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Jase
The next morning, I feel dead. There wasn’t much sleep to be had last night. I tossed and turned, thinking of all the scenarios of her with my brother. She won’t do this to me. She can’t.
But you did, my brain brutally reminds me. Karma could be having her last laugh at my expense. After all, I deserve all the hurt.
My phone buzzes, and my heart soars, thinking Lo finally gave in.
Please don’t do this, Jason, the text from Nora reads. I can be what you need. I love you.
Another comes in. Not who I wanted or hoped for.
Quickly tapping out a response, I hit send. I love her, Nora. I fucking love my wife, and I need to prove it to her.
She’s not going to forgive you, and she’ll just run to Toby like she did before. That’s what led you to me. Remember how she broke your heart?
Nora’s text is like a bucket of ice water.
Stop. I don’t need this, and she’s my wife. She’ll always be my wife. I made fucking vows. I won’t drop them because I lost myself in you.
In the year-long affair with Nora, this is the first time Nora and I have truly fought since high school, and it’s all over my bad decisions. This won’t end well for either of us.
Don’t say that. You didn’t lose yourself. You found you.
Fucking quit it. I’m done. I can’t do this to her or our family anymore.
Jason, please.
Nora deserves better, and I’ll make sure she goes for it.
Goodbye, Nora. Don’t text me or call me anymore. Go find love and someone worth keeping.
She sends a barrage of texts, but I delete them all. Nothing she says will change my mind. I’m going to fix this, make my wife fall back in love with me, and repair our excuse for a marriage. I refuse to be this man. I watched Lo turn into what my mom did before she found and married Gene. I won’t continue to let my wife live the life she never wanted, especially when I promised not to ruin her, but failed anyway.
I’m worthless, and the fact that I realize this makes it so much worse. What have I done to us? Why didn’t she leave me before? Why did she stay?
Because she loves you, asshole. Correction. Loved you.
I text Lo a bunch of times with no response. Please don’t do something stupid, like fuck my brother in spite of me, I want to say. Wouldn’t that be ironic? Apologizing and telling her it’s too late, that I’m the one who fucked up. I’ve realized I practically shoved him down her throat when her mom died. I couldn’t deal with the emotional baggage that came with it, and I always called Toby to talk to her.
They always have that, and he has always kept her alive.
Later, I find myself stumbling over all the tasks needing done before work. I have to give my wife props. She does this routine every morning—getting the kids ready, taking them to school, and then watching a million tots—all for extra funds we don’t need. I’m a mess. All the kids’ parents are pissed at Lo for not warning them of this cancellation. I’ve had to come up with some lame ass excuses.
“Daddy!” Jaz squeals, running and jumping into my arms.
My heart squeezes like a fucking vise. My little girl is hugging me for dear life, acting as if this isn’t real.
“Yes, baby girl?” I hum, kissing her forehead like I’ve done to her mother so many times.
My eyes search the foyer for Ace, but when I spot him, he’s glaring at me with hatred. He’s staring at me like Lo did last night. How can he harbor so much anger? Does he know? No, she wouldn’t tell them.
“Are you going to be home more, Daddy? I miss you so much,” Jaz pleads with a pout.
That fucking breaks my heart right there. My baby girl doesn’t think I’m around enough, and that only proves what kind of person and father I’ve been.
“Yeah, Dad. You actually going to be home now?” Ace snarks with a curled lip. He leans against the doorframe, his arms folded across his chest.
He’s pissed, and I don’t think Lo would hurt him by telling him. Would she? He would hate me for it. Ace isn’t a little kid anymore. You can see it in the set of his shoulders. He’s not just a volatile teen, he’s a young man that knows too much without the knowledge of how to hide it.
Jaz squeezes me, and I hold her, missing my kids and not knowing what to do or say, so I just stand there dumbfounded. Silent, like last night when Lo begged me to deny my affair.
“That’s what I thought,” Ace growls before walking out the door.
Setting Jazzy down, I grab her tiny little hand and head out.
“Don’t worry, Daddy,” she says softly, gripping my palm tighter. “He’s just sad that Mommy isn’t here.”
Me too, princess. Me too.
“I love you, Jazzy girl.”
“I know, Daddy.”
After dropping both of the kids off, I head to my building. The feeling of foreboding weighs heavily on my chest. It’s like the world is going to end, and I’m just waiting for it to happen.
Settling into work, one task I can accomplish without much thought, I busy myself. It’s comforting, routines, something that will effectively distract me from my clusterfuck of a life.
“Jason,” Sally calls over the intercom, interrupting my thought process.
“Yes?” I question. She usually just pops her head in. Must not be a good visitor.
“Nora is here to see you,” she says haughtily.
I know she’s not a fan. My wife seemed to think Sally was always behind my affair, but she’s not. And Sally knows about Nora. I pay her very well to keep her mouth shut.
“I’m busy,” I grunt. Why the fuck does she think it’s okay to show up to my office unannounced? “Please have her escorted out.”
She has some balls coming here. Not that Lo would ever show up here, but if she did, I’d be even more fucked than I already am.
“Sure thing,” she amends, and when I hear yelling, I shake my head.
Not even five minutes later, a knock sounds at my door. Are you fucking joking? I stand up, making my way to my door. Taking in a deep breath, I open it. “Now isn’t a good—”
“No, but having your fucking whore show up at your workplace is okay?” Tobe whisper-yells. His voice shows his disgust, and his face matches. “Before you come up with some bullshit excuse, I don’t want to hear it. I told you in high school that you weren’t good enough for Loren, and you finally proved it.”
His unyielding glare has me growing angrier. He has no fucking right. None.
“Get the fuck out,” I say vehemently. I’m not against punching my brother to get my point across.
“Don’t worry. I wasn’t staying. I have your wife to take care of, just like I’ve done since the beginning. Someone has to pick up the pieces you’ve left behind.”
That’s it.
That beautifully gory color that always consumes me when Tobe and Lo’s names are in the same sentence comes brutally quick this time. I grab his collar, pull back my arm, and hit him in the face, letting his collar go at the same time. He stumbles back momentarily but comes back swinging. We’re on top of one another, throwing punches, and I can hear people coming to watch.
“You’re worthless!” he bellows, holding me back in a headlock. “You don’t deserve her!”
His voice breaks at that, and I hate him almost as much as I hate myself. He lets me go, and stands. He adjusts his tie and suit jacket. His lip has blood trailing down his chin.
What have I done? He’s my fucking brother, and I just hit him.
“This isn’t over, Jase. I’ll win in the end. She was never yours to have,” he expresses before walking out of my building.
Everyone looks at me, their faces a variety of expressions—some in disgust, others in concern, and all with confusion.
“Get back to work!” I bark at them, standing up.
Sally pats my arm with a shake of her head. Again, if Lo didn’t hate her, she’d admire Sally. She doesn’t approve of everything I’ve done, but she keeps her personal opinion away from work.
Before she leaves, she huffs out a breath, stops mid-stride, and turns to me. “And she thought it was me.” Her eyes narrow. “If you weren’t my boss, I’d let you know some very choice words, Jason. She does deserve better.” She curls back her lip in contempt and walks away.
Fuck. Now everyone knows, or at least they think they do.
Why does life spiral after just one fuck up?
Will Tobe tell her who my lover was?
Fuck, fuck, fuck!