori and Rachel loved the presents he’d picked out for them—a pretty mauve sweater for Rachel and a tiny pink cowboy hat for Tori. He could imagine it hanging on a hook at the diner with all the adult hats.
He hadn’t expected anything in return, but Rachel had knitted him a black scarf. He would make a point of wearing it often.
The only fly in the ointment was that she refused to talk any more about his loving her. Worse, she refused to admit that she cared for him in return.
He walked them back home, Tori with her pink cowboy hat perched on top of her winter hat, but Rachel scooted inside before he could kiss her good-night.
He had no idea what was holding her back.
Did he have to prove his love somehow? Okay, sure, he would do anything, but what?
When Travis visited the following afternoon with containers of leftovers, Rachel didn’t know what to think, or what to do.
She already knew she loved him, and he claimed to love her, but she’d chosen the wrong man before.
Davey had been fun, enthusiastic and as likable as all hell, but he hadn’t been dependable.
Travis seemed dependable, but had a history of moving every five minutes. How on earth could she trust that he would stay put?
Thank goodness the children were napping because he got down to business right away.
“What’s holding you back?”
She’d already broached the subject of his nomadic lifestyle yesterday, so she told him what else bothered her. “Since this is a serious topic, I’ll be honest, but this is hard for me to talk about.”
Travis leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “What can be that bad? You’re strong, honest, attractive...just about perfect.”
Although touched by his flattery, she resisted it. “When Davey and I started dating, he told me he’d also been interested in another woman, but chose me instead. I knew the woman. She was pretty. Gorgeous, actually. After Tori was born, I asked him why he chose me over her, and he said it was because so many other men were attracted to her that he could never be sure she wouldn’t be tempted by someone else.”
She stared out the window. “I, on the other hand, he had complete faith in. I was, in his words, like a worn-in pair of cowboy boots, always ready and waiting by the front door.”
A laugh burst out of Travis, and Rachel frowned. “What’s so funny?”
At her combative tone, he sobered. “The man was a fool. Yes, you are steadfast and loyal, but I don’t want you in my life for that. Not solely for that. I want you physically. A lot. I want your affection. I want to be treated with love and respect the same way you treat those kids of yours. And I want to give you that in return.”
He knelt on the floor in front of her.
“When I look at you, I see the woman I want in my life for always.” He grasped her face in his hands and kissed her, not a head-spinning, gymnastic-type of kiss, but a slow and deep and earnest promise.
He pulled away and she stared into his deep blue eyes. This couldn’t really be happening. Travis Read loved her.
“Rachel, you are so damned attractive. Did growing up with your vain mother leave you feeling plain? You aren’t. I was attracted to you from the first second I set eyes on you.”
He stood and put on his coat. “Just as soon as it’s possible to leave Beth for a couple of hours, I’m taking you out on a date.”
“But—”
He left without waiting for an answer.
Rachel brushed her fingers across her lips, because that promise in his kiss had been tempting and so, so sweet.
To dream about possibilities or not to dream? That was the big question for a woman who’d been burned by dreams in the past.
Travis called Vy and arranged for her to babysit Tori and Beth for a couple of hours in two weeks. He’d done an internet search to find out when it was okay for a woman to be able to make love after giving birth, and that seemed to be the earliest.
He couldn’t think of another way to convince Rachel of his love than to show her with his body.
She wasn’t believing his words.
He went straight to Rachel after he hung up and told her in no uncertain terms that they were going to have a date and that Vy would take care of the children.
He knew the women had continued to drop off food and supplies periodically since Christmas. He didn’t know what Rachel thought of that.
That Saturday night, mid-January, rolled in cold and clear.
Rachel drove off, presumably to take the children to town. She came back soon afterward and parked in his driveway.
He opened the door and watched her walk up to his steps and up onto his veranda, remembering the times she had waddled here. He’d found her attractive then, but this version of Rachel knocked his socks off.
She stepped into his house and did something unexpected.
Without warning, she grasped fistfuls of his shirt and dragged her to him, kissing him as though only tonight existed, as though there were no tomorrow.
He didn’t resist, but fell into it with all of his heart.
“No dinner, Travis. Let’s go upstairs now.”
“Rachel.” She wouldn’t let him look at her. He forced her to step back. “What’s going on in that head of yours? Why the rush?”
She wouldn’t meet his eye.
“Are you—” He tilted her chin up with his hand. “Rachel, are you nervous?”
She nodded.
“Why?”
“You’ve known a lot of women. I don’t have a lot of experience. There was a brief friendship with a guy in high school and then only Davey after that.”
“What does experience have to do with anything? It’s about feeling good with each other. I love you. Do you feel anything for me besides desire?”
She nodded, but didn’t say anything. How much did she feel, he desperately wanted to know.
“Are you sure you want to go upstairs before dinner?”
