Kailey thought about taking her truck over to Crooked Valley, but it was too nice of a night. She was bone-tired from haying all day, but the before-supper shower had felt heavenly and the beef roast and mashed potatoes her mom had made for dinner had perked her up considerably. What she really wanted was to enjoy some peace and quiet rather than feel rushed from place to place. She saddled one of the geldings and went cross-country in the soft evening, the rhythm of being on horseback soothing and familiar and far preferable to sitting on tractors all day long.
Rylan was standing at the corral, his elbows on the fence. He didn’t seem to hear her approach, and she frowned. He was usually quick to smile, but right now his body language suggested he was lost in thought. Tough thoughts. His shoulders hunched and his head drooped a little as he rested his weight on the fence rail.
“Hey, Duggan,” she called out, realizing she’d assessed the situation accurately when he jumped in surprise.
“I was looking for your truck,” he said, flashing a smile that erased the troubled expression from his face. Whatever thoughts had been dogging him, he’d pushed them aside. She was starting to realize he was very good at that.
“This was more relaxing. I’ve been haying all day.”
“I just got back this afternoon.”
She dismounted and tied her horse to a nearby fence post. “So I heard,” she answered, crossing the yard, moving toward him. “Caused quite a hubbub with your cargo, too.”
His gaze warmed. “Come see.”
She stood beside him at the fence and gave a whistle. The horse’s ears perked up at the sound and he turned his head. He sure was a beauty. Heavily muscled, strong hindquarters, broad chest and standing seventeen hands or more if she was any judge.
“He can buck?”
“I certainly hope so.” Together they watched as the horse caught wind of something and lifted his head before trotting to the opposite side of the corral. “Previous owner retired him from competition a few years back. He was becoming valuable from a breeding standpoint.”
“And he sold him why?”
“Retiring. You probably know him. Mack Rigden.”
“I know Mack. Good guy.” She narrowed her eyes. “He selling off more of his stock?”
Rylan laughed then. “You interested?”
“If they look anything like this big lad, I might be.” She hesitated. “I’d have to look at the bloodline, but I’d say there’s a little draft horse in there somewhere. Percheron, maybe. You breed him with Candy and you’ll have a horse like a tank.”
He chuckled. “I was thinking the same thing.”
Kailey kept her eyes on the stallion as she pondered the question on her mind. “Ry, I don’t know how to ask this delicately, so I’ll just come out with it. I didn’t think Duke would approve an expenditure this big. Not now. What changed his mind?”
“He didn’t change his mind. That’s why Quinn called you.”
Her face must have looked shocked because Rylan started to laugh. “You should see yourself,” he joked. “You look horrified. Don’t worry, Kailey. I didn’t rip off Crooked Valley funds. I paid for him myself.”
She thought about that for a moment. First of all, there was the surprise that he had enough money for a really good stud horse when he was living out of a tiny camper. More than that, though, she thought about how this marked an interesting step in his involvement at Crooked Valley.
So much for no ties. He had the horse. He had already mentioned one potential pairing. Did he realize he’d just made an investment in the family bucking stock business?
“I take it you live below your means, then,” she said quietly, resting her arms on the fence.
“Not hard to do. My needs are pretty simple.”
She looked over at him, surprised. This was a different side to Rylan she hadn’t seen before. She’d always had the impression he didn’t take things very seriously. That he was...impulsive. Despite what Duke might have thought, this wasn’t an impulsive purchase.
He’d asked her before what she thought. Asked if she’d consider helping him out. He’d been planning this. Looking for the right horse. He’d had money put aside.
It was completely opposite from the man who’d thrown his cash down for a custom-made saddle at the Valentine’s Day auction, who’d danced with her and propositioned her to something outrageous...
“Who are you, Rylan?”
She didn’t realize she’d asked the question out loud until she heard him sigh. “I just am,” he answered, avoiding the question. “No sense trying to dig too deep with me. What you see is what you get.”
