Chapter 7

The Good, The Bad, and The I'll Open My Eyes When It's Over

Going back to school was a completely different experience. Never before had I been so motivated to prove someone wrong with the level of determination I had this time. While I was fueled by negative experiences, the outcome was positive.

I was focused more in the classroom, doing my own work and seeing my professors in their offices to debate the chapters. My football stats went through the roof and I was becoming a household name on campus for the plays I made. I had even begun reconciling my differences with Momma after pressure from my sisters, but knowing her husband on any level was a thing of the past. Mr. Macklin was as good as dead to me. My only ray of sanity left was in my relationship with God and Danielle and I had no problem with that. I had a newfound appreciation for her and what she brought to the table.

I was so in love that I never felt like I was doing enough to give her the same euphoric feeling she gave me. It kept me on my P's and Q's, always trying to make her smile harder than the time before.

I explored loving her more creatively by surprising her with celebrations of anniversaries as simple as the first time we held hands, just to give me a reason to cater to her. Most of those celebrations consisted of overnight bubble baths, massages, and passionate sex, sometimes playful teasing with different edibles, other times poems I would write and memorize to recite in front of her friends to her. And she ate it up every single time.

I loved her deeper mentally and emotionally. I set aside time uninterrupted by any other obligation just to listen to and understand her more. I made it a habit to let her vent about her day while I rubbed her feet and greased her scalp. Sometimes, it bored the shit out of me, but I managed to find questions to keep her talking so she could feel like I was interested.

When she got off late from her part-time job at Sonic, I came and sat in the parking lot until she came out so I could escort her home safely. I was willing to protect her by any means necessary, and somewhat even anxious for a chance to.

I was still college student broke. Scraping pennies was the norm and I'd be damned if I ever walked past a nickel I saw lying on the ground. But she didn't mind. Most females wouldn't give the time of day to a brother with no job regardless of his potential, but she never made it an issue. Top Ramen noodles with hotdog slices, strong wifi signal, a Netflix movie, and we were good to go for an evening full of quality time that beat going to any five-star restaurant out there.

Going into the second year of our relationship, we decided to move in together to keep from paying two sets of bills when all we did was sleep over at the other’s place anyway. We wanted to make it as close to a traditional household as possible, so I agreed to pay the bills with my school refund check, and she could handle the groceries and furniture.

I couldn’t wait till the day when I could just tell her, “Baby don’t worry, I got this. Keep your money and go buy yourself something nice,” but in the interest of reality, I just didn’t have it like that. Splitting the bills would also free up a little space in my budget to start saving for a ring.

I had finally gotten to a point where I was ready to settle down and get married. I wanted the wedding, I wanted a small house we could renovate together with occasional quickies, I wanted to pick out baby names and argue about who's features would make the cutest baby. I wanted it all. It just seemed right. Well, everything except the money. But I figured if I started saving early, maybe I could have a decent down payment for a ring by the time we graduated two years later. Oh, and I would have to earn her mother's blessing...somehow.

We less than hit it off the first time I talked to her. Not sure if it was something I said, but eventually, I figured she'd come around. She'd see, just like the rest of the world, my love for her daughter was real and undeniable. That's what any parent should want for their child.

Jazmin and I still kept in touch via Facebook and text message, but I had not seen her for months now. From the pictures, she looked happy and equally in love as I was. A part of me missed the emotionally-detached conversation I could have with a girl who wanted nothing from me, but neither of our situations were going to facilitate that friendship any longer.

I had yet to introduce her to Danielle, but I didn’t see much of a purpose since we were barely even on "Hey, how you been?" terms. Danielle would want to know of any friendship I had with a girl, but telling her about this one and at this point was only going to raise unnecessary eyebrows that I could do without. It bothered me because I had to try to erase my tracks the few times I did message or text Jazmin, something I hated making a habit of. I didn’t realize just how much of a mistake this would turn out to be.

Danielle met some new friends at her job who were all too curious about what exactly it was that kept her so happily in love with me and what she did to get me whipped. I didn’t mind at first, it even made me proud to give her something to brag about. But spectators belong in the stands, not on the court. Or else there's chaos and everyone loses.

Since Danielle didn’t have much of a past love-life to compare ours to, I was insecure about how sure she was that what we had was exactly what she wanted. Just my luck, her friends had all been scorned by guys, turning them into hostile feminists who began filling her head with their own experiences that warranted a further check into my extra-curricular social engagements. There was no way that all of them had these ain't-shit guys and she just so happened to stumble upon 'Mr. Right' on her very first try. No way, so they felt.

