What is going on in your life right now? Have things taken a downward turn for you? Are your finances in a mess? Are you in a relationship, or even a marriage, that is in bad shape? Do you hate your job? Feeling mean, nasty, and tired? Well, don’t go postal, don’t get intoxicated, and don’t send your money to a television evangelist.
Get out.
Rarely in difficult circumstances does one have the presence of mind to calmly and rationally evaluate the situation and decide on a course of action. Emotional stress; pressure from associates, family, and friends; and false feelings of guilt or misplaced loyalty can all hinder clear thinking. The best thing to do is get away, even if it is just for a day or two, and let yourself calm down. Put some distance between you and your problems, and very often solutions will come to you that you never would have thought of otherwise.
Getting away almost always helps, but the critical question is, “For how long?” For what amount of time should you stay away before returning to tackle your situation? For that matter, should you return? Tenacity is not always a virtue.
In some cases, such as where you are in extreme danger from a murderous and relentless foe, a permanent escape may be best. This will require a heavy-duty new identity, with all ties to your past life erased. In many other cases, though, leaving permanently may do more harm than good. Factors to be considered include your reasons for leaving, probability or desirability of being able to return to your old life, ability to cope with living a new life, and the diligence and resources of your potential pursuers.
Let’s look at some hypothetical scenarios and see if we can figure out the best thing to do in each one.
UNLUCKY IN LOVE LARRY
Larry Jones is a married man, 32 years old, with a decent job that he tolerates but doesn’t really like. His health is good, his credit fair, and he has no kids. He is a law-abiding, tax-paying citizen with a modest home he owns and a few thousand dollars in the bank. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia. He has always dreamed of hiking the entire Appalachian Trail, which begins in the northern part of the state. But he could never get the time off for the five to six months the adventure would require.
Larry’s biggest source of both joy and sorrow is his wife Darlene. A moody, demanding woman, she frequently torments him with verbal abuse and nagging. When she is nice she makes him quite happy, but her niceness usually depends on her having her own way. When Larry does not give her what she wants she becomes angry and contrary, either berating him or trying to make him feel guilty. Larry loves Darlene but is afraid to think of spending the rest of his life with her.
One day Larry is on his way home from work. He has been upset all day because of a fight he and Darlene had that morning. He decides to stop at the florist and buy her a bouquet of roses; maybe that will smooth things over and he can have a peaceful evening for a change.
When he pulls into the driveway he notices the lights are out. He got off an hour early from work but did not call home because he wanted to surprise Darlene. There is a red sports car he has never seen before parked next to Darlene’s Ford Escort, which he bought for her last birthday. He steps quietly in the house, afraid his wife is not feeling well and not wanting to wake her. Strange noises from the bedroom grab his attention, and he tiptoes toward it. The door is slightly ajar, and he sees inside. Darlene is on her knees giving oral pleasure to another man. The act is clearly voluntarily, and both she and her partner are enjoying it immensely.
Larry never dreamed Darlene could be unfaithful, and the sight is too much for him. He drops the flowers he bought and runs from the house, getting in his car. His wife pursues him and bursts outside in her bathrobe, ordering him to stop as he pulls out of the driveway. He hears her cursing loudly as he speeds away.
Larry cruises the city streets aimlessly until late in the night, trying to decide what to do. He is afraid to go home; he knows that his patience with Darlene is over forever and feels he is likely to hurt or even kill her if he sees her again. He glances down at the briefcase on the passenger seat beside him and remembers that he has a presentation to do the next day at work that he has not even begun to prepare for. The consequences from his overbearing boss will be severe if he is not ready to do it. He sees a sign for Interstate 75, which can have him in the mountains in less than two hours. It is early March, and warm weather will soon blanket the state. He sees the chance to do something he has always dreamt of: shuck conventional responsibility and the burden of debt and live as a free spirit.
This will of course mean the end of his good credit and his stability, but he honestly doesn't care. He has met others who have lived as nomads for years, and though they had difficulty eventually readjusting to society, they nonetheless had stories to tell that would make their grandchildren roll their eyes in wonderment. In fact, Larry has fantasized about completely changing his identity and adopting a new life altogether but would like to test the waters by disappearing for a limited time first.
What should he do?
WORKING MAN JACK
Jack Bradley is a self-employed carpenter. His prize possession is a pickup truck that he uses in his trade. Besides carrying his tools and hauling work-related loads, it serves as his only means of transportation. He purchased it a year ago when he was working 50 to 60 hours a week at an excellent hourly wage. The payments are more than $500 a month. At the time he bought the truck, Jack could easily afford the note. He was living with his mother for free and bringing home almost a thousand dollars a week. But his mom has since moved to a nursing home, and her house was sold to meet the expenses, so Jack is now renting. His work slowed down, and he is currently earning half of what he was 12 months ago. As a result, he is several months behind on his payments, and the finance company has become very threatening. Jack is afraid to declare bankruptcy, knowing it will destroy what is left of his credit.
