Rylan checked his phone one more time and frowned.
Six. Six text messages since yesterday afternoon and she hadn’t answered a single one. Plus two phone calls that had gone straight to voice mail. He had moments of worrying about her but then told himself she was with Jim and Dan and if anything were wrong, someone would be aware of it. So he worried that she was angry at him for leaving, though he’d explained everything in his note.
Surely, she could understand his needing to come home during an emergency. He rubbed his hand over the stubble on his chin, realized he hadn’t shaved since Thursday morning. It was nearly a beard, and he should probably take the time now that he knew Rattler was going to be okay.
For whatever reason, she wasn’t answering his calls, and he was getting tired of it. His patience wasn’t endless, and he dialed the number one more time, willing her to answer.
Straight to voice mail.
He ran his hand through his hair and stared at the wall of his camper. When the tone sounded, he left a message. “Kailey, I don’t know why you’re not answering your calls or texts, but I’m starting to get annoyed. Please call me back. Clearly we need to talk.”
He hung up, knowing deep down she wouldn’t call. But now he was really spooled up and he dialed the other number he knew now by heart: the main line at the Brandt ranch.
Her mother answered the phone.
“Good morning, Mrs. Brandt. How’re you? It’s Rylan Duggan.”
There was a disapproving pause. “Hello, Rylan. What can I do for you?”
You can tell your pigheaded daughter to start answering her messages, he thought irritably, but instead he forced his voice to be pleasant. “I was just wondering if everyone made it back from Lewiston okay.”
“Sure did. Rolled in around eleven-thirty last night.”
He was relieved...and then annoyed all over again. “Is Kailey there?”
“I’m sorry, but she went home after they finished up here. I’ll tell her you called.”
In a pig’s eye, he thought. As he hung up the call, he frowned and felt like kicking something. Dammit, the Brandts were ranchers. If they couldn’t understand him leaving to take care of his own stock in an emergency...
He thought back to the note he’d left in the motel room along with his key. Had he not explained things sufficiently? Maybe if she’d pick up her stupid phone or answer a text, he could clear things up.
But the truth slapped him in the face. Kailey didn’t want to clear things up. If she had she’d be over here talking. Asking him what had happened. But she wasn’t. She was acting as if he didn’t even exist.
And to think he’d fancied himself falling in love with her.
He flopped back on the bed, put his hands behind his head. That was the problem, wasn’t it? He’d gone and done the one thing he hadn’t wanted to do. He’d fallen in love. It had been coming for a while now, but last Thursday night had really cemented it. It had been different. All his barriers had been broken down when he looked into her eyes. Hell, he’d almost told her he loved her.
He was glad now he hadn’t.
When he was sure he’d wallowed enough, he headed to the house for the breakfast he’d missed. Lacey was in the kitchen, pouring Quinn a midmorning cup of coffee now that Amber had gone off to school for the day. Quinn took one look at him and raised an eyebrow. “Wow. You do not look like you’re in a good mood.”
“I’m not, particularly,” he answered, opening the fridge. “Lace, you got any leftovers I can heat up or something?”
“For breakfast? Sit down. I’ll get you something.”
“I can make my own.”
“I know that. But I’ll be faster. And you can get some coffee in your system. Maybe that’ll help your sour mood.”
She elbowed him aside and he stomped to the cupboard for a mug. In no time at all she’d fried up a piece of ham, sliced up a potato for home fries, and had made him a couple of fried eggs. Quinn hadn’t said much as all this was going on, but when Ry finally sat down with his plate of food, Quinn pushed away his cup and sat back in his chair.
“Everything okay with Rattler?”
Ry nodded and sliced into the flavorful ham. “He’s doing better. Some of those gashes are going to be a long time healing. No permanent damage, though, I don’t think.”
“Good. Lucky, too. Everyone’s on alert now. For a cat to come this close...you have to be on the lookout. Especially with kids and pets.”
Rylan nodded again. “You have trouble with cats before?”
Quinn shook his head. “Not so much. Last winter it was coyotes.”
“We didn’t much either at the last place I was at.” Rylan finished his eggs and sat back. “Much as I hate to say it, if it’s not captured...”
“I know,” Quinn replied, his face solemn. “None of us likes the alternative.”
Rylan got up and took his plate to the sink. “Thanks for breakfast, sis.”
“Anytime, Ry.” Lacey smiled at him. “I like having you around.”
