Paul and I have been secretly “dating” for three days now. Had I known having a boyfriend felt this amazing, I would have done it sooner. All through high school I pretended to get excited when friends told me they kissed a girl. Really, I was jealous they got to experience a natural part of being a teenager that I couldn’t.
I feel weird describing what Paul and I are doing as dating. We haven’t kissed yet, but we “accidentally” touch hands or feet when we’re close to each other in line at the mess hall or Bible Study. We look into each other’s eyes as we sing around the campfire.
The toughest part about being Paul’s boyfriend is I want to tell the whole world about it. At the same time, the secrecy makes our relationship special. What we have is just between the two of us. It’s not out there on display for people to judge. I want to keep it this way for as long as possible.
We don’t think Randall suspects a thing. I’ve been doing my best to pay extra attention to Randall when the four of us are in the room. I listen to his theories about Jesus and his plans for becoming a pastor. The only person who might be on to us is Martin. Although he’s been so depressed lately I don’t think Paul and I are really on his radar.
“You seem a lot happier since the first time I saw you,” Bishop says when we meet for our session.
“It must be all the fresh air and prayer.”
“I told you it would make a new man out of you!” he says.
“I can’t believe I doubted you.”
“Your parents will be so pleased to hear this.”
“What did you say?”
“I was just thinking out loud.”
“Are you giving my parents progress reports?”
“Adam, don’t be upset. They’re concerned for your spiritual well-being. You were very confused when you arrived here. We thought your case required more drastic measures.”
“What kind of drastic measures?”
“This is a conversation for you and your parents to have.”
“I have a right to know. This is my life we’re talking about. I should get some say in it.”
“Not until you’re eighteen.”
“You said yourself I was doing better. What harm would it do to tell me? If anything, you should be encouraging me to keep up this good work I’ve been doing.”
Bishop looks at his hands on his lap. “I was going to recommend your parents send you to a doctor who specializes in helping gay Christians.”
“Like the one you saw?”
“Yes. I didn’t think it would hurt for you to meet with one. Just to make sure you stay on the path you’re on. It’s for your own good, Adam. Look at me. I went to one and I couldn’t be happier.”
If Bishop Andrews is supposed to be the model for happiness, count me out.
There’s a knock on the door.
“Bishop, I need to speak to you,” Brad says from the other side of the door. “It’s urgent.”
“Excuse me,” Bishop goes to speak with Brad. I hear a series of urgent whispers and then Bishop turns back to me. “Adam, I need you to return to your room as quickly as possible.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“Everything is fine,” he says, but he sounds flustered. “Something has come up. The counsellors and I need to devote all of our attention to it.”
I do as I’m told without another word. Paul, Martin, and Randall are already in the room when I get there. It’s like a prison lockdown.
“Do you guys know what’s going on?” I ask.
“Rhonda ran away from the camp,” Randall says. His face is lit up with excitement.
“What? How?”
“She must have snuck out of her room in the middle of the night. They didn’t notice she was gone until after lunch.” Trust Randall to know what’s going on.
“I wish she’d asked me to come with her,” Martin says.
“I hope she’s okay,” Paul says. “We’re in the middle of nowhere.”
“I’m sure she used her to body to get some trucker to give her a ride into town,” Randall says.
“Or she’s walking down the mountain,” Paul says.
Brian sticks his head into our room. “Hi boys, I need to do a quick head count.”
“All present and accounted for,” Randall says.
“Good. Now stay here until we call on you,” Brian moves onto the next room.
***
We’re confined to our rooms for the better part of the day. During the afternoon session of Tough Talk, Brian takes attendance twice to make sure he hasn’t missed anyone. The first person to take the floor is Sarah, Rhonda’s roommate.
“I’m really worried about Rhonda,” Sarah says. “I haven’t been nice to her since we got here. I sort of blame myself that she ran away.”
“It’s kind of you to care so much for Rhonda,” Brian says. “But we’re here to talk about your soul and your faith. It’s up to Rhonda to decide if she wants to go to heaven or hell.”
For the rest of the Tough Talk session, Brian changes the subject if someone mentions Rhonda’s name, even if it’s to say a prayer for her safety. During dinner, it’s like the counsellors have been coached to act like Rhonda never existed. Rhonda is all the campers want to talk about.
After lights out, I whisper to the others, “Where do you think Rhonda is right now? Do you think she’s okay?”
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Paul says to me. “She’s probably been planning to run away from the day she got here.”
“What if she got lost or kidnapped?” I feel even more guilty than Sarah. She was just Rhonda’s roommate. I was supposed to be her friend.
“Adam is right,” Martin whispers. “My mom disappeared five years ago and no one has seen her since.”
“That’s different,” Randall says.
“How is it different?” Martin asks.
“Don’t answer that, Randall,” Paul says. “Things are bad enough as it is.”
“Do you hear that?” Randall says.
We go quiet for a second. We hear cars approaching the lodge. Brian runs past our room in the dark towards the front entrance. Flashing red and blue lights swirl through the trees outside our window.
The four of us get out of bed and crowd around the open door. We hear the relieved voices of the counsellors thanking police officers and asking if they would like something to eat or drink before they go back out into the night.
We listen some more as Bishop and the counsellors interrogate Rhonda in the common area. Bishop tells her how disappointed and worried they have been. Rhonda doesn’t have a chance to say anything in reply before Bishop asks Tania to escort her back to her room.
After Rhonda is gone, we hear Bishop discussing her with Brian, Brad, Tania, and Becky. The only words I can make out are, “Rhonda,” “Silence,” “Lesson,” and “Amen.”
We hear Brian’s footsteps coming back towards our room. The four of us get back into our beds as quickly and quietly as possible. I breathe as quietly as I can, until I hear Brian enter his room at the end of the hall.
“I told you she would be okay,” Paul says, just loud enough for me to hear.
“She sounded miserable,” I say.
“She’s back here, isn’t she?” says Martin.
“She is going to be in so much trouble,” Randall says. “This is the best day of my life.”