The five Yoder women were seated in Eunice’s bedroom, supposedly helping her unpack. She’d unpacked the night she’d told her father about Zeb’s proposal. Still, her schweschdern had insisted on coming over the following Tuesday. Sarah, Becca, Eunice, Bethany and Ada were all squeezed into the twelve-by-twelve room. Plus, Lydia, Bethany’s doschder, and Mary, Becca’s doschder, were offering a steady stream of real and made-up words. Both girls would turn four years old in December. At the moment, they were using all the colors in the crayon box to create rainbow pictures.
Coloring pictures. How could they be coloring pictures already? Wasn’t it just the other day that they’d all waited at the hospital for them to be born? How could they possibly be almost four years old? Time was such a strange thing. Eunice often felt that some days lasted forever. Some nights were even longer. But the years? The years flew by.
They all seemed to be aware of how quickly things were changing, and so they’d decided to have a family meeting that morning. In truth, they just wanted to spend some time together.
Eunice loved getting caught up with her schweschdern. Though they lived fairly close to one another and saw each other at least once a week, it still felt like they didn’t have time together. Time to just sit and talk. Time to be together.
“How are you feeling, Sarah?” Becca was peering at their oldest schweschder closely, as if to detect any problem she might be experiencing.
“Being pregnant is wunderbaar,” Sarah admitted. “So far, at least. I pray it stays that way, but I remember how it was for you all, and I’m—”
“Older,” they all chimed in.
Everyone had been surprised and thrilled to learn that Sarah was pregnant. More than once she’d shared her worry that she wouldn’t be a mamm. She’d feared that particular dream wouldn’t come true for her, since she had recently turned thirty-two. And then—suddenly—she was. Noah had been so excited at the news that he’d nearly driven the buggy off the road when she’d told him.
Eunice loved that story.
She loved all of her family’s stories.
“Whatcha looking at, sis?” Ada poked Eunice’s foot with her own. She had an eight-month-old boy who was with his dat at the moment. Both Peter and Ethan were the cinnamon of Ada’s life. Ada was on a cinnamon kick, so it was the highest compliment she could give.
“This room,” Eunice admitted. “I can’t believe I’ve lived in this same room all of my life.”
“Sort of,” Becca said. She smiled at her little girl, Mary, who showed her the rainbow she’d drawn. Becca’s son, Abram, was seven months old. He tried to reach for the picture, but Mary plopped back down on the floor with the drawing and managed to keep it out of his grasp.
“He slobbers,” she whispered to Lydia.
Ada was apparently still thinking about what Eunice had said. “Remember when we all moved into the same room? When Aaron and Ethan’s house had that fire?”
Bethany started laughing, and baby Daniel reached up to pat his mother’s face. “The only way to get out of the room was to step over—”
“Or on,” Becca chimed in.
“Or on someone else.” Bethany rocked her son, a smile wreathing her face. “I rather miss those days.”
“I think we all do,” Sarah said. “Look at us now. Five girls. Four husbands. Five children—”
“And one on the way,” Eunice pointed out.
“And one on the way.” Sarah began to blink rapidly.
“Uh-oh. She’s spilling her feelings.” Ada jumped up and fetched her a tissue. “Which is way better than having a heart of rock.”
“Stone,” her schweschder mouthed, but no one corrected her. They were beyond correcting Ada’s misquotes. Sarah had even begun listing them in a journal.
“Back to you, Eunice.” Bethany cocked her head and gave her full attention to Eunice. “That was a very close call you experienced. I’d bought extra stamps so I could write you every day.”
“I was actually all packed and ready to go,” Eunice admitted. “How is it that my entire life fit into two small boxes and a suitcase?”
“It’s not as if we have a closet full of clothes.” Ada plopped on the bed. “When it’s time to hit the buggy lane—”
“Hit the road,” Becca whispered.
Ada wagged her index finger. “When it’s time to hit the buggy lane, Amish folk can pack fast. But how do you feel about everything, Eunice?”
“I’m relieved, I guess.”
“About staying, sure. But how do you feel about minding Zeb’s son?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“And you’re not...interested in him in a romantic way?” Bethany wiggled her eyebrows.
