“Santa’s coming tomorrow,” Noelle told Mikey as she gave him a final kiss and hug and tucked him into bed.
“Santa,” Mikey repeated happily, clutching his stuffed animals and blankets close.
“We’ll see you in the morning,” she promised.
“Sleep well, bucko,” Kevin said.
Mikey grinned. He squeezed his eyes tight, made a wheezing sound meant to resemble snoring, then squinted up at them to see if they were watching. They laughed softly.
“Nighty-night,” Kevin and Noelle said in unison.
“Ni’-night.” Mikey grinned and snuggled down in earnest.
As they left the room, Kevin slid his arm around Noelle’s waist. She could smell the spicy aftershave he wore and the minty freshness of his breath. Her senses swam at his nearness, and what lay ahead. “Thanks for letting me be part of your Christmas,” he told her softly.
Noelle turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, tipping her face up to his. The gentleness in his dark brown eyes mesmerized her. They exchanged smiles as a feeling of deep intimacy settled over them. “Thanks for going all-out to make it a holiday Mikey and I are both going to remember.”
Flashing her a sexy smile, he ran his palm down her spine, then pulled her close. Feeling his arousal pressing against her, she trembled from head to toe. “You’re talking about the snow, right?” His lips moved to the sensitive place behind her ear. He rained kisses down her neck and across her collarbone. Her breasts tingled as he slipped his fingers inside the V of her gray cashmere sweater and caressed her skin.
Just that quickly, Noelle felt herself begin to go weak. “And playing Santa, as well as including us in McCabe family festivities,” she murmured as he kissed her again and again, then drew back to study her face. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be part of a big happy family at yuletide. Now I know.”
“It can be pretty wonderful,” he admitted with a satisfied smile.
Noelle took a couple of steps back. Safely out of reach, she pushed away the wave of longing she felt whenever he was near. “So wonderful,” she confessed softly, “it almost feels like make-believe.” She was terribly afraid she was letting the spirit of the season overtake her usual, practical view of the world. She had gone into this thinking—as did Kevin—they were adult enough, sophisticated enough, to be able to handle a short-term dalliance. Now, she knew she wanted more than a brief, passionate affair. He seemed to be indicating he was feeling the same. The question was, would his desire to be a permanent fixture of her and Mikey’s life wane when the mistletoe and holly were put away? And he found out all she still had to tell him? Would he decide that getting involved with someone whose past was far from perfect was not what he wanted, after all?
“And yet,” he said huskily, cupping a hand beneath her chin, “it is all too real.”
Noelle curled into him even as a fresh wave of fear washed over her. “We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks.”
He stroked a hand through her hair, reiterating gently, “Sometimes that’s all it takes.”
Noelle wished. Her emotions in turmoil, she ran a hand over his chest. “There is so much you and I don’t know about each other.” So much guilt and shame. At least on my side…
Kevin’s gaze softened as he lifted her hand and brushed a light kiss across the knuckles. “So we’ll find out,” he promised.
Suddenly alarmed she was risking way too much way too fast, with a man who might not be able to accept her less-than-stellar past, she stated, “I have a child to consider and protect.”
Some of the happiness faded from his eyes, replaced by a hurt that was just as deep as his joy had been. “You know I love Mikey, too.”
Noelle flushed, aware she was doing it again—pushing away someone who cared about her, to keep her and her son from being hurt. “Yes. I do.”
“Then what’s this about?” he demanded.
She looked away.
He studied her silently, finally guessing, “You’re annoyed I brought up the subject of marriage right before the Blue Santa party.”
Noelle inhaled deeply, but retained her composure. That was certainly part of it, she acknowledged silently, letting her deep sense of self-preservation rescue her. She had hoped, if they ever talked about it, that it would be a much more romantic discussion than him simply telling her she had other options than a union with Dash.
She held up her hands, palms out. Deciding she needed to do something to prepare for the morning, she headed for the cache of gifts from “Santa.” “I can’t marry someone on impulse. Not again.”
Kevin fell in step beside her, looking as if he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. “Is that what happened before?”
Still struggling to keep her emotions under wraps, Noelle nodded. Together, they carried presents in from the master bedroom, where they had been hidden, and arranged them under the tree. Finished, she sank back on her heels, legs folded under her. “I’d only been dating Michael a couple of months when he suggested we go down to city hall.” A more unromantic wedding couldn’t have been had, but at the time she had been so desperate for some sense of security and stability, it never had occurred to her to hold out for more. Now, she saw that she had shortchanged them both by allowing passion and the promise of predictability to trump love.
Kevin dropped down beside her. He stretched out on his side. “You think that was a mistake?”