“Oh, I don’t think so.” She looked at him, examined the firm set to his jaw, the tightness of his lips. He didn’t like talking about himself much, did he?
“Come on,” she prompted. “You like this place more than you’ll admit. You came back here. You’ve gotten yourself involved in this part of the operation... Why do you fight it so hard?”
He turned his head and met her gaze, though he kept his emotions shuttered away so she couldn’t really read his face. “I never said I hated this place. I probably love it the most out of the three of us. So don’t you question that, Kailey.”
“Then why are you so determined to leave?”
His lips thinned further. “Just because I care about the ranch doesn’t mean I want to come back. Doesn’t mean I belong here. So get that out of your head, okay? I get enough of that from Lacey and Duke. I don’t need it from you, too.”
“Sheesh. Sorry.” He was so touchy about it. “Did something happen to drive you away? I’m just trying to understand, Ry. Things just don’t add up.”
“Well, that’s life,” he replied bitterly. “And for the record, I wasn’t driven away. I was taken away. Big difference.”
She would have asked more, but the screen door slammed up at the house and both of them turned to see Quinn and Duke coming down the driveway to the barn. Just the men. Carrie and Lacey didn’t join them.
“Hey, Kailey,” Duke called out as they approached. “Thanks for coming over.”
“No problem. Ry and I were just talking about this guy here. What’s his name, Ry?”
“Rattler.”
She grinned. “I like it. Strikes fast and a little bit dangerous. Just like you want.”
Quinn smiled. “Well, the problem is we can’t really take him at his name, you know?”
Duke nodded. “You’re a good judge, Kailey. What do you think of Rylan’s purchase?”
She looked at Rylan. Saw defiance in his eyes, but something else, too. Hope. He really wanted this to work. And she wanted it, too. For Crooked Valley. And, on a more unsettling note, for him.
“Well, at face and name value, he’s great. I was just telling Rylan that if you bred him with Candyfloss, you’d have a horse like a tank. But the bigger question is bucking ability. I’d like to have a look at his papers. Ry says he competed for a while until he became too valuable as a stud. That natural bucking ability is important. I’d like to see someone get on him. Try to stay on.”
Ry’s eyes lit up. “It’d give us a chance to see him in the chute, too.”
Duke looked his brother in the eye. “You’re dying to get on him, aren’t you?”
“He hasn’t competed in a few years. But yeah. I’d like to see what he’s made of. That instinct doesn’t just go away.”
“Let’s do it,” Quinn said.
Kailey was usually right in the mix back at her own place, but tonight she stood back and watched, just for this once. She wanted to get a good look at how Rattler handled, his temperament, how he was in the chute. She and Duke went to the small arena and stood at the rails as Quinn and Rylan prepared horse and rider for the main attraction.
“You really think this horse was worth the money?” Duke asked. “Because it’s a hell of an impulse buy. Rylan can be so reckless.”
It scared her how quickly she wanted to leap to Ry’s defense. “Time will tell, Duke. But he didn’t buy some old nag, I can tell you that. If I were in the market I would have given him a second look. And I can guarantee you he would have gone for more at auction. If this ride is anything at all, your brother just brought home a bargain.”
Duke’s jaw dropped a little. “You think so?”
“You need to have more faith in your brother, Duke. He’s a pro rider. He knows what he’s doing. And it wasn’t nearly as impulsive as you might think.”
“What do you mean?”
She watched as Quinn and Ry got Rattler in the chute, as Ry perched up on the rails, waiting for the right moment to ease his weight into the saddle. “I mean Rylan asked me about the program here not long after he first arrived. I agreed with him that the place needed a boost to your breeding program, but we both knew money was an issue. He’s trying to help, Duke. And he’s the one bearing the financial risk. Don’t be too hard on him.”
She held her breath as Rylan positioned himself on Rattler’s back, and then gave Quinn a sharp nod to open the chute.
Rattler burst forth with strength and aggression, bucking with a power that surprised and delighted Kailey. A grin spread over her face and her eyes were glued to the spectacle as she said to Duke, “Retired my patootie. Look at him go!”
