NABBED!

You know how they say your life flashes in front of your eyes when you think you’re about to die? It’s not true.

What I saw was a fifty-foot pile of hair, muscle, and tattoos flashing in front of my eyes.

“What the heck are you two dummies following me for?” Hairy said. (He didn’t actually say “heck” or “dummies,” but this is supposed to be a PG kind of book.)

“We weren’t following you!” Matty shouted at him.

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Hairy roared back, and held on even tighter. It felt like he was twisting my arm into some kind of balloon animal, and Matty’s feet were practically off the ground.

The next part just kind of popped out of me. There wasn’t any plan, except for trying not to die.

“You’re my dad’s uncle!” I yelled. (Okay, maybe kind of screamed, but in a really manly way.) “Hairy Khatchadorian, right?”

It was weird. Hairy didn’t move a muscle. He just kind of froze. But there was about 75 percent less murder in his eyes.

Then he said, “Rafe?”

Let me tell you, I was not expecting that.

“How do you know my name?” I said.

“I can’t believe this,” he said. “I knew you when you were three years old. Heck, I knew you when you were born. I even changed your diaper a few times.”

Matty laughed when Hairy said that, which made me kind of mad. But I had bigger things on my mind, and I didn’t want to wait around for another one of the guy’s mood swings. So I just kept going.

“Do you know where my dad is?” I asked him.

He let go of us and shoved his hands in his pockets, giving me a kind of funny look. For a second, I even thought he was about to answer my question.

But… no.

“Listen, Rafe,” he said. “That’s something you need to take up with your mom. Where is she, anyway?”

“She’s home,” I said, and he looked confused. “We live here in the city now.”

“You do? But she always hated the city,” he said.

“She did?” That was news to me.

“Come on, mister,” Matty piped up. “He just wants to know about his dad. Why can’t you—”

That’s when the old Hairy came back.

“You mind your own business, kid,” he said, but it also sounded a lot like “I could kill you with one punch, kid.” I’ve never seen anyone stare Matty the Freak down so fast. (Or at all, actually.)

“Go home, Rafe,” Hairy told me. “Talk to your mom first. Then if you want to, you can come back and see me. I’ve got some stories I could tell you about your old man.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t even know what to think. I just stood there like a statue with its mouth hanging open while Hairy patted me on the shoulder and started walking away up the street.

I even kind of forgot Matty was there until he spoke up again.

“Hey, check it out!”

When I looked down, there was a ten-dollar bill sticking out of my coat pocket.

“How’d he do that?” Matty asked.

“Beats me,” I said while my mind just kept spinning around and around, like the inside of a washing machine.

I guess there were still a lot of things I didn’t know.