It wasn't long before she started asking questions like “So why is it that you really love me?” and “Out of all the girls, why me?” To some extent, one can expect his woman to ask these questions just for re-affirmation, but I knew exactly the source. There was a hot topic in her circle of friends and it was revolving around me.

“Baby, I love you because of who you are. You’re dedicated to us as a team, and you’re a perfect fit for what I’m striving to become.”

She seemed pleased with my reply but only briefly. “Well, what kind of fit am I for who you are right now?”

“You're a great fit, Danielle. Wait, where is all this coming from anyway?”

“Just asking,” she said dismissively.

It worked my nerves when she did this but I knew that no relationship was perfect. Everyone has somebody who can push their buttons.

I came out of the shower one night to see her glaring at me.

“So…when were you going to tell me about Jazmin?” she growled.

I was caught off guard. So I said what most guys’ first response is when we need a second to think. “Who?”

“Jazmin. I heard y'all go way back.”

“Oh... Jazmin Jazmin. She’s an old friend of mine. Who told you this?”

“Don’t worry about it. You should’ve been the one telling me. You tryna hide something? What is it you need to tell me?” I hated how women never reveal who they’re getting their inside information from because they didn't want it to stop.

“Look, me and Jazmin used to kick it way before you, that’s it. Nothing more than that I promise. I haven't even seen her in months.”

“So why she still texting you then and at almost 11 o’clock at night?”

“Wait, you going through my phone now?” I said, getting a temper of my own. I don’t care what it was she found or didn’t find, going through my phone was a violation of trust. She had no right.

“I didn’t go through anything. It was lying face up when she texted you. Make sure you respond. We don’t like when guys take too long to respond, ya know,” She said, turning over in the covers.

I wanted to explain the situation in full, but I was a little pissed off that my trust had been violated. We had a relationship where it was always a priority, and even though she didn’t cross any lines, I kept my phone unlocked for that reason. But if the tables were turned, I would’ve probably done the same thing, so I let it go.

We were going to have to discuss this sooner or later, but now wasn’t the time. I slid under the covers beside her, kissed her cheek, and whispered “I’m sorry and I love you.” She didn’t respond. I guess she was more upset than I thought.

Out of curiosity, I checked the text from Jazmin to see what it said. It was odd for her to be texting me so late at night, especially now that she had a man. I looked and saw that it was a mass text message invite to her engagement party. I wished she was a little more thoughtful about who was in that contact list.

I called her first thing in the morning. Now her existence and our history was out in the open, there needed to be some rules of my own in place. I waited until Danielle was gone to her first class to call, only for it to go straight to voicemail.

“Hey, sorry I couldn’t get to my phone. Leave a message and I’ll get back with you shortly.”

Beep

“Hey, Jaz, this is Shawn. I wanted to talk to you when you got the chance so when you can, please, give me a call. Thanks.”

Great. I just told her to call me back at no definite time of when to do so. And on top of that, I was paranoid about what else Danielle could possibly “hear”. Fortunately, there was some truth to this news, but what if there wasn’t in the future?

She used to be pretty good about not paying attention to rumors, but a new female friend she knew nothing about before could definitely open the door to more assumptions. I needed to stop being so careless and lock my phone like other guys. Whether or not you have anything to hide, perception is still reality.

After that night, our relationship was no longer in the honey moon phase. We began having real problems. She was wanting me to open up more and talk, and I was battling the influence of her “friends” who were teaching her how to not trust me all of a sudden. Me against all of them wasn’t a fair fight. Some “friends” will make you feel like what you have is too good to be true because they never had it.

I never got a return call from Jazmin but that might’ve been a good thing considering her timing. I was more focused on settling the real issue, and that was strictly between Danielle and me. No matter what it was, I was confident we could work through it. Every relationship comes with its ups and downs and I was along for the ride.

As the months went on, Danielle's behavior became more and more strange. She got closer to her friends and more distant from me. We went from having sex twice a day to twice a week to not at all for a month straight. Every time I brought it up, she just gave me an excuse about how she wasn't feeling well.

I thought maybe she was pregnant, but I knew her menstrual cycle like clockwork, and she hadn't missed a beat. The meals she cooked became less frequent until it was just me cooking and when I did cook for both of us, she wasn’t hungry.

