Chapter 6

The Calm Before the Storm

I made the transition into being a boyfriend better than I thought I would. There were girls I saw everyday that I'd previously flirted with, and now I acted like I'd never met them. They caught attitudes about it, but a sacrifice had to be made, and I was happy to make it. Had to block a few of them on Facebook because spiteful females can get creative with old pic messages and text message screenshots. Things nobody could really explain.

Meanwhile, Danielle and I were damn near joined at the hip, ankle, and shoulder everywhere we went. You know the couple you see walking in the mall with their hands in each other's back pocket, and their steps are synchronized? Yeah, that was us. You could've sprayed us with a water hose and it still wouldn't have rained on our parade.

She was my beautiful best friend.

Things were lovely, but the summer break was already approaching. Three months in, she was going back to her hometown in Denver, Colorado, and I was staying in Alabama. Bitter-sweet because I wasn't ready to leave her, but it was due time to see my family too.

I hadn’t made any plans for my summer outside of staying in shape to come back ready for the football season. Wasn't too hopeful on finding a job since employers weren't looking for overqualified seasonal workers with a high school diploma. I was cool with that because being overworked and underappreciated leads to stress. Stress leads to cancer. Nobody wants cancer.

Momma and Mr. Macklin were still going strong and had been enjoying having the house to themselves. I could tell by how half-heartedly they welcomed me back. I saw them peeking out the window when I pulled up in the driveway, both of them, just watching in despondency. But they at least had the decency to put on a smile and pretend they were happy. The effort was there and I appreciated it.

The house was lonely compared to my days in high school. All of my stuff had been cleaned out of my old room and Alvin's old room was the new storage. He dropped out of college after his first semester and went to live with his girlfriend, so while the parent's were at work, it was just me by my lonesome.

That turned out to be a good thing because it got awkward when Mr. Macklin came around. He was skeptical about everything, particularly a college he was successful without.

One day he came home from work and saw me in the kitchen. I was putting up the dishes and he sat there staring at me. I stared back until he got his thoughts together.

Then he said, “Oh, so you a college boy now. You know everythang, huh? Well, tell me this. How come they don’t put real lemons in lemonade, but they put real lemons in lemon-fresh Pine Sol?”

He had a million of these you’re not so smart after all comments in his back pocket. Probably derivative of his disappointment in his own jr.

“The same reason that real lemons are in Pine Sol, but if you drink it, you’ll die. Lemons aren’t good for you,” I said, walking off like a boss.

I made no more sense than did his trivial ass question and purposely so.

After getting used to having my freedom, I was ill-adjusting to having a curfew. Momma was irritable seemingly every day, and going in and out of the house late at night was like asking her to remind me who paid the bills.

About halfway through the break, I was ready to go back. I was horny and hungry 24/7 since Danielle wasn't there, and Momma refused to cook. My old friends from high school were either out of town or already suffering from the real world. The ones that never left had started families, worked multiple 9-5's, and some had gotten caught up in the system.

The tension in the house had gotten thick. Momma and Mr. Macklin were hardly talking and a few times I even noticed him sleeping on the couch.

I tried to find little odd jobs to keep me busy and pretend I didn't notice what was happening but I know they knew. They would take it out on me with pointless arguments about things not being picked up around the house, so I started leaving in the mornings and coming back around curfew.

The summer was coming to an end, and so was I on my rope. I just had to get my expenses straightened out before pre-registration started so I could go back to camp in a few weeks.

My books were the only things not covered by my athletic scholarship, and I needed them to even get into class. I had made a little money, but it was only enough for extracurricular activities. That was the agreement I had since I started working at 15. I made enough to buy what I wanted and Momma would provide the things I needed so long as I stayed out of trouble. But Momma was no longer the breadwinner. Mr. Macklin was.

I hated asking for things and especially from Mr. Macklin because I could count on him giving a smart ass response, but I didn’t have a choice. I was going to have to swallow my pride.

