The next day, Kylee was torn between enjoying a day alone with the twins after so much socializing on Thanksgiving and missing one of her favorite events—Black Friday shopping. But she had to admit she found it more comfortable to stay home in her pajamas and shop online while Henry and Annabelle played around the house. She couldn’t resist buying some Christmas lights to decorate the cottage for the holidays, even if she had to leave them behind when they moved to New York.
As if reading her thoughts, an email popped up from the Montessori school on the Upper East Side. The twins had been accepted into the prestigious preschool. A recommendation from her company’s CEO had surely helped.
A storm that came in from the Gulf released torrents of water on Lagrasse over the next two days, and by Sunday, Kylee was sick of leftover turkey and rain and ready to go to church. She had not heard a peep from Evan, who’d said nothing about her excellent cranberry sauce. He actually hadn’t stayed long after Thanksgiving dinner, claiming he and Chase had to get back to the firehouse. It stung a little that he hadn’t said goodbye to her or the twins.
A part of her could now understand and even appreciate why he had been speaking with a lawyer. There was no reason not to accept his apology. He’d even offered her the use of his washing machine. So it was fine, she told herself, that the children needed him. She could not do character voices without feeling ridiculous, and Henry didn’t help matters when she pulled out a Dr. Seuss book and he told her he was bored before she even got to Cindy Lou Who.
After the general meeting, Kylee dropped the children off at their Sunday School class and slipped into her own. Her mood rose when she saw a free seat beside Evan, Ali and her husband, Heath. She scooted into their row, clutching Mia’s old Bible that had belonged to their father. It was well used, both of their writing familiar in the margins. There was something about seeing Dad’s and Mia’s thoughts that made them feel close by.
Kylee sat down next to Evan, who seemed surprised to see her, then looked away. In a lull of classroom conversation about the angel appearing to Zechariah to deliver God’s promise for a son, Kylee folded her arms over the Bible and said in a low tone, “Henry does not like my version of the Grinch.”
“I’m sure he’ll get used to it,” said Evan in a civil tone.
He looked nice, though a little fatigued, in a burgundy-checked dress shirt and gray slacks. His hair was beginning to curl around his ears and at the nape of his neck. Evan was a good man, inside and out. She’d been wrong to jump to conclusions about him and his intentions. Her old hypercompetitiveness had blinded her. “How was this weekend?” she asked. She wanted to offer an olive branch. She desperately wanted him to accept it.
He clasped his hands in his lap. “Fine,” he whispered back.
She struggled for something more to say, desperate for the camaraderie they’d recently shared. She didn’t plan to keep the twins away from him, but she did plan to keep guardianship of them. How could she make him understand? “I guess you’re looking forward to Tuesday.” She kept her voice low so as not to interrupt the class.
“For what?”
“Your shift with the twins,” she said, trying to sound like she was teasing.
“Oh.” He looked down at his Bible. The pages were creased and somewhat dog-eared.
“I guess I could do some Christmas shopping,” Kylee admitted.
He glanced at her. “Did you know they’re having a picnic at the park on Tuesday? The last one of the year. It’s going to be around noon—the warmest part of the day. And it’s supposed to be sunny.”
“That sounds nice.”
“You should go with the twins. I can meet you there, but only if you need me to,” he added quickly.
She didn’t need him to, but she wanted him there, Kylee realized. “I think the twins would enjoy seeing you.”
“If it’ll make them happy, I’ll come by,” he said. A few heads turned at the sound of their conversation, and Kylee flushed and sealed her lips shut.
It was evident that Evan would only be there for Henry and Annabelle. No matter how polite he was to her, it all came down to the twins. And that was how it should be, she told herself. But she liked how he made her feel he’d be there for her, too. It made being back home feel like...home.
“And after those days his wife Elisabeth conceived,” read the teacher, “and hid herself five months, saying, Thus hath the Lord dealt with me in the days wherein he looked on me, to take away my reproach among men.”
Kylee scanned the verses in the book open before her. Elisabeth had been blessed at an incredible and improbable time in her life. In the same way, Kylee’s niece and nephew were gifts—from her sister and God. So why was she letting the paramedic distract her from the two new and most important things in her life? And why did he make her feel like this was where she belonged when New York was waiting?
Evan had an emergency call during his Monday night shift that left him drained the next morning. The small kitchen fire in the victim’s home had quickly spread and consumed the house, allowing its occupants to barely escape. Had he arrived earlier, he told himself, worked harder, he may have helped spare the house, but it was too late. He felt dejected knowing a family had lost everything. Even with Chase, Shawna and the rest of their team beside him, the fire had been unstoppable. After sleeping a few troubling hours at the firehouse, he’d dragged himself home and washed up.