Which started all four of Eunice’s schweschdern talking about Zeb and laughing and insinuating that this entire situation was something that it wasn’t.
Eunice had to whistle to get their attention. “It’s not like that. Zeb was desperate to find someone to keep Josh. He heard that I needed a job, so he thought we could help each other out.”
“We’ll stop teasing, Eunice.” Sarah stood and arched her back. “But we’re excited about all the changes in your life. Our lives are centered around home—cooking and cleaning and babies. We don’t get out as much as you do. That’s why we have to live through you, little sister.”
Live through her?
Eunice’s life was the most tame of all of them.
Some days she had trouble keeping up with all of the changes in her family. Since Sarah had learned she was pregnant, Noah and his parents had made the decision to add on to their home. Ada’s and Bethany’s husbands were brothers, and the house on Huckleberry Lane had gone through quite a renovation in the last few years. Ada and her husband, Ethan, had made the decision to build a separate house, allowing Bethany and Aaron to remain in the original home with their two children. Becca and Gideon lived on the same property as Eunice and her dat, but even they were talking about building another barn.
It seemed as if only Eunice’s life had stayed the same.
Wake in the morning.
Walk out to the barn and work on her latest project.
Rinse and repeat.
They suddenly heard the sound of horse hooves, and they all went to the window—standing in birth order as they always did. Eunice automatically went to the middle of the group. She’d always been comfortable in the middle—two older schweschdern and two younger. It had seemed the perfect place to be. Now she wondered about that.
Perhaps if she’d been first or last she would have done something with her life. The middle was comfortable. She’d allowed herself to become quite content watching her older and younger siblings go about their lives. She’d become an observer and somewhere in the last five or even ten years she’d stopped participating. At least it felt that way now.
“Looks like he’s here, sis. Zeb, the handsome friend but not boyfriend, and his adorable son.” Bethany tossed her a knowing smile. “Why’s he coming by today? I thought you didn’t start watching Josh until next week.”
“Trial run,” Eunice explained. “He thought we should spend an hour together just to make sure everything will work out.”
“Ah.” Becca pulled Eunice into a hug and then they were all in one big jumble with their arms around one another, laughing and crying and assuring Mary and Lydia that nothing was wrong.
But it was as they were headed down the stairs that Sarah pulled Eunice aside. “You’re going to be fine.”
“I know.”
“Stop worrying.”
There was no point in denying it. Sarah had always been able to read her like a book. “Okay.”
It was when Sarah put her arms around her and pulled her close that the tears began to sting Eunice’s eyes. By the time she pulled away, they were coursing down her cheeks. Eunice could hear Zeb knocking on the front door, her nieces laughing and running, her schweschdern greeting Zeb. She could hear it all, but it was as if those things were happening very far away.
Sarah nudged her shoulder. “Worst fears.”
It was a game they’d begun playing long ago.
“Something terrible will happen to Josh, and I won’t know what to do.”
“That’s not even remotely possible. You can see Becca’s front door from here. She’s happy to help you. What else?”
Eunice only shook her head.
How could she put her biggest fears into words? It wasn’t just the two new jobs. She thought she could learn to use a cash register. She thought one child couldn’t be that hard to care for.
But all of the rush and worry of the last thirty days had finally worn her down. It had worked its way into her mind and her subconscious. She’d actually dreamed the night before that she was alone on a boat in a vast sea, and she couldn’t figure out which way to paddle.
She didn’t need Ezekiel or a counselor to tell her what that dream meant.
She was the only one left. She was the only remaining burden on her father. She would live here in her childhood home until he was gone. Then she’d be pushed off into a grossmammi haus—in her case perhaps it might be called an aenti’s haus—and one of her siblings’ growing families would move into the main house. She could see it all play out like some nightmare flashing before her eyes on a never-ending loop.
But that wasn’t going to happen today. Today she would learn to be an excellent caregiver for one five-year-old boy. And Monday morning, she would learn to work in a yarn shop. She could do these things.
So she squared her shoulders, plastered on a smile and allowed Sarah to wipe away her tears. “I’m only emotional because when we’re all together, I remember how much I miss everyone.”
“You do realize we’re all right here in Shipshe, right?” Sarah tucked her arm through Eunice’s.
