© 2019 C.L. Matthews
All Rights Reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced, copied or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system without written expressed permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is purely coincidental.
Cover Design: Opulent Designs
Editor: Nicole Zoltack
Proofread: Rumi Khan
Format: Inkstain Design Studio
The use of actors, artists, movies, TV shows, and song titles/lyrics throughout this book are done so for storytelling purposes and should in no way be seen as advertisement. Trademark names are used in an editorial fashion with no intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or if it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and please purchase your own copy.
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior express, written consent of the author
For you, Grandma.
For their pain is mine.
Their loss is mine.
Their battle is mine.
And you’ll live on through them and through me forever.
This isn’t “goodbye.” It’s “see you later.”
I love you.
Rest in paradise.
Special thanks to NF.
You don’t know me.
You may never.
Without your music, this book wouldn’t exist.
So, thank you.
To all those who suffer through pain without the ability to stay present, this is to you.
We all have stories. We all have experience in the void. We all feel differently.
Don’t give up.
I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was a sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I am learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is
Absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And that grief is not something you complete
But rather you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on
But an element of yourself,
An alteration of your being,
A new way of seeing,
A new definition of self.
- Gwen Flowers
Hello there.
I’m writing this for a very important reason. I know, I know. Me being serious doesn’t come often, but this is necessary for you to read this story.
Lo and Jase have a really hard story, it’s not something that’s dark but rather deep. It strikes chords that you never knew you had. It has triggers you might not be aware of having. It’s raw and meaningful, but it’s also not sugar-coated or handled with kid’s gloves.
This story will make you cry, or at least everyone I’ve spoken with has cried over it. It shows you the battles of loss, depression, drug abuse, cheating, and other adult themes. It’s hard to stomach at times, mostly because it’s painful.
You watch the life of two people, and you see every little thing that caused what has happened, and it’s not the easiest pill to swallow.
I’m giving this warning in hopes you know your triggers, but also so you’re aware you’re not battling this alone.
We are here for you.
If you need someone to talk you through the pain, we’re here.
And if you ever feel desolate, needing more than we can offer, I’m attaching the suicide hotline number. Because everyone has a voice, and if you need someone to listen, please call. They’re available twenty-four hours a day.
1-800-273-8255
Fallout - Marianas Trench
Duele El Corazón - Enrique Iglesias
1-800-273-8255 - Logic
Iridescent - Linkin Park
Heavy - Linkin Park
Never Stop (Wedding Version) - SafetySuit
Paralyzed - NF
How Could You Leave Us - NF
I Miss You - Clean Bandit
Say You Won’t Let Go - James Arthur
I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz
Me Niego - Reik
Let You Down - NF
Let You Go - Machine Gun Kelly
No Place Like Home - Marianas Trench
No Peace - Sam Smith
You Are The Reason - Calum Scott
Us - James Bay
Real - NF
I R L - DYSN
Therapy Session - NF
Good To You - Marianas Trench
Can You Hold Me - NF
Mansion - NF
Oh Lord - NF
If You Want Love - NF
WHY - NF
Lost In The Moment - NF
Intro III - NF
Outro - NF
Remember This – NF
All I Have – NF
Breathe - NF
Breath - Breaking Benjamin
Falling Like The Stars - James Arthur