Randall is running fast towards the lodge. I try to chase him without causing a scene in front of the other campers.
“Randall, wait!” I shout. Randall doesn’t even look back. “Can we just go somewhere and talk?”
Randall stops in his tracks. He tilts his head to catch some air, and then bends over with his hands on his hips. I can’t tell if he’s stopping because I got through to him or if he’s in worse shape than I am.
“Thanks for stopping,” I tell him when I catch up.
“You have ten minutes,” Randall says between pants.
Randall takes me back to room 120. He checks the other rooms in the hall to make sure that no one is around. He peeks into Brian’s room to make sure he’s not there.
“No one will bother us here,” Randall says, once we’re inside. “Everyone is avoiding this place. This hall oozes evil.”
I go behind the bunk that we shared so no one will able to see us.
“Why did you tell Bishop about my crush on Paul?” I ask him.
“What are you talking about?” Randall tries to look puzzled.
“Your eyes are betraying your mouth,” I tell him. “Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t tell Bishop I had a crush on Paul.”
Randall looks me square in the eye. He’s about to open his mouth to speak. But he chickens out and looks away. “I know you don’t like me, Adam. You have no idea how much that hurts me. I saw you first, and I knew we should be close. But then Paul seemed to take up all your attention. It’s like the rest of the world disappears whenever he’s around. I really wanted you for me.”
“If the reason you told on me was to make me like you, it didn’t work.”
“No, but it gave you a taste of how lousy I felt being around you two. Did you ever once think about how I feel? Did it occur to you that I was being mean because I was dying on the inside?”
I feel kind of sorry for Randall. I always suspected he had a crush on me, but it was more annoying than flattering. If Paul had developed a crush on Randall or Martin instead of me, I would probably be eating my heart out too.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’d never had a crush on a boy before. I kind of lost my head.”
“All I wanted was for you to like me as much as you like Paul,” Randall starts to cry.
Randall struck me as the type of person who hides his emotions behind perfection. I’m not even sure how to comfort him. I put my hand on his shoulder to show support. But then he pulls me in for a hug, almost knocking the air out of me. I hug him back for a bit. Then I let my arms fall to my sides, signalling the hug to be over. But Randall doesn’t get the signal. He presses his crotch against mine and starts licking my neck. I try to push Randall away, but he’s too strong. He tries to kiss me on the mouth.
“Stop it,” I push him away so hard he nearly falls over. “What is wrong with you?”
“What do you see in that guy? He’s doesn’t even want to be gay. I could give you everything you want! We could be perfect Christians in public and have sex behind closed doors! No one would suspect a thing.”
“I’m not looking to have sex. Especially not secret sex. I want to feel a connection with someone.”
“But Paul is Asian!”
“You know, Randall, I actually felt sorry for you for a couple of minutes. But then I remembered the reason I care about Paul is he’s everything you’re not. You’re just going through the motions of being Christian. Hell, you’re probably just going through the motions of being gay. Paul might be confused, but at least he’s exploring his emotions.”
“I should go to Bishop right now and tell him I caught you two kissing.”
“Then I’ll tell him you forced yourself on me.”
“Who do you think Bishop is going to believe? Me or you?” Randall crosses his arms in front of his chest. He’s right. He has all the power.
I realize that this is the third time this summer someone has wielded their power over me. First it was Greta, then my parents, and now Randall. I’m tired of it.
“You know what?” I say. “I’ll tell Bishop the whole thing. Right before I leave the camp.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I wasn’t sure if I should stay or go home. But you helped me make up my mind. You won. Are you happy now?”
“I don’t believe you. You’re just bluffing so I won’t tell.”
“Come with me to see Bishop if you want. Just leave Paul out of it. Paul needs this place more than I do. Let him have that.”
Randall looks confused. He obviously can’t tell if he’s won or lost the battle. As for me, I feel more focused than I’ve ever been in my life.