Lauren was extremely annoyed the next afternoon when they arrived at a local nursing home.
“They” being she, Bonita, Gramps, Nemo...and Fisk.
She’d agreed to go with Gramps to the nursing home to visit with his friends. He claimed Bonita’s presence would cheer up the residents and explained that several people from the church were going for a Christmas party today.
She’d figured helping others might get her out of her bad mood, which she’d been wallowing in courtesy of Fisk. What kind of guy invited you to a party—his family party—and then abandoned you there?
She’d hoped that visiting the nursing home would give her a much-needed break from her handsome, exasperating employer.
But here he was, driving them there in his truck.
It was true, the nursing home was on a hilly country road. It was true that snow was falling, with more predicted. She would have hesitated to take her own car out in this weather.
Still, when he stood ready to help her out of the truck, she ignored his hand and climbed down herself, Bonita in one arm, grabbing the edge of the door at the last minute to keep from falling.
She straightened, embarrassed, and tried to pull herself together. Gramps was already headed toward the building, eager to get out of the snow and see his friends. Including one special friend, she was guessing; he was still wearing his churchgoing clothes, dress pants and a white button-down shirt, and he’d added a colorful bow tie and enough cologne to fumigate Fisk’s truck.
“Can I carry something for you?” Fisk asked.
“Stop being nice,” she gritted out. “I’m mad at you. I wish you hadn’t come.”
It had been so embarrassing last night when she’d realized her ride, Fisk, the person she’d come with, had left without her. His brother Cam had been nothing but kind when he’d driven her and Bonita home, but still. How mortifying to have to depend on someone she barely knew, because she’d been abandoned by Fisk.
He was still standing beside her, looking humble and handsome and ready to help, and it infuriated her. “You could have just loaned Gramps the truck,” she said. “You didn’t have to insert yourself into our plans.”
“My grandmother lives here,” he said mildly. “I intended to come all along, but I was planning to come alone until your grandfather called me.”
“Oh.” She hadn’t known that his grandmother lived there, nor that Gramps had requested the ride. But it didn’t excuse Fisk’s behavior last night. She marched toward the door, Bonita on her hip, a diaper bag over her shoulder, and a plate of anger-baked Christmas cookies in her hands.
When she started to slip on the slick walkway, Fisk caught her by the elbow and then took the cookies from her. “I can help. You don’t have to talk to me, but I don’t want you and Bonita to fall.”
“Fih! Fih!” Bonita said her version of his name joyously.
Lauren turned a little so that her baby was blocked from the handsome man at her side. Petty of her, but she didn’t want her unsuspecting child to fall prey to his charm, any more than she already had.
She planned to ignore Fisk, push him away and forget about him.
Inside, the big recreation room was decorated with wreaths and tabletop gingerbread houses. A tall, heavily decorated Christmas tree stood in the middle of the conference room. Someone was pounding out carols on the piano, and a group of residents, some standing and some in wheelchairs, sang along with hearty enthusiasm. Looking more closely, Lauren realized that it was Kelly’s friend Olivia at the piano.
Beside Fisk, Nemo barked, calling attention to them. Fisk and Nemo were soon surrounded by residents and people from church.
After Lauren got Bonita out of her snowsuit, she straightened her outfit and walked with her across the room, bending sideways to accommodate Bonita’s stiff-legged, new-toddler gait. Everyone stopped to exclaim over how cute she was, and to admire her outfit: red-and-pink striped leggings and a red dress with pink trim. “She looks like a Christmas elf!” one of the ladies said.
“Look at that bow!” one man said. Lauren had affixed a pink-and-red headband, topped by a colorful bow, on Bonita’s head.
“Bah! Bah!” Bonita patted the bow on her own head, smiling at the man who’d noticed it. She was a flirt in the making, for sure.
Normally, Lauren loved showing her baby off and meeting elders with interesting stories. Today, though, her mood stayed dark.