Her demeanor completely changed. A girl from the suburbs who never set foot in a club before was all of a sudden staying out all night without so much as a call to say she wouldn’t be back. That kept me up worried sick, driving around town to see if I could find her, not because I was jealous, but because I never could sleep without knowing that she was safe. A few drinks turned into being too intoxicated to drive home, and I struggled to explain why it rubbed me the wrong way that she was acting like...like a normal college girl. But I knew it didn't feel right.

We were spiraling out of control and an end to our relationship seemed inevitable. I felt helpless, like I was getting jacked in an alleyway by thugs, two holding my arms and the other taking his best shot at my stomach. I simply did not know what to do, but I did know that giving up wasn't an option.

With anything in life, it's easy to stray away from the basics, so I figured maybe that's where I went wrong. Maybe she felt like I didn’t care, or wasn't giving her the same attention as before. With all the stress of going to school, trying to work, and maintain as a couple, I’m sure it would get tough on anyone.

I decided to take a few steps back, check the man in the mirror, and remind her of why she chose me in the first place. I still had a few tricks up my sleeve, and this was as good a time as any to pull them out. Operation "Remind(h)er" was in full effect.

She had Saturdays off, so I waited until Friday and pulled every dime out of my savings account that I had saved up for the ring. Hell, if this didn’t work I wouldn’t need it anyway. I took the money and went and got pictures we took in the earlier stages of our relationship printed and framed to hang around the house. This was going to be the visual reminder.

I made a mixed CD of the songs we listened to on the way to and from our first date. I remember the feeling when I first made the playlist and how I carefully picked each song to take us through our conversation. A little upbeat at the beginning to loosen things up, neo soul in the middle for stimulating talks, and some throwback 90's jams to make sure I stayed on her mind. This would be the auditory reminder.

Lastly, I bought two gallons of milk, rose petals, and candles. Soaking in a milk bath under rose petals with candles all around should set the tone for some quality interaction. I didn't know much about wine other than the fact that women love it, and that it was made from spoiled grapes, but I got some of that too. A little alcohol in her system with some pampering should loosen her up just right for me to put in work later on in the evening. This would be the physical reminder.

She usually went straight from class to work until about 10 p.m. which played perfectly into my plan. It gave me time to get a haircut and have the place cleaned up. I scrubbed everything from top to bottom, washed and folded every piece of clothing, and even set out some potpourri.

With about an hour left before she would get home, I heated the milk on the stove-top and ran the bath water. After the tub was half full, I poured the steaming hot milk into the tub and spread the rose petals on top of it. Carefully, I placed the candles on the sink and toilet top to set the ambiance just right.

It was about 10 minutes until she would be pulling up and I felt myself getting anxious. Catering to her was nothing new for me, but I still reached behind me and patted myself on the back. I had the house looking like something from a Zane novel.

I got the wine out of the freezer and set it by the tub with two wine glasses. I heard her engine pulling up then cutting off in the driveway. I ran around the house cutting the lights off, pressed play on the stereo and unlocked the door for her, leaving it cracked.

She walked in looking confused. "Superman….?"

“Hey, baby, how was your day?” I said daring her to actually tell me about her day instead of commenting on the environmental masterpiece I had created.

“What is all of this? It’s not our anniversary or my birthday.,” she said walking in slowly looking around at the pictures.

I took her jacket for her and gently came up from behind wrapping my arms around her waist.“I know, I just felt like we needed to talk about some things and I want to make you as comfortable as possible in the process. You like it?”

“I love it. It’s beautiful. I mean really, it's amazing, I can't believe you would do all this for me."

"I know, I know. But that's 'cause you worth it and I got even more planned for us tonight. Got a little wine, got a little bath water, got a little-"

"But I’m really tired and I had a long day. I hate to rain on your parade because I appreciate all this. I do. But I'm just beat, and I need some rest. Maybe we can do it tomorrow."

Surely, she didn't seriously think I was going to re-do all of this tomorrow. “I know you’re tired. That’s why all I want you to do is get undressed out your clothes and relax a bit. I’ll do everything else."

“Superman, this is all really nice. Really, it is. But I had two exams. We were slammed at work all day, I really just want to get my shower and get in bed.”