Still, he’d been unable to forget the invitation to the playground picnic. It niggled at him a little bit, and he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was because the only hope he had to keep the twins in his life was to convince Kylee to stay in town. Besides the children, her mom needed her, too. But for her to stay meant feeling whatever was stirring between them. There was no use avoiding her if he wanted to spend his last remaining weeks with the children, so he threw on a thick sweatshirt and headed for the park. He’d offered to bring lunch for all of them, but she’d refused.
He found a swarm of children on the playground equipment and several parents chatting on benches or sprawled out on blankets. Ali and Kylee were sharing a bag of potato chips while relaxing on a thick wool blanket that had been spread on the ground. He gave a small wave, then stuck his hands in his pockets as Ali stood up. “Trooper! Get back here!” she called. “My dog,” she explained in exasperation to him, then darted off after the dog with her infant cradled to her chest in a carrier.
“Evan!” shouted Annabelle from the top of a slide.
He turned and watched her slide down to the bottom. She dashed over to him and threw her arms around his legs in a tangled hug, then headed back to the playground, calling for Henry.
Evan gave Kylee a sideways glance. She’d rolled up the chip bag and was dusting off her hands.
“Hey,” he called to her.
She pointed at a rolled-up newspaper. “I read about the fire last night.”
He nodded and stepped closer to the blanket, and she motioned beside her. “Sit down. You must be tired.”
“Hi, Evan,” called one of the other mothers.
He lifted a hand in greeting before sitting down beside Kylee and stretching out his legs.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I just didn’t sleep much.”
“You didn’t have to come, you know.”
“I wanted to, and I told the kids I’d be here.”
“Then I’m glad you made it. They’re funny about people keeping their word. If I even hint I’m thinking about doing something, they hold me to it.”
“They need that constant assurance in their life right now.”
She gave him a sympathetic look. “Is the family from last night okay?”
“Other than losing everything they own, yes. No one at the station was hurt, either.”
“Then it’s a win.”
He looked at her. “But they lost everything.”
“They have their lives because of you and your team. I doubt they’re concerned about their material things. Gratitude is funny like that.”
Evan nodded slowly, realizing she could teach him a thing or two. “I’m glad no one was injured. I just wish I could have done more.”
She made a soft noise, her eyes trained on the children dotting the playground. “It must be hard being a hero.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She put a hand on her chest. “I know I’m a perfectionist, but I don’t expect to be able to save the day all the time. We just do the best we can. I think you do your very best. I know how much you’ve done for the twins.”
Her words struck him hard. “Sometimes your best isn’t enough.”
Henry ran over and plopped down beside them on the blanket. “I’m tired,” he announced.
“Hey, champ.” Evan put an arm around him. “Are you done already?”
“I wanna snack.”
Kylee opened a traditional picnic basket, and Evan wondered where she found it. “That’s nice. Mia always brought things in plastic bags,” he said.
Kylee looked at him. “I picked this up at Brook’s.” She handed the boy a plastic container that he opened, and Evan saw it was filled with sliced apples, nuts and cheese. He raised a brow. “I’ve tried to move them away from peanut butter and jelly for a while,” she admitted.
“The horror,” he said, teasing, and she laughed.
Henry munched for a few minutes, then shared his raisins with Evan. Satisfied after coaxing Evan to try an almond, Henry crawled to his feet and wandered back toward the swings.
“I don’t feel guilty for not feeding them peanut butter all the time,” she said. “I thought it might be better to try to get some fruits and vegetables in their diet.”
“I’m glad they don’t have peanut allergies. I’ve seen some scary reactions. In some cases, help doesn’t come soon enough. So I was super careful the first time I gave it to them. I didn’t want that on my conscience.”
Kylee slanted her head. “Mia gave them nuts all the time. You do so much for these kids. Is that why? Guilt?”
Evan stared straight ahead to hide the fact she’d made his nerves twinge—a pain that traveled straight to his heart. The December sky was a rich shade of blue, shimmering on the edges of indigo with streaks of white clouds.
“I mean, it wasn’t your fault,” she continued.
“I was there and didn’t do enough,” he blurted, startled at the punch he felt in his gut when he said it out loud. He glanced at her while forcing himself to maintain control. The last thing he wanted was to cry in front of her. “I wasn’t fast enough. I didn’t have the right equipment. I couldn’t...couldn’t...” He choked on grief that crept up his throat.
“You couldn’t save them,” she said. “No one could, and no one blames you for that.”
Despite her generosity, Evan’s chest felt like it was being squeezed by a vise. He concentrated on his breathing, a sharp pain swelling his heart. “They were my best friends, and I couldn’t save them. The last thing Mia said to me was...” He gulped for air, feeling Kylee’s keen stare. “The last she said was, the babies.” He gulped. “I knew what she meant—who she meant.”
