JACK STOOD BY THE window of the senator’s family room and watched Bree pace outside next to the pool. The fading sunlight brought out the red highlights in her hair, and if he were closer, he knew he’d see the flecks of gold in her eyes. He knew she could handle what was about to happen, but she’d been through so much emotionally these past couple days that he hated that she couldn’t just walk away from it all. The past few days had been like ripping off an old scab and had left her in pain emotionally and feeling vulnerable.
He went outside and stepped in front of her before drawing her into a hug and letting her nestle her chin against his shoulder. “You okay?”
“Honestly . . . I don’t know.”
“Then talk to me.” He stepped back, catching the emotion in her eyes before nodding toward a wooden bench overlooking the water. “We still have a few minutes before we have to leave.”
“Okay.”
They sat down on the bench and she leaned forward with her forearms on her legs. Growing up, she’d always been his sounding board, and he couldn’t count the number of times she managed to keep him out of trouble with her advice. She’d always been that kind of friend. He always hoped he’d been the same to her. And now, she needed a friend more than ever.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“It might sound strange, because it’s been almost three years since I last saw him, but I didn’t think I’d feel so emotional over the thought of seeing him again. It just doesn’t make sense. There’s never really been a relationship between us, but somehow I still feel as if I’m betraying him.” Her voice softened as she looked up at him. “I go through with this, and he will end up in prison.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” He reached out and laced their fingers together. “The truth is, your father’s going to prison whether or not you’re involved in his arrest. You’re just helping us speed up the process. All you have to do is say the word and you can walk away without anyone thinking less of you.”
She shook her head. “I can’t just walk away. My job is to bring people to justice, and it shouldn’t matter who’s on the other side. This is who I am, Jack. I can’t simply walk away. I just didn’t think it would be this hard.”
He searched for the right words, knowing she needed a friend more than any advice. But he didn’t agree with her. “Honestly, I think what you’re feeling makes perfect sense. He’s your father. That connection will never change, no matter what he’s done.”
She looked up at him with those wide eyes that always managed to make his heart melt. “What about this guilt I can’t shake? That seems the craziest of all to me. He betrayed his country, and yet somehow I’m the one who feels guilty over planning to turn him in.”
“The difference is, you’re not betraying him. You’re the one who’s doing the right thing, and he has to know that at some point what he’s done is going to catch up with him. When he goes to prison—and he will—he’s going because of his own choices. Nothing you ever said or did.”
“I know, but what my heart feels and what my head thinks aren’t always the same thing. It’s hard not to feel as if I crossed the line into betrayal, even though I know that’s not true.”
“You’re doing the right thing. Just remember that.”
She nodded. “I know. I think.”
“And I meant what I said just now. You’ve already proven to be a tremendous asset on this case, but you don’t have to go through with this—”
“Yes I do, and you know it. He might not talk to you, but he’ll talk to me. And I know in the end, I won’t regret deciding to do this, but right now . . . right now it hurts. And perhaps it always will.”
He wrapped his arm around her, wanting to give her time to grieve. Because that was exactly what this was—a grieving process. A reminder of the loss of everything she’d hoped for growing up.
“Thank you for being here with me.” She wiped away a tear with the back of her hand. “And for being so patient as I deal with the chinks in my armor.”
“Everybody has chinks, Bree, but you’re the strongest person I know.”
“Hardly.”
“And it’s okay to be vulnerable.”
She let out a soft laugh. “Good, because I feel like I’ve just been knocked off my horse in the middle of a battle, and my cracked armor isn’t helping at all.”
For a moment it was almost as if they were back in college. Two good friends, talking about life and their future. Jack couldn’t help but wonder if it was too late to get that back. He brushed away the thought. She might have waltzed unexpectedly back into his life, but that didn’t mean they were going to simply pick right back up where they’d been years ago. That wasn’t how life worked. If they did manage to stay connected—and she managed to feel the same way he did—it was going to take time for them to bridge all the years that they had been apart. It wasn’t going to happen overnight.
“I wish I could fix things for you. Make all of this go away. Erase the hurt that he caused when he left you.”
But that was something he’d never been able to do.
“No one can fix it, and maybe that’s what’s still hard for me to accept.” She stared across the yard toward the ocean in the distance. “I’ve wanted for so long to find a way to change him. To fix him. But I think I’m finally realizing that is never going to happen. No one can fix him. I sure can’t. Which is why I can’t put my ultimate hope in people or circumstances. I can only put it in God, because he’s always faithful.”
“As hard as it is, you’re so right,” Jack said. “My father always told me that God is about the long game. That he’s more interested in who you become, even if the actual process is difficult. I’m not saying God doesn’t care about the little things, but he’s more interested in my reaching the finish line.”
“I know that’s true—refining us like silver through the fire. Constantly working on us and redeeming us. I’ve seen it in my own life, that despite my mistakes, he’s right there waiting for me to stop and listen to him.”
He pulled her tighter against him. “You’ve always been like your mom. You have this strength. Stubborn, I believe I used to call you, but that’s what’s gotten you to where you are right now. Brave and unashamed to step out there and take a chance.”
She pulled away from him and walked to the railing. “I don’t feel brave right now.”
He got up to join her where she stood, palm trees swaying over her and the subtle crash of the waves in the background. “The profession we chose makes it easy to close our hearts, especially when we see so much brokenness around us. But Jesus prepared us to endure hard times. Told us we’d have them. Promised us we’d never be alone.”
“I know.” She smiled up at him. “And I’ve seen over and over how when I’ve felt at my lowest, he’s brought people into my life who have reminded me that I’m not alone and who have helped. I’m just tired of this endless cycle. I feel like I’m never where I want to be. I try to forgive him and let go. Then I think it’s over and can almost forget about him. But then he walks back into my life and I have to start the process all over again. It’s just so hard.”
He stood silent beside her. Wanting to simply listen and show her that he was here for her. No matter what happened to her father. No matter what happened between the two of them.
“Thank you. Just for being here. I don’t know what I would have done without having you here. I’ll be fine. I promise. I just . . . I just needed someone to listen to me.”
“I’m always available to do that. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know.” She hesitated before continuing. “It’s something I’ve missed. Talking to you about things. Bouncing off ideas, no matter how crazy they are. More than anyone else, you always understood me.”
“And I always felt the same way about you.”
And crazy enough, I still do.
He savored her nearness and felt what it did to him. He wasn’t sure how he could still feel such strong emotions for her after all these years. It hadn’t lessened at all.
He tilted her chin so she had to look up at him.
“I meant what I said earlier. You really don’t have to do this, Bree. If you want to walk away right now, all you have to do is say the word, and I’ll back you up. So will Adam. There are other ways to bring him in that don’t involve you—”
“We both know I have to do this. There are people’s lives at stake here, and I’m not going to let my feelings determine my actions. He has to be held accountable for what he did no matter who he is.”
“Okay.”
He was close enough now that he was tempted to forget everything that was going on around them and tell her how he felt. How he admired her courage and her desire to push through even when he knew that inside she was hurting. That he regretted ever going away and not telling her the truth. That a part of him still wanted to find out what might happen if the two of them gave love a second chance.
She slipped her hand into his and laced their fingers together, still standing close to him. “Don’t try and change my mind. Please. I know you want to protect me, but I need to follow through with this.”
“It’s not that. It’s—”
The door to the house opened behind them, and Adam stepped out. “Jack . . . Aubrey . . . it’s time.”