And it wasn’t just Rattler. Rylan spurred him on, gorgeous form as he gripped the rope with one hand and held the other aloft. He was a beautiful rider, and while the two were at cross purposes—one trying to rid himself of his cargo and the other trying to stay on—it was almost as if they were working as a team to provide the best ride possible.
Rattler gave a quick and sudden lurch to the side and she saw Ry slip a little, but then he purposefully dismounted, landing on the soft loam of the arena. He got up and brushed off his jeans, a huge smile on his face as Rattler continued around the circle, smaller, quick bucks punctuating his gait.
“Did you see that?” Rylan called out. “Whooeee!”
“He didn’t get rid of you,” Duke pointed out.
Rylan swaggered over, his hat in his hand. “That has more to do with the quality of the rider than the horse, bro.”
Duke rolled his eyes while Kailey chuckled. “Nothing wrong with your ego,” Duke muttered.
Ry’s face still glowed with excitement, but he became more serious as he met Kailey’s gaze and then Duke’s. “Let’s be honest. A less experienced rider wouldn’t have stood a chance. And he’s been out of competition for a few years now.”
Duke nodded. “And you think he’ll earn his keep?”
Kailey looked at Rylan, not Duke, when she cut in. “Brandt can get the ball rolling on that score,” she said.
Rylan’s gaze was warm. “Thank you, Kailey.”
“Don’t thank me. This is business, remember?”
But she knew he was thinking—as she was—about that night at the creek, when he’d first asked for her help.
Rylan looked at Duke and held out his hand. “We have a deal then? Ownership stays with me and Crooked Valley reaps the proceeds.”
It was a hell of a gift. Kailey hoped Duke realized how much.
“We have a deal,” Duke replied, taking his brother’s hand.
Rylan stayed true to his word. While ownership of Rattler was in his name, as far as he was concerned, nothing had changed. He’d given his ideas to Quinn, and then he’d hooked up the camper and the highway had become his home.
June became July. July morphed into August, hot and dry, and he was getting tired of the travel and the fair ground and diner food. What he was really craving was a batch of Lacey’s fried chicken and a slice of her apple pie. He collected prize money and stayed at the top of the rankings, but at night, when everything was quiet and he was in his camper alone, it was Kailey he thought of most. Kailey swimming in her underwear, challenging him. Kailey in that pretty blue dress from the wedding, smelling like flowers and tasting like summer.
It was better he stay on the road. And away from her. When he was with her, he forgot a lot of things. Like why he didn’t want to settle down in the first place. If anything, his feelings for her drove the point home.
He flipped over on the hard mattress and punched his pillow.
He had too much damned time to think, that’s what. And he could blame it all on Duke and Lacey and their stupid summons. He was such an idiot. He’d liked the idea of being needed for once in his life, and the chance to prove to his brother and sister that he wasn’t just a screwup who’d hit the highway as soon as he’d been old enough. He’d always been the youngest, the tagger-on, the one people felt they had to take care of but never bothered asking what he wanted.
He flipped again. Wondered where all the control he’d managed to attain over his life had fled.
Control.
He sighed, giving up on sleep and staring at the ceiling. That was what this came down to, wasn’t it? A need to control his life. He absolutely hated being at the mercy of anyone else.
And now that control wasn’t working so well. Because he’d made it a policy never to get too close to anything or anyone who could hurt him. And he’d done both in his return to Crooked Valley by caring for both Kailey and the ranch.
And damn, he was lonely.
Before he could change his mind, he picked up his cell and dialed. It took three rings, and then Kailey picked up. “This had better be good, Duggan.”
He hadn’t thought about caller ID. Or the time. It was after midnight.
“I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”
She sighed. “I haven’t been to sleep yet. Though I was almost there.”
“Me, too.”
“How’s things?”
He wondered how to answer. “Good,” he said. “Real good.”
“Some of our stock was in Cody last weekend. Heard you put on quite a performance.”