It was July 17th, only three days before my birthday, so I thought maybe this'd make the gift choosing a little easier anyway.

He came home from work and I heard him go straight to his room as usual. I went and knocked on his door.

“Who is it?” he said.

“It’s me.”

“Come in.”

I guess that was his way of showing me he wore the big pants. He knew good and well it was me, but authority over even the small things made him feel more in charge.

“Hey Mr. Macklin, can I ask you something?"

"Ya just did. So yeah, now is that all?"

"No, not that question. I got another question."

“If it’s 'bout money, I ain’t got it.”

“No, it’s about school...books. I need money to get them.”

“How come you can’t pay for ‘em?”

“Well, I didn’t make that much this summer, and what I did make, I already spent.”

“A man’s 'posed to make the money he need to get what he need. You a man now, that’s yo responsibility. Find a way to get the money.”

“If I’m such a man then why you claiming me on your taxes?” I never took this tone with him before, but I couldn’t believe he pulled the whole man card on me for asking for a necessary school expense. School that he bragged about to his church family but didn't have to pay a dime for tuition out-of-pocket. This was the least he could do.

He shifted and said, “Boy, you watch yo tone. You still in my house."

He was right. Whether he was my real dad or if I agreed with him or not, he provided the roof and any rules up under it had to be respected.

“All right then, my bad.”

"You can't come in here just demanding stuff 'cuz you needs it."

"I know that's my bad. I shouldn't have said that."

"I didn't have nothin' growin up. Not no car. Not no college. Nothin'. I got out here and worked for everythang with my bare hands."

"I got it, Mr. Macklin. I said that was my bad. I'm sorry. My bad for asking you for help even though I really do need it," I said, turning and walking out.

I hated hearing no, especially from a man. It just felt like a slap in the face for some reason.

Either way, I wasn't stressing. I knew enough people that I could borrow books from to get me through the first part of the semester.

Mr. Macklin was a pretty cool dude until he got into one of his moods. He must have been in one of them that day because when Momma got home, they started fussing. I guess that's what happens when you get in a marriage at such a mature age. You're stuck in your ways so arguments become the protocol to remain stuck in them.

It was late. Instead of eavesdropping, I opted for some much-needed rest. The more sleep, the faster the days went by.

A couple of hours later, I was awakened by some thumping noises and yelling. I took a glance at the alarm clock and saw it was 3:15 a.m. Nothing should've been more important than sleep at that hour.

“I’m tired of this shit! You and him both can get the hell out my house!” I heard coming from across the hallway.

My door flung open. Mr. Macklin was sweating and had an evil look in his eye. This wasn’t the country, soul music-loving man I had come to know.

“You wanna be a man, then be a man and help yo Momma get her shit packed,” he said before he walked back into his room.

I lit up with anger. What in the hell got into him? He had to be drunk or something. I could have put my hands on him but I was more concerned about Momma. I had to make sure she was okay because if she wasn't, I wouldn't leave a single wall standing in that house.

My mind was alert but my body was still waking up. Trying not to stumble I slipped on a shirt and gym shoes and rushed out into the living room to find Momma on the floor crying.

“Momma, you all right? Did he hit you?”

She shook her head no, still crying. I felt relieved, but we still needed to get our things together and get out. No way were we about to stay where we weren't welcomed.

Mr. Macklin came back in the living room with his arms full of Momma’s clothes.

“The hell y'all waitin’ on? I said get out!” he yelled, tossing her things on the ground.

I had enough of his shit. “Man, what’s your problem?!”

He looked at me, still breathing heavy. “You. You my problem. You come ‘round here like you better than err’body then got the nerve to ask me for somethin’? Cuz you in college now, you ‘posed to be somebody? Well, you ain’t. You ain’t nobody and you ain’t gon' be nobody. AND you gon' get the hell out my house and take ya momma witcha.”

“You know what bruh, fuck you. We ain’t gotta take this.”

“Baby, just…just go.” I turned around and saw Momma looking at me.