And she needed to get ahold of herself, because these nice people didn’t need a sour-faced visitor. So she made an excuse—she had to put out her cookies—grabbed them, and turned in the opposite direction. Fortunately, she spotted Kelly. She headed toward her.
“You look ready to beat someone up with that cookie tray,” Kelly said, taking it from her and putting it on a table with other refreshments. She peeled back the plastic wrap. “Those look good. I didn’t know you baked.”
“When I can’t sleep,” Lauren said.
Kelly cocked her head to one side. “Any particular reason?”
Lauren let out a disgusted breath. “You might have noticed, Fisk abandoned us at your house last night. Fortunately, Cam was able to take us home, but it still made me mad.”
“Yeah, I did notice.” Kelly rested her hands on her baby bump. “What was that all about?”
“I have no idea.”
A young teen whom Lauren had met in the church nursery came over. “Can I take Bonita around? Lots of people would love to meet her.”
“Lindsay’s terrific,” Kelly reassured her, and so Lauren relinquished the baby.
“Come over here and talk.” Kelly gestured toward a secluded corner where a couple of chairs were set up beside a large manger scene and partially shielded by it.
“I’m supposed to be socializing.” Lauren really didn’t want a pep talk from Kelly about how great Fisk was.
Kelly giggled. “Nobody’s going to want to socialize with you when you look so peeved,” she said. “Come on, talk to me about what’s got you down.”
Feeling sulky, Lauren sat down beside Kelly and accepted a brownie from the plateful Kelly had snagged along the way. “Mmm. These are good. Thanks.”
“Chocolate for the win,” Kelly said. “I’m loving the opportunity to eat extra without feeling bad about it. Being pregnant is awesome in that regard.”
“How are you feeling?” Lauren took another bite.
“I’m good. I mean, I’m seven months along, and I feel like a whale. But at least Alec’s a big, tall guy. He can still pick me up and carry me.”
“Impressive,” Lauren said, thinking how nice it must be to have a husband who still wanted to pick up and carry his pregnant wife. Pregnancy had been the final straw in her marriage. Her ex had actively avoided her the moment she’d started to show.
“So, getting back to Fisk.” Kelly took a delicate bite of brownie. “He abandoned you at my house and you’re hurt.”
“I’m mad,” Lauren corrected, and then immediately realized Kelly was right. “But hurt, too.”
“Did he explain what happened?”
Lauren lifted a shoulder. “Said he got overwhelmed.”
Kelly nodded. “He’s pretty new to recovery. And we were talking some about his family background, which can be sort of painful for all of them. They have one other brother, Frank, who hasn’t been home in years because he can’t deal with his parents and his family’s history around here.”
“Yeah?” Lauren drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Kelly was trying to be kind, and Lauren needed to reciprocate. “I understand feeling upset about your past. I guess I’m mad at myself for agreeing to do anything with him, when he’s so unreliable.”
Kelly looked troubled, like she wanted to say more. But then Lindsay stopped by, bouncing Bonita on her hip. “Hey, I wanted to let you know that I’m starting to babysit,” she said. “If you ever need a sitter, I hope you’ll think of me. I can put my number in your phone.”
“Okay, sure.” The girl seemed a little young, but Lauren admired her initiative. And it was clear that Bonita liked her.
“I could babysit tonight or anytime,” the girl, Lindsay, continued. “I know your gramps. If you don’t trust me alone, I could be like a grandpa’s helper while he’s there.”
“That’s a good idea. I’d like to give him a little more of a break than he’s been getting.”
They exchanged phone numbers. “Okay if I keep her a little longer?” Lindsay asked.
Given Bonita’s happy smile, Lauren couldn’t say no, and the two of them ambled off.
Kelly picked up the thread of their conversation. “Honestly, I’d be mad, too. When I first met Alec, I always felt like he was disrespecting me, because he dated my completely gorgeous sister before he dated me. I always felt inferior.”
That was surprising. Kelly seemed to have it all together, to have everything she could possibly want.