He jostled her elbow, a gesture of brotherly teasing, and then turned to Quinn. “You got a few minutes? There’s something I want to run past you.”
“Sure. I’ll walk with you down to the barn.”
The air was cooler in the mornings now, and some of the leaves were beginning to turn a telltale gold that marked the advent of autumn. It was one of Rylan’s favorite times of year, when the heat was less brash and the colors of everything—the sky, the grass—seemed more vivid. He let out a big breath.
“Something on your mind, Ry? And I don’t think this has anything to do about Rattler.”
Since Kailey wasn’t answering his texts, he figured one of her best friends might be a help. Particularly a guy friend. “So... Kailey’s not answering my texts or taking my calls.”
“What did you do?”
“I don’t know. I came back here, but...” He wondered how open to be and figured he didn’t have much to lose. “I didn’t wake her before I left. I tried, but I swear a freight train could’ve gone through the room and she would’ve slept right through it. Instead I left my key and I wrote her a note explaining what had happened.”
Quinn nodded. “A good note?”
“I thought so. I mean, I don’t think I left anything out.”
“And what happened?”
They stopped outside the corral, watched a group of mares standing in the sun, their hides flat and gleaming. “That’s just it,” he replied. “Nothing happened. I was so busy with Rattler and then so tired that it wasn’t until Saturday morning that I realized she hadn’t called or even sent a text to see how things were. And when I tried to reach her...no answer. I even tried calling her folks’ place this morning and they put me off. What do I do, Quinn? Do I go over there? Or do I wait?”
Quinn looked over at him, his lips curved up the slightest bit on one side of his mouth. “You got it bad, Rylan?”
“The worst,” he confirmed readily. “Swore I wouldn’t. Couldn’t. But there it is. I promised you I wouldn’t mess with her, Quinn, and I haven’t. I love her.”
“I’m glad to hear it. You’re a good man, Rylan. I don’t pretend to understand all your motivations for how you’ve lived your life, but I know a good guy when I see one.”
“Then what do I do? What’s your read on the situation?”
The semi-smile slid off Quinn’s lips. “I think that even if Kailey says she forgives you for February, it’s always going to be in the back of her mind. And you leaving her in another motel room is probably hitting her right where it hurts. Even if you did have a good reason.”
“But not to answer a single text? I don’t get it. I mean, aren’t women supposed to be all about the talking? The silent treatment is freaking me out.”
Quinn frowned. “Ry, figuring out why women do anything is a mystery man will probably never solve. But maybe she chose the silent treatment because she knew it would freak you out. Maybe this is her way of showing you how it felt. I don’t know, man. But you should talk. If you love her, you have to try.”
“I think so, too. I think I was just hoping she’d come to me, you know?”
Quinn grinned. “You wanted her to make it easy on you? Oh, brother, you picked the wrong woman for that. But after knowing Kailey for a lot of years, I can tell you that she’s worth it. Don’t throw in the towel yet.”
Ry felt marginally better, but he spent the better part of the day alternately checking his phone and pondering how exactly he should approach her. At the ranch? At Quinn’s house? Ask her over here? What would he say?
Would he be welcome or walking into a rattlesnake’s nest?
In the end Quinn was the one who came up with the solution. He knocked on Rylan’s camper door around seven and stuck his head inside when Ry called out.
“Hey, Ry? Kailey just called. She said there’s something going on with the washing machine and wondered if I’d take a look.”
“Really?” Ry met Quinn’s eyes. “Kailey seems the type that could handle a repair on her own.”
Quinn’s eyes glinted with humor. “I agree. I’m guessing she wants to ask me the same questions you did this morning. I was thinking I’d send you instead. Cut out the middle man.”
Rylan thought for a minute. He wanted to talk to her. Needed to, but he was scared, too. Like he was walking into unknown territory full of traps.
“I guess I can do that.”
“Take a toolbox. Look official, and say I sent you because I was busy.”
“You think she’ll buy that?”
Quinn chuckled. “Not a chance.”
He ducked out again, then popped back in with one last encouragement. “Good luck, Ry.”
Even though it was just for show, Rylan shoved a little handyman box he kept for simple repairs into the truck. He considered having a second shower but then decided he didn’t need to procrastinate and instead changed into a clean shirt and ran a comb through his hair.
The drive seemed to take hours rather than a few minutes.