“It was okay.” Truth was, it had been a hell of a weekend with some very tight competition. And he’d come out of it with a sore shoulder and a bruised rib.
“So why are you calling me in the middle of the night, Ry?”
Her voice was soft, the way lovers spoke late at night, in the dark. What was he doing? He should be staying far away. He didn’t need to get wrapped up in her, too.
Too? He pinched the bridge of his nose. It wasn’t just Kailey; it was the ranch. It was all of it.
“I needed to hear a familiar voice,” he replied. “Look, I really am sorry I called so late. I didn’t realize the time. I’ll let you go.”
There was a long pause while neither of them hung up.
“The thing is,” she said quietly, “I can’t stop thinking about that night of the wedding.”
He couldn’t either. Or the sight of her in a wet, white bra and panties. But having her admit it took his libido and kicked it into overdrive. Why did she get to him so easily?
“Kailey—”
“That is why you called, right? Because of this thing we have going on that we keep trying to ignore?”
She was so forthright. It was one of the things he really liked about her. She didn’t play games. Didn’t beat around the bush. She just said what she meant. Even when it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Or when it was what he wanted more than anything. Or both.
“I don’t want to think about you as much as I do.” He held the phone close to his mouth, as if it made his lips closer to hers.
She laughed, a sexy little ripple in his ear. “Ditto. The big question is why? Why is thinking about me so bad?”
How did he answer that?
“Come on, Rylan. You think I don’t see, but I do. You have this face you show to the world but underneath there’s a whole lot of complicated stuff going on. You don’t want to be at Crooked Valley. You don’t want to be tied down to anyone or anything. Does that seem normal to you?”
He was so surprised by her insight that he couldn’t answer. But there wasn’t time anyway as she forged on. “Why does the idea of belonging somewhere scare you so much?”
“It’s easy for you,” he blurted out, wishing he didn’t feel so defensive. “You’ve been in the same place your whole life with the same people. You’ve always belonged somewhere.”
“And you haven’t?”
“I did once.”
There was silence down the line. And then Kailey asked the simple question with the difficult answer.
“What happened, Ry?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does. Talk to me, Rylan. Trust me.”
Couldn’t she see that was part of the problem? He didn’t trust people. “I think I’ve made a habit of only trusting myself, K.”
“And you shut other people out.”
“I don’t get hurt that way.”
“Except you’re hurting yourself. And you’re missing out on what could be important relationships. I don’t just mean romance either, Rylan. But with your sister, your brother. Your mom. People who care about you.”
His temper flared. “Oh, you mean people who end up leaving?” He sighed. “God, I did not want to get into this tonight. I just wanted to...to...”
“Make a connection,” she whispered. “You don’t have the corner on feeling alone, you know.”
Her? Alone? She was adored by all, the life of the party. How was she alone?
“Kailey, my dad was killed in action. One day he was alive, the next I was told I would never see my father again. It was hard to wrap my head around that concept, because I was used to him being gone on deployment. But it was different, knowing he’d never walk up the driveway again or throw a ball in the yard or take us riding. He wouldn’t laugh or smile or kiss my mom, even in front of us. He was just...gone. It was so final.”
“I know, Rylan.”
“I had the ranch, though. And Joe and Eileen and all the things I loved, until that was taken away, too. My mom never asked what I wanted. She just decided that we were leaving and moving to Helena. I hated it there. I was a square peg in a round hole. Once I even tried to run away and go back to the ranch.”
“How old were you?” she asked, her voice gentle.
“Seven.”
“Oh, Rylan.”
“Everything was completely out of control. Lacey didn’t miss the ranch like I did, and Duke was far more interested in being like our dad to worry about me and what I wanted. So, I got through it. I was the afterthought tagged on the end of the family. And when I was old enough, I did what I wanted. What I’d always wanted.”
Wow. He took a deep inhale. He’d never told anyone all that before. Maybe it was because it was Kailey. Maybe because they were on the phone and not face-to-face, and the bit of distance helped.