“That’s why you’re doing this.”
“I would have done it anyway,” Evan insisted.
“Chip died instantly?”
“Yes, but she held on for a few minutes. If only I would have...” A desperate, raging sob inside him threatened to escape, and the world seemed to darken. Evan wanted to tuck his head between his knees, but he took a deep breath and let it out carefully.
“I know you tried everything to save my sister, Evan,” said Kylee in a choked voice. She reached for his hand and held it tight. “Everyone says you’re the best paramedic in the county. I never once thought...”
He took a deep breath and straightened, blinking in the golden sunshine. “I just wish things would have gone differently.”
“Don’t we all?” Kylee responded. “But you can’t live your life dwelling on the if-onlys. Believe me, I’m trying to get past it, too.”
“You weren’t here,” he said, and she flinched.
“Maybe if I was, I would have been with them. I could have been driving the car. Maybe we would have taken another route or been running early. If only I was here, it could have been me with her when she died.”
Evan got her point. “I know what you’re trying to do. I’m working on it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let it go.”
Kylee exhaled and picked up a grape, twirling it in her fingers. They watched the children play in silence with only the whisper of scuttling leaves across the grass for sound. “Do you know how I really ended up in New York, Evan?” she asked after a few minutes.
He shook his head.
“Because I couldn’t let things go.” Kylee said nothing more. Then she got up and wandered over to the playground to help Annabelle get across some monkey bars.
To Kylee’s surprise, Evan arrived a little early at the house on Thursday afternoon, but she didn’t mind. She’d told him someone was coming to fix the washing machine, and he’d come early without asking, as if he knew she’d need his help. He took the twins outside while Kylee monitored the repairs on the machine she’d strangled with too much laundry. After being shamed by the mechanic for trying to wash three loads at once, she paid him and coolly hustled him out the door.
When she walked back inside, Evan and the twins were in the kitchen making sandwiches and talking about Christmas trees. He gave her a cocky grin.
“What? I was just trying to be efficient.”
“Three loads’ worth?”
“Hush,” she grumbled, and he laughed. She strolled to the counter, and her stomach growled at the sight of peanut butter and jelly. She reached for the loaf of bread.
“I thought you said you gave this up when you were little.”
“Peer pressure.” She shrugged and joined them at the table where they talked about the last episode of Cicero, then the twins asked about putting up a Christmas tree. “In a few days,” Kylee promised, giving Evan a look of dread.
He laughed and informed her they meant their usual fake tree, which was in the shed out back. Then he asked the twins what they wanted for Christmas. Evan thought it would be a good idea to donate some of their old toys to charity, and after much cajoling, Annabelle finally gave in.
“That was a brilliant idea,” Kylee murmured as they closed the bedroom door on the children for rest time. Immediately Annabelle’s teasing voice echoed behind them, and Kylee rolled her eyes as they headed to the kitchen to clean up.
“Let me help,” offered Evan when she insisted she didn’t have any other errands to do. They washed dishes together, escorted a few toys to the penalty box for being left out and finally dropped onto the couch. Kylee flipped through the channels on the TV.
“I won’t torture you with a documentary,” she promised.
Why was she settling in with Evan like they were going to spend the day together? She had things to do to get ready for the move to New York. Not that she minded relaxing with him, but the return to their routine of comfortable friendship after learning about the lawyer had made her feel a little too relieved. A little too happy. She didn’t want to be upset with him. She wanted... Her mind scrambled to be realistic and look ahead. She shouldn’t enjoy one-on-one time with the twins’ godfather, especially since she’d be without him soon.
“So the twins got into the preschool in New York,” she blurted.
“I guess that’s good news.” Evan seemed more disappointed than happy for them.
“It was, but I called in a few favors.”
“You’re the most persistent woman I know,” he murmured.
Kylee wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. “I just want what’s best for them.”
“Are you sure moving to New York is what’s best for them?” Evan pressed. “The distance? The crowds? Not to mention, taking them away from their grandmother?”
“I know it’s not necessarily better, but it’s just as good as home,” she promised. “And that’s where I can best raise them. And remember, we actually have four seasons there. Snow!”
“I’d love for them to see some snow, but there’s always vacations. Why not find a good preschool here? We have social media companies in Atlanta, and it’s only an hour drive.”
She sighed in exasperation. “There’s nothing for me locally, though.”
“The PTA has a vacancy, I hear.”
She groaned. “With an MBA and fifteen years’ experience in corporate management managing project teams, do you think running a parent-teacher organization is all I can do?”
“Of course not. I know you can do much more,” he said in a rush. “But you would be great in the position. You’re a relentless advocate when you want something.”