“Ya. And you’ll stop by to make sure I haven’t put Joshua on a roof or forgotten to feed him.”
“I definitely will. I’ll make a real pest of myself.”
“Gut.”
“Exactly.” By the time they arrived on the porch where everyone else was waiting, Eunice had her emotions in check. She squatted down and said hello to Joshua.
“I’m staying with you, just while Dat’s on tour.”
“Exactly.”
“Do you have any kids?”
“I don’t, but...”
At that moment both Mary and Lydia burst through the kaleidoscope of their mother’s skirts and launched into a game of tag.
Joshua looked surprised.
He looked as if he’d thought he was the only child in the world.
“You can play with them if you want.”
Josh glanced over at his dat, who nodded once.
Stepping closer to Eunice, Zeb lowered his voice and said, “Just don’t let him out of your sight for more than a minute.”
“Got it, boss.”
Zeb said his goodbyes to her schweschdern, then hurried away. Either he was late, or he didn’t know what to do with a porch full of Yoder women.
Eunice stood in the middle of Ada and Becca and Bethany and Sarah as Zeb drove down their lane. She could do this. She could babysit a kid. Good grief, girls ten years younger than her did as much.
Ada hooked an arm through hers, and they all followed the children around to the backyard. “Tell us about your life, Eunice.”
“Nothing to tell.”
“What are you working on?” Becca asked.
“Nothing, at the moment.” It sounded pitiful even to her own ears. “I guess when people heard I was moving they stopped bringing their broken items, and now with two jobs—”
“You won’t have much time for tinkering,” Bethany said. “You’re going to be one busy woman, sis.”
Eunice felt the need, in that moment of sunshine and laughter and family, to tell the truth. “I’d rather be in the barn. I know what I’m doing in there. I’m comfortable in there. Why does everything have to change?”
“Change can be gut,” Ada said. “Think of how busy you’ll be.”
“I don’t want to be more busy.”
“And we don’t want you to be stuck in that barn. Now kapp up and carry on.”
“Chin up,” Becca murmured, tossing their youngest schweschder a smile.
“You never know what’s going to happen in the next year or month or week.” Becca’s voice took on a melancholy tone. “Five years ago none of us were married. We certainly didn’t have any children.”
Ada laughed. “The biggest thing I had on my mind when I left home was learning to cook.”
“Did you?” Eunice asked.
“Did I what?”
“Learn to cook?”
“Yup. Beth insisted that I make dinner every other day.”
“Just because we live together doesn’t mean I’m going to cook for everyone, plus you needed to learn.” Bethany tossed a knowing look at her youngest schweschder. “After a dozen burnt suppers, your ability to concentrate improved.”
“I was like a puppy that had learned a new trick,” Ada admitted.
“Old dog?” Eunice asked.
“Have you tried teaching Gizmo a new trick?”
They all turned to stare at the old mixed breed who was lying in a patch of sunlight. The dog rolled onto his back, all four feet up in the air, and whimpered. Which caused everyone to laugh, even the babies.
It was a bittersweet moment for Eunice.
Life was changing so fast, and there was so much love and joy in this group that she couldn’t help pausing and appreciating all that they had. Most importantly, they had each other.
On the other hand, a voice in the back of her mind whispered, This will change too. Everything changes.
It was with that thought echoing through her mind that she said goodbye to her siblings who were scattering in their different directions.
Which left her alone with young Joshua.
Zeb had said he’d only be gone an hour. He’d even called this first short stay a trial run. What was she going to do with a child she barely knew for an hour? Could she really do this? Watch over a child? And what would happen if she failed? Would her dat buy her yet another bus ticket to Kentucky? She wanted to crawl into bed and pull the quilt over her head. She wanted to walk into the barn and lose herself in a project.
She couldn’t do either of those things because Josh was looking up at her expectantly.
“Want to play catch?” she asked.
He grinned and slipped his small hand into hers. Something in Eunice melted. Some frozen chunk that she hadn’t even realized she was carrying around turned into a puddle.
“Sure, Eunice. But I have to warn you, I can throw a ball pretty hard.”
“Consider me duly warned.”
Something about Josh’s carefree demeanor eased her worries the slightest bit. She might still end up moving to Kentucky. Who knew? But she wasn’t moving there today. Today she was going to play catch with her friend’s son. Maybe she should focus on that, and let tomorrow take care of itself.
