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Lo
I’ve been discharged from the hospital for almost a month now. My recovery wasn’t as swift as I’d have liked, but it will only go up from here.
Between Jase, Ace, Nate, and Toby, I haven’t been alone. They all took time watching me, caring for me, and explaining everything that happened.
Like, holy shit. Francis isn’t dead.
They were really married. He confessed that she got him high and wasted, convincing him to tie the knot. That his parents wouldn’t let them if he’d asked. He loved her, truly. Me being me, I knew what I’d do for love, and he sacrificed everything for his.
That’s what has stuck with me the most. The fact that Jase left Ellie to save me won’t leave my mind either.
He picked me.
With that information, I feel even more lost.
He comes around every day, bringing me flowers, a note and leaves a kiss on my forehead. I’m falling back in love with him. His sweetness. His heart. His ocean eyes.
His first note took me by storm, hitting my chest with a newfound beat that I’d thought I lost back in college.
Peaches,
We met before you knew.
“Met” is such a mediocre term, though.
One night, Brant lost his mind, beating me until I could barely breathe.
We both went to see Carrie, you know, that tacky Stephen King movie.
What you didn’t know was that I’d found a piece of myself that Brant had stolen in the single glance I had of you.
You changed my life that night.
Regardless, you didn’t even know we’d met. We didn’t share a word, a stare, or anything else, yet you broke through this cloud that’d been pouring on me for a while.
When he came for me again, your blurred complexion brought me faith and light and oxygen.
It’s fate, Peaches.
Love, Jase
It reminded me why we fell in love.
His heart. His passion. His soul.
The fifth one made my stomach ache with nostalgia, forcing me to live the moment all over again, only making me feel sadder that I decided to not take him back.
Peaches,
Me again. I know. I know. It’s getting pitiful, but oh, well.
Do you remember the first time we reunited when I first left for Brookewood?
It’s been a while, I know, but that memory burns often when I’m depressed about the distance between us.
You usually flew in, since driving three hours didn’t appeal to you. I don’t blame you. It was tedious and exhausting, but this time, you didn’t. You drove. All those hours blasting some pop music, I’m sure. I’d had a horrible day, failing that stupid test Bradbury gave me on the techniques of Integration. Who needs that shit anyway? Not me. And I work with numbers daily.
Well, anyway, you drove all that way. I’d been heading to sleep, ignoring Francis who wanted to go to some frat party, and moping. I didn’t even call you to tell you goodnight. My grade was on the line, but that didn’t stop you.
You showed up in my favorite dress, the one I recently trashed out of anger. It was only the third time I’d ever seen you wear it. It hugged your curves while still billowing out. You looked like a glass of sunshine. Yes, I understand that’s not how science works, but go with it.
Derrick left to go to that party. When a knock sounded at the door, I was a total dick.
“God, Derrick. Go get some pussy and leave me the fuck alone.”
I heard your giggle.
Immediately, I jumped out of the bed in disbelief. Opening that door to your perfect smile and body to match, I drank you in. Like that sunshine I mentioned, you brightened my entire day.
We spent the next three days in bed together. I skipped several classes to be in your arms, and you missed school to just be with me. Anise wasn’t happy. She told me I was going to get you pregnant, and she wasn’t ready to be a grandma.
Unbeknownst to us, we got pregnant two years later, and that’s the exact opposite of what she said. She knew, didn’t she? That we were destined—meant to be together—meant to get through it all. I wish I’d have known, too. Glad I do now. Fate is on our side, the one full of love and promise.
I love you,
Jase
When I got to the tenth note, it made me want to make babies with him all over again. It made me feel alive. It made me feel precious.
Lo,
My sweet lovely Peaches. God, it never gets old calling you that. I never tire of telling you how beautiful you are, how caring you are, and how you are the best mother.
When we had Ace and Jazzy, I fell in love with you all over again. Seeing your fierceness as your bore our children, the passion as you watched them grow, and the way you took motherhood by the balls proved you were a badass.
But you had nothing to prove, baby. I already knew.
I know we’ve never talked about our other baby girl. Our Lilac. I know it hurt you to be that mom, the one that loved endlessly, protected savagely, and persisted no matter what, but it broke you. It should have occurred to me that it was too much on you. It should have resonated with me that it took more than a piece of you. It should have been a fucking blaring siren that you wouldn’t just bounce back. And that it didn’t makes me feel unworthy of your love.