“So,” Kelly continued, “is there something in your past that makes it hard for you to trust Fisk?”
Lauren lifted her hands, palms up. “He’s untrustworthy! He abandoned us.”
As she said the words, though, the truth crashed over her. “Just like,” she said slowly, “just like my ex-husband was always abandoning me. He didn’t like to take me places because it cramped his style. If we did go to a party together, half the time he’d take off with his friends and leave me stranded.”
“Ugh. That must have been awful.” Kelly frowned. “Did you feel like Fisk left you stranded, too?”
“I mean...not exactly. He arranged for Cam to take us home, but I was embarrassed.”
Kelly nodded. “I get that. Even though Cam was fine with it I’m sure, right?”
“He was,” Lauren admitted.
“And the rest of us, we know what Fisk has gone through, so we cut him some slack. But that doesn’t mean you should have to do that, too.”
Lauren reached for another brownie and then pulled her hand back. “Listen,” she said, “I appreciate your efforts to help me understand Fisk, but it’s not going to work. Me and Fisk aren’t going to work.”
Kelly spread her hands, shrugged and stood. “I’ll leave you to figure that out.” She walked away just as Fisk approached from the other direction, wheeling a silver-haired woman toward them.
Why, why, Lord? Lauren stood, but not quickly enough; Fisk and the woman reached them, and of course, Lauren couldn’t be rude and walk away.
“I wanted to meet you,” the woman said cheerfully, holding out a thin hand. “I keep hearing about the new girl in town who’s helping my Fiscus get his business straightened out.”
Lauren perched on the edge of her chair to be at the same level as the woman in the wheelchair. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m guessing you’re Fisk’s grandma.”
“You can call me Grammy Alice,” she said, “and I’m very proud of him for how well he’s doing.”
Are you proud he takes a guest to a party and then ditches them?
Even as she had the thought, Lauren realized she was overreacting to what had happened. Probably, like Kelly had suggested, because of her own past, not because of anything Fisk had done. After all, he’d arranged for her to have a ride and he’d texted within the hour with an apology.
“Fiscus hasn’t had an easy time of it,” Grammy Alice said.
Lauren tilted her head to one side and looked at Fisk. “So how come you go by Fisk, not Fiscus?”
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t much like my full name.”
“It’s a name that started as a mistake, but God doesn’t make mistakes,” Grammy Alice said. “His mama looked at a plant at the hospital and asked what it was called, and then named her baby after it.”
“Only thing is,” Fisk said, “she got the wrong information. It was a Ficus plant, but she heard Fiscus and that’s what’s on my birth certificate.”
“It’s unique, just like you are,” his grandmother said.
“Thanks, Grammy.” He kissed her cheek and sat down beside her.
“He’s a soldier and an artist,” Grammy said to Lauren. “A rare combination. And I do believe he likes you.”
“Grammy!” Fisk’s cheeks reddened. “Of course I like Lauren. She’s helping me get organized, which even you have to admit is not my strength.”
“That’s good. You’re a good team.”
Gramps came over, now carrying Bonita. He pulled up another chair, and soon the two elders were reminiscing, with broad matchmaking hints tossed at Fisk and Lauren whenever they tried to leave.
Lauren half listened, thinking. She wanted love, the kind of love that Kelly seemed to have with Alec, and Jodi with Cam. But she couldn’t trust her feelings for Fisk. He appealed to her for all the wrong reasons.
Finally, the event started winding down, and Lauren gratefully left the little group and went to help clean up.
Fisk came over as Lauren was getting Bonita into her snowsuit. Gramps was dressed to go, too, but kept getting waylaid by friends.
“So, I did a thing,” Fisk said.
“Really?” Lauren was still annoyed with him, but less so now that she’d realized she was blaming him for more than he’d done, due to her background with her husband.
“I heard you’d talked with Lindsay about babysitting Bonita. So... I hired her to babysit tonight.”
“What?” Lauren froze, her hands on the zipper of Bonita’s snowsuit, and she stared at him.