That was the straw that broke the black camel's back. I went over and pressed pause on the music so she could hear every word I had to say. “How come you don’t just at least try to enjoy this? I put a lot of work into getting everything set up for you and all you can talk about is sleep? What is it with you?”

“What is it with me? I just got home from work and I’m tired, and I’m going to sleep. You don’t think about anybody but your damn self. You don’t like it? Get over it or get out,” she said, her voice raised much higher than usual.

“Wait, this is my house too. What you mean get out? I pay bills in here just like you do.”

“Oh please. If it wasn’t for me you would still be sleeping in Wal-Mart parking lots.”

That struck a nerve. A very large one at that. “Danielle...what did you just say to me?”

“I said, if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have shit. You think because you pay a few bills that you in charge, but you’re not. I let you pay these bills so you can feel good about yourself, but I don’t need you for anything. I can pay all this on my own. Matter of fact, this is my house more than it is yours.”

That was it. Memories of being in that parking lot were still fresh wounds, and those words poured salt all over them. I knew she was acting strange, but this was a completely different person.

The worst part about it was, I let it be true. I promised myself not to let anyone give me a rug they’d eventually snatch from under my feet. I broke that promise to myself for her.

The embarrassment of that reality, the frustration that the plans I had for the night were going up in flames, on top of everything else leading up to that point just sent my anger to an unsafe level. Staying there wasn’t going to be good for either one of us.

“I can’t…I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

She looked down as if she was just now realizing the weight of her words. “All I’m saying is-“

“Fuck your money, fuck everything you bought me, and fuck you.” I put on my shoes, grabbed my keys, and left. Got in my car and slammed the door shut. I needed something to help me forget what just happened.

My mind was racing. I needed help. Why she would stoop so low to hurt me and where this was coming from were questions I couldn't answer soon enough.

After a few hours of driving around, I came back to the house to see that her car was gone. Normally I’d be curious as to where or if she was okay but this time I didn’t care. I was still upset from the word exchange earlier, and it all but went away when I came back inside.

The entire house had been cleaned out with the exception of the furniture and the clothing I originally brought to school with me the summer before. The bed sheets, the comforter, the microwave, the TV, my clothes, even my toothbrush. Gone.

I don’t know if this was a test, but in my mind, we were over, completely. This is the kind of thing people do when they’re trying to break you. People only try to break you when they hate you, but I did nothing to deserve her hate.

I felt like I had just gotten woken up from a weird dream. I had that moment when you yawn and realize that everything you thought was real was only in your imagination.

I flopped down on the naked mattress to let things soak in a bit and ended up dozing off. Sleep was about the only thing I had to look forward to.

I woke up the next morning and checked my Facebook to see her indirectly insulting the hell out of me. She had went on an all-out I need a real man status update rant with her closest friends all cosigning and liking every status.

A few of them read:

"A real man knows a real woman when he sees her. But some guys seem to be blind."

"Disliking me is okay. Disagreeing is fine too. But disrespect me and you will be dismissed."

"I give you two chances to earn my trust. 3 strikes is for games, and I don't play those."

Annoyed, I slammed my laptop closed and went to get something to eat just to find that she took the food too. Spiteful. I was the kind of hungry that you get when you want something so bad, you don't have the energy to make it yourself.

To think, all this started back when she saw the text from Jazmin. That and her friends giving the back story on our friendship. While I was thinking of her, I decided to hit her up. My stomach was on E, and her cooking never disappointed.

The last I heard, she was still planning on marrying Lewis, but that shouldn't stop her from giving me her extras should she have any from breakfast she surely made that morning. I sent her a text to let her know I was on my way. Maybe she'd be willing to listen to my soap opera while she was at it.

I got over to her apartment, and to my pleasant surprise I could smell a sausage and eggs aroma seeping through the door. It didn’t matter how bad of a day I was having, the smell of breakfast always put a smile on my heart. I opened the door and saw Jazmin in her Victoria's Secret black-laced boy shorts and matching bra in front of the stove.

“Damn, Jaz, you tryna seduce me?” I said, walking in. I hadn’t seen a girl cooking in underwear since the morning after Danielle and I broke in the new apartment. I was still upset over the fight but my hormones had shaken it off.

She snapped around. “Shawn, what the hell?! What are you doing here?!” she yelled running back into the room.

“Well, I texted you. I was tryna see if you were cooking, and now I’m tryna see if you’re sharing.”