Kailey’s truck was in the yard and the butterflies in Rylan’s gut went from fluttering to ferocious. She mattered. No one had mattered this much to him for as long as he could remember. He really didn’t want to screw this up.
Heart in his throat, he got out of the truck, grabbed his toolbox and headed for her front door.
She met him on the step, standing in front of the doorway to prevent him from entering. “I sent for Quinn. My landlord,” she emphasized.
He kept his voice even, though seeing her right now both thrilled him and scared him to death. She’d clearly showered earlier, because her hair was soft and damp and smelled like the shampoo he now recognized, and she was wearing sweats and a soft hoodie. She looked utterly snuggly.
“Quinn said to tell you he’s busy and that whatever you need fixed, to have me take a look at it.”
She frowned. Sighed. Which might have been bad enough but then he looked her in the eye and what he saw startled him. Finality. And he didn’t understand why.
“There’s nothing wrong with the washer. I made that up. You can go home now.”
His patience was thin, but he told himself to keep calm, try to get to the bottom of what had created such a change. “See, the thing is, Quinn figured you wanted to talk. And since I already put him in the middle today asking his advice...he figured he’d just get out of the way.” Rylan tried a small smile, attempting to soften that hard look that she kept giving him.
“And what did Quinn say?”
There was a sarcastic edge to her words that Rylan didn’t much care for. “He said he’d never been able to figure out women. He really wasn’t much help.”
“And do you need help, Rylan?”
Anger, so much anger in her tone. And pain, too. He heard bits of it bleeding through her words and he reminded himself to be patient. To get to the bottom of what was going on without losing his cool.
“Kailey, what happened? Why are you so angry? You didn’t answer any of my texts and phone calls... I know I left in a hurry, but Rattler was in a real state and I had to get back as soon as I could.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Angry? Why am I angry? Are you serious?” Her voice lifted and Rylan looked around. The next house was a couple of acres away, and normally that would be lots of privacy. But not if Kailey really let loose.
“Of course I’m serious,” he replied carefully. “K, we’re talking about you and me here. That’s something I take very seriously.”
She burst out laughing, but not the amused kind. The harsh, incredulous kind that was like knives. “Rylan, one thing I can say for sure. You don’t ever take anything seriously.”
Well. Now he knew what she really thought about him, didn’t he? And it stung. More than he expected it would.
She shook her head, as if she couldn’t believe what he’d said. “What was I supposed to think, when I woke up again and you were gone? Not only gone, but you left me high and dry with no vehicle. Six hours from home. You know what, Ry? Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me twice? That’s shame on me. I should never have given you a second chance.”
The words whipped at him and for a moment he was so stunned he didn’t know what to say. When he finally figured it out, he gave back as good as he got. Because she was accusing him of something he didn’t do.
“Fool you? For God’s sake, Kailey. Rattler nearly died from that attack and he’s my responsibility. Mine. I couldn’t expect Quinn and Duke to just handle things when I wasn’t even competing. I was along for the ride last week. Enjoying the time with you. I was needed at home.”
“You could have just explained that!” she shouted.
“I did!” he shouted back. He tempered his voice a little. “I did and you know it. I explained it all in the note I left with the key card on the desk.”
“What note?”
His heart froze. “What do you mean, what note? I tried to wake you up, but you’re a sound sleeper. So I wrote you a note and put it by the lamp, right by my key. I explained that Rattler got attacked and was really injured. That I was heading back home to take care of things, but that I’d come to get you on Saturday if you needed me to. And when I texted you, I got nothing. I tried to call you, and it went right to voice mail.”
“There wasn’t any note, Rylan,” she snapped. “And you expect me to believe you got this sudden attack of accountability?” She laughed.
He was starting to get worked up. “You know what? I get damned sick of people telling me how irresponsible I am. How I don’t care about anything. I made a pretty big investment in Crooked Valley and he’s my horse. Would you have rather I didn’t care enough to look after him? What would you have done, huh? What would you have done if that had happened to one of your stock?”
Her eyes were wide. “Look. The key card was there, but there was no note. I swear it.”
“And I swear I wrote it.” He thought back, trying to remember leaving that night. He’d packed his things. Written the note. Grabbed some pizza and soda and gone out the door...
“It was windy,” he said, quieter now. “The weather front was coming in. When I left, maybe it blew off the table. That’s all I can think of, Kailey. I swear to you I wrote you a note. After last winter, did you really think I would just leave you in a motel room again?”