“Wait....what?”

“Just go. You need to get out of here.” she said again.

I had never been shot before, but if I had to guess what it felt like, it was about half as painful as what I felt then.

“Momma no. You don’t know what you saying. I’mma help you get your stuff and we can just-“

“No son. You need to go. The longer you stay the worse this is going to get.”

I looked at Mr. Macklin, then back at Momma. Mr. Macklin walked back into his room. Momma looked down at the floor, avoiding eye contact.

I backed up a few steps and stood paralyzed from the neck up. I couldn’t blink; I couldn’t breathe; I could only hear my heart beating.

Mr. Macklin was one thing, but there’s no way she was choosing him over me. I wasn’t completely sure of what was going on, but I needed to act then and finish thinking later. I went to the room, grabbed my duffle bag, and crammed what I could into it. Walked out into the living room and saw Mr. Macklin and Momma sitting on the couch.

“One day, you gon' look back and realize I was right about you.” he said as I opened the door. I pretended to not hear him and kept walking but those words all but missed my ears.

I started up the Grand Am and pulled off. At first I didn’t have a destination; I just needed to get away. I could go to my sister’s house, but that’d require an explanation and I really didn’t feel like talking. Since football camp was a few weeks away, I decided to just drive the two hours back to campus and find a place to lay my head.

I ran every red light through downtown to the highway. Luckily, it was about four in the morning so there wasn’t any traffic. My thoughts were skipping worse than an old CD player.

Did my mother just side with this man she met 4 years ago over me? My world was flipped upside down. Memories of my childhood of me in kindergarten, going to my first day in school, and times I gave her homemade birthday cards began sending piercing pains through my chest. Those times alone should've been enough for her to have my back.

And then I thought about his words, You gone look back and realize I was right about you. For the first time in my life, I hated someone. I glanced down at the dashboard and caught myself going 120 miles per hour in a car that was in desperate need of new tires, so I slowed down. The I-85 north was dark and monotonous, forcing me to focus on everything I didn’t want to realize.

I thought to myself, So this is what it feels like to be an orphan. Because that's how it seemed. Over dramatic? Maybe. But it hurt like hell. I cried, then I sucked it up, then I cried again. I needed somebody to come and explain to me what the hell was going on. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to give up. But I just kept driving.

I finally made it back near campus and my gas light reminded me of another grim reality. I was broke. Usually, I could squeeze about 20 more miles after the gas hand hit zero and I was close to campus, so I went ahead and pulled into a Wal-Mart parking lot nearby. If I needed a bathroom or other daily amenities, this was about as close to the Hilton as I’d get.

After three hours of sleep and one hell of an emotional night, I was exhausted. I took some sweats out my duffle bag, folded them up, and used them as a pillow. Let the seat all the way back and took the key out the ignition. The sun was on its way up, but broad daylight was no match for how much I needed to close my eyes and mentally exhale.

-------

I woke up a few hours later, checked my phone, saw three missed calls from Danielle. We always started the day off with my good morning text, a reply if she beat me to it, so she had to know something was up. My pride was telling me to keep this to myself; nobody needed to know I was put out on my ass and basically disowned by my mother.

I texted her back.

Sorry I missed your text. That was some good sleep. Lol.

She replied,

Oh well, that's good you got some rest. I didn't. I had a bad dream something happened to you. Can you talk?

Well, so much for getting out of that one. I never believed in dreams being like premonitions, but this was quite the coincidence. Before I could find her number in my contacts, I got her incoming call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Superman. You busy?” Superman was her pet name she picked out for me one night we were cuddling. I picked her out one too, but I realized how Twilight-ish it sounded so I rarely used it.

“Nah, just at Wal- Mart picking up a few things. What’s going on?”

“I just wanted to call. You sound like something’s wrong. You okay?”

Damn am I that obvious? I thought. I was holding it together pretty well all things considered. This was my girl though. If there was anybody I could go to, it was her. I didn’t like lying to her, and she’d eventually find out anyway.

