It's against the rules of golf to either ask for advice or give it. The penalty is one stroke added to your score. (Partners and caddies are specifically exempted from this rule.) Despite this prohibition, here are some gems of advice, some which are well worth the penalty stroke.
“Take it easy and lazily, because the golf ball isn't going to run away from you while you're swinging.”
—Sam Snead
“You've just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.”
—Sam Snead
“Being left-handed is a big advantage: No one knows enough about your swing to mess you up with advice.”
—Bob Charles
“Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag and squinty eyes.”
—Dave Marr
“Lay off for three weeks, and then quit for good.”
—Sam Snead
“If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.”
—Tommy Bolt
“Never break your putter and driver in the same match, or you're dead.”
—Tommy Bolt
“The man who can putt is a match for anyone.”
—Willie Park Jr., British Open Champion in 1887 and 1889
“Ninety percent of putts that are short don't go in.”
—Yogi Berra
“Through years of experience, I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.”
—Jack Nicklaus
“The ideal build for a golfer would be strong hands, big forearms, thin neck, big thighs, and a flat chest. He'd look like Popeye.”
—Gary Player
“Golf courses use toxic pesticides and herbicides. Don't be cleaning the ball with your tongue or licking your fingers, and don't play barefoot. After a round, wash your hands.”
—Frank Coffey
“Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of golf, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.”
—Buddy Hackett
“I have a tip that will take five strokes off anyone's game. It's called an eraser.”
—Arnold Palmer
“One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.”
—Don Carter, bowling pro
“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.”
—Phyllis Diller
“I found out that all the important lessons of life are contained in the three rules for achieving a perfect golf swing. 1. Keep your head down. 2. Follow through. 3. Be born with money.”
—P. J. O'Rourke
“The more I practice, the luckier I get.”
—Gary Player
“What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.”
—Lily Tomlin
“You make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.”
—Lee Trevino