She came back out with a t-shirt on, as if they made her ‘decent’ for company. “Oh I didn’t see it. But yeah you can have some. What happened? Danielle didn’t cook?”

“About that, yeah, I don’t know if we’re even together anymore.”

“Oh no! What did you do?!”

“Before we get to that, is Lewis here?"

"No."

"Okay good, cuz I don't want no shit. But umm, I didn’t do anything. It’s a long story, but basically, we’ve been having problems for a while now. I tried to talk it out last night and it turned into a big argument. We said some things that shouldn’t have been said; she moved out; I’m here. I'm hungry.”

“Yeah, I was wondering what was going on when I saw her statuses on Facebook.”

If Jazmin saw them, there’s no telling who else did too. “Don’t remind me. I hate when she does that shit. It’s childish, man. But anyway, how’s things with you and ya boy. Getting ready to tie the eternal knot?“

“Not eternal, only till death do us part. After that, his ass can go." She looked back at me to see if I was laughing at her joke. I was still focused on the progress of the breakfast and doing a bad job of pretending to be interested in what she had just said. Selfish, I know.

"Honestly, I don' even know, Shawn. Some days we straight. Other days we’re back at each other’s throats. Lewis starts actin' stupid when he drinks. Like he gets all controllin'. I been tryna give him a' bit mo' space lately, hoping he could just get his mind right. Maybe miss me a lil' bit. That'd be nice.”

I nodded my head with a ninja-like focus on the stove top.

“Oh okay, well that’s good then. I hope it works out for yal. So, how much longer till the food’s ready?”

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“Sure I did.”

“Then what did I say?”

“You said Lewis can drink if it’s controlling his throat. Look, it’s hard to listen on an empty stomach. Can we eat first, then catch up?”

She turned around giggling to herself. “Boy you so crazy.”

----------

After dining and dashing, I went back to my apartment to salvage what was left to reorganize. Even though the place was still empty, I wanted to create a system built for a single man in his own castle without anyone there to dictate where to put things.

It was a lot different setting up the bathroom without the his and her sides of the sink. There wasn't much in the closet either except the old wire hangers they sneak in your bag when you go shopping for clothes.

In fact, there wasn't much in the house, period. It didn't have a personality to it, or a family feel, just an open space with pictures of Danielle and I that were about to come down. But a sense of pride swept over me. A lot like getting your first car; even though it may be a junk yard special, it's all yours.

The fridge was all mine too, and that's where my independence stopped being fun. I was already thinking about what I was going to eat, and seriously considering cooking for myself wasn't even an option. Jazmin must’ve read my mind because a few hours later, I got a dinner invite I simply could not refuse. After vacuuming the spaces now left empty and neatly putting my things away, I didn't waste any time at all.

I went back over to Jazmin’s apartment. She had a different t-shirt and panties combination this time with light make up and her hair down. Maybe she wanted to make up for the unpreparedness of my previous visit, but I didn't care. I could always appreciate a little effort from a woman to look presentable.

Regardless of how fine Jazmin was, there was none sexier than the meal she had laid before me. Grilled curry shrimp, coconut rice, macaroni and cheese, biscuits, and steamed vegetables. If God was a chef, his food would smell the same way hers did.

We ate, drank Kool-Aid, and laughed over immature topics we should’ve known better than to all night. It felt just like old times.

“No, Jazmin, no! You’re not getting off that easy, answer the question. Would you, or would you not cheat in a race against a physically handicapped person if it was for a million dollars and you were losing?"

“Ha-ha NO! That’s crazy, I don’t care how much money was up for grabs, that's foul and you know it."

“Oh, so you get a few years of college education and you too good to cut corners. Me? I would trip the hell out of Tink-Tink. I'd never be allowed to another Special Olympics as long as I lived. But I'd be rich."

“Oh whatever, okay this conversation is over. Do you want another plate before I put this up or not?”

“No, I’m good now, thanks. I enjoyed that. I almost forgot how good your feet taste in this food, girl. You gotta keep 'em out the pots or start charging for em.”

“Thank you, actually it’s my mom's foot you tastin'. I used her recipe and slow-cooked it a little longer than usual. Was you going home tonight or did you want me to bring you out some covers to crash on the couch?”

I didn't expect her to give me the option to stay. I wasn't in any hurry to leave with the 'itis' from my full stomach setting in, and I didn't have much at the house to run back to anyway.

