Sport often seems to be a bit behind the rest of society in terms of social issues. Talking about depression, homophobia, alcohol, anxiety, drugs, even bullying, any of those issues, we’ve tended to be behind the eight ball as athletes. There’s a perception that you’re a role model, you play sport, you have to be this way, you have to behave that way—you’re pigeonholed.
When I was playing, I didn’t openly talk about any social issues, nobody did. I had no idea what I was going through when I had my first anxiety attack on tour with the Gems all those years ago, I didn’t know that it was actually quite common. It would have been so reassuring to feel able to talk with someone then, to get treatment, to get help way back when it first started. It’s the same in the US—there’s a tough machismo, even with the female athletes, but especially around male athletes, that means you don’t discuss social issues, you just don’t. Whereas broader society is talking. When sport takes on these issues, the rest of society tends to take them on as well, because sport is so entrenched in our culture. I used to wonder if the sporting world’s reluctance to discuss real human problems came from a fear of scaring off potential sponsors, or making athletes appear less than perfect, which would be so ‘shocking’, and maybe this is why I didn’t talk about anything until I retired. It is so promising to see athletes portrayed as humans who are just like everyone else who are openly discussing social issues now, it’s real and it’s honest and it will make it easier for the next generations.
After retired rugby player Daniel Vickerman committed suicide in 2017, all of a sudden, athletes in Australia were talking about life after a sporting career. I was asked to speak on two different television panels, Insight, and Four Corners, with other retired athletes, about the problems that professional athletes face when retiring from sport. I wanted to talk out about athletes transitioning into retirement because that, for me, was a real problem—but I had a genuine fear that by doing both of those programs it could be taken in the wrong vein. However, it was really refreshing for me that people were so open about it on air, comforting almost, knowing that I’m not the only one who went through issues that—let’s face it—anyone can go through in life. I’d had my issues with prescription painkillers and had seen fellow athletes who’d fallen into the trap of alcoholism or drugs, and decided personally that I would speak out about it. I think I had a duty as an ex-athlete to do that. Since I’ve started to open up about my experiences, a few of my teammates have written and told me I was brave to do it, but I don’t think I was brave at all, I was just speaking about something I went through, and hopefully that will help others.
On the Insight program, I also talked about depression. I guess what didn’t come across was that I had issues way before I retired, in particular those two years in Russia, and that I had anxiety issues outside of that. In retirement, I had an emptiness, a feeling of ‘What am I going to do with my life? What do I get out of bed for?’, that was not like any depression I’d previously experienced. Emptiness is probably the best way to describe that time for me, and it’s what most people would go through after losing something that has been dear to them for so long, something that defines them.
Most people retire from their career at 60, 65 or 75 years of age. I had to retire and leave my passion when I was 35 and find something else, something else I was good at. Having been on top of the world for so long, experiencing those highs and then to come crashing down, permanently, I had definitely felt empty. But I, unlike many others, had been given a lifeline. Being offered the job at the Boomers gave me direction, a reason to get free from the haze, to get on with life and be passionate about something again.
On Four Corners, I was one of a group of retired athletes talking about life after professional sport. If you’ve committed your whole life to your sport, then that transition period out of sport is going to be tough. And if you haven’t got anything behind you, and the majority of young athletes don’t, then it’s even tougher.
Being a professional athlete, regardless of how much money you’re making, you’re expected to pour your entire life into your sport—what you eat, how you train, sleep, treat your body, how you do everything as a professional athlete should. And that rarely leaves time for anything else. It’s often very hard for athletes, especially at a representative level, to do something like study or undertake an apprenticeship to prepare for when they retire, and I think this is an area where sporting bodies could help. The institutions think they are trying to help, and they may view me saying something about this sort of assistance as a direct attack—but it’s not a direct attack, it’s just about trying to figure out ways forward that are beneficial and proactive, applicable to all. So long as we are sparking conversation and igniting a bit of change in the sporting organisations, we are getting people thinking. Doing interviews, and writing and talking about issues, are great ways to get that happening. Some people are going to take offence at what I say, someone is always going to have a problem with something, but here goes.
When I retired, Basketball Australia were wonderful, but afterwards there was no follow-through. I didn’t necessarily need it, but knowing it was there would be awesome for all players. I was one of the lucky ones, I’d been playing long enough and in leagues that paid good professional wages, but if I didn’t get any help from BA when I retired—and that could have just been a phone call—well, no one else is going to either. They might help during your career, and that’s great, but players need it most when they’re transitioning out of the game. Not everyone is lucky enough to play a sport that will help them financially, and I had to go overseas to get that. When you retire after playing a sport just about full-time from virtual childhood, you’re effectively losing the only job you’ve ever known.