She turned her gaze from the glittering lights on the tree to his face. “In a lot of ways, yes.”
“Such as?”
Trying not to notice how ruggedly handsome Kevin looked in the soft light, she shifted her weight so her legs were folded to the side. “Are you sure you really want to get into this?” she asked, tucking the smooth wool fabric of her long skirt around her.
He propped his head on his upraised hand. “How else am I ever going to understand you?”
And Noelle wanted that, more than she could say. Feeling she could confide in Kevin about this much, she drew a breath and began to talk frankly about her marriage. “Michael and I were never as close as I wanted to be. Part of that is my fault, I know. I’ve always had a hard time opening up to people.”
“But not to Dash,” Kevin swiftly pointed out.
So much for dating law enforcement, and or conversing privately with her old friend beneath the detective’s nose. Aware Kevin was a little jealous and probably felt he had reason to be, Noelle swallowed. She traced the side seam of her skirt with her fingertip. “That’s different.”
Not about to let her off the hook that easily, Kevin trapped her roving fingers with his hand. “How?” he asked her bluntly.
Reluctantly, she forced her gaze back to his, letting him know with a look that he was the only one for her. She shrugged, aware she was parsing her words once again, unable to help it. She’d be darned if she would ruin the best holiday she’d had in years with the ugly truth. “Dash has known me for a long time,” she allowed finally. He knows the worst and doesn’t care. Just as she hoped Kevin someday would.
Kevin relaxed slightly. Their eyes meshed, held, even as he probed for an explanation. “How did the two of you meet?” he asked. “You never said.”
She sighed. “Dash was my lawyer after my parents died. He helped me sort through the mess. And again after my husband died. And he pulled through for me when I wanted to start my own event-planning business.”
Noelle could see Kevin was trying to make sense of the intimate way she had been talking with Dash earlier in the evening, at the Blue Santa party. “I guess his advice has always been solid.” She forged ahead, revealing what she could.
Kevin pinned her with a look. “Fine legal advice doesn’t usually equate closeness like that, Noelle.”
“In our case it did. Maybe because I was so young—just nineteen when I first went to see him—and Dash was so helpful and kind. He understood how overwhelmed I felt back then. Whatever I needed, whenever I needed it, he was there.”
“And yet you’ve never been romantically interested in him,” Kevin continued.
“Like I told you before,” Noelle said matter-of-factly, starting to feel more than a little irritated by his incessant need to figure it all out, “the chemistry just isn’t there between Dash and me. Never has been, never will be. Not like it is with you and me.” She decided she might as well tell Kevin at least this much. “The truth is, I’ve never felt passion like I do for you with anyone else.”
“Is that what scares you?” he asked. A smile spread slowly across his face. “The ferocity of our attraction?”
Her breath caught in her chest. Unable to sit still, she moved over to rehang an ornament on one of the branches. Then she adjusted another. “And the fear that, if you really knew me, flaws and all, you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.” And that hurt more than she could communicate.
“Hey.” He sat up and caught her wrist before she could redecorate the whole tree. “I know everything I need to know about you,” he told her tenderly. “I know you’re loving and compassionate. Smart, witty, wise. Beautiful. Giving.”
“Okay,” she managed to reply, a little overwhelmed by both the feelings welling up inside of her and the nonstop compliments. “Those are the good qualities. Now for the bad…”
Kevin sobered and his fingers tightened on hers. “I know that deep down you’re wary and cynical, like me. You’re scared of loving the wrong person and getting hurt.”
Noelle nodded, glad they were clear about this much. “Which is why I have trouble lowering my guard with you. Not,” she added wryly, attempting to interject levity back into the conversation, “that this seems to scare you off.”
He rubbed her lower lip with the pad of his thumb. “That’s because I know that everybody’s scared of something, scared to take that all-important first step.”
Noelle knew what that first step should be. And as soon as this holiday was over…
“I have faith one day you’ll trust in me as much as I trust in you,” he continued with the legendary McCabe confidence.
She shifted all the way into his embrace, laced her arms about his neck. “I think I’m already beginning to.”
His head lowered. “And who said Christmas miracles don’t exist?”
Their kiss was sweet and indulgent, and in Noelle’s estimation, ended way too soon.
“Before we get carried away,” Kevin told her, “I have something I want you to open.” He handed her a flat square box wrapped in red foil.
“Good,” Noelle quipped, bringing out her own gift from under the tree, which was half the size of his, “’cause I have a present for you, too.”
They sat cross-legged on the floor, facing each other, so close their knees were touching. Kevin watched her intently. “You first,” he said.