“Thanks, I think,” she said. Did that mean he admired her? Or did her persistence bother him? She mentally shrugged.
“Were you always such a go-getter? Mia told me about the time she didn’t make the volleyball team, and you went in with her and convinced the coach she could be an alternate in case one of the others backed out.”
“And someone did,” Kylee pointed out. “Who doesn’t have a backup plan?”
He gave her a faint smile. “I guess I don’t. Look at what’s happened since Chip died. I was all about my job and hanging out with friends until...” He stopped, and she saw his cheeks flush. He gave a nervous laugh.
“Until what?” she probed.
He glanced at her, then back at the television. After a pause, he said, “I figured I’d settle down eventually, but I never made much effort to date until a couple years ago. That didn’t work out so I just—well, it was just me and Chip and Mia... Wow.” He gulped as if in sudden horror and turned back to her. “Was I a third wheel?”
She chuckled. “No way, they loved you,” she assured him. “You’re loyal, dependable and very kind.” She thought about her first few days with Henry and Annabelle. “And patient. You have the patience of Job.”
He smiled faintly in appreciation. “Not really. I haven’t been very patient with God since... Well, I’ve just been going through the motions taking the twins to church with your mom. The truth is my heart wasn’t in it. But seeing how much they needed you has helped me a little bit. This is hard for me, Kylee, and I don’t agree with you taking them off to a big city far away, but I admire you for what you’re doing.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. He admired her? She’d single-handedly broken a washing machine and made tuna casserole taboo in the house. She glanced at him with a small smile. Sitting so close, she noticed faint patches of green within his gray eyes and tried to tamp down the urge to move closer to him and search for more.
He studied her back, and her stomach did a flip-flop. Kylee snapped her attention back to a show about backpacking across Europe.
“Mia admired you, too,” he said as if that special something hadn’t just happened between them.
She gave a low, sarcastic chuckle. “I doubt that.”
“What do you mean? It’s true.”
Kylee shook her head. She’d said goodbye to Mia. She’d failed her as a sister. But she was ready to move on, to do better and to be there for her sister’s children.
Evan was relentless. “She bragged to everyone how you put yourself through school and made it in one of the toughest cities in the world.”
Her throat tightened. “Well, I didn’t deserve that.”
“Why not?”
“I... I didn’t know she felt that way about me. She was always so popular, I figured she saw me as someone in the way.”
Evan reached for Kylee’s arm and gave it a soft squeeze. “I’m sorry she never told you how she felt. Maybe she never had the courage.”
“Maybe because it was a competition.”
“What?”
Kylee met Evan’s stare. “Don’t you see? I was jealous of her, like you said. I was five years old when she was born, and all of a sudden my younger sister became the apple of my parents’ eyes. Of the family. Of everyone.” She waved her hand. “Mia was the beautiful and fair one, sweet and funny and talented.”
Evan seemed confused. “And you’re not talented?”
“It was always a contest between us,” she murmured, ashamed. “She outshone everyone around her—at home, at school and always...me.”
“I can’t believe that’s how you felt.”
Kylee let out a loud exhale. “That’s the real reason I studied hard and left town to go to college. And why I chose New York City to live in. It was as far away as I could get from Mia and provided the best opportunity for me to shine.”
Evan squeezed her arm again. This time he didn’t let go. She felt his gaze and met his eyes. It didn’t matter what he thought of her. She would be gone soon, the twins along with her.
Kylee caught herself inching closer to him. “I was jealous of my sister, Evan. I never had the chance to set things straight with us or make up for always avoiding her, trying to outdo her. That’s why I need to raise the twins.”
“You were there for her more than you know.”
“Oh sure, I was good at giving advice. Only because it made me feel important. I just need... I guess I need to feel important to somebody.” She stopped short, cheeks heating. Had she ever given anyone a chance? Is that why she was still single? She’d spent her whole life trying to be better dressed, better looking and more successful than anyone around her. And it hadn’t worked. No one ever spoke about her like they did Mia. And for the first time, Kylee understood why. She’d done it all for the wrong reasons. “I didn’t deserve her.” Her voice thickened. “But I have the twins now,” she managed to say, easing her arm from Evan’s warm grip.
His touch had sent energy up her shoulders, rolling into her heart and cascading to her toes. More than that, she trusted him. His awareness and concern for others, cool head and earnest sincerity drew her to him like no one else she’d ever met. And maybe it was his tolerance—and acceptance of her.
“I’m going to raise them like Mia wanted me to do, and I have to do it in New York,” she added firmly. The twins needed her, not Evan. And he could never care for her like he did his former friends. And that was why, she told herself, she needed to get back to the city by the end of the year. Because lawyer or not, Evan Hollister made her want to stay.