“Yeah, I am. Okay…no, I’m not,” I admitted.

“What happened?”

“A lot. Last night Mr. Macklin and Momma got into it and they kicked me out.”

“Hold on, why did they kick you out? What did you have to do with it?”

“I’m not really sure, I think it had something to do with me asking Mr. Macklin for books or something. I don’t know. All I know is, in the middle of the night I got woke up and 20 minutes later I was packing my things.” I looked outside to make sure no one was watching. Parking lots are good for making a person paranoid.

“What about your mom? She didn’t stop him?”

“No, she helped him. He was kicking us both out but then she… Look I don’t wanna talk about this right now. I got a lot on my mind.”

"Then she what?"

"I said I don't wanna talk about it."

“Okay, I’m sorry. Where are you?”

“I told you, I’m at Wal-Mart. That’s where I’m staying until I can get in touch with somebody.”

“Superman, you can’t stay there. It’s dangerous and you need to eat. I’m going to send you some money.”

“No, don’t do that.”

“Why? You need to eat.”

“Just…don’t. I gotta figure this out on my own.” The last thing I needed was another hand out. My pride was shot, I was still angry, but too fragile to trust someone's help.

“Superman, let me help you. It’s really not a problem. I’ll just give you enough to last you until you get a place to stay,” she said. I don’t care how much money she had, my pride was about all that was keeping me going, and I couldn’t abandon that now.

“I said no. I’ll talk to you later. I gotta go.” I hung up.

I didn’t want anybody else giving me something they could take away. Not money, things, or even love. If I didn’t already have it, I must not need it.

Looking in my glove compartment, I found $20 I had stashed away for emergencies. I had another $7 in my wallet, and $1.75 in quarters that had dropped in between the seats. If I budgeted just right, I knew I could stretch it over the next two weeks and make it to football camp where they’d serve food then. Hell, I didn't have a choice.

I dug in my duffle bag and grabbed my toothbrush and wash cloth, then walked into Wal-Mart. It wasn't overly crowded, just a few elderly shoppers having their weekly thrill of pushing around the shopping buggy before the working world got off.

It was mid afternoon and I still had morning breath, so I immediately went over to the cosmetics section and snatched up some toothpaste. I had never stolen anything, but I feel like God was giving me a pass on this one. Besides, He told me to treat others how I wanted to be treated, and I'd hate it if anyone gathered the audacity to talk to me with breath like mine.

I went to the bathroom and killed my dragon. I didn't have the luxury of a shower, so a toilet stall would have to do. I wet my rag, put some hand soap in it, and scrubbed the hot spots(armpits and genitals). When the coast was clear, I ran out, rinsed the rag, and wiped one more time. That was the hygiene routine from then on.

Still hungry and needing to pinch every penny possible, I started plotting on the produce section. The plums never looked so juicy and the apples were practically taunting me. I grabbed a stranded cart nearby to pretend I was casually shopping, then loaded a few in.

The camping section toward the very back was always empty so I knew I could count on enough privacy for a quick meal there.

Casually, I walked through the store whistling and pretending to browse along the way, and when I got to the back, I ate the fruit like table-manners were my nemesis.

They were sweeter than candy, hitting all the right spots to my aching stomach. When I was done, I neatly stashed the seeds behind a tent that was on display. You know, out of courtesy.

I walked back outside and sat in the car; of course, the sun would be at full strength. It was a little too much to ask that a cloud find its way between us, but I wasn't complaining. It beat sitting under a bridge any day.

A few days went by and the employees were starting to recognize me. I could tell by the stares and cutting eyes when I walked in. I had to change up my sleeping pattern so I could go in during different shifts. Made sure I changed clothes and moved my car to different areas to throw any suspicious minds off from realizing I had set up camp at Wal-Mart.

I didn’t get out of the car much. The last thing I needed was anybody from school to recognize me and put me on blast for being a car roof away from homeless.

On the bright side, it gave me time to dwell a bit and mentally organize myself.