It was after my first major injury that my thoughts turned to preparing for life after my sporting career. I hadn’t enjoyed school at all, but when I did the online business course I found that I studied well via correspondence. I also undertook a real estate course, if all else failed I could have started my own real estate business, I wouldn’t have loved it, but I could have done it, so I always had something to fall back on if I needed to. I decided to go to university and study a subject that really interested me, and figure out a career path following on from that. I’m now so glad I did.
I certainly know it’s hard to do, but if a study opportunity was there as an option for professional athletes, I think some people would take it up. If not university, then maybe a trade, or TAFE, or any sort of qualification, work experience. The sport governing bodies could help provide access to these things, let athletes know about programs or courses that the sporting bodies are aligned with—take your pick, it’s there if you want to do it, or not. Once athletes get to a certain age, I guarantee they will take it up. At 25 you’re a mature age student, and I know I didn’t think about study until I had my first serious injury at 24. When an athlete is off with an injury, perhaps the sporting bodies could have someone come in from an organisation and put forward some options. You’ve got a bit of time on your hands after an injury, here are some options, why don’t you have a go at one of these, or one unit of study, see if you like it? It could give some reassurance or even certainty to athletes for their future life after sport.
Hearing the CEO of Basketball Australia talking on the Four Corners interview was really reassuring and impressive, I’d never heard him talk like that before, saying that they need to support their athletes both on and off the court, when they’re in a team and when they’re not, and as they’re transitioning. He mentioned building a structure over the next three to five years to do just that, and that it was a priority. It will be interesting to see if it will change, because there’s currently no structure for any athlete in basketball that I know of.
Kids looking at going into professional sport need to be aware of these issues at some point, because they’re going to come across this themselves. No matter what your age or your path, the time comes when you have to look after yourself and make decisions on your own, and for professional athletes where resources such as food, accommodation, health care as well as sponsorship are handed to them as they play, thinking about life after sport needs to be something considered from the start, as hard as that is initially. I played year-round as a professional basketballer, I was paid well, but the kids who play because they love it and are not getting great contracts, contracts that are worth it, I don’t know how they do it.
It’s interesting, if there is something going on in basketball I always get a call from someone in the media, straight away, people are asking for my opinion and I don’t always see why. My knowledge is important, my opinion is important, I guess. Now, I’ll always say what I think, whereas when I was playing I tried to be diplomatic and not tread on anyone’s toes. It’s different, I’m not a player anymore. As professional sportspeople, we are told to be tough when we train and play, and even in retirement. Now, when I do an interview, if I delve a little bit into my life, it instantly becomes big news, which is funny because it shouldn’t. I never would have talked about being addicted to prescription medication, or about anxiety and depression when I was playing, because I didn’t want people to think I was looking for an excuse for why I wasn’t winning or performing better. Now it’s so much easier—because my career is over, they can only judge me on the career I’ve already had. A lot of retired athletes are coming out now and talking about issues after retirement, because when you’re in your career you don’t want to have excuses.
Depression and anxiety are quite common in athletes, but no one talks about it. When I was playing, I felt ashamed I think, and I didn’t want the media, the public, delving into my personal life. Anytime you open up at all, you become a target.
In response to being on those two TV programs I was contacted by ex NBL and ex WNBL players, Boomer and Opals players both current and ex-players, even people who have nothing to do with sport were emailing me, calling me, it was really interesting, they were in agreement with me and relieved that someone was talking about it. I just feel it all needed to be said, because we all go through it and no one talks about it. Now that we have this in common, we can talk about it and work together to hopefully make it easier for the next generation.
On Twitter, though, there were some comments from guys who I don’t think even watched the program, I think they’d seen the commentary on social media and responded flippantly. Comments like ‘We have jobs and we don’t get depressed when we lose them’, or ‘Go and check your bank account’. I don’t judge them on their lives, so for them to automatically judge me, or any athlete, having no idea what it’s like, is just rude, rude, when you’re listening to people talking about suicide, talking about mental health issues—and your response is this? Good on you mate.
Being a professional athlete is not a nine-to-five job, it’s 24 hours a day until you reach a certain age or your body falls apart, and then it’s nothing. There are a lot of sacrifices and it’s hard, it really is. When it’s over, it’s over for good.