Hoping their gifts were as in sync as their emotions seemed to be, she opened it with fingers that trembled. “That’s more than a key to my house,” he teased, as she plucked the first item from the tissue paper, “it’s also the key to my heart.”
The second was a little harder to decipher.
“I know you live and work in Houston,” he hurried to explain. “I know how much you value your independence. I still want to spend as much time as I can with you. So if this—” he pointed to the month-long work schedule in front of her “—doesn’t mesh with your time off, then I want you to let me know so I can switch duty with someone else.”
As the significance of what he had given her sank in, Noelle grinned, then began to laugh.
“What?” he asked, mystified.
She held up a hand. “Just open my gift to you,” she advised.
With another look at her, Kevin did. Inside the gift box was a weekly engagement calendar sporting her own work information, and a house key to her place.
She chuckled as she linked fingers with him intimately. “Great minds think alike.”
Kevin shifted her onto his lap, so her legs were wrapped around his waist. “People in love think alike…” he whispered, sifting his hands through her hair, over and over, until her heart was beating wildly out of control.
“Love or lust?” she asked, her insides fluttering.
Eyes lighting playfully, he lowered her to the floor. “Let’s find out….” His mouth covered hers, demanding and receiving a response she hadn’t known she could give, reaching a place inside her where no one had ever touched. She wanted to yield to him and the feelings that drove them both. Her emotions soaring, Noelle found comfort in being with him like this. She arced against him, her mouth hungry, her breasts pressed against the hardness of his chest. Lower still, a throbbing spread like fever deep inside her. Being with Kevin this way was beyond her wildest Christmas wish. It was her every dream fulfilled.
Kevin wanted this evening to be perfect for her. Forcing himself to ignore the urgent demands of his own body, he brought pillows and a thick throw into the living room. While she grinned, looking tousled and beautiful, he made a makeshift bed for them beside the blinking lights of the Christmas tree.
Her eyes locked with his, Noelle began unbuttoning her cardigan.
“Let me.”
“It’ll take forever,” she protested.
“We have forever.” Determined not to rush this, he relieved her of the sweater, the long-sleeved, white silk T-shirt underneath, the wispy lace of her bra. His body throbbed as he looked his fill. Sweet, sexy breasts and pouting pink nipples. She was so beautiful and delicate, with her copper hair a halo of tousled curls about her head, her lips damp and swollen from his kisses. Aware he’d never needed anyone this urgently, that he’d never had more reason to proceed with care, he stretched out beside her, then kissed her until they were both breathless with desire.
Her nipples budded against his palms as he caressed her breasts.
“Kevin,” she moaned.
“You’re not ready yet.” He slid lower and sucked her nipples.
She moaned again, writhing. “Tell the rest of my body that.”
He drank in the sweet feminine fragrance of her skin as he slid down her body, relieving her of skirt, tights, panties. He kissed her navel and the silky skin beneath. She moaned again as his hot breath ghosted over her skin, going lower yet, to silky thighs and the mound of copper curls. Loving the feel of her, he gently stroked her sensitive folds.
“Kevin,” she pleaded again.
He tucked a finger into her soft core and found it damp, hot and tight, then touched her there with his lips. Still caressing her with his hands, he didn’t stop until she was fiercely aroused and trembling. Her breasts were tight, aching peaks, and her legs fell open even more.
“Let yourself go,” he whispered. She gripped his shoulders hard, arching up to meet him, heart thundering, breath rasping as she found the pleasure he sought to give her.
Kevin smiled contentedly. When her tremors subsided, he sat up and began undressing.
“Uh—no,” she said, halting his hand with the pressure of her own. Her blue eyes sparkled. “I want to unwrap my present.”
Kevin chuckled softly. He had known since he met her that he would never feel about another woman the way he felt about her. His eyes never leaving hers, he let her remove all his clothes. Then she cradled him with one hand, stroking him with the other.
“I’m not sure how long I’m going to last,” he warned her gruffly.
She slid up to kiss him recklessly. “Like you said,” she teased, “just let yourself go.”
He moaned as she kissed her way downward once again, settling between his thighs. Her lips and hands moved over his skin, whatever shyness and reservations she’d once had, now gone. She seduced him like she couldn’t get enough of him, her fiery hair spilling across his stomach like silk. Over and over she worked her tender magic until he shuddered uncontrollably. Knowing it would be over way too soon if they didn’t switch gears, he caught her by the shoulders and shifted her so she was beneath him once again. His for the taking. “I want to be inside you.”
Suddenly, he wasn’t the only one shuddering with pent-up need.
“I want that, too,” she whispered.
