I avoided my mobile when I woke up and focused on damage control. My eyes were swollen and puffy from crying, I had no appetite, and sadness had shifted to righteous indignation overnight. I wasn’t hurt anymore. I was furious. I’d worked my anger into apoplectic levels by the time I was dressed.
Checking in, I found Penny changing Elizabeth. My heart sank and I tried to ignore its traitorous plunge. I’d told Alexander to leave, so I couldn’t be disappointed that he had. I wasn’t certain what I would have done if I’d found he’d stayed. Still, it seemed like his husband barometer was off. He had a tendency to leave when he should stay and fight. Or ignore me when I needed him to listen.
Penny handed Elizabeth to me, her eyes sweeping over me. “I thought His Majesty might be here this morning.”
“He had to leave for London.” I forced a brittle smile.
“I thought he might,” she said in an offhanded way.
My blood ran cold, and I clutched Elizabeth so tightly that she squawked in protest. “Why would you think that?”
Penny turned a shade of scarlet darker than her hair. “No reason, ma’am. It’s just that I saw something on the news.”
I didn’t have to ask what she’d seen on the news, because I had a damn good idea what it was.
“Penny,” I said in a strangled voice, “we have a race today, so I think it’s best if Elizabeth stays here. It will be too loud there and I know I’ll be distracted. I’ll check in this afternoon and I’ll have my phone.”
“Of course.” She sounded relieved that I wasn’t going to press her for answers.
I excused myself and grabbed my phone. There were dozens of notifications, but I didn’t bother to check any of them. Instead I went straight to trending news. There he was.
Alexander thought no one would single him out last night, but he was wrong. Someone had gotten a photo. It had gone viral.
I didn’t have the stamina to deal with the fallout from this as well as my duties to the games. Alexander didn’t want to tell me the truth, which meant this wasn’t my problem. The trouble was that no matter how hard I tried to sell myself on that, I couldn’t. I’d signed up to deal with all his troubles when we’d gotten married. I was pretty sure whatever was going on still fell under the whole ‘for better or for worse’ thing.
Choosing not to respond, I went downstairs and forced myself to eat some toast. I had no idea if my queasy stomach was from morning sickness or stress. But I needed to eat, so I stuck with something I could keep down. Brex joined me in the kitchen and eyed my toast without comment.
I slammed a cabinet door and he winced, rubbing his temples gingerly. It looked like he had a hangover. I didn’t bother to ask him what had caused it. I knew exactly where it had come from. Instead, I kept my commentary to a disapproving scowl until we reached the track. Brex continued alongside me, but I turned on him.
“I think I’d rather have Georgia with me today.” It wasn’t his fault he’d gotten into a fight with Alexander. I imagined my husband deserved it. Hell, I probably would have sided with Brex. But I suspected the fight has started over whatever Alexander was hiding. If that was the case, then Alexander trusted him more than me. I couldn’t stomach the idea. It didn’t matter how long they’d been friends. I was his wife.
And the fact that Brex might know tempted me to bring it up. Would he tell me if I asked? That wasn’t how I wanted to find out.
Brexton didn’t argue with me. Instead, he waved Georgia over. She appeared, studying her nails. The perk of having her beside me was that she blended into the crowd more easily. She didn’t feel the need to wear the stock uniform of the rest of the bodyguards. There were no suits. No ties. Her hair hid whatever earpiece I assumed she wore. Instead, she was dressed down in jeans and a leather jacket. It was a bit more casual than my wool peacoat and skinny black trousers, but next to each other we looked like friends. We were about the same age. It wouldn’t be a stretch. But we weren’t friends, and I couldn’t imagine a scenario in which we would be. For a moment, I recalled the first moment I saw her. It seemed like a million years ago. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention to her then. Maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess now.
“I need to make a few calls,” I said to her. She followed me while I looked for an empty office and didn’t argue when I went inside and told her I’d be a few minutes. The fact was that I’d woken up to half a dozen text messages from pretty much anyone who had my direct number. It wasn’t just my friends wanting an explanation, it was the world. I’d start with my friends.
I bypassed my mother’s calls. I didn’t have the strength of character to deal with her right now. Then I went up the list in ascending order, starting from the person I assumed would demand the least amount of time. Lola answered on the first ring.
“Need a publicist?” she asked.
I sighed and shook my head. It was just like my sister to switch to business mode. Alexander would have probably been better served with her as his wife. At least she would know how to deal with it when he fucked things up. “I’m sure there’s a half dozen or so sorting this out right now.”
“Need to talk?”