She could certainly try.
Zeb’s first tour was on Wednesday, October 16. His parents had left town the day before. He still couldn’t believe it. How had everything happened so fast? He and Samuel and Josh had driven them to the bus station and watched them wave goodbye. Still, he couldn’t believe it. That afternoon, the moving company showed up to collect their things. He was caught in the middle of a whirlwind, and he had no idea how to escape it. He tried to get up the next morning and pretend everything was normal. He attempted to cook oatmeal for Joshua, burned it and served the boy cold cereal instead.
The morning had flown by, and then it was time to take Josh to Eunice’s. He’d had a week after their trial run to get used to the idea of leaving Joshua with Eunice, but still his stomach was in knots as he drove away from the Yoder home. He’d sought her out the Sunday before, which was an off-Sunday, to give her a list.
He had thought—still believed—that it was a very practical list of how to care for a five-year-old boy.
Eunice had taken one look at the list, folded the sheet of paper, put it in her apron pocket and walked away. What did that mean? Had he offended her? Had he not given enough instructions? Why were women so hard to understand?
Soon he was at the Amish market, and a half hour later he was shepherding a dozen Englisch tourists through the Behind the Scenes Market Tour. For a few moments of that hour and a half, he actually forgot to worry about Josh. He was surprised to find he enjoyed the Englischers and their questions.
Do Amish have cell phones? Some do.
Do local Amish families have indoor plumbing? Absolutely.
Did he wish he had a television or a computer in his home? Not even a little.
He took them behind the scenes so they were able to see how the animals were cared for at the Backyard Barnyard which was located on the Market’s property and offered a small petting zoo for guests. They watched how auction items were tagged, toured the pretty little RV park and stopped by the kitchen area where food was prepared for the canteen.
Zeb imagined much of it was like what they’d see at any business establishment. But they oohed over the girl cleaning windows with a crumbled-up piece of newspaper. “Less streaking than paper towels,” Claire King had explained.
They were surprised that there was no microwave in the kitchen. Thrilled to find that the eggs laid by the chickens in the Backyard Barnyard were used in the canteen’s kitchen. Very happy with the free single-serving pies they received from the Fry Pie booth.
The tourists exclaimed they were very happy with the tour, tipped generously and overall were an easy group to guide. Zeb wondered if every day would go that well. It wasn’t until he was in the buggy again, headed back out to the Yoder farm, that he thought to worry about Josh.
He practically let the mare break into a trot once he turned into the Yoders’ lane. When he called out “Whoa,” Beauty tossed her head and neighed in response, then eyed him as if they’d been playing a game.
This was no game.
Where was his son?
He’d thought they’d be waiting on the porch for him to arrive, but Eunice and Josh weren’t on the porch. They weren’t in the backyard near the garden and the swings. He walked around the house, then eyed the barn. Surely they weren’t in there. It was a fine October day. Why wouldn’t she be outside with the boy?
When he pushed open the door to the barn, afternoon sunlight spilled across the floor. Eunice was standing at the workbench, pieces of wood spread out in front of her. Josh was holding a can of linseed oil in one hand and a cookie in the other.
“Dat.” He looked up in surprise. “I’m helping, Eunice.”
“I see that.”
“And I’m eating a snack.”
“I see that too.”
“What happened to your tour?”
“Nothing happened. Everything went fine.”
“You’re done already?” Josh popped the last piece of cookie in his mouth. “Seems like I just got here.”
“It does seem that way,” Eunice agreed, reaching over to mess Josh’s hair and getting a bit of grease on his forehead in the process. “You’ve been a good helper.”
“Thanks!” He hopped off the stool he’d been perched atop and grinned at Zeb. “I’m a gut helper.”
“So I heard. Say, Josh. Could you give me a minute to talk to Eunice?”
“Ya. I’ll go and say goodbye to Gizmo.”
“Probably lying on, around or under the front porch,” Eunice called after him.
“Got it.”
Zeb tried not to wince at the thought of his son crawling under the porch. There was no telling what was under there.
“Good tour?” Eunice asked, wiping her hands on a greasy rag that couldn’t possibly make her hands any cleaner.