“Well, I don't know what's better, the couch or the bed I got at home that's missing sheets and a comforter. She took those with everything else.”

“Okay, so I'll bring you some covers and Lewis got some shorts and a shirt you can sleep in too. Just put your things in the hamper AFTER your shower. I know damn well you ain't thinkin' you bout to be on my couch in all that filth?”

“No, no, of course not,” I said, pretending I had thought about it. I was all about being clean, but it was a little less of an incentive if I wasn't expecting sex that night. Most men feel the same way. They just won't tell women that.

“Aight then, well go ahead and take yours, and then I’ll hop in when you done. Don’t stay in all night either. Leave some hot water for me.”

“Won’t even take me five minutes.” If anybody knew something about taking quick wash-ups, it was me.

Her bathroom looked like it was straight from the TLC channel. She didn’t miss a single opportunity to let her personality show, from a matching toilet-seat cover and hand towels with her name stitched in both, all the way to the decorated medicine cabinet.

The bath-tub knobs were confusing me at first. You’d think the color-coded stripes above the knob would help, but I would have much rather seen a switch for an on/off function and a dial for temperature. Like a thermostat.

I kept the shower short and sweet so I wouldn’t overstay my welcome. I knew there were more meals where that one came from and didn’t want to miss any in the future. I put on Lewis’ shorts she gave me, but I didn’t realize just how small this guy was. It must’ve been how brothers felt back in the '70's who had to play in the NBA damn near flashing the fans every time they jumped up.

I couldn’t fit my arm through a single sleeve of the t-shirt and gave up before I ripped it or came out looking like I went shoplifting in the Baby Gap. When I came out to see she had made the couch up with sheets and a few pillows, it was music to my eyes. I was so tired, a drive home was out the question even if I did want to try and thankfully I didn’t have to answer to someone for where I was going to be. While I was getting comfortable, Jazmin was jumping in the shower. I closed my eyes and felt my internal organs going into auto pilot while the couch cushions gave way to my body. As soon as I started dozing off, I heard her calling my name from the bathroom.

"Shaaaaawn,"

“What?!” I yelled, hoping that I’d either get a "nothin’" or silence in reply.

“Can you come here please?!” Great. As soon as I warmed up the couch, I had to leave my hard work.

“Yeah, what you need?” I said walking up closer to the bathroom door.

“Can you look on the bed and grab my towel and robe please? I forgot to bring it in here. I’m not used to having guests.”

I don’t know why, but for some reason it bothered me to actually be referred to as guests. Just three years ago I was making her scream my name and now I had been reduced to just “guests”. But whatever. I went into the bedroom and grabbed her pink flowery robe and towel.

She heard the door open. “Just set it on the counter. Thanks.”

I walked over and set the robe down. Glanced over at the shower curtain. Even though it was foggy, it was still see-through enough to make out Jazmin’s silhouette and a few features like soap suds and nipples.

From the looks of things, her body had matured. Her hips were a bit wider, but her waist was just as small. It looked like she had been in the gym lately. Not running and starving, but lifting heavy, mostly squats. She deleted her unwanted curves and put a caps lock on the rest. Out of reflex, I was grabbing myself the longer I analyzed.

Not being able to see through the curtain in high definition mixed with hormones unsatisfied in months sent my body into an all out temper tantrum. I left the bathroom quickly and went back into the living room.

The couch wasn’t comfortable anymore and my sexual frustration was all too obvious in the gym shorts a few sizes too small. I pulled the cover over me and lay on my stomach, refusing to be obvious or even hint at being sexually aroused. It’d make everything awkward and with me being fresh out of my own relationship, she'd be nothing more than a rebound. Had too much respect for her to go that route.

Our friendship was the last thing I had going steady and I wasn’t about to ruin it. If I could just sleep it off, I'd live to fight another day.

***

My alarm was being rude and disrespectful, waking me out of what had potential to be a great dream. I tapped around the floor until I felt my phone. I had the mutant ability to unlock my screen and turn off the alarm without opening my eyes. After a few minutes of being in denial, I accepted the fact that my day was going to have to start eventually, so I got up and scanned the living room for my clothes to see Jazmin walking out of her room, fully dressed with her keys on her way out.

“I put your clothes at the foot of the chair and food is on the stove. Make sure you lock the bottom lock on your way out,” She said, closing the door.