“Yes. I really do. Travis, it’s been so long, and I’ve wanted you since I saw you that first day.”
He smiled, wonder coloring the moment. “You have?”
“Yes. I’d really like to get over being so nervous. I won’t be able to eat a thing.”
He took her hand and led her upstairs to his bedroom where he lit one candle. “That okay?”
He kissed her gently, soothing more than arousing. She seemed to like it so he kept it up.
In time, she melted against him.
He unbuttoned her blouse and slipped his hand inside.
Her breasts were full, ripe. He slipped her blouse from her shoulders and reached around her to unhook her bra. In his wildest dreams, he never imagined they would be awkward with each other.
He let his desire guide him.
He took one nipple into his mouth, keeping his touch gentle. A quiet moan slid up her throat.
“Is that okay?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Travis, I’ve wanted to see you for so long. Let me.”
She undid his shirt and slid it off his shoulders. “Oh, Travis, I do like your shape. So much.”
“And I like your body. Let’s undress and get into bed.”
“First, Travis, wait. I have to do this.” She undressed fully and stood in front of him. She looked nervous.
He drank in the sight of her. She had a pretty body, with a tummy still soft and full from having carried a baby. Lines crossed it horizontally. No wonder. That skin had done a lot stretching.
“You hate my stomach, don’t you?”
“What? No.” He finally figured out what was worrying her. “Did you think I was looking for perfection? Rachel, this body has nurtured two beautiful girls. Why do you think that can’t be attractive?”
The worry fell from her like a dark cloak gliding to the ground.
“Couples expect that their partner’s body will change over the years, but this is the first time you’re seeing me, Travis, and it’s right after I’ve had a baby.”
“Rachel? Do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Get into bed so I can love the daylights out of you.”
She smiled and scrambled into bed.
He undressed while she watched him. Once under the covers, they reached for each other.
He took his time arousing her, first because he was nervous about hurting her so soon after the birth. Secondly, he wanted to soothe her nerves.
She, in turn, seemed to want to please him, reaching for him while he was reaching for her.
They got in each other’s way.
Rachel threw herself onto her back and laughed. “We’re trying too hard, aren’t we?”
Travis rose above her and grinned, leaning on one elbow so he could watch her reaction while he touched her.
He circled her nipple with one finger. “Yeah. I want to make you happy.”
Her breath hitched. “Oh, you do, Travis. You make me so happy. I want to make you happy, too.”
“So, let’s go with the flow. Let’s take as long as we need to, and make each other happy.” He replaced his finger with his lips.
“You’re right. Oh!” She made a cute little noise in her throat. “That feels good. This isn’t a race. We have a little time.” Her words became breathy. “We can take turns loving each other.”
“Right. Let’s do that.”
That sentiment lasted all of two minutes, and they were all over each other again.
He kissed. She licked.
He tasted. She savored.
They got in each other’s way again.
“Don’t remember this ever being a problem before,” Travis murmured while he paid homage to her other breast.
“Me, either.”
Self-conscious, Travis set himself the task of losing himself in his senses. Flowers had nothing on the way Rachel smelled. Her skin felt like the softest of flower petals under his fingers as he stroked her everywhere.
Her moan brought him relief. They were going to be okay together.
He entered her and found bliss. Holding himself still above her, he watched for signs of pain but saw none.
He’d never in his life made love to a woman he loved, and it changed everything. Every touch sizzled, every word sparkled, and every high dazzled.
He could do this every night for the rest of his life and never get enough.
Rachel ran her palms over his chest. “Oh, Travis,” she breathed. “You are so beautiful.”
So was she. Breathtaking. He began to move.
When she came, he sighed. When he came, he roared with pleasure.
Rachel lay in Travis’s arms sated and relieved.
Their lovemaking hadn’t been sexy or lusty or passionate, but awkward and sweet, and about as satisfying as anything Rachel had ever experienced.
It had been lovemaking on a deeper level than ever.
Intense contentment washed over her, along with thoughts of possibility. Travis couldn’t be more earnest if he tried.
She knew deep in her soul that Travis had changed profoundly since his first day in town, that what he was offering her was true and real.
That this might, against all odds, turn out to be permanent filled her with hope. What more could he possibly give her but hope for a secure, happy and loving future?
She laughed, filled with happiness.
“Are you good?” he asked, his voice rumbling in his chest beneath her ear.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I’m euphoric. And you?”
“Yeah, that word says it all. I want you in my life forever, okay?”
“Yes. I want that, too. Remember the day you had us over to decorate the tree?”
She felt him nod.
“I knew for certain that day that I loved you.”
“You did?” His voice filled with wonder. “I had no idea. We’ll work out living arrangements somehow. We have some time until Sammy and the boys arrive.”
“What are you saying, Travis? Are you asking me to live here with you?”