One night he is talking with his brother, who lives in another part of the state. He mentions that there is a great deal of construction going on in his area, and carpenters are in high demand at excellent wages. He offers to let Jack stay with him while he seeks employment in the area.
There is only one problem: the finance company sent Jack a certified letter the previous day. If he does not bring his payments up to date within seven days, his truck will be repossessed. The amount now due is over $2,000. Jack wants to pay his bills but cannot raise the lump sum in a week. What should he do?
Sally Jones is a 20-year-old single mother with a 2-year-old daughter. She has been living with her new boyfriend for several months. At first he was very kind and loving to both her and her child, and she thought she had met Mr. Perfect. But lately he has become verbally and physically abusive. She has also discovered that he has a substance abuse disorder and spent time in prison for felony assault. One evening he comes home drunk and beats her severely. She flees to her mother’s home with her daughter and calls the police.
The boyfriend is soon arrested, and she decides to press charges. He responds by showing up at the mother’s house that weekend after making bond, waving a gun and threatening their lives.
The law shows up and takes him away, and Sally has a restraining order put on him. But she fears that he will disobey the order and come after her again. She is assured by her attorney that, because of the prior conviction laws in her state, Jack faces a minimum of 20 years in prison. But his trial date is several months away, and for now he is out on bail. Sally is terrified for herself and her daughter. What should she do?
* * *
In each of the above scenarios we met people whose lives have taken serious downturns because of circumstances outside their control. In each case there is little or nothing they can do by sticking around and trying to “fix” things. If Larry goes home to his wife he will likely assault her, or he will be assaulted by her and/or her lover. He also knows his marriage is beyond repair but does not have the emotional strength to deal with a divorce at the current time. As for Jack, it is very unlikely that his creditors will work out a payment plan with him, and he will lose the ability to support himself if his truck is repossessed. In Sally’s case, staying in her local area puts her life, as well as that of her daughter, at risk. In all of these situations, the main characters would benefit enormously by covering their tracks and disappearing for a while.
Traditional new identity methods could be of assistance to these people, but they would entail a heavy cost indeed. If Larry does not eventually deal with his situation, his wife can claim abandonment and obtain a divorce with terms favorable to her, getting the house and other assets. Jack could slip away, change his critical identifiers, and find work under a new ID, but his financial resources are limited and he is dependent upon his vehicle. In Sally’s case, she will be safe if she can only survive long enough to see her stalker imprisoned.
Completely dumping one’s old life and starting fresh has consequences that many people cannot or will not deal with. Besides the time and effort involved in changing data such as one’s birth date and Social Security number, there are the challenges of establishing a complete new identity from scratch— severing old ties to friends, work, and family permanently and adapting to a new location and new habits. One recent guide to “disappearing” lists almost 20 pages of “do-nots” and other instructions for the disappearee! Among the things urged: don’t go to church, don’t ever play your stereo too loud, don’t travel cross-country by bus, let life insurance policies lapse, be careful to always dress in a very low-key manner, surrender any claim to refunds from utility companies when you discontinue their services, don’t have milk or other products delivered to your door, don’t join political organizations, don’t work on your car in your yard, don’t get to know your neighbors, don’t express controversial opinions, and the list goes on and on. How many people could endure such a restrictive existence year in and year out? In all but the most severe cases, complete and permanent identity change carries a price too high to pay.
On the other hand, the average person can put up with all sorts of inconveniences on a temporary basis. In my own case, I could never endure the regimen dictated above for any length of time. However, I was able to tolerate many things, including unfamiliarity with the region and working at less-than-ideal employment at first, as well as more minor irritants such as higher prices and lots of pollen. The benefits of escaping my old situation for a while more than outweighed the transitory setbacks. Since I knew that I would eventually return to the South, my patience held, though it was at times taxed. I was even able to make a few new friends and tell them I am a writer (since my true profession, “wandering miscreant,” doesn’t look too impressive on the ol’ resumé).
To summarize: There are many situations in which leaving the scene for a while can be the best thing to do. At the same time, most people probably do not need a complete identity change, just a way to be “invisible” for a few weeks, maybe several months, while they get their head straightened out and wait for things to settle down back home. This can be accomplished by establishing a “new ID lite.” The techniques for doing so are described in detail in the rest of the book.
A final word: since no two people’s situations are identical, I have avoided describing a “one size fits all” method in the following chapters. Covering one’s tracks can be accomplished in a multitude of ways, and what is best for one person may be completely inappropriate for another. What I offer instead is a “buffet” of ideas and suggestions that readers can use to tailor their own solution to their problems. Use what works for you. Now let’s get into the nuts and bolts of taking a powder.