BIG-CITY TAKEDOWN!

SET DOWN THE BAG AND STEP AWAY!” the chief criminal negotiator screams into a bullhorn. It’s almost impossible to hear, with the choppers so low and all those police sirens.

Something’s gone very wrong here, and all I know is, I didn’t do it.

“This is a mistake!” I yell.

“STEP AWAY FROM THE BAG! THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING!”

I hear footsteps—people are running everywhere. And shouting. Police radios are blaring. Is this really all for me?

I’m not taking any chances. I keep my hands where everyone can see them. Then I bend down slowly and set the pack on the ground.

As soon as I do, a dozen lines drop out of the sky. A football team’s worth of SWAT officers rappel down to the ground all at once. Before I can even move, they’ve got me surrounded with enough hardware to… well, to open a really, really big hardware store.

“DON’T MOVE A FREAKIN’ MUSCLE!” one of them shouts.

“PARDON ME, YOUNG MAN, BUT COULD you PLEASE STEP BACK INTO THE GIFT SHOP?” a third one says.