He was hard as a rock, throbbing, hot. Then he was inside her. Filling her. Creating an urgent need only he could satisfy. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, clasping him to her. Surrendering her heart and soul, just as he was giving his to her. Tightening her body around him, she took him deep, giving him everything he had ever wanted, everything he had ever needed.
Lips locked with hers in a fierce, primal kiss, Kevin pleasured her boldly. For the first time, he knew what it was to give—and take—without restraint. To love someone with every beat of his heart. To have his future defined.
“I love you,” he whispered, knowing this was the best Christmas ever and that Noelle was his best gift.
She gripped him passionately as their desire skyrocketed them over the edge. “I love you, too.”
AT 5:00 A.M., THEY HEARD Mikey stirring in his bed. Not sure who was more excited about the morning ahead, the little boy or the two of them, Kevin hugged Noelle and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll start the coffee and turn the lights on.”
Noelle pushed herself to a sitting position. Her curls were in riotous disarray after a night of passionate lovemaking. She looked deliciously tousled in her long-sleeved white T-shirt and velvety red pajama pants. She wrapped her arms around her upraised knees and watched with unabashed pleasure while he tugged on gray jersey sweats. “I’ll change Mikey’s diaper and meet you at the tree.”
Kevin thought he was prepared for the joy of having Noelle and Mikey there to celebrate the holiday with him, even if it was a good twenty-four hours ahead of tradition. That was before he saw the ecstatic look on Mikey’s little face when he toddled out and saw the gaily wrapped presents beneath the blinking lights of the Christmas tree. The innocence and wonder on the child’s face reminded him of all that was good and right in the world. It made him want a family of his own. A family that included himself, Noelle and Mikey. And the look in Noelle’s eyes, as her glance met his briefly over her son’s head, said she wanted that, too.
“Look who was here,” Noelle said softly.
“Santa Claus!” Mikey exclaimed blissfully. Not just once, but over and over, with every gift that was opened. They could barely get him to stop playing with his new trucks and cars long enough to eat breakfast. He was still happily ensconced in his loot when Kevin’s sister, Laurel, stopped in to pick up Mikey and take him to the McCabes for the day.
“Thanks so much for doing this,” Noelle said, handing over a diaper bag with all the essentials and another containing some of his new toys.
Laurel greeted Mikey warmly, then led the way back out to her sedan. “I’m glad to help.” The two women waited while Kevin installed Mikey’s car seat. “Besides, you’ll have your hands full organizing the party out at Blackberry Hill.”
Noelle shifted her son in her arms and kissed his cheek. “You’re sure it’s no problem to drop him off at suppertime?” she asked, while Mikey continued driving his toy car over her shoulder and down her arm.
Laurel smiled. “Not at all.”
Noelle put Mikey in his car seat and buckled him in.
“See you later, bucko.” Kevin leaned in to ruffle his hair affectionately.
Mikey merely grinned and continued driving his car across the padded side of his car seat.
Kevin stood with Noelle, waving, as Laurel drove off. He took Noelle’s hand in his as they walked back toward the house. “I wish we had time to make love again.” He wished they were already married, living together as husband and wife.
“How about tomorrow night?” Noelle asked, picking up the last of the wrapping paper. “After I’ve concluded all my work for Miss Sadie.”
“It’s a date.” Kevin headed for his bedroom to change into his uniform.
Noelle began to pack her overnight bag. The doorbell rang and she went to answer it. An air-express courier stood on her front porch. “Package for Mr. Kevin McCabe.”
“I’ll sign for it,” she said. She scribbled her signature, then took the thick, padded overnight envelope and walked back inside. She was about to set it down when she caught sight of the Houston, Texas detective agency in the return address. Okay, maybe this had nothing to do with her, she thought as she felt her knees begin to give way. Maybe he was working on a case.
Then why, her rational side argued as she sank weakly into a chair, didn’t it go to the sheriff’s department? Especially when he knew he was working today.
Was it possible, she wondered miserably, that Kevin had been checking up on her the entire time he was romancing her? Telling her he loved her while doing something like that behind the scenes?
He walked out in khaki pants, still shrugging on his uniform shirt. “Did I hear the doorbell?” he asked.
His gaze dropped to the package in her hand. She saw dread flicker in his eyes, and any doubts she had about his innocence fled. “You’ve been having me investigated,” she said, bitterness welling up inside her. She’d thought her days of being accused and convicted without a trial in someone else’s eyes were over. Apparently not. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You told me the first day we met that you did whatever necessary to uncover the truth and see every investigation through to the end.”
He braced his hand on a bookcase. “Let me explain…”
She rose with regal grace and offered a tight smile. She hadn’t been betrayed like this since she was eighteen. “That you snooped into my private life behind my back?”