Danielle was growing increasingly worried about me, and Momma had even called a few times. Probably trying to wish me a happy birthday. I refused to answer. There was no way I could bring myself to hear her voice after what it meant the last time I did.

A part of me wondered what happened the rest of the night between them and the other part of me was still hurting from the fact she didn’t come to my defense whether they had decided I was wrong or not. That was my momma. I was her son. I wasn't the only one she had, but she was the only one I had. She was supposed to be there for me.

Feeling alone was becoming less and less a strange feeling and I began reconsidering what I thought I knew about love. It's misleadingly great because the more of it you have the more there is to lose. And when you lose it, it hurts like hell.

I could see why Eminem bashed his mother. Not because he’s hateful, but because he believed in a love he at some point realized he didn’t have. I wasn’t able to go as far as bashing mine, but I could relate.

Jazmin and I spoke every other week or so and this wasn’t that week. I woke up and didn’t see Danielle's good morning wishes, so I went ahead and texted her first. She was the only person I was communicating with since I had gotten kicked out.

I went inside and cleaned myself up, got some more fruits and vegetables, and came back to lie in the car. I still didn’t see a text reply. It wasn’t like her to not hit me back, especially with what had happened. I wasn't about to stress it though.

Since I never quite got a full night’s rest in the driver’s seat, I could always go for another nap anyway. As soon as I began dozing off I heard an engine pull up in the parking spot next to mine. I was in the far side of the lot and had managed to stay out of sight thus far, so I started getting nervous.

I guess I couldn’t expect to hide forever. In Alabama, the police were looking for a reason to harass a black man who looked like he was down on his luck.

I returned the seat to full position so I could see who it was, and Danielle was standing outside my window.

“Well, are you gonna just sit there and stare or are you going to let me in?” she said, smiling from ear to ear.

I smiled back, doing so for the first time in a week. I was so surprised, my words were all fighting to get out at once and couldn’t. There was a rush of energy flowing back to me; my heartbeat sped up, and I had forgotten all about my scruffy appearance. I found the unlock button and pressed it to let her in. She jumped in and all but broke my neck hugging me.

“Supermaaaan!!!!” she yelled. “I missed you so much. Are you okay?” she said, using the same outside voice she used before.

“Yeah, I’m fine. When did you get here? Why didn’t you tell me you were-“

“I just got here a few hours ago and came straight from the airport. You said you were at Wal-Mart and this is the closest one to school. I knew if I told you I was coming, you’d just talk me out of it so….I didn’t.”

Interesting. Maybe God was showing me he hadn’t forgotten about me. I always believed He placed people in my life for a reason, and hers was all too clear to me at that moment. She was my partner, and partners always have each other's back.

“Well, it's good to see you. I missed you so much. You really didn’t have to fly all the way down here though, Danielle.”

“I know I didn’t, but I wasn’t about to let you stay in this dirty parking lot. I got a hotel room for us up the street and we still need to celebrate your birthday. We can go there so you can-“

“No.”

She cocked her head to one side.“No what?”

“I’m not going to a hotel. I’ll be fine here until football camp starts, only a few more days anyway.”

“Superman, why won’t you let me help you?”

“Because I can’t go through life depending on people. It’s time for me to grow up and be a man. Stand on my own two. I’ll be fine right here.” My pride was butting in.

“Well, I’m staying here with you then,” she said as she leaned over and put her head on my chest. “If you don’t wanna stay in a hotel, then I don’t wanna stay in one either.”

I didn’t know if she was calling my bluff or what, but something about that touched me. There was no way I could let her sleep in a car, though, not on my account. If she was going to be that stubborn then I would just have to give in and go to the hotel. I put the key in the ignition and started the car.

She raised her head and looked at me. “Where are you going?”

“We are going to the hotel. No need in wasting a perfectly good room.” Just the feeling of her lying on my chest had my hormones waking up and stretching from the nap they took in her absence. She looked back at me and smiled.