“Can I take you to dinner to make up for leaving you alone at my brother’s yesterday?”
She blew out a breath, adjusted Bonita’s hat and then glared at Fisk. “That’s totally manipulative. You can’t just get a babysitter for my kid without consulting me. And to assume I’d say yes...”
He held up a hand. “I admit I overstepped. But I’m not assuming you’ll say yes. If you don’t want to go, it’s fine. My apology can be a night to yourself. You can hole up in your room and read a book, or go out with your friends, knowing your baby is well taken care of.”
That did sound nice. Lauren was blessed to have Gramps’s assistance with Bonita, but because she needed him to take care of the baby while she was working, she rarely asked it of him at any other time. As a result, she was with Bonita for all of her nonworking moments.
“I can cancel,” Fisk went on, “but I really hope you’ll at least accept the sitter. And maybe also the dinner. No strings or obligations. There’s a nice restaurant in Uniontown that everyone’s been talking about, high-end Italian. I’d love to take you there.”
Lauren studied him, frowning.
What should she do?
She found her own coat and slipped it on, shifting Bonita from one arm to the other. Of course, Fisk helped her. His hand, when it touched her neck, felt warm and reassuring.
When he got called away to help lift some tables, she pondered his offer.
It would be nice, very nice, to have a night free of responsibility. It would be even nicer to go out to dinner with an attractive, good man. She hadn’t been on a date in years.
But she knew she was susceptible to someone like Fisk for all the wrong reasons.
On the other hand, should he have to pay forever for his sins? Was she really so unforgiving that she couldn’t handle having to get a ride home from a spontaneous party with someone other than him, someone he’d arranged to take her? Was she going to hold a grudge about it?
He came over. “What do you think?”
She opened her mouth to say she wouldn’t go. Wisdom dictated that. So did discretion. All the qualities she wanted to have.
“I’d be happy to go,” she said instead. “What time would you like to pick me up?”
Fisk had counseled himself to be friendly and neutral and distant when he walked into Gramps Tucker’s house to pick Lauren up. He’d waited until the teen babysitter, Lindsay, had arrived, and then an additional few minutes for Lauren to offer instructions.
Despite his plan to keep it cool, he couldn’t wait long. He knocked on the door.
Lauren answered, and he sucked in his breath.
They’d agreed to go casual, and she was...kind of. She wore a red sweater and slim black pants. Her hair was loose around her shoulders. She wore practical boots, but they were furry and cute.
“You look nice,” he managed.
She smiled a little. “Come on in. I was just talking with Lindsay.” As he shucked his heavy coat, she raised an eyebrow. “You look nice, too.”
Fisk was glad he’d decided, at the last minute, to put on his sports coat, the only dress-up item he owned.
Lindsay was on the couch, cooing over Bonita.
“Your grandfather is home?” Fisk asked. He felt responsible; after all, he was the one who’d hired Lindsay.
“He’s upstairs watching TV,” Lauren explained. “I think he was happy to get a night to himself.”
“You know who you look like, Lauren?” Lindsay pulled out her phone. “Like Jeff Ranier’s wife.”
“Who’s Jeff Ranier?” Fisk asked, only half listening. He was too busy trying to calm his reaction to Lauren’s beauty.
Then he realized that Lauren had gone still and white. What was that all about?
“He’s this jerk, well, he used to be a big star on the country music scene, but...”
“It’s time for us to go,” Lauren interrupted. “And I’d like for you to feed Bonita right away. And no screens for her, okay? Babies aren’t supposed to get into screen time until they’re at least eighteen months.”
“Of course!” Lindsay stood and shoved her phone into her pocket. “You two have a great time.”
“Call me if you need anything,” Lauren said. “Anything at all.”
“I will, but I’ll ask your grandfather first. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Bonita is a great baby, aren’t you?” Lindsay bounced her gently, and Bonita laughed and grabbed at Lindsay’s necklace.
