I grab a quick bite to eat in the mess hall before it closes for the morning. Then I run back to our room to get ready for the day. Paul, Randall, and Martin are waiting for me.
“Well? What did Bishop say?” Paul asks. “Are you in trouble?”
“He gave me a warning,” I tell him.
“Whew,” Paul says.
“A warning? That’s it?” Randall sounds amazed.
“Were you expecting the firing squad?” Martin asks.
“I was expecting penance or something,” Randall says. “What were you doing talking to Rhonda like that? You made us all look bad.”
“I’ve had enough drama for one day,” I tell him. “Please leave me alone.”
“Randall is right, Adam,” Paul says. “Did you think to ask me if it was okay to let Rhonda stand between us? I could have got in trouble too, you know.”
“What?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“It was like you decided for the both of us and assumed I would be okay with it,” Paul says.
“You’re right, I did assume you were going to be okay with it,” I tell him. “Rhonda is our friend.”
“She broke the rules, Adam. She deserved to be punished,” he says.
“She feels trapped. You more than anyone should know how that feels!”
“You don’t know what I feel.”
So that’s what this is about. “I couldn’t just turn my back on her,” I try to explain.
“You didn’t have a problem with it in Bible Study,” Paul says.
“What’s going on here?” Randall says. “I get the feeling you two aren’t arguing about Rhonda.”
“Mind your own business for a change, Randall,” I snap at him.
“I’m getting Brian,” Randall runs out of the room.
I turn back to Paul “What is your problem, Paul? You didn’t get in trouble and Rhonda didn’t even talk to you. All she did was hold your hand and pray.”
“I don’t like you dragging me into your politics,” Paul says. “I don’t like being the centre of attention.”
“So when you sing karaoke or K-Pop songs at the top of your lungs, you’re trying to blend in?” I say.
“Good one, Adam,” Martin says.
“Stay out of it, Martin,” Paul and I say together.
“Rhonda’s life is none of my business,” Paul says. “How Bishop and the counsellors treat her is not my fight.”
“You don’t always to get to pick and choose your battles,” I say. “Sometimes you need to be brave, Paul. You can’t blindly do what people tell you.”
“I am in control of my life,” he says. “I wasn’t sent here by my parents. I am here because I want to be here. And if you can’t deal with that, then I don’t know if we can be friends.”
“I thought you were a bigger person than that.” I can’t hide my disappointment.
“You think what you want to think,” Paul says and turns away. He nearly bumps into Brian, who is coming in through the door. Randall is right behind him.
“Is everything okay in here?” Brian asks.
“I need some fresh air,” Paul squeezes past him.
“Everything is fine,” I tell Brian. “Just a difference of opinion.”
“I’ll say. I’ve never seen Paul look so angry,” Brian says. “I think you two need some space from each other. I’ll make sure you don’t have any activities together today.”
“Thanks,” I say.
Brian leaves. Randall just stares at me. “Aren’t you going to apologize to me?” he asks.
“No,” I tell him. I grab my sketchbook and leave the room.
“Wait for me!” I hear Martin say behind me.
I try to lose Martin but he catches up with me on the lawn behind the lodge.
“I don’t want to be around anyone right now,” I tell him.
“I never want to be around people. But here I am,” Martin says.
“Please leave me alone.”
“I know about you and Paul,” Martin says suddenly.
I look around to make sure no one else has heard him.
“What do you mean you know about us?” I whisper
“It’s pretty obvious you guys are boyfriends,” Martin says.
“Does anyone else know?”
“Randall suspects, but he doesn’t have proof. If you plan on keeping it a secret, I would avoid having lovers’ quarrels like the one you just had in the room.”
“I can’t believe that happened.”
“You had every right to be mad at Paul,” Martin says. “And he had every right to be mad at you. I don’t know everything that’s going on between you guys. But it doesn’t take a genius to see that it’s something special.”
“Something special that I just screwed up.”
“Maybe. It’s hard to tell. This is not the ideal place for two guys to start dating each other.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I’m kind of jealous actually,” Martin admits.
“You’re gay too?”
“I’m straight as an arrow. But I envy you that whole emotional connection thing. I can’t say I’ve ever had it with anyone. I watch you guys sometimes, the way you make each other happy and I think, ‘Why can’t I feel that for another person?’”
“I think you’re awesome Martin. You’re funny and smart. And you always have a quick comeback for anything anyone says to you.”
“I know people love me. But why can’t I feel it? It’s like there’s this wall between me and the rest of the world. It’s like when you have a cold and you can’t taste anything. That’s how I go through life.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“If there was I would have asked you a long time ago. Come on,” he says. “We should join some group or something before they think we’re making out.”
“You’re not my type,” I tell him.
“Don’t flatter yourself.”