She looked down, and everything inside him suddenly felt heavy.
“You did. You really thought I had left you there. After all we shared this summer. After going with you to Lewiston, after making love to you...you thought I had just up and abandoned you without an explanation.”
She lifted her chin. “I never saw any note. What was I supposed to think?”
So many answers rushed through his head. “I don’t know, but the benefit of the doubt might have been nice. Or maybe answering my text. Or taking one of my many phone calls and giving me the chance to explain.” He clenched his jaw. This wasn’t going as planned.
“You really don’t get it, do you?” she asked. “You hurt me. You humiliated me—again. This time in front of my employees. In front of a lot of people who knew you were there with me last week!”
“So, this is about your pride?” He cursed, frustrated and angry. “You know what, Kailey? I think I deserve a little portion of the hurt and anger that’s being handed around. I was really starting to care for you. Do you think I would have gone to Lewiston with you otherwise? Really? But maybe this was more one-sided than I realized. Maybe you’re so damned worried about appearances and being right that you can’t see something when it’s right in front of your face. I ran, yes. I ran to take care of my responsibilities. I left you to be with a horse that was ripped to shreds by a mountain lion and, by some miracle, survived. I wrote a note explaining my quick exit. I followed up with a text as soon as Rattler was treated, and I’d managed to get a few hours sleep after driving all night and then being with him all day. And what do I get for my trouble? Being told what a rotten human being I am and how your stupid pride took a beating. Just who is the coward, anyway?”
Her lips fell open and he half regretted being so harsh and the other half of him was relieved he’d gotten all that off his chest.
“You’re putting this on me?”
He swallowed. The lump in his throat was growing, but he was tired of being the bad guy simply because of a bad judgment call six months ago. “I heard a saying a long time ago. I never knew what it meant until now.”
“Oh, and what’s that?”
He met her gaze evenly. “The real courage isn’t in loving someone. It’s allowing them to love you back. I know I made mistakes, Kailey, but I put myself out there. It’s not me running away right now. It’s you. You’re the one who’s scared. You’re the one running in the other direction, and I’m the convenient scapegoat.”
“You left me,” she whispered hoarsely. “You left me there like I meant less to you than a stupid horse.”
He made a disgusted noise and took a step back. “Kailey, would you listen to yourself? You, who should understand most since you were asked to make that choice not that long ago. You told me Colt didn’t understand why you couldn’t leave the ranch. That it was an impossible choice to make. And now you’re accusing me of caring more for Rattler than I do for you?”
She lifted her chin in response. He stepped forward now, cupped her saucy little chin in his hands. “Do you think that if you were hurt somewhere that I wouldn’t move heaven and earth to find you?”
“I don’t know that for sure.”
He dropped her chin. “All this time I thought we could just take it slow and see what happened. I thought we could figure it out. That you’d forgiven me for my stupid mistake. That you could trust me again. But you don’t. It’s not just about trust, either. If you have that many doubts, you really don’t know what kind of man I am at all.”
No one had ever had any expectations where he was concerned. Or perhaps he hadn’t expected enough of himself, either. Of course, by holding everyone at arm’s length, it kept him from being hurt.
There just came a time in a man’s life, he realized, where he had to make a stand. And that time was now. It was time he decided what he wanted, time he stopped settling, time he started having his own expectations. For himself and for the people he cared about.
Kailey was still standing on the porch, barring the door, her arms crossed against her chest. Stubborn, stubborn woman. His anger was fading and in its place was disappointment. In their relationship. In her. That hurt most of all.
“At some point, Kailey, you’re going to have to stop putting up walls and blaming everyone else. Ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. Take it from someone who knows. Because I was like you. Never let anyone too close. Never show my hand. Until you. I fell in love with you. Are you brave enough to do something about it?”
Her face paled and her eyes glistened, but she didn’t say anything. Disheartened, Rylan picked up his toolbox, turned around and went back to his truck. He shut the door and looked up, and she had gone back inside.
He backed out of the driveway and started toward home. Only one other time in his life did he remember feeling this heartbroken. And that was when they’d driven away from Crooked Valley, leaving their old life behind.
Well, maybe Kailey had broken his heart, but he could definitely do something about the second.
It was time he came home. Really came home, the way he’d been afraid to all these years.