Fisk thought about Lauren’s reaction as he shepherded her out to the truck and drove to Uniontown, mostly as a way to stop obsessing about how pretty she was.
There was some kind of issue in Lauren’s past. She’d overreacted to Lindsay’s comment about that country singer, and she still seemed jumpy.
Maybe tonight, he’d learn more about her, find out what had happened to her to make her so private and closed off.
But instead of digging into her past, he ended up just enjoying his time with her. They listened to an oldies station during the thirty-minute drive to the restaurant, both singing along. The restaurant was upscale but fun, more crowded than you’d expect on a Sunday night, but Fisk had fortunately thought to make a reservation.
He hadn’t done it in a long time, but he did remember how to romance a woman.
They took their time eating and shared a dessert at Fisk’s insistence—chocolate, of course—and Fisk took care of the bill despite her offer to help pay.
As they walked outside, he realized he didn’t want the date to end. It was still early. “Want to walk along the river path for a little while?” he asked. “If it’s too cold...”
“I’m a mountain girl. I’m fine.” She held out one perfect leg, showing off her furry boots, and pulled a cap out of her jacket pocket. “No mittens, but I have good pockets.”
“I can keep one of your hands warm,” he said, and took her hand in his.
She glanced over, but didn’t pull away, and Fisk felt like pumping his arm in triumph. Instead, he cautioned himself to stay calm and cool. He just gave her hand a gentle squeeze and guided her to the trail beside the river.
The moon came out from behind a cloud, making the snow sparkle and the river shine with a silvery light. Fisk sucked in a breath of cold air and tried to concentrate on the pine trees and oaks along the path, the lonely sound of a bird, the light traffic noise in the distance.
But it was hard to concentrate on anything, holding her hand. No matter how much he reminded himself that this couldn’t go anywhere, it felt like it was going somewhere.
“I’d like to hear more about you. You mentioned your husband and his problems, but what else was important in your life before Holiday Point?”
“Oh, well...” She trailed off. “Nothing that interesting.”
Fisk was disappointed that she was holding back. But he’d respect her wishes because he understood. “I get trying to keep the past in the past. It’s just, sometimes the past comes out and bites you.”
“That’s true.”
They walked for several minutes without speaking. Their breath made clouds in the air, and a gust of wind blew Lauren’s hair across her face.
He really wanted to push it back for her. He wanted to know if her hair was as soft and silky as it looked.
She glanced over and frowned. Very slightly, but he knew because he was studying her so closely.
He looked away and shot up a prayer: Lord, You know my feelings and You know the future and the past. Guide me, please.
“So how about you?” she asked suddenly. “What happened to cause you to start drinking?”
He snorted. “Way to turn the tables. I deserve that, I guess.”
“And you’re welcome to say you don’t want to talk about it, like I did.”
Well. Telling her all about what had happened back in Baltimore would certainly destroy the romance between them. Maybe it was God’s guidance. Confession was supposed to be good for the soul, and it was also good for dousing feelings of excitement and longing. Especially when the confession was ugly, like Fisk’s was.
There was a bench up ahead, and he gestured to it. “If it’s dry, we can sit down.”
“Sure.” They did, hands still clasped.
He squeezed her hand and then pulled his away. There was no good way to start, so he just blurted out his first thought: “I had a baby.”
She waited, eyes steady on his face.
He forced himself to go on. “She was just Bonita’s age when she died.”
This was where people usually shut down. Either that or got extremely nosy.
Lauren did neither. “Oh, Fisk. I’m so, so sorry.” She closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head. “Wow.”
“Thanks.” He leaned forward, propping his forearms on his thighs, staring off at the river. Ever flowing, ever changing. But some things were like that cluster of trash and branches trapped along one shoreline. They got stuck and stayed.
“What was she like?” Lauren asked, her voice quiet.
He lifted an eyebrow and looked sideways at her. “That’s not what people usually ask.”