“I’m asking you to marry me.” He cursed. “I don’t know how to be romantic. I should have bought a ring and champagne.”
“Travis, you’re giving me love. I don’t need champagne. I’m drunk on love for you.”
His eyes widened and he kissed her deeply.
She told him about Cindy stealing all of her money and anger flashed on his face. “Let’s not talk about it now. There will be no negatives in this bedroom, only love and wonder and happiness.”
With long languid strokes, Travis learned the contours of her body.
She caressed his chest, his body strange and new, yet the man achingly familiar already. She wanted him again. And again.
“Sorry that was so awkward.” Travis nuzzled her shoulder. “I’m usually more skilled.”
She moaned softly. “Travis, if you turn more skill on me, I’m not sure I’ll survive, because that was wonderful.”
She touched his cheek. “Yes, it was new, but I loved that. That was our first time and it was perfect, in all of its getting-to-know-you glory.”
“Nice way to put it.” He held her jaw. “Know what I think?”
She stared at his mouth, fascinated by it. “What do you think, Travis?”
“The second time’s going to be even better.”
She stared wide-eyed for a long time and finally whispered, “I can’t wait.”
“Know what else?”
“No. What?”
“We don’t have to wait.”
She reached for him and said fervently, “Thank God.”
Vy called a little after ten.
Rachel’s children missed her and wanted to come home.
Travis and Rachel hadn’t even eaten, but had stayed in bed and had played with each other endlessly, their love being made manifest finally and irrevocably in more than just words, but also in the sweetest, and sometimes hottest, of gestures.
Travis loved how responsive Rachel was, and how inventive.
He didn’t question how all of this was possible. He just thanked his lucky stars he’d found this town and Rachel. The joy she’d given him that first day on the carousel, that stunningly simple gift, was nothing compared to the universe of honest, unbridled feelings she bestowed on him now.
The lost wandering cowboy had found his home.
Travis drove into town with Rachel to pick up the children, sated and thrilled and filled with giddy delight. Rachel was well and truly his future. “Rachel, why didn’t Vy just come out to the trailer to babysit? Everything would have been easier.”
Rachel squirmed. “I can’t share Vy’s history, or her confidences, but she only comes to the trailer when she has to and doesn’t stay long. She...um...has a problem with trailers.”
Despite the curiosity raging through him, Travis said, “Fair enough. The woman has a right to her privacy.”
When they arrived, Vy looked upset.
“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she said. “I can’t get Beth to settle.”
The second Rachel took the baby into her arms, she stopped her pitiful crying and closed her eyes.
“I think it was too soon for me to leave her.”
“I guess,” Vy said, but Travis heard the doubt. She glanced at him while Rachel urged Tori into her outdoor clothes.
“And you, Travis?” Vy whispered. “Was your night better than mine?”
He leaned close. “Vy, it was the best night of my life. Know what else?”
“No, what?” she asked.
“I expect every night after this one will get better and better.”
“I’m glad. For both of you.” Her soft smile might look sad around the edges, but he didn’t doubt her sincerity.
“Come on,” he said to Rachel, “I need to take my family home.”
They stepped outside of Vy’s apartment and approached the car. “We’re your family?” Tori asked.
“Yep. You’re my family now. What do you think of that?” He held his breath. He had no idea how the child would react.
“Yeah! Are we having a sleepover at your house?”
Travis shot a questioning look at Rachel.
She smiled, all womanly and soft around the edges. Then she laughed and said, “I don’t know. Do you think he might serve us bacon cooked in the fireplace again?”
“I’ll cook you whatever you want. Anything on this earth.”
“Can we sleep in front of the fireplace again?” Tori queried. “I liked it!”
“Sure, sprout.” Travis shot Rachel a rueful grin. There’d be no more lovemaking tonight.
“We’ll have to get married as quickly as humanly possible,” he told Rachel.
“Sooner!” Rachel said, grasping his hand and squeezing.
“Are we going to live with you, Travis?” the pipsqueak asked.
“Yep, from now on and forever and ever. I’m marrying your mom.”
Tori clapped her hands. He switched on the radio and Tori started her high-pitched warbling with the music. It would take a lifetime to get tired of this family.
His family.
He thought back over his life and his journey from lonely little boy to burdened adolescent to wandering man to this perfection here in Rodeo, Montana, with his new family.
He imagined days spent turning his land into a ranch and little Tori into a cowgirl. Little Beth could be anything she wanted to be and he would support her. And, oh yeah, he wanted more kids.
That thought led him to the nights he and Rachel would share, and the perfection of the lovemaking they’d shared that evening, and loving the daylights out of her for the rest of their lives.
He couldn’t help but smile.
“That’s exactly what I like to see on a man’s face,” Rachel said just before kissing him and making his dreams come true. “A smile.”
Keep reading for an excerpt from In Search of the Long-Lost Maverick by Christine Rimmer.