If I could go back, I’d change it all.
Not the memories or pain that we overcome, but the after. I’d be there for you in every sense of the way. I’d push to rise above the resentment. I’d love you so much fucking harder than I did. Then we’d be happy. We’d make more babies—if that’s what you want. Then I’d make love to you until the end of time because that’s never changed, my hunger for you will never change.
Imagine if we tried again?
Would we be stronger, more zealous? Lust-filled porn stars like college?
I think it’d be better, and I’m not just talking about the sex.
Checkmate.
Your move, Peaches,
Jase
I’ve been staying with Millie. She takes care of me. Toby is there every day but we haven’t crossed any boundaries. I refuse to cross that line again, but it seems to drive Jase toward jealousy, and I like that look on him. A lot. It reminds me of the before.
Jase looks at me like he used to. His eyes devour me. His body welcomes me, and his hands reach for me but stop themselves. It’s been like this since I was discharged. What the doctor never told him, though, is that I’m pregnant.
I’m only two months along, and as shitty as it sounds, I don’t know who the father is. It could be Jase or Toby.
I’ve kept this to myself, and maybe that’s why I’m at Millie’s house with Toby right now. Jase will probably walk away when he finds out. Toby wouldn’t.
I’m stuck in limbo, and the only way forward is with the truth.
Today is the day of change. I’ve been accepting this routine, but I need to thrive, be there for my kids, and bust ass. It’s what needs to be done, and today, the day of Lilac’s death anniversary is that day.
Her little face feathers through my mind, squeezing my heart, but not in a painful way. It’s the way that lets me know she is okay, that she’d want me to be happy. It’s everything I need to push forward. For me. For them. For her.
I head to a random hair salon I searched up on Google, and within thirty minutes, my waist-long hair is above my shoulders. I stare at myself in the mirror, not recognizing the woman staring back at me. This new me has a fresh start, a fresh page to turn to, and is no longer burdened by her past.
When I make it back to Millie’s house, Toby’s eyes widen into saucers at my hair. He’s the first to see me, and gauging his reaction, it was a good pick to cut it this short.
“Wow,” he comments. “I mean, fuck.”
Laughing, I swat at his shoulder. “Stop it!”
He smiles boyishly then smirks.
When it falls, I can’t help but ask, “What’s up?”
“Jase asked if you could meet him at your house. He has some things to discuss with you.”
“Does he now?” I raise an eyebrow, wondering what he couldn’t say to me here. Maybe he wants to celebrate Lilac. It’d be the first time. Maybe he’s forgotten altogether that it’s her anniversary.
Instead of arguing, I head over to my house, the one that makes my heart hurt as much as it heals.
Opening the front door, I’m met with those beautiful blue eyes. Like Toby’s, they’re wide and awed.
“Hey, beautiful,” he greets on a long exhale.
His warm voice washes over me. The simple compliment has my legs weak. His voice is deep and husky and all I would love to hear forever.
He eyes me with interest, a predatory one that hints at where his mind is at.
My mind is there, too. Whether hormones, everything I’ve gone through, or the simple fact that Jase looks like a fucking snack, I’m needy.
Squeezing my thighs together, I stare at him. He notices the movement, and his gaze ignites, like pouring gasoline over a flicker of an ember. He makes his way over to me, his hand going to the nape of my neck, stroking up and down. My hair is at his mercy when he slips his fingers through it and tugs, exposing my throat to him.
“You’re so fucking sexy, Peaches, so fucking mine.”
I moan as his mouth trails the pulse point at my throat and groan when he bites there. He kisses until I’m mad. He touches until I’m delirious, and he grinds until we’re both panting.
He lifts me with his palms, and I wrap my legs around him. We don’t even make it to the bed before he has me pressed against a hard surface, trapping my small frame between him and the solid coolness of our wall.
He takes my mouth with his, biting when I don’t give immediate access. I tease, licking his bottom lip but then deny him entrance again. Growling, he bites my throat then kisses it better. His nose trails the thick vein, inhaling me with each breath.
“Peaches. Always smelling like goddamn peaches. So delicious.” He kisses my ear, nibbling the lobe before his lips are back on mine. This time, I give him what he wants. This time, it’s a war of tongues, and I’ll be the conqueror.