She shrugged. “It’s what I would want to talk about if... God forbid, I can’t even imagine losing Bonita. But I feel like I’d want to keep every memory I had of her alive.”
That was it, exactly. “Sometimes I avoid talking about her. Most of the time. But I never see anyone who knew her, not these days, and I’m afraid...” He broke off. What kind of a father would admit he was afraid of forgetting his own child?
A bad kind of father. Like his own. Like him.
“She hated wearing clothes,” he said.
Lauren let out a surprised laugh. “She did?”
“Yep. I can’t tell you how many shoes and socks I lost just walking her through the grocery store. If she could get off her shirt or dress, she’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“That must have been awkward,” Lauren said, laughing.
“Talk about awkward. And she burped so loud, people would stop and stare.”
Lauren clapped her hand to her mouth. “Bonita used to do that, too. Even in church! Once the minister stopped preaching.”
“Scarlett woke up our neighbor, and he had a hearing impairment.”
She chuckled. “Tell me more about her.”
“And she was strong. She could climb out of her crib. She’d just learned to do that when...” He trailed off, his smile fading. He swallowed hard. “That’s why I don’t talk about her much. Too emotional.” His throat tightened to the point that it hurt.
She reached over and rubbed his back, gently. “That has to be so hard,” she said quietly. “So, so hard.”
He nodded, shutting his eyes to hold back the tears that wanted to come out. But when he closed his eyes, it was as if he could see Scarlett there, burping and climbing and laughing. Pulling off her shoes and tossing them to the floor.
Things she’d never get to do again.
He let his head sink into his hands and took deep breaths.
Could he have saved her, if he’d made a better decision on that awful day?
Lauren kept rubbing his back, gently. The human touch grounded him. After a while, he started to notice the cold wind that chilled his neck, the distant sound of a diesel truck on the highway.
He opened his eyes, lifted his head and looked over at Lauren. “Sorry. You got more of a story than you bargained for.”
She shook her head. “I’d like to hear more, if you still want to talk about her. Did you live with Scarlett full-time?”
He couldn’t believe she wanted to go on hearing about this, but telling her did feel good somehow. “More and more,” he said. “Her mom and I weren’t married. I know that’s not ideal, but it was just a part of a pretty bad lifestyle I was living.” He leaned back and looked up at the sky, part sparkling with stars, the other part covered with clouds. The moon peeked out from behind a cloud, then was covered over again. “We tried living together,” he went on, “but honestly, we didn’t get along very well. Still, I was hoping to try again. Having a baby slowed me down. Made me think about what was important.”
“I know the feeling,” she said quietly. She’d stopped rubbing his back, but her hand still rested there, lightly.
“You do, don’t you?”
She nodded, but didn’t go into her own story. “I’m so sorry you lost her,” she said. “Words can’t really help, but I am truly sorry for what you went through.”
“Do you want to know what happened, how she died?”
“Do you want to tell me?”
Did he? He was an emotional wreck just from talking a little about Scarlett. “Maybe not tonight,” he said. And immediately, he felt his own cowardice. He was supposed to be pushing her away with an ugly truth, not making her sympathetic to him.
“If you ever want to talk about her, or about what happened, I’m here to listen,” she said.
She wasn’t saying that losing Scarlett was God’s will. She wasn’t telling Fisk to get over it. She was just willing to listen, and appreciation for her kindness and goodness swept over him.
She was too kind and good for the likes of him, but right now...he really, really wanted to hold her. He craved her arms around him.
In the distance, a car door slammed. Voices spoke, laughed and then faded away.
Lauren moved her hand from his back to touch his arm. “Are you okay?”
He put his hand over hers. “I am. Kind of.”
“Good.” She scooted closer and hugged him.
The feel of her arms around him healed something deep inside, and feelings welled up in him. He hugged her back. Brushed her hair away from her face, and yes, it was as soft as it had looked.
Her eyes looked huge as she gazed at him steadily.
He leaned closer. She didn’t move away.
And then all of a sudden, he was kissing her.