“No, I have to call everyone before people start coming down here and demanding answers,” I said. I appreciated the offer, but my sister and I had never been close. We got along. We just weren’t tight. Lola didn’t press me for more information. At least one member of my family seemed to respect my privacy. I hung up with her and I called the next person on my list. Belle was spitting angry when she answered. “He’s really lost it, hasn’t he?”
“You have no idea,” I said with a sigh.
“What happened?”
I filled her in on the little details I knew. By the end, she was even more angry.
“Maybe you should go to London, grab him by the bollocks, and explain that if he ever does anything that stupid, he’s never shagging you again.”
“I don’t think that’s the answer,” I said dryly.
“Powerful men only respond to threats,” she advised me.
“You think I haven’t threatened him?” I whispered, afraid my voice would break.
“Oh, Clara. I’m sorry. Do you want me to come out there? Smith won’t mind.”
Belle knew what these games meant to me. But I couldn’t stand the pitying tone of her voice. I didn’t need one more person in my life to coddle me. I also wasn’t certain I could face her.
“No, I can handle it,” I told her. “But I should go. I need to call Edward.”
“Okay, but call me back. And let me know if you need backup.”
I knew that offer always stood. Belle would be there without question the moment I asked her. But she had her own responsibilities now. I had to sort this mess out on my own.
Before I could call him, Edward called me. He was the person I most needed to talk to because he knew Alexander in a way that even I didn’t. They were brothers. They had shared the same past and the same tragedies. He was my last hope of getting answers if Alexander wouldn’t give them to me himself.
“How are you holding up?” he asked.
“Terribly.” I didn’t feel the need to lie to him. There was no point in hiding from everyone. Someone had to be on my side. Someone who could still be sympathetic to Alexander and mad at him at the same time. Belle didn’t have that capacity. She was clearly Team Clara. Lola didn’t know him. Edward was all I had. “What’s going on with him, Edward?”
There was silence on the other end.
“Do you know? He’s keeping something from me,” I pressed him. If Edward knew, he had to tell me. I wanted to believe he would. Maybe it was asking too much of him to confide in me if he did.
“I don’t know,” he said at last, dashing my last hope. “But I’ve been looking into it.”
It was relief to hear that I wasn’t the only one who thought something was wrong. I wished it was more. “He’s been acting oddly for weeks. I don’t think it’s just the attack. There’s more to it.”
“I think so, too. But I promise you, Clara, he hasn’t told me anything.”
“I figured,” I said, slumping against the desk.
“What are you going to do?” he asked me after a few seconds of silence.
“You know what they say,” I said through gritted teeth, “the games must go on.”
The Games were going on, as it turned out. Despite my husband’s faux pas, nearly everyone at Silverstone acted like nothing had happened. I suspected they had been briefed on how to approach me. But I knew that outside the security perimeter, the press would hold no such reservations. They owed nothing to me or my family as far as I could tell. They’d certainly never showed me a shred of decency when it came to my personal life. I managed to steer clear of Anders for the day. I could only imagine what he thought about Alexander’s behavior. There was no way he hadn’t heard about it. It was plastered over every news source in the world. Even with tonight’s upcoming race, he would know. He hadn’t hidden his concerns about my marriage. What must he think now?
And that was the problem. What must they all think? Somehow, it seemed less important than what I thought. Or what I felt. I’d kicked him out. I’d turned my back on him—something I had promised never to do. But Alexander had promised me no more secrets. We were supposed to be in this together and he had breached that contract. I was his wife—his partner—but I was not his welcome mat. He couldn’t walk all over me and expect me not to fight back.
“Do we have a problem?” Henry asked in a low voice when he found me mid-afternoon.
“Do we?” I asked in a weary voice. I couldn’t be entirely certain if we had the same problem, but I didn’t want to call attention to my problems with Alexander.
“Anders has a black eye and my nephew is all over the news.”
Alexander hadn’t mentioned Anders last night. My anger, which had been simmering since he came home, boiled into a seething rage. That’s what this was about? His stupid, unwarranted jealousy? Even if Anders had a thing for me, which I seriously doubted, why would it matter? I loved Alexander. He knew that. Or I thought he did. Nothing seemed clear anymore.
“I don’t think they were fighting.” Not physically, at least. Unless Alexander had simply left that part of the story out.
“It doesn’t look good, though.” Henry exhaled heavily then offered a weak smile. “I’m sorry to bother you with this. I’m certain, you have enough concerns.”
Like my out-of-control husband and a fresh scandal to maneuver? “It is my responsibility when it involves my family.”
“Your family?” Henry scratched his chin for a moment.
“Alexander,” I said slowly. “His behavior is my concern.”