I looked over and reached for my clothes from the day before, now neatly folded to perfection and smelling like fresh-scented dryer cloths. Peeked over to the stove and saw a full breakfast spread laid out alongside two ham sandwiches in Gladware bowls. She had washed, dried, and folded my clothes, cooked breakfast, packed me a lunch, and got ready for her own classes. Without waking me up.

I could see why Lewis was in a hurry to put a ring on it. But the hospitality still didn't outweigh the feeling of waking up next to Danielle. As much as I hated to admit it, I was missing her.

She was wrong, dead wrong. But I knew I could’ve handled the situation better. I had never cursed at her before. I wasn't thinking about how stressed she could've been from work and school. People say things they don’t mean all the time, but a part of me couldn’t buy into her not meaning what she said.

Maybe she didn’t mean to say it how she said it, but her words came from somewhere, and if that place was her heart, then we had a problem.

I refused to be the one taking the first steps to reconcile; it was either she make a move or our separation was permanent.

Seeing her on campus was like a poker match; both of us looking into the eyes of the other to see who was going to fold. I wasn't working with a full house, but I wasn't going to let her know that. I was pretty sure she felt the same. We were two people who wanted the same thing, but both of us were too afraid of coming out and saying it.

My days got longer and I couldn’t focus on anything for two seconds without replaying the fight. Every now and then, someone would ask how I was feeling, and I had perfected the "I'm fine and you?" lie. Sometimes it’s easier to just fake a smile instead of telling people you're torn up. But I got tired of pouting, and reality set in that I was financially on my own again. I had to figure out what to do about the bills because they never took a day off.

Student loans were foreign to me since I went to school on a full athletic scholarship, but from my understanding, I could still get them if I wanted. Most of my peers used them to ball out at the mall, or pretend to be a rapper for a week, or fold it all up for a little Facebook photo shoot. My needs and common sense weren't going to afford me those luxuries.

I had maybe a week’s worth of clothes in my entire wardrobe, no dishes, no food, and no bedding. Sallie Mae was notorious for preying on people in these types of situations, but I had no choice.

I filled out the paperwork for a couple thousand dollars, enough to get back on my feet, and began plotting on more ways to bring in more income. There was no way it was going to last me the rest of the semester, so it was time to go job hunting.

That turned out to be as much of an occupation as the actual job I was trying to get. I went to every fast food joint, grocery store, clothing department. Hell, I was even about to go donate sperm. Luckily I came to a breakfast diner full of women that was short of a man to sexually harass, and I fit the bill.

"Hello, may I please speak to a manager?"

"I am the manager," said the lady at the front register in her bedroom voice. She had this creepy ass twinkle in her eye and scanned every stitch in my zipper as I walked in. I guessed her to be in her early to mid 40s, short, and heavy-set with curves in all the wrong places.

"Oh great. Well, I'm Shawn Fletcher and I was wondering if you were hiring for part-time?"

"It depends. What are your skills?" she said as she faintly stressed the 's' at the end for an uncomfortable two seconds.

"Um, well, I've never really been a cook or anything but I work very hard. I'm always on time, and I'm a quick learner."

"A quick learner, huh?" She looked back at the other waitresses who started snickering. All of them were rough on the eyes, and that much was clear from a distance. I was scared of what I'd discover up close. "Well, we could definitely use a quick learner with your, um, qualifications. As long as you're not too quick that is." She snickered to see if I caught the joke. I kept a straight face to pretend I didn't. "When can you start?"

"I guess I can start this week. But don't you want an application first?"

"Right. Come a little closer." I wasn't sure where this was going and I don't remember it being a part of the hiring process. "I'm not going to hurt you, come here."

I got closer to the register just within arm's reach, and she put her hand on my chest, felt around some, then poked at my arms.

"Your application looks and feels good to me. You hired. Be here tomorrow night at 10. You'll work the overnight third shift. If that's okay witchu?"

I had every right to be offended, but I was more relieved to have finally found a job. The overnight shift sounded tiring, but I'd rather be tired than broke.

"Yeah, sure, I can do that. Is there a uniform or something?"

She licked her lips and moaned under her breath. "Well, you don't have to wear anything.....in particular. I'll have your uniform here and you can change in my office or wherever you feel most comfortable."

"Right. Well, okay then. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you so much. I won't let you down."

She mumbled something I did my best to not hear as I felt her eyes go straight to my ass on the way out. But, I was hired. That's what mattered.