“So, why didn’t you just go back to the ranch?”
Why hadn’t he? He’d asked himself that question several times, and all he could come up with was because it was a reminder of his worst memories. “Because it hurt too much. I just wanted to forget the past, leave it behind me and make a new future. But thanks to Joe I got dragged back home anyway.”
He could hear her breathing. It was so still. Finally, gently, she spoke.
“Do you realize that you just called Crooked Valley home?”
He hadn’t.
“Rylan, I understand that you’re hurt. You were so young to lose a parent and to be uprooted. Then to feel like you didn’t fit in... I understand, too, that you made a choice to live your life on your terms. There is nothing wrong with that. Just...think about why you’re doing things. Is it because it’s what you want or because you’re trying to protect yourself?”
“No one gets to call the shots in my life again.” His voice was firm.
“But you’re not calling the shots either,” she reminded him. “Fear is. That doesn’t sound like a fun way to live.”
“It was until the past two or three months.”
“Like having a one-night stand in a budget motel?”
Embarrassment flooded through him. “I thought we weren’t going to mention that again.”
“I wasn’t. Except I’m starting to realize that your life on your terms probably isn’t making you all that happy.”
This was not how he’d wanted this conversation to go. “Listen, I didn’t call to get in to all this. I was just by myself and thought...”
Lonely, he reminded himself. Dammit.
“Rylan, I stopped hating you for that night a while back. I had to get over my pride and feeling humiliated. That’s all. But I think since then we’ve started to become friends, you know? I’m only saying these things as a friend who cares. You can’t live your life in a bubble without letting anyone in.”
Friends. Not that he’d say it, but he had a hard time thinking of Kailey as just a friend. Perhaps it would work better if he could stop wanting more. But she’d put an end to that. She also wasn’t the only one with some pride, and he resented the way she made it sound as if she had it all together.
“Really, Kailey? Because I think you do a pretty good job of living in a bubble, too. The only difference is you hide behind your ranch. Hell, you still live with your parents. Talk about putting the kibosh on anyone getting too close. How about lack of privacy as a convenient excuse?”
Silence.
He hadn’t meant to lash out. It was just...he hated that she was right, even a little bit. And, he admitted to himself, he was a little bit frustrated. Because Kailey seemed perfectly able to think about them as friends when he couldn’t. Couldn’t think of her in a solely platonic way. Couldn’t get her off his mind. Couldn’t go through a whole day without thinking about kissing her again. Seeing her smile.
His head was starting to ache now.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“No, I deserved that,” she said back. “If I’m going to judge and give free advice, I should expect the same in return.”
He’d say this for her. She was fair.
“I’ve never met anyone like you, K.”
“Of course you haven’t.”
He laughed in spite of himself, resting his hand on his forehead, half out of frustration and half from amusement.
“Hey,” she said softly. “I wasn’t trying to pick a fight. It’s just that the more we... I mean, the more I see you, the more I realize that you’re not exactly the person you show to the world. Maybe it’s time for you to stop running, Rylan. The way I need to stop settling.”
He swallowed hard. He knew he put distance between himself and people he cared about. It was a self-preservation mechanism he’d perfected long ago. It wasn’t something he could just stop doing. But what did she mean, settling? Did she mean settling for him? Because she was right on that score. A woman like Kailey deserved better than a rodeo drifter with no fixed address, a camper and one horse to his name.
“Listen, I really do have to go,” she whispered. “You gonna be okay?”
“Sure. I’ll be home next week anyway. Heading down to Oklahoma before taking a bit of a break.”
“Drive carefully.”
“I always do.”
“And good luck.”
“Thanks.”
There was an awkward silence for a few beats. “Kailey, thanks for the talk. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that before, you know?”
“You’re welcome, Ry. Be safe.”
In his head he knew the words could be a simple goodbye, but as he clicked off the phone it felt like they were something different. An endearment, two words that meant someone out there was waiting for his return, cared if he made it back in one piece.