“Ahhh.” He nodded as if this now made sense. “But it is not your responsibility. Don’t confuse the two.”
When I spotted Anders a few minutes before the race, I fixated on his black eye. How the papers hadn’t picked that fact up, I didn’t know. But it was obvious to me now what had happened.
That was why Alexander had wanted me to leave with him. It hadn’t been a simple fight with Brex. Anders had been involved. Now I understood. Maybe Alexander saw Anders’s invitations as crossing a line. Maybe his paranoia had finally warped his brain. I had to face facts. Alexander believed Anders was a threat to our marriage. It hurt he would believe that. It didn’t matter that Anders was only a friend. Alexander should have taken me at my word. Why couldn’t he trust that things were innocent? Why did he always have to jump to irrational anger?
Henry found me as the announcers began their commentary. This afternoon, we’d be in a box. I was grateful I didn’t have to face Anders on the track. I would apologize for Alexander’s actions. But no excuse I could come up with would make up for the fact Anders was right about Alexander. He was controlling. Maybe he did need to be taught a lesson.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Henry said. A dozen or so other people were in the box to watch the race, but I found a quiet spot by the window so I could be alone with my thoughts. “Will Alexander be joining us this evening?”
It hadn’t occurred to me that others might notice my husband’s absence or expect him to be here. “I forgot to mention that he left for London this morning. He couldn’t stay.”
“That was probably wise.” He gave me an appraising look as if to ascertain how I felt about it.
“I thought so,” I said pointedly.
“He has my brother’s temper,” Henry said, his words full of regret. He placed one hand over mine on the railing. “Albert was a hard man to love. Elizabeth always told me that.”
My eyes flashed to his, searching them as though they might hold answers. “Albert talked about her like their marriage was perfect.”
Henry loosed a low laugh and shook his head. “Their marriage was like any other marriage, except more demanding. Liz felt stifled by him at times, crushed. In the end, their love became more about duty than genuine affection.”
“I’ve never heard anyone call her Liz before. Not even your brother.”
“We were close—united by our love for Albert as well as our concern for him. We were a two-person support group. Not unlike you and Edward, it seems. Liz needed allies. I imagine you will, too. She told me once that it was impossible to love a king, because she loved Albert as an equal and he saw her as a subject.”
My throat closed at his words, tears threatening to give away my own fears. Albert had told me once that Elizabeth had understood her duty. I thought that meant she was obedient. Now, I realized it was a warning. She had been expected to fall into line. I would be expected to as well.
“I don’t know what’s going on anymore,” I admitted. “Alexander’s changing and...”
“It scares you?” Henry guessed.
I nodded, my eyes on the track as the cars began to fly across the pavement. I hadn’t even realized the race was starting. I owed myself more than this, allowing myself to be distracted from the work I’d chosen by Alexander’s behavior. “I don’t even know where things have gone wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“The course of true love never did run smooth.” Henry squeezed my hand.
“Shakespeare could do a lot with this story,” I muttered.
“He could do a lot with this family,” Henry said conspiratorially. “If there’s anything that I can do…”
He left the offer hanging. I wanted to trust him—to open up to him—but something held me back. He was still Mary’s son. Albert’s brother. But wasn’t that the problem with this family? Everyone believing that everyone else was beholden to a destructive pattern of behavior—their entire lives choreographed for them from birth. Alexander and Edward had tried to change that. Didn’t I owe it to all of them to push them harder in that direction? What other way would things finally change?
“He seemed on edge here,” Henry noted. “It made me wonder if…”
I waited, wanting to finish the sentence. “Wonder what?” I pressed.
“But it would be impossible.” He shook his head, muttering to himself. “How would he have found out?”
“Henry,” I said, trying to draw his attention back to me. “What is it?”
His pale blue eyes turned to me and stared through me. He looked so much like his brother, but the tentativeness on his face was his own. “It’s just that if Alexander knew that—”
A metallic roar shook the glass windows. Everyone in the box flooded toward us. I pressed to the glass, panic crashing through me. This time it wasn’t a bumper that had been clipped. A car had flipped over, landing upside down on the track. My stomach turned at the sight, my body remembering the accident I had tried to forget. I clutched it, willing my food to stay down and felt an unmistakable flutter. I held the place where my child grew protectively, feeling as helpless to keep him safe as I did to help now. Teams rushed onto the track, followed by paramedics, battling through the smoke pouring from the wreckage. Every second seemed to last an hour, and I couldn’t turn away from the number displayed prominently on the car’s backend. I’d never remember every driver’s number, but there was one I wouldn’t forget.
Anderson Stone made an impression.