“It was. But listen, Eunice. I thought we talked about this.”
“Talked about what?”
He tamped down what he wanted to say which was Weren’t you listening at all? Instead, he stared at the floor for a five count, then plastered on a smile and looked up. “Did you even read the list I gave you?”
She walked over to the cork board, pulled out a push pin and retrieved the list, setting it on the workbench in front of him. “This, you mean?”
“Yes, that. Number 3 plainly says that Joshua should not be working around your tools. He could get hurt.”
“With linseed oil and a piece of sandpaper?”
He snatched the list from her and stormed out the door of the barn.
Eunice followed closely on his heels. “Seriously. Are you going to tell me that you think he could be hurt dripping linseed oil onto a rag, while I work it into the pieces of that cradle?”
Zeb took in a deep breath. Blew it out. “Didn’t realize it was a cradle.”
“For Sarah. Ya. It is.”
“It’s just that I don’t want him around your tools. There are sharp things, solar-powered things, any number of ways he could be hurt.”
Eunice sank onto the bench and studied him as he paced back and forth in front of the barn. Finally, she said, “Wow. You are wound tight.”
“He’s my son, Eunice. My only...” Zeb blinked away the tears. They embarrassed him. His love and fears for Josh were like a heavy coat that he wore every single day, every single hour, every single minute. And running beneath all of that he sincerely wished that he wasn’t having this conversation, wished that he didn’t look as vulnerable as he felt.
“Hey.” She waited until he looked up. “I get that.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. He’s your son. You lost your wife. You don’t want anything to happen to Josh, but Zeb...” Now she stood, walked right up to him, took the piece of paper from his hand and waved it in front of his face so that he had to step back. “This list is ridiculous.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Yes, it is. What about number 2? Feed him? Do you really think I don’t know to feed a child who is hungry?”
“You could forget.”
“And number 1 is to not let him near wild animals. What wild animals do you think Josh could find on a farm in northern Indiana?”
Zeb snatched the piece of paper out of her hand, not wanting her to berate him about each item. They’d made perfectly good sense when he’d written them down. They only sounded silly because Eunice read them in a sarcastic way.
She reached out and touched his arm, and he jerked away as if she’d touched him with a branding iron.
“Sorry.” She stared out across the fields, rubbed the muscles on the back of her neck, then turned and walked toward the end of the barn.
Zeb really had no choice but to follow.
“Look at him, Zeb. He’s a normal boy, playing with an old dog. Now I understand that number 7 says to keep him away from stray cats and dogs, but this is Gizmo we’re talking about. Gizmo is as sweet and gentle as they come. He’s also old. His running days are over. It isn’t like he could chase Josh down and gnaw on his ankle.”
Zeb didn’t want to laugh at that, but it was a funny image.
“We had a gut day today.”
Eunice turned to look at him, and in a flash, Zeb realized how pretty she was, how innocent. Eunice Yoder had no idea how quickly tragedy could strike.
“Josh and I got along fine. You need to trust both of us.”
“Trust doesn’t come that easily for me.”
“Ya, well, maybe that’s something you could work on.”
Instead of answering, he nodded curtly, and muttered, “See you tomorrow.”
His mood didn’t improve when he had to hear Josh chatter on about Eunice all the way home. How Eunice makes the best cookies. How Eunice showed him how to make homemade lemonade. How Eunice knows a lot about building stuff. Isn’t Eunice the best?
Zeb didn’t know what he’d expected.
For Josh to be sitting in the shade of the barn, crying and waiting for his father all day? For him to say he’d rather stay with his grossmammi? But Josh didn’t do or say any of those things. He was a five-year-old boy who had played with an old dog, eaten cookies and lemonade, and helped out in the barn. And he couldn’t wait to go back the next day.
That night, dinner was burned bologna sandwiches.
And though Zeb was exhausted, it took him hours to fall asleep. He kept thinking of Suzanne. He kept wondering why his life had turned out this way. Kept worrying over how he was supposed to raise a boy without a mother. Or even a grandmother, for that matter.
The one thing he knew was that he’d have to push through the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Such was life, he supposed. He’d find a way to do it and even plaster on a smile—for Joshua.
But he wouldn’t enjoy it. Of that, he was certain.