His shoulders stiffened and his body took on defensive posture. “I knew something wasn’t right.”
Wasn’t that an understatement and a half! She marched past him, hands knotted at her sides. “You’re dead-on about that much.”
He caught her arm and swung her around to face him. “I had cleared you of all involvement in the identity theft ring, but I couldn’t shake the feeling you were hiding something.”
She stared at him, aware that his gaze was a lot steadier than her heartbeat.
His voice took on a grimmer tone. “And that feeling intensified when you appeared to be lying to me about the basic facts of your background.”
Her fury building at the knowledge he could have halted his investigation, but chose not to, she stared at the star-shaped badge on his chest. “How do you know that?”
Kevin dropped his hold and stepped back. He gave her a pointed look. “Public records state your father was an engineer, your mother a homemaker, that your family resided at one address in Houston until your parents’ death when you were nineteen. None of that matched up with what you told me about your parents being involved in real estate appraisals and sales or moving every year or so.”
Hurt beyond measure, she glared up at him. “So instead of asking me about the discrepancy, you hired a private detective!”
His eyes narrowed. “I knew I was too close to the situation to identify and follow up on leads and make an honest assessment. I didn’t want to make the same mistake I did with Portia.”
Acutely aware of the differences between them, Noelle aimed an accusing finger his way. “But none of that kept you from sleeping with me or telling me you wanted to marry me one day.”
He shoved a hand through his hair, looking more conflicted than ever. “I realized I love you.”
That was the problem, Noelle acknowledged, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. She loved him, too. More than she had ever imagined she could love a man. “And what if what’s inside this envelope makes you feel differently?” she demanded, her heart aching for all they had and now would just as surely lose. “What then? Am I just supposed to pick up the broken pieces and walk away?”
“Of course I don’t want that,” he told her gruffly, attempting to take her in his arms once again.
She held up a hand to stave him off. “But at least part of you would like to know that you haven’t been imagining something nefarious going on.”
To her disappointment, he couldn’t completely deny it. “I make my living based on what my gut instinct tells me. You know that.” He took a deep breath. “But, for the record, I was hoping what the detective agency found would clear you.”
“But it didn’t, did it?” Noelle asked, the old bitterness welling up inside her.
He studied her warily. “I don’t know.”
She folded her arms in front of her and regarded him skeptically. She was so hurt by what he had done she could barely breathe. “You’re telling me the detective agency didn’t call you when they hit pay dirt to tell you what they found? Before they sent the proof?”
A shadow of regret crossed his face. “They did.”
“When?” Noelle demanded.
“Yesterday, when we were at the Blue Santa party,” he told her plainly, his exasperation showing in the taut lines of his face. “I told them I didn’t want to hear it.”
“Right,” she pointed out resentfully. “You wanted to spend one last night making whoopee before the mud hit the fan. So you asked them to express mail it to you instead.”
She tossed the package at him.
He let it fall to the floor, made no effort to pick it up. The silence between them stretched out. Kevin’s mask of civility fell away, and he looked as ticked off, frustrated and misunderstood as she felt. “For the record, I asked Alicia Allen, my friend at the detective agency, to call the search off yesterday morning. It was too late. The package was already en route. There was no way to stop it.”
No way to un-ring a bell. Feeling her hopes for the future—their future—slip away, Noelle shifted her glance to the damning package. “You’re right about that,” she muttered, determined to keep herself from bursting into tears.
“I don’t have to open the envelope,” he told her.
She wished it were that simple. It wasn’t. It didn’t matter how much Kevin wanted to believe in her; he didn’t trust her. Without trust, there could be no love. That, more than anything, was why she hadn’t told him about her past. Because she hadn’t wanted them to reach this juncture. “You could live with that, Detective?” Wishing she was still naive enough to believe he could love her the way she needed to be loved, she searched his face. “Wouldn’t not knowing what I’ve tried to hide from you eat you alive?”
He couldn’t deny it.
Her heart breaking, she gathered up her things. “Rest easy, Kevin. No action on your part is going to be required—I have no outstanding arrest warrants on me…nothing that would require you to take me into custody. I also have no intention of making you the laughingstock of the department again.” As he surely would be if word ever got out about her past….
“You’re going to leave.” He sounded every bit as devastated as she felt.
Exiting his life was the best thing she could do for him. And she loved him enough to make the sacrifice. “I have a job to do today,” she told him numbly, aware she had never felt less like celebrating Christmas in her life. “As do you.”
He moved to block her way. “Work can wait. We’re more important.”
A few hours ago she had thought so. That was before she had discovered his deception. “No, sadly, we’re not. And that envelope,” she choked out miserably, “proves it.”