He drags us to our bed, the one I haven’t seen or slept in since we fucked last. It’s clean, made, and the room is almost perfect, like nothing ever happened. It takes everything in me not to cry at the sight. He did this for us. He fixed everything.
After a moment, he grips my chin, forcing my focus on him and only him. It’s not hard. He’s always on my mind, imprinted on my heart, forever stamped to my soul.
Laying me down, he hovers above me, kissing me over and over until I’m a whimpering mess. He takes his time with each area of my body, focusing on my shoulders, ankles, and inner thighs. His hand trails up my body as his mouth teases me restlessly.
“This is wrong, Jase,” I moan while he grips my left breast and kneads the right simultaneously.
We weren’t supposed to do this. It’s not the best choice, not when everything is up in the air.
He glares at me, his eyes darker than I’ve ever seen them. He mesmerizes me, challenges me, and he’s truly the only man for me. Even after everything, I know this, but it won’t hurt to make him grovel or continuously try to make it up to me.
This thing between me and Toby will never go anywhere, not after I’ve already cut it off, but hurting Jase like he hurt me only feels fair. No matter how big of a bitch that makes me, he deserves the pain. And me staying with Millie while Tobe is there makes Jase hurt, too.
“What?” he mocks. “The fact that you’re trying something absolutely unacceptable with my brother or the fact that you want me to fuck you, to own you once again, and show you where you’re meant to be? Huh, Peaches?”
He taunts me, licking his bottom lip before lowering his mouth to my throat and nipping there. His teeth dig into my sensitive flesh, and in return, my back curves off the bed into his chest. He smells like sweat and Jase, and when he comes back to nip me again, I lick a long trail up his throat, tasting him.
“Now, tell me, Peaches. Tell me how wrong it is to want to fuck my wife?”
“I-I... W-We...” I’m stuttering breathily, staring into his lust-filled eyes. “We’re separated, Jase.”
It’s all I can think to say. What do I say? No, we shouldn’t do this. I fucked your brother and might be pregnant with his baby. No, because that wouldn’t be entirely true. This thing between me and Tobe is unexplainable. He will never be Jase—the man I love, the one I’ve made a family with, the man who owns every part of me and has ever since that party. The baby might not be Tobe’s, and it might be Jase’s, and everything is a fucking mess.
Jase owns me.
Every piece of myself is his.
The one who calls me Peaches.
The one who shredded my fucking heart and now wants to take it again without ransom, without a promise of keeping it safe.
This is so fucked up.
Why does he still want me?
“The only separating happening here is your legs before they undoubtedly cross behind my back.” He spreads my thighs apart, bringing his palm to my hip. “And believe me, baby, when I’m fucking you, I’ll be the only man on your mind and the only name on your tongue. And when my brother’s dick won’t bring you the pleasure mine will, you’ll come back to me.”
Fuck. He’s been crass since he admitted to his affair. I think I love it. No, I know I do. It’s what I’ve missed all these years. He used to be this way when we first started dating, but then he got into that routine like me, and we forgot to keep it.
“Because, Peaches, I’m the only fucking man for you, and you’ll realize it really fucking soon.”
I forcibly shut my legs. The defiance is new, but he likes the challenge. He gives me a quirked eyebrow, the oh, really? expression. His hands slide up my thighs. Then, his mouth follows the path. He kisses my hips and my stomach where my stretch marks reside, licking each one.
“So fucking beautiful, Peaches.” He continues to make me writhe with his teasing, and eventually, my legs fall apart of their own volition. “Have I ever told you that your scars are what make you so sexy? Knowing that I planted my seed in that precious cunt of yours?” he rasps, tracing those very scars with his fingers.
Shivers take over my body, pebbling my nipples. No, he’s never said that, and he doesn’t utter the word cunt on any occasion. There has to be a blush covering my face because the heat is unbearable. I feel like I just ran a marathon in ninety-degree weather. Yet, here he is making me only hotter.
Shaking my head softly, I reach for his hand. When he pulls away, I pout.
Giving in to his silent demands, I lower my arms, waiting for him to pleasure me.
“I’m going to love you so good, Peaches. I’m going to fuck you until this bed is drenched with our sins.”
I gape at him while he smirks back at me, knowing he’s won once again.
I’m going to fuck you until this bed is drenched with our sins.
Until we're purged of all our sins.
That’ll be a long fucking time.
But I won’t stop trying.
And it seems, neither will he.