AUBREY PULLED HER LEGS up beneath her and stared out across the gray-blue ocean. A ship was crossing the bay in the distance while seagulls dotted the sky above her. The past week had thrown her into a tailspin emotionally, and she just now felt as if she could start to find her way out of the whirlpool she’d been thrown into. Like she could finally believe that life might get back to normal one day. Whatever normal was. Maybe she’d never completely shake the feelings of loss over her father. Maybe that was okay.
The waves rolled in, one after another. A piper hunted for food in the sand in front of her. Closer to the water’s edge, a scattering of jellyfish had washed up along the shoreline. She breathed in the familiar scent of salt water. The winter wind was cold, but not cold enough to completely counteract the rays of the sun.
She closed her eyes and let its warmth embrace her. It was over—at least the flood of arrests—but emotionally it was going to take time to find her equilibrium again. Her father’s arrest had taken her back to a place she didn’t want to go. A place where dark memories continuously swirled around her. She’d slept until noon yesterday, and ten o’clock today. Something she never did. But the doctor she’d talked to told her that it was simply a physical reaction to all the stress she’d been under. And that given time, she’d have the energy to go back to work and life again. Her boss back at the precinct had agreed, insisting she not come back to work until she was ready. And maybe they were right. Maybe it was time she took the time off she needed and actually rested.
“Bree?”
She opened her eyes, looked up, and smiled. Jack stood over her, holding a paper bag and looking down at her. Her heart stirred at the sight of him. Jack Shannon, the one boy who could always make her laugh and feel safe. She’d missed him, but now that he was back in her life, she wasn’t sure where he fit anymore.
“I thought I might find you out here,” he said.
“Sit down.” She patted the sand next to her. “I guess it’s not the first time you’ve tracked me down and found me in this exact same spot.”
He always was good at sensing her moods and used to tease her about how he could always figure out what she was thinking. Maybe he was right.
“You don’t mind, do you?” he asked.
Aubrey shook her head. “Of course not. I just needed a bit of quiet away from the busy house, and this seemed like the perfect place.”
“I’ll admit, it is a bit hectic now that the senator’s back home with most of his kids and grandkids.”
“That’s an understatement, though I know he’s loving every minute of it. We have a lot to be grateful for.”
He settled in next to her and opened the takeout bag he was carrying. “I brought us milkshakes. Oreo with extra chocolate.”
She took the offered gift, stuck in a straw, and took a sip. “You were right. You really can read my mind.”
“I thought you might need a pick-me-up.”
“I do, and I’ve secretly been craving one of these.”
“How are you doing?”
“My father’s lawyer called me. The judge denied bail. Said he was a flight risk.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I think he was right.”
“You don’t have to talk about this, but you never told me what he said to you in the hospital. I guess . . . I guess I was hoping some of this could bring you some closure. You’ve needed it for a long time.”
She stared at her drink for a few long seconds, set it down, then turned to him. “He asked me to forgive him.”
“What did you say?”
“That I did forgive him, but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He’s probably going to spend the rest of his life in prison, and all he asks of me is my forgiveness. What gets me though is that he never said he was sorry for anything he’s done until he was caught and lost everything. It’s like he’s seeking atonement to somehow make him feel better, but me . . . what about everything I lost because of him?” She drew in a sharp breath. “I feel guilty about being irritated, but am I supposed to forgive him and simply brush off all the pain and disappointment?”
“You have nothing to feel guilty about. I know that it couldn’t have been easy, but in the end, you will be able to move forward because you didn’t let bitterness consume you.”
“You’re right.” She dug her fingers into the sand beside her, then let the granules filter through her fingers. “As hard as it is, there’s one thing I’ve learned about loss and betrayal.”
“What’s that?”
“My father walked out on me, but in the end he’s the one who really lost out on so much. And what he did doesn’t change who I am. A child of the King.”
He reached out and took her free hand, lacing their fingers together.
“I feel like I can finally move on. Like I found peace for the little girl inside me. Closure.”
“You’ve been looking for that for a long time.”
She nodded. “And found it in a place I never would have imagined—in the middle of all this chaos and pain and hurt. Somehow God met me right there. I will still have to testify at the trial, something I’m not looking forward to, but forgiving him doesn’t mean I’m going to let him control me anymore.”
“I’m proud of you.”
She shook her head. “I’m not like a hero who chose to run into a burning building to save someone. I was the one inside the building who somehow managed to get out alive.”
“That’s an interesting analogy, but I think you’re wrong.” He took a sip of his shake, still holding on to her hand. “You’ve spent your entire life fighting for justice, and even though this case was personal, you were still a part of the solution. Even when things got hard—you never ran away.”
She squeezed his hand. “You were just as much a part of all of this as I was. And you’ll never know how grateful I am that you were here with me. There are still a few loose ends to wrap up, but at least all of this is over for the most part.”
“It’s not completely over.” Jack set his shake down next to him and turned to her. “We never got to finish our conversation.”
She avoided his gaze, suddenly feeling awkward. Which was crazy. “The one about how you never told me how you really felt all those years ago?”
“Yes. That one.” He ran his thumb across her hand. “And the one where I told you I still feel the same way right now.”
Her stomach flipped as he stared down at her with those beautiful blue eyes of his. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what he’d said. But too much had happened since he arrived, and she was still struggling to process what she felt. No. There were too many emotions tangled up inside her for her to look at things objectively. But on the other hand, was love ever objective? Or even easy? Ever black and white?
Maybe not.
Relationships were complicated and sometimes hard to maintain. She’d learned that from personal experience. And it had made her think about something else as well. She’d always believed that her reluctance to move forward in relationships stemmed from the fact that she watched her father walk out on her mother. Because men—in her life anyway—had a habit of walking out.
But what if that wasn’t the only reason she never settled down? What if she never gave her heart away because she’d already given it to Jack years ago?
She searched for what she wanted to say. “You care about me, I get that, but a lot has gone on the past week, and whatever you’re feeling . . . it’s probably just your desire to protect me and keep me safe. You were always like that, but, Jack, so much has changed between back then and now. Neither of us is the same person we were when we lived here. And I’m not sure it’s possible to regain those feelings.”
“Here’s the bottom line, Bree. I know now that I never stopped loving you. And I was a fool to never tell you. Maybe if I had, we’d be sitting here together, watching our kids playing out there in the sand, building sand castles and playing in the surf.”
She stared out across the white sand, startled by how real that image seemed at the moment. “I always imagined that day would come. Married with three kids, a dog, and a mortgage.”
“So, you want three kids?”
She laughed. “Maybe. Someday.”
She always figured that marriage would be a part of her life. That and kids. But was Jack really the one she’d been waiting for all these years? She’d dated on and off, found herself with a man she thought at the time might end up being the one she’d settle down with, but something always stopped her from even getting close to that. But maybe in an effort to save her heart, she never admitted the truth to herself.
“At least say something. Even if you don’t feel the same way. I just need to know what you think.”
“You’re really serious, aren’t you?”
“You think I was just kidding?”
“No, but . . . I don’t know. I almost always have something to say, but this time . . . I honestly have no idea how to respond.”
She shifted on the towel, trying to sort through her churning feelings. Emotionally, the past few days had drained her, but she hadn’t missed the unexpected currents that had passed between them. Or that her pulse quickened when he walked into a room or touched her hand.
She loved Jack.
The thought shot through her, unexpected.
She loved him.
He brushed his fingers across her leg. “Just tell me what you’re thinking. That whether or not you felt this way back in college, you feel something between us now. And that maybe there’s a chance for us.” He held her gaze. “What are you feeling right now, Bree?”
“My head is telling me to run away as far as I can go, because I’m going to end up getting hurt.” She broke away from his gaze and stared out across the water. “I think I’ve managed to run from men and relationships my entire life. Always afraid that I’ll end up like my mother, in a toxic relationship.”
“But your heart? What’s your heart telling you about me, Bree? About us. Together.”
She turned back to him. When had friendship turned into love? And if that was true, how was she supposed to keep her heart from being betrayed again? She shook off the fear. Just because there was heartache in the journey didn’t mean you ignored love in order to avoid pain. Maybe life was worth taking risks. Worth following your heart even when it took you to an unexpected place.
Like realizing you were in love with your best friend.
She dropped her gaze to his five-o’clock shadow, then to his lips, remembering all the times he’d made her laugh and how much she’d missed that.
“Honestly . . . ,” she said.
“Yes. Honestly.”
“My heart is telling me that I want you to kiss me. Very badly.”
“Can I?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” He shot her a broad smile. “Because I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a very long time.”
He leaned toward her, but she put her finger on his lips and leaned back as a wave of panic struck. “Wait a minute.”
“Wait a minute?”
“As much as I’m wanting to kiss you right now, I need to know what we’re starting, Jack. Because I’m not the kind of woman who goes around kissing men. Or giving her heart away without knowing what their intentions are.”
“And I certainly wouldn’t want you to be.”
“In all seriousness, I need to know that if this is really love—if that’s what we’re both feeling—then I want to jump in with my eyes wide open and play this out to the end. You walked out on me once and never looked back.”
“I think I was always looking back at you.”
“But this can’t be some emotional reaction to everything that’s happened,” she argued. “I can’t watch you turn around and leave for Denver in a few days and leave me here.”
“Like I did last time.”
She nodded, wishing she could find a way to better explain what she was feeling.
“You know I would never do that,” he said.
“I just . . . I don’t know how we are going to manage this . . . us. We don’t even live in the same state. We both have demanding jobs.”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking about that lately.”
“You have?”
“Oh yeah . . .” He trailed his thumb across her jaw. “I actually have a friend at the Houston field office. An old buddy of mine from the academy. He recently told me about an opening there, and apparently I’m a shoo-in if I want the job.”
“How recently did you talk to him?”
“This morning.”
“This morning? You’ve already started looking for another job?”
“I knew that if I was really serious about you—which I am—I had to find a way to show you we could make this work. I’m not interested in a long-distance relationship.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
Jack laughed. “And I’m not used to you being speechless. Just tell me you love me and that we can make up for a decade of missing each other.”
She smiled, knowing without a doubt she felt the same way. “I love you and want to make up for a decade of missing you.”
“Do you mean that?” he asked.
“With all of my heart.”
He shot her a grin. “Does that mean I can kiss you now?”
“Oh, yeah.” She leaned in and brushed her lips across